Incoming nontrad stress and insecurity

[DrHubby]

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Looking for some reassurance, experience, or just a sounding board I guess. I’m a 38yo with a failing marriage who just moved six hours from home to try this thing called medical school. I dragged my mother with me to take care of my 2 year old. I’m completely traumatized by my cheating porn addicted husband’s behavior, and the insecurity is strong. We’re in the middle of selling a house and the deal is getting screwed up. I left a business I invested 15 years of my life into building. I’m about to embark on this journey that is guaranteed to be stressful, and I literally don’t know how I can handle any more. I will because I am actually a total badass life crushing ninja, but seriously how do nontrads balance it all??!! Is there anyone out there who can relate? With all this drama, I feel like it will be impossible to meet people, feel connected, and focus on school.

 

[2021Doctor]

I agree that focusing on your studies will be very important.
What is your goal in terms of residency and practice?

 

[hallowmann]

Looking for some reassurance, experience, or just a sounding board I guess. I’m a 38yo with a failing marriage who just moved six hours from home to try this thing called medical school. I dragged my mother with me to take care of my 2 year old. I’m completely traumatized by my cheating porn addicted husband’s behavior, and the insecurity is strong. We’re in the middle of selling a house and the deal is getting screwed up. I left a business I invested 15 years of my life into building. I’m about to embark on this journey that is guaranteed to be stressful, and I literally don’t know how I can handle any more. I will because I am actually a total badass life crushing ninja, but seriously how do nontrads balance it all??!! Is there anyone out there who can relate? With all this drama, I feel like it will be impossible to meet people, feel connected, and focus on school.

One day at a freakin time. Although I can't quite relate to the craziness that you just described, balancing school and home life takes a lot of work, more planning than most of your classmates, and in general a lot of prioritizing. The good thing is that you'll be too busy to worry about most of the noise you just talked about. Go in with a plan to study hard when you need to, and come home and spend time with that kid and mom of yours when you're done.

One of the things I like to do is picture small goals and how they lead to my big goals. Like getting past that test, getting through this block, getting through the semester, getting through the year, getting through basic sciences, getting through Step 1, rotations, etc. Whenever I feel like I can't do something or its just getting too much, I think about the next goal, and I'm like, "I can do that".

 

[DrHubby]

I agree that focusing on your studies will be very important.
What is your goal in terms of residency and practice?

I honestly can’t even think that far ahead right now. I am confident there will be many areas of practice I’ll enjoy and I’ll find the one that’s best. Being an entrepreneur I will likely prefer private practice, and I definitely am not looking to work a bunch of overnights once I have finally ‘made it’. Luckily my previous career made it possible to pay for tuition without taking out loans, so I am happy about that!

 

[DrHubby]

One day at a freakin time. Although I can't quite relate to the craziness that you just described, balancing school and home life takes a lot of work, more planning than most of your classmates, and in general a lot of prioritizing. The good thing is that you'll be too busy to worry about most of the noise you just talked about. Go in with a plan to study hard when you need to, and come home and spend time with that kid and mom of yours when you're done.

One of the things I like to do is picture small goals and how they lead to my big goals. Like getting past that test, getting through this block, getting through the semester, getting through the year, getting through basic sciences, getting through Step 1, rotations, etc. Whenever I feel like I can't do something or its just getting too much, I think about the next goal, and I'm like, "I can do that".

Thank you for this reminder! I am thankfully a well organized person who is great at prioritizing. I agree that the noise will cancel out when I have school to work on. Unfortunately my experience has been that the crap just keeps following me. At some point I need to get divorced, sell another house, and deal with life’s ugliness. I will however celebrate the small things!

 

[Goro]

Looking for some reassurance, experience, or just a sounding board I guess. I’m a 38yo with a failing marriage who just moved six hours from home to try this thing called medical school. I dragged my mother with me to take care of my 2 year old. I’m completely traumatized by my cheating porn addicted husband’s behavior, and the insecurity is strong. We’re in the middle of selling a house and the deal is getting screwed up. I left a business I invested 15 years of my life into building. I’m about to embark on this journey that is guaranteed to be stressful, and I literally don’t know how I can handle any more. I will because I am actually a total badass life crushing ninja, but seriously how do nontrads balance it all??!! Is there anyone out there who can relate? With all this drama, I feel like it will be impossible to meet people, feel connected, and focus on school.

Seek out a counselor, STAT. I've seen med school eat people like you.

 

[libertyyne]

This is the blueprint, it might be terrible but it is the blue print to get through medical school.
1. Treat your education like a job , you are at "work" from 8 a- 8p 6 days a week.
2. Focus on what is immediately ahead of you, exams etc.
3. You are a non-trad, expect not to have a life outside of studying and childcare responsibilities.

