Is Your Significant Other Effecting Where You Go To Med School?

[lehavre]

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I love my significant other so much and don't want to part from that person, but med school threatens to pull us so far apart and potentially end our relationship. Should I encourage that person to relocate with me?

 

[Khenon]

Has the topic not even come up yet? I would (and have done) just tell them your plans and ask if they'll come with you. Sometimes it's feasible and sometimes it's not. But trust me, if it's not, then you're probably better off. Not to say that your partner isn't worth some effort, but rather if you can't make things work now (in terms of moving/relocating), then how are you going to do it again when you get into your residency, and your first job? Basically the next 10 years are going to be up in the air, so if your partner isn't ready to move along with you then you may as well end it now. That said, I would still ask. I've been in your situation before, and I've had no reservations about asking. In fact, if you don't, they might think you don't care and don't want them to come along. Well, good luck. I wish you the best in this situation. I know it's tough. 😳

 

[DubZteR]

Is your significant other affecting where you go to med school?

yap!

 

[QofQuimica]

I love my significant other so much and don't want to part from that person, but med school threatens to pull us so far apart and potentially end our relationship. Should I encourage that person to relocate with me?

I decided not to go to medical school at all as an undergrad because I was engaged and my fiance did not get into his grad program at that school. This is not something that, in retrospect, I would do again, even though I will hopefully go to med school now, a decade later. It is hard, at 21, to believe that you and "the love of your life" may grow apart over time as you each embark on your separate paths, but this is very common.

Especially if you are a traditional-aged student, you should also be open to the possibility that you will meet other people in medical school or beyond who will have more in common with you as you continue on in your life after school. Because of these reasons, I think you should go to the best school for you, regardless of your partner's whereabouts. Also, you didn't mention that person's plans; does s/he want to go to some kind of graduate or professional school also? If so, the choice to relocate with you may not even actually be an option for this person.

 

[jdovez]

I love my significant other so much and don't want to part from that person, but med school threatens to pull us so far apart and potentially end our relationship. Should I encourage that person to relocate with me?

Its a tough call, but if you love them then its worth a shot no? If logistically it is too difficult, then that tells you how committed all parties are to the relationship. I am in the same position, but luckily my girlfriend is very understanding and willing to accompany me. But, as such, in choosing a medical school, I will now take her considerations into account. This makes the choice of a suitable med school and city a challenge for the BOTH of us. Good luck to you!

 

[EpointH]

Or, you could always try the long distance thing. My boyfriend has another year in law school after this one, but I don't want to go to any of the schools in the city he's in, so we're looking at (another) year of long distance. From what I hear, this can actually have its advantages, but I guess we'll see... 😕

 

[ajt2003]

Or, you could always try the long distance thing. My boyfriend has another year in law school after this one, but I don't want to go to any of the schools in the city he's in, so we're looking at (another) year of long distance. From what I hear, this can actually have its advantages, but I guess we'll see... 😕

Really?! I hate the whole long distance thing. I think I'm too needy.

My bf is applying to graduate programs in IR - we were trying to coordinate schools, but at this point, we'll settle for the same city!

Oh, also, in most cases, he'll know before I know - just goes to show you how long this process is! He hasn't even submitted his applications yet, but he'll hear - definitively - in March. Totally not fair! Recount! Foul!

 

[Pembleton]

Yes, she has an input. She's down in Baltimore for at least another year. Ideally I'd like to go to school in the DC/Baltimore area, furthest would be Philly.

 

[liverotcod]

Yes, she has an input. She's down in Baltimore for at least another year. Ideally I'd like to go to school in the DC/Baltimore area, furthest would be Philly.

You're in luck! I think I remember a pretty good med school being in Baltimore. Now, if I could just remember what it's called...

 

[DeterminedMD]

My bf has known from the beginning what my plans are. Over the years we have discussed my plans and the fact that I will most likely have to leave. I have told him that I would love it if he came with me, but that I also understand that it is a big move for him. He is no longer in school so he would have to start over and find another job. I never put pressure on him, but I did let him know that I wanted him with me. He made the decision on hos own and has decided to move with me. He is willing to move anywhere. I am however trying to stay in larger cities with better job opportunities. When all my interviewing is over I will make my final decision based mostly on the school and financial aid. But I will factor that in. I think you have to really talk to your significant other about it and how busy you will be in medical school, etc.

 

[Pembleton]

You're in luck! I think I remember a pretty good med school being in Baltimore. Now, if I could just remember what it's called...

A.K.A The LONGEST of long shots!
🙂

 

[Khenon]

My bf has known from the beginning what my plans are. Over the years we have discussed my plans and the fact that I will most likely have to leave. I have told him that I would love it if he came with me, but that I also understand that it is a big move for him. He is no longer in school so he would have to start over and find another job. I never put pressure on him, but I did let him know that I wanted him with me. He made the decision on hos own and has decided to move with me. He is willing to move anywhere. I am however trying to stay in larger cities with better job opportunities. When all my interviewing is over I will make my final decision based mostly on the school and financial aid. But I will factor that in. I think you have to really talk to your significant other about it and how busy you will be in medical school, etc.

Yes, the size of the city is an issue with me too. My fiance is a molecular biologist, so we can't work in a smaller town that doesn't have either a university of a biotech company. Luckily most med schools are in larger cities (or are within commuting range) so I don't think it'll be a big deal, but it's something I would consider if necessary when choosing between schools.

 

[Geronimo]

My wife is having a baby. That changes everything. Being close to family is suddenly much more important for us!

 

[EpointH]

My wife is having a baby. That changes everything. Being close to family is suddenly much more important for us!

Congratulations, Geronimo! 🙂

 

[liverotcod]

My wife is having a baby. That changes everything. Being close to family is suddenly much more important for us!

Hear, hear. With two children, geography has been the primary factor in school selection.

Give me some good news, Wisconsin!

 

[tigress]

Well my husband is in med school here, and we hope to have a baby before I start school. But he'll be starting 3rd year when I start 1st, so there is the chance that he could transfer. For that reason I'm applying to schools outside Philly. But I think it's most likely that I'll stay here. I think my stats should be good enough to get me in somewhere, Drexel or Temple or maybe Jefferson. Lucky we live in a place with lots of schools! It is a strain, though, and it's hard for me because it limits my school choice. But I say it's worth it since my husband is the best 🙂

 

[evajaclynn]

Most definitely - my boyfriend is a 1st year at KU Med. Consequently, its the only place I really wanted to get into. I am so relieved that its all going to work out! 👍 🙂

Good luck to all of you who are dealing with this right now!

 

[VPDcurt]

Last year my girlfriend asked me the following question: "If you got into UConn med school, would you go there?" I answered, "yes," and then she punched me in the face and gave me a black eye. Needless to say, she was crazy and the relationship came to an abrupt end. I don't know why it was such a shock to her - I am from CT and she knows that UConn has always been my #1 choice. All she wants to do is teach elementary school and there are plenty of those jobs up in CT I'm sure. Anyway, as if the punch to the face wasn't enough, she called on the cops on me one night at 4am and told them that I stole her TV (this was obviously not the case) after I broke up with her. She also told all of our mutual friends from college that I was abusive during our relationship - give me a break. Sounds like a great girl, right? Bottom line - I officially don't trust women right now and there is no way I would ever move just to be with someone right now. On the flipside, I wouldn't expect someone to move with me wherever I go.

 

[smc927]

I am happily married with a kid and another on the way. I've been split between Philadelphia (PCOM) and Missouri (KCOM). PCOM is just an hour from where we live now and close to family. That would be great support for her. But then there is the cost of living, public schools aren't the greatest, not the safest place to live, etc. KCOM is extremely family friendly, in a small town, safe area, but far from family. In the end my decision will be based largely on what is best for my family. After all, they are both good schools. Family is far more important than education or career. You can have it all, you just have to put them in the right order or you'll lose one or more of them.

 

[VPDcurt]

You can have it all, you just have to put them in the right order or you'll lose one or more of them.

Good Stuff 👍

 

[boardchic]

I'm sorry to be anal, but can we just clear this up...? It should be AFFECTING, not EFFECTING.

 

[CaMD]

I'm sorry to be anal, but can we just clear this up...? It should be AFFECTING, not EFFECTING.

👍

 

[ElKapitan]

I think it depends on the person. If you are not certain if your relationship will last, even if you stay where you are, my advice is to leave. Nothing can be worse than making a sacrafice for something that won't last. In the end you will feel like a shmuck for losing good opportunities.

As for me, I am just gonna pop the question if I have to move. She will say yes and they she will have to go whereever I do. Right?

Anyways, I am just praying I can get into Harvard (because I am in Boston right now) I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me Superman!

 

[lehavre]

I'm sorry to be anal, but can we just clear this up...? It should be AFFECTING, not EFFECTING.

thanks. I appreciate that. That is my Achille's heