Hey everyone, I know it's lame to post negative things here, but I am genuinely wondering if it's a really bad sign that I'm not a huge fan of a lot of my classmates. It's not everyone in my class..I've definitely met some genuinely kind people. But I often feel like I'm in a warped version of high school where everyone is hyper competitive and obsessed with outdoing everyone else in some way. I feel like med school is a super weird, unhealthy social environment that breeds a lot of selfish behavior and makes people revert to the worst version of themselves. Or maybe it's just that med school selects for a lot of abnormally competitive personality types. There are a lot of times when I feel like an alien in my class and the loneliness becomes really oppressive. Does anyone else have these feelings? I know I need to adjust my attitude and just be happy to be here, but I can't shake the feeling that I really don't fit in with a lot of the personality types in med school. I'm not part of a clique and don't enjoy gossip about who is hooking up with who. Maybe my class is just too small?
Is it bad that I don't like a lot of my classmates?
- Thread starter sighyup
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Some people will not be able to get along with the hyper competitive mentalities of medical school. I would advise the following:
1) I treat this like an online MOBA where there is a lot of toxic people who will use profanities and will be anything BUT friendly to you. So therefore, mute all. That is to say: go into a library/your room/somewhere where it's quiet and you are alone and study. This is a job and you have treat this like a job. Your peers aren't going to be too useful to you (as the type of friends you would like to have) so therefore, you can minimize your contact with them and then go study. Do this for 6-8 hours/day. Maybe also go to the gym for an hour as well.
2) If you are having trouble with retention, you can youtube various studying methods (Anki, sketchy or whatever) and then try to learn from those. There are also a lot of youtube lectures, medbullets.com, Osmosis, Pathoma, etc that can help.
3) www.meetup.com if you want to find people to hang out with after you are done with your job. You can use this site to go find events and people that are more suited to your liking.
4) Repeat
That's personally what I would do to handle this situation. You get some good friends and you learn a lot without having to mingle with the hypercompetitive people.
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I think it's really important to try to develop friendships with at least 1-2 of your classmates so you can have someone to reach out to when things get hard/have some people to complain about school with. And try not to think too negatively about your classmates. I know I have made some judgements based on things I heard or brief interactions with many of my classmates, but once I got to know some of them they turned out to be deep and interesting people. And some are not 😉 Such is life.
Also, if you're not careful, your class will pick up on your disdain, which will further alienate you.
Also, if you're not careful, your class will pick up on your disdain, which will further alienate you.
If he could do that, he would have done it already. It's better just for him to make friends outside of medical school and just minimize his contact while studying for his boards.
Not to say be an a$$hole, but just treat everyone cordially and have his friendship occur outside at other events.
I agree with this. I really want to find a few people that I relate to and can develop actual friendships with. I've also made that mistake of sort of making judgments about certain people without really knowing them. I guess we all do that to a certain extent, but I've been pretty bad about this since coming to med school. And I do feel like I can give off a certain aura of disdain. I'm a really bad actor so when I'm not feeling great due to stress or just not clicking with people it tends to show on my face. There are certainly some really cliquish, hyper competitive people that have turned me off, but I know there are a lot of folks who are not this way. I've probably just extrapolated too much from a certain segment of my class.
I think you definitely are extrapolating. Yeah a lot of us are hyper-competitive, and certainly stick out more than the non-competitive student's but I promise you there are loads of kids who really don't care.
As for the hyper competitive kids, many of them really aren't that bad outside of the academic setting. Medical school has a way of bringing out the worst in people especially when you're competing against your peers for grades, AOA, research, matching, etc. I've actually become friends with several really competitive students (which I also consider myself) and they're all really nice people and fun to be around. It's mostly the people who don't know them that are judgemental. These students just want the best for themselves and their patients.
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Is it wrong to not click with most your classmates? Nah, life is usually a roll of the dice when it comes to who you are with at most moments.