 

[heychloe]

1. Treat your education like a job , you are at "work" from 8 a- 8p 6 days a week.

12hrx6=72 hours. I don't think 72hrs a week is enough. Minimum 80+ hours if you want to be at least an average students. Also it's not just about putting in the time. It is so important to study smart. 'I will just work hard and it will turn out fine' doesn't always work. I've seen older students just keep grinding their head the same way and could not pass the courses. Active Learning is the Key. You'd have to remember and understand an enormous amount of knowledge and also learn a new language(medical language) at the same time. It will push the limits of your brain's capacity. I'd say do some research on how to maximize your brain's capacity to learn. Research on how to memorize a lot of things.
Use Picmonic or Sketchy early in the game.

 

[Medic741]

12hrx6=72 hours. I don't think 72hrs a week is enough. Minimum 80+ hours if you want to be at least an average students. Also it's not just about putting in the time. It is so important to study smart. 'I will just work hard and it will turn out fine' doesn't always work. I've seen older students just keep grinding their head the same way and could not pass the courses. Active Learning is the Key. You'd have to remember and understand an enormous amount of knowledge and also learn a new language(medical language) at the same time. It will push the limits of your brain's capacity. I'd say do some research on how to maximize your brain's capacity to learn. Research on how to memorize a lot of things.
Use Picmonic or Sketchy early in the game.

Hahah wut. Eff no you don’t need to put in 80hr/wk.

I put in 40 h/w and get by *just* fine. Use your time well & find a method that works and you'll be stunned by how much you can learn fast.

WRT what you've shared here, I would *highly* recommend seeing a counselor at your school and really staying on top of the mental health part of med school. Stress can really *%)$ you in this environment esp with the stressors you've brought up.

Single male here, but have been *stunned* by how selfish you have to be to make med school work. Your priorities will have to change starting your program; med school is GOING to have to come first for at least the next two years, and your family is going to have to understand that and support you in this challenge that you've taken on in wanting to become a doc. First year sucks, get ready to have some fun!

Good luck!

 

[BorntobeDO?]

12hrx6=72 hours. I don't think 72hrs a week is enough. Minimum 80+ hours if you want to be at least an average students. Also it's not just about putting in the time. It is so important to study smart. 'I will just work hard and it will turn out fine' doesn't always work. I've seen older students just keep grinding their head the same way and could not pass the courses. Active Learning is the Key. You'd have to remember and understand an enormous amount of knowledge and also learn a new language(medical language) at the same time. It will push the limits of your brain's capacity. I'd say do some research on how to maximize your brain's capacity to learn. Research on how to memorize a lot of things.
Use Picmonic or Sketchy early in the game.

Disagree on the hours. It may be 80 hours total, but there is probably only 40 hours of actual active learning/studying going on. I am a average/slightly above average student, and when I actually tracked my rounds for boards, I found out I was only doing about 6 hours of active a day prior. If someone is more disciplined they could certainly do more, but I doubt the average student is.

 

[libertyyne]

Hahah wut. Eff no you don’t need to put in 80hr/wk.

I put in 40 h/w and get by *just* fine. Use your time well & find a method that works and you'll be stunned by how much you can learn fast.

WRT what you've shared here, I would *highly* recommend seeing a counselor at your school and really staying on top of the mental health part of med school. Stress can really *%)$ you in this environment esp with the stressors you've brought up.

Single male here, but have been *stunned* by how selfish you have to be to make med school work. Your priorities will have to change starting your program; med school is GOING to have to come first for at least the next two years, and your family is going to have to understand that and support you in this challenge that you've taken on in wanting to become a doc. First year sucks, get ready to have some fun!

Good luck!

I also wanted to write this, but did not want to come off as callous. But medical school comes first. Weddings, deaths, birthdays, everything else becomes secondary.


You dont need to study 80 plus hours. I would reccomend studying a lot before the first test to gauge where you are and titrate up or down depending on where your performance is and where you want it to be .

Also you have to be in a clear state of mind, if you are depressed or in a middle of an ugly divorce it is going to take a toll on you.

 

[BorntobeDO?]

I also wanted to write this, but did not want to come off as callous. But medical school comes first. Weddings, deaths, birthdays, everything else becomes secondary.


You dont need to study 80 plus hours. I would reccomend studying a lot before the first test to gauge where you are and titrate up or down depending on where your performance is and where you want it to be .

Also you have to be in a clear state of mind, if you are depressed or in a middle of an ugly divorce it is going to take a toll on you.

I wrote the same thing, but when I saw the OP comment about doing fine cause he/she is a 'total badass life crushing ninja' I decided he/she must not be too broke up. I would have recommended a deferment, but it seems like the OP is looking for personal reassurance rather than actual advice.

I agree with Goro's concern that OP will be crushed by the stress of it all, but if he/she thinks that they will succeed no matter what, they have to figure that one out on their own. People can and do fail out. And depending on the school it can be much higher than the often quoted 5% in the premed section. But some people are much more resilient than others and can do it all, only time will tell which one the OP is.

