Is overcoming a relationship a valid challenge answer?

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yogischoice0131 said:
coming out of it I realized how important trust and respect is in a relationship and in terms of reputation. For someone going into the medical field, it only takes seconds to establish a relationship and gain trust with a patient in order to deliver the highest standard of care. In personal and work life, it's crucial to have trust amongst people in order to function efficiently and healthily. I now fully understand the importance of honesty and integrity in life, etc.

Thoughts?
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First, I thought you did trust him initially--you just trusted him over the friends that warned you not to trust him? The story makes it seem like you always knew trust was important to function, you just mistakenly trusted him when you shouldn't have, but in the conclusion you say that the breakup was what made you realize the importance of trust. Second, I don't know that you should tie this to your future relationship with patients. Why would anyone doubt that patients would trust you or that you already knew the importance of trust in physician-patient relationships? The way you phrased the conclusion makes it seem like you're linking your breakup with him to learning that it's importance for patients trust physicians.

I think there's probably a better answer you can think of. Think about times of ethical dilemmas, emotional conflict, unexpected setbacks, finding yourself in over your head (but stay away from academic hardships), or times when you had to find the strength to change your opinion/go through value shifts.
 
msquaredb said:
So ending things with this creep was difficult? How long did you date? I can only see this being an even remotely ok answer if you dated for a super long time and you had the wool pulled over your eyes for years. The emotions there could be tricky and make it such that the separation was painful even though this person is crazy. That, to me, is the only way that there would need to be any sort of effort to end things. Even so...I would imagine there is probably a better answer you can think of.

Summary: I don't think its appropriate.
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+1 to this. I'm not a med student, just an accepted applicant, but I believe (and know from clinical experience) that patients will lie to you. Are you going to believe their lies which possibly might just be to get pain killers? I don't think there is much "challenge" here (unless you were very close for a long time). Breaking up with him was just common sense. Additionally, even though you shared it, I don't see an interviewer wanting to explore your past relationship with valuable interview time. Thats my opinion, I'm not an interviewer so I'll reserve that judgement to them.

I agree with msquaredb, I believe you can do better. Mine was a mere sports related challenge and still received plenty of interviews and talked about it a lot.
 
Wouldn't do it -- Breaking up with a boyfriend (even under the circumstances you describe and learning the lessons that you did) just sounds so 'high school girly'. Don't paint yourself with that brush.
 
Most people have dealt with breakups, and it's not very inspiring. Also, I wouldn't talk about anything that disparages another person at an interview. Try to keep everything positive. Even if you were to talk about this you wouldn't focus on the fact that he's a liar and bad person etc. You'd want to focus on how you've grown as an adult, knowing what you want out of life.
 
NontradCA said:
Most people have dealt with breakups, and it's not very inspiring. Also, I wouldn't talk about anything that disparages another person at an interview. Try to keep everything positive. Even if you were to talk about this you wouldn't focus on the fact that he's a liar and bad person etc. You'd want to focus on how you've grown as an adult, knowing what you want out of life.
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This. Badmouthing your ex is about as inappropriate as you can at an interview. I would also suggest not talking about it to others outside of your circle of close friends. Nobody likes these stories when they first meet somebody.
 
Yuck no.

Aside from it just being a pretty bad example of overcoming adversity and not a very compelling story, I'd be seriously concerned about someone's sense of boundaries if they brought that up in a professional interview.
 
If ending a relationship is the biggest challenge you've overcame, think about what that's saying about you.

In other words, no.
 
yogischoice0131 said:
So my normal "overcoming a challenge question" is more general, academic based, and kind of cliche. But... I recently ended a relationship with a boyfriend who turned out to be a pathological liar. It was definitely a significant obstacle to overcome... I just don't know how appropriate a sappy boyfriend break up is for an interview.

Here's the background/kind of how I would answer if I used this as my response--

On the outside he had everything going for him, major career aspirations and motivations and seemed like someone who could financially and healthily support a family in the near future. I even invited him into the fold of my family and they all talked so highly of him. Turns out, although I was warned by some of his friends, his case of habitual lying was beyond ridiculous. I finally broke up with him and discovered that he lied to me about being with other women, he lied about his father having cancer to guilt trip me, and lied about finances and tons of other things.

My overcoming aspect would be how it took strength to end things, but coming out of it I realized how important trust and respect is in a relationship and in terms of reputation. For someone going into the medical field, it only takes seconds to establish a relationship and gain trust with a patient in order to deliver the highest standard of care. In personal and work life, it's crucial to have trust amongst people in order to function efficiently and healthily. I now fully understand the importance of honesty and integrity in life, etc.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
People have lost their parents at a very young age, lost siblings, witnessed the death of a good friend, been in incredibly challenging ethical situations, and the list goes on. While relationships can be a pain in the ass, if this is the challenging situation that comes to mind then it may make you look immature. No offense, but life is a lot harder than this.
 
yogischoice0131 said:
So my normal "overcoming a challenge question" is more general, academic based, and kind of cliche. But... I recently ended a relationship with a boyfriend who turned out to be a pathological liar. It was definitely a significant obstacle to overcome... I just don't know how appropriate a sappy boyfriend break up is for an interview.

Here's the background/kind of how I would answer if I used this as my response--

On the outside he had everything going for him, major career aspirations and motivations and seemed like someone who could financially and healthily support a family in the near future. I even invited him into the fold of my family and they all talked so highly of him. Turns out, although I was warned by some of his friends, his case of habitual lying was beyond ridiculous. I finally broke up with him and discovered that he lied to me about being with other women, he lied about his father having cancer to guilt trip me, and lied about finances and tons of other things.

My overcoming aspect would be how it took strength to end things, but coming out of it I realized how important trust and respect is in a relationship and in terms of reputation. For someone going into the medical field, it only takes seconds to establish a relationship and gain trust with a patient in order to deliver the highest standard of care. In personal and work life, it's crucial to have trust amongst people in order to function efficiently and healthily. I now fully understand the importance of honesty and integrity in life, etc.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Also, physicians have to compartmentalize more than anyone else. People's lives are on the line and you have to concentrate and deliver, regardless of a bad okcupid date or even your spouse threatening to divorce you. Recalling an incident like this would bring into serious question your ability to handle emotional setbacks, which is essential to succeeding in medicine. I'm sure you can find another incident.
 
I think you would have to be really careful with using the example you cited. I assume you're quite young and are fortunate enough to not have had too many awful learning experiences, so a horrible relationship may really have been one of the greatest challenges you've faced (and probably the same for so many other applicants). To be sure, a horrible relationship can be horrible and challenging . I think biggest problem you'll face with the example you have is framing it in a way that is compelling, because it does risk sounding petty or superficial (I'm not saying you're petty or superficial, just that one could interpret it that way if not explained well). It also risks being "TMI". Interviewers will appreciate candor, but there is a "line" that can be crossed.

Unfortunately, it is sometimes better to play it safe and go with some sort of cliche answer.
 
NorthernMav said:
People have lost their parents at a very young age, lost siblings, witnessed the death of a good friend, been in incredibly challenging ethical situations, and the list goes on. While relationships can be a pain in the ass, if this is the challenging situation that comes to mind then it may make you look immature. No offense, but life is a lot harder than this.
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While I agree with you NorthernMav concerning her choice being wrong, you are making the one critical mistake you don't want to make when writing a challenge essay. You cannot compare your challenges to anyone else. I have no doubt that those scenarios you mentioned make for good essays, but just because one cannot match those experiences does not belittle their own challenges. Like I said before, my challenge was failing to make a sports team that had been my life for 10+ years. Overcoming it taught me a lot, possibly just as much as a challenging ethical situation. Has my life been comparatively easy? yes, but I have worked my butt off to make sure I take advantage of what I have been given. The fact that others have faced worse situations does not belittle what I have gained from my own challenges.

In short, effectively communicating what you gained from overcoming a minor challenge can be even more influential than writing about losing someone/ethical situations. OP's choice of topic is wrong for other reasons than being "petty" compared to the rest of the world
 
Also, the notion that a bad relationship is not a good example is ludicrous. Bad relationships can cause just as much suffering and turmoil as any death, especially when one considers the amount of trust a relationship requires. People can have their lives ruined financially, emotionally, and physically by a relationships. If the OP learned some valuable lessons, then it could really be a great example and one that could be easy to relate to. The majority of medical school applicants come from privileged backgrounds, most have not experienced hard-ship as one might classically define it. Whats most important about responses to questions of overcoming challenge is not the challenge itself, but how you responded and the lessons you learned.
 
medicsb said:
Also, the notion that a bad relationship is not a good example is ludicrous. Bad relationships can cause just as much suffering and turmoil as any death, especially when one considers the amount of trust a relationship requires. People can have their lives ruined financially, emotionally, and physically by a relationships. If the OP learned some valuable lessons, then it could really be a great example and one that could be easy to relate to. The majority of medical school applicants come from privileged backgrounds, most have not experienced hard-ship as one might classically define it. Whats most important about responses to questions of overcoming challenge is not the challenge itself, but how you responded and the lessons you learned.
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No. Just no.
 
medicsb said:
Also, the notion that a bad relationship is not a good example is ludicrous. Bad relationships can cause just as much suffering and turmoil as any death, especially when one considers the amount of trust a relationship requires. People can have their lives ruined financially, emotionally, and physically by a relationships. If the OP learned some valuable lessons, then it could really be a great example and one that could be easy to relate to. The majority of medical school applicants come from privileged backgrounds, most have not experienced hard-ship as one might classically define it. Whats most important about responses to questions of overcoming challenge is not the challenge itself, but how you responded and the lessons you learned.
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A medical school interview is not the time to cite a failed relationship as hardship. Hardship is some of the crazy/sad ish your patients will bring into your office that completely humbles you and makes you give thanks that your worst problems involved failed relationships with sociopaths. Sounds like the OP had a legitimately crazy relationship but she doesn't want to appear as if she lacks perspective, which is what her original answer may have conveyed to an interviewer.

I disagree about it being as bad as death though. If you're alive and standing, you're still doing okay.
 
trino said:
While I agree with you NorthernMav concerning her choice being wrong, you are making the one critical mistake you don't want to make when writing a challenge essay. You cannot compare your challenges to anyone else. I have no doubt that those scenarios you mentioned make for good essays, but just because one cannot match those experiences does not belittle their own challenges. Like I said before, my challenge was failing to make a sports team that had been my life for 10+ years. Overcoming it taught me a lot, possibly just as much as a challenging ethical situation. Has my life been comparatively easy? yes, but I have worked my butt off to make sure I take advantage of what I have been given. The fact that others have faced worse situations does not belittle what I have gained from my own challenges.

In short, effectively communicating what you gained from overcoming a minor challenge can be even more influential than writing about losing someone/ethical situations. OP's choice of topic is wrong for other reasons than being "petty" compared to the rest of the world
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I made no critical mistake. And you can compare your experiences with everyone else's because ADCOMs listen to all these stories every year and will compare them; whether they intend to or not.

But, I understand that some people have not had such dramatic experiences. So I suppose by remaining humble, subtly hinting that you understand this is not the worst thing that could happen to you, and explaining what you have learned and how you have changed, then it could be decent to talk about. Although I personally would still shy away form relationship issues, they are personal.
 
trino said:
While I agree with you NorthernMav concerning her choice being wrong, you are making the one critical mistake you don't want to make when writing a challenge essay. You cannot compare your challenges to anyone else. I have no doubt that those scenarios you mentioned make for good essays, but just because one cannot match those experiences does not belittle their own challenges. Like I said before, my challenge was failing to make a sports team that had been my life for 10+ years. Overcoming it taught me a lot, possibly just as much as a challenging ethical situation. Has my life been comparatively easy? yes, but I have worked my butt off to make sure I take advantage of what I have been given. The fact that others have faced worse situations does not belittle what I have gained from my own challenges.

In short, effectively communicating what you gained from overcoming a minor challenge can be even more influential than writing about losing someone/ethical situations. OP's choice of topic is wrong for other reasons than being "petty" compared to the rest of the world
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Yea I think this is my biggest issue, I don't have any awful challenge I have overcome and I guess I'm struggling to find something significant enough to make a compelling story. But that's a good point to think of something small/minor. I just am afraid of doing something like that and coming off as if I'm really trying to stretch the story
 
yogischoice0131 said:
Yea I think this is my biggest issue, I don't have any awful challenge I have overcome and I guess I'm struggling to find something significant enough to make a compelling story. But that's a good point to think of something small/minor. I just am afraid of doing something like that and coming off as if I'm really trying to stretch the story
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"Challenge" is not synonymous with "hardship". That is why people who have had rather uneventful lives with intact families with healthy relatives devoid of physical abuse and drug use are still able to provide perfectly wonderful answers to a question asking them to describe a challenge they have faced. Trying to paint yourself as having hardship when you have had a good life is not going to make you appealing to anybody.

Depending on the precise wording, you will see that many of these prompts would be satisfied with a description of a difficult project or task you undertook, how you dealt with a difficult situation on the job, or what you did when you got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere in the dead of winter. What is the spirit of the question? -- to assess how you cope with stress, how you mature from it, how you move forward from being dealt a blow, how you function in the context of the unknown, etc. -- how you will deal with this crazy world of medicine and all the baggage of reality that comes with it.
 
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NorthernMav said:
I made no critical mistake. And you can compare your experiences with everyone else's because ADCOMs listen to all these stories every year and will compare them; whether they intend to or not.

But, I understand that some people have not had such dramatic experiences. So I suppose by remaining humble, subtly hinting that you understand this is not the worst thing that could happen to you, and explaining what you have learned and how you have changed, then it could be decent to talk about. Although I personally would still shy away form relationship issues, they are personal.
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I can see what you're saying. I guess what I'm trying to say is: if you have had those experiences, great. If you haven't, then don't worry. You can certainly make up for it.

The most important part of this essay is how you overcame the challenges. Don't worry about impressing an ADCOM with your experience. Impress and show them that what you came away will make you an excellent physician. Personal characteristics that make great physicians are built little by little every day by some of these small challenges. It doesn't take a personal disaster to create a physician (and often a personal disaster hinders becoming a physician).

Stay away from the relationship issue, and @pietachok is spot on with "challenge" and "hardship." OP, feel free to PM me to talk through some ideas. I'm just an accepted applicant, but was in your shoes trying to come up with a topic approximately a year ago. My first notion was to talk about the MCAT......
 
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yogischoice0131 said:
Yea I think this is my biggest issue, I don't have any awful challenge I have overcome and I guess I'm struggling to find something significant enough to make a compelling story. But that's a good point to think of something small/minor. I just am afraid of doing something like that and coming off as if I'm really trying to stretch the story
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The basic point of the question is not to know the challenges of your life but what you did to be proactive to fix that situation. In any of your ECs, whether it be research, volunteering for ____, participating in a student organization, you can always find some problem and what you did to address it.
 
trino said:
The most important part of this essay is how you overcame the challenges. Don't worry about impressing an ADCOM with your experience. Impress and show them that what you came away will make you an excellent physician.
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Well said.
 
I can understand both sides. One person who reads it may totally understand where you're coming from in it and think its a unique experience that you have overcome. Another adcom might think you're being a whiny bitch and that you're so privileged that the most challenging thing in your life was a bad boyfriend.

It might be better to play it safe on this one.

I don't know about the application process but is it possible to submit one personal statement to one school and a different one to another school?
 
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