However, the loniless thing we can tackle. Put yourself out there a bit more and go to activities and parties and etc. etc. clubs or whatever. The more you go out and do stuff, exposing yourself to different kinds of people, the more likely you are to find people who you do click with. Hopefully you find people to do stuff together with that you actually like!
Best of luck!
However, the loniless thing we can tackle. Put yourself out there a bit more and go to activities and parties and etc. etc. clubs or whatever. The more you go out and do stuff, exposing yourself to different kinds of people, the more likely you are to find people who you do click with. Hopefully you find people to do stuff together with that you actually like!
Best of luck!
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When you select mostly upper middle class kids with high IQ for med school, it's kind of understandable to have these type of individuals...
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Nothing wrong with finding who you get along with. I would try to find some in class if possible but otherwise use the other suggestions (meetup) to find a support system. The faster you do this, the more successful you'll be in med school, imo.
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I like to think it's never too late to make a few new friends, but it is certainly hard work later on. People outside of medical school will have a hard time relating to struggles/complaints, so I do think it's important to find peers you can confide in that are sharing your experiences. Getting involved in student organizations and clubs is a great way to at least put yourself out there.
Also- at least for me, if I'm not content socially, I'm not going to focus well and my school performance will suffer. OP states that the loneliness is "oppressive". Getting that sense of community with his/her class seems like it would actually help their studying/exam prep.
However, there is also the risk of showing weakness. And unfornuately, the OPs need to not feel lonely might be taken as being weak whether the OP likes it or not. The culture of medicine is such that you stfu and do your work. Complaining is a felony in the medical environment.
People outside of medical school may not be able to relate to the work, but they can sure as hell be better to be around as friends. It's often better to study alone and spend a lot of time doing so and then come in later when he knows a lot and is making decent grades in the class. He'll earn a lot of respect from his high performance as opposed to finding people in the class just because he doesnt want to be alone. It's unfornuate, but people in this environment look down on vulnerability.
I honestly have not experienced this at all. I go to a p/f school and no one acts competitive, at least openly. We're all friendly and there's so much resource sharing that goes on.
To me med school is a version of high school where everyone is actually nice for a change.
To me med school is a version of high school where everyone is actually nice for a change.
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some better than others
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99% of all med students can't stand their classmates --- this has been proven over many decades 😛 Try to find friends outside of school who have nothing to do with medicine, and certainly ones who are non-Type A people.
Which is why doctor-doctor marriages baffle me. Docs need to go home after a very long and exhausting day and decompress with their spouse and talk about non-doctor stuff. Pretty hard to decompress when the spouse is complaining about the same crap you just had to endure for the last 12/24/36 hours!
Which is why doctor-doctor marriages baffle me. Docs need to go home after a very long and exhausting day and decompress with their spouse and talk about non-doctor stuff. Pretty hard to decompress when the spouse is complaining about the same crap you just had to endure for the last 12/24/36 hours!
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You would be wise to do so.
When it comes to getting ahead in life, the relationships you have created will open doors and carry you. People skills sells. People don't realize that today because the internet creates a false forum of “interaction”.
The most popular article on the Journal of Oncology Practice website is
STRATEGIES FOR CAREER SUCCESS
Developing Effective Communication Skills
http://ascopubs.org/doi/abs/10.1200/JOP.0766501
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definitely.
as a minority in multiple categories (age, sex, race, etc), my medical school social/personal experience left A LOT to be desired (good thing i didnt desire it). anyway, i found higher quality, natural connections later in the game with people in my projected field and a few other residents/attendings along the way. i never prioritized making friends, but i did learn the importance of making nice/being cordial/maintaining decent working relationships with people i less-than-like. its been really helpful.
so if you dont always relate, consider it a blessing in disguise that may even help you navigate through the world a smidge better.
i didnt pick up on using Those People as a tool for my success until M3. midsight is 20/30.
I agree. Work relationships should be just that. Work relationships. If there DOES happen to be something more, take it outside work afterwords. Otherwise keep as such.
www.meetup.com is always here.
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