 

[863168]

@DrHubby You are a badass for getting into medical school and you need someone to reassure you that you're going to be alright. This is the last website on the planet that will ever give you empty guarantees that you will make it through any part of the process. However, you know yourself and you know what you need to do. It seems like there is a lot of emotional baggage that may weigh you down, I don't know if you are someone who gets stronger if they are backed into a corner, but considering your nontraditional experience you should know how to assess, triage, and make sure what needs to get done ultimately gets done.

 

[2021Doctor]

Med school eats people who are not strong test takers.
Good skills in answering multiple choice questions are useful throughout medical school. Most students can increase their scores on multiple choice examination from 5 to 15% by practicing good test taking techniques regardless of who wrote the examination.

 

[DrHubby]

Thanks for all the replies. I fully understand the weight of medical school and it will be my priority to pass. I have years of experience living with incredible amounts of stress, which I am certain have shortened my life span. There is no doubt it will be difficult and suck at times, and I will miss out on things for my kid and regret days I have to do nothing but study. But I am determined to crush it. I will take advantage of every resource my school and community offer, I will step on the classmates who slow me down or get in my way, and I will not let some sdn comments discourage, intimidate or persuade me. Being married to a person who lies and cheats on you and ignores you sucks. Divorce sucks. Sharing a kid with a person with no integrity sucks. Selling a house to an idiot nitpicking Mr Rogers sucks. Having a career in which you feel unfulfilled and depressed sucks. But opportunity to change your path, to demonstrate to your child that quitting isn’t an option, that it’s never too late to change your mind and that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. That is amazing and I am honored to have the courage and will to go for it. I could’ve moved across town from the jerk and gotten a job and hired a nanny. F*#% that. I’m going to medical school tomorrow.

 

[Medic741]

Thanks for all the replies. I fully understand the weight of medical school and it will be my priority to pass. I have years of experience living with incredible amounts of stress, which I am certain have shortened my life span. There is no doubt it will be difficult and suck at times, and I will miss out on things for my kid and regret days I have to do nothing but study. But I am determined to crush it. I will take advantage of every resource my school and community offer, I will step on the classmates who slow me down or get in my way, and I will not let some sdn comments discourage, intimidate or persuade me. Being married to a person who lies and cheats on you and ignores you sucks. Divorce sucks. Sharing a kid with a person with no integrity sucks. Selling a house to an idiot nitpicking Mr Rogers sucks. Having a career in which you feel unfulfilled and depressed sucks. But opportunity to change your path, to demonstrate to your child that quitting isn’t an option, that it’s never too late to change your mind and that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. That is amazing and I am honored to have the courage and will to go for it. I could’ve moved across town from the jerk and gotten a job and hired a nanny. F*#% that. I’m going to medical school tomorrow.

Hells yeah!

One thing though, and I hope this comes off right, cause it’s kinda important...

MED school is awesome if it’s a team effort. If you have the attitude of stepping on other students that get in your way, it’ll get picked up on right away, becoming a social pariah would suck eh? There are two groups in school, the happy go lucky team-oriented people and the Uber crazed gunners. Gunners suck. Don’t be a gunner

Going to echo the getting plugged into your schools counseling center ASAP, sounds like having a frequent sounding board may be helpful.

Good luck!!!

 

[DrHubby]

Hells yeah!

One thing though, and I hope this comes off right, cause it’s kinda important...

MED school is awesome if it’s a team effort. If you have the attitude of stepping on other students that get in your way, it’ll get picked up on right away, becoming a social pariah would suck eh? There are two groups in school, the happy go lucky team-oriented people and the Uber crazed gunners. Gunners suck. Don’t be a gunner

Going to echo the getting plugged into your schools counseling center ASAP, sounds like having a frequent sounding board may be helpful.

Good luck!!!

I am a very collaborative learner and team player, I’m just saying. Definitely NOT a gunner. A gunner stepper, maybe.

 

[libertyyne]

I am a very collaborative learner and team player, I’m just saying. Definitely NOT a gunner. A gunner stepper, maybe.

In medical school the battle is with your self and your mind. Your peers are not real competition , it is the other 30,000K people who may go to better schools or have resumes the length of war and peace . Medical school also has a way of humbling previous high performers to let them know that they are average or below average when it comes to their peers. But good luck.

 

[DrHubby]

In medical school the battle is with your self and your mind. Your peers are not real competition , it is the other 30,000K people who may go to better schools or have resumes the length of war and peace . Medical school also has a way of humbling previous high performers to let them know that they are average or below average when it comes to their peers. But good luck.

Completely agree. I am in no way going into this thinking I am above average. I haven’t stepped foot in a classroom in 4 years. My background is in Finance, not science. I will be relying on my peers to help me, both in and out of school. I just have no time for the ones that want to use me to make themselves look or feel smarter. And I’m not afraid to stick up for myself or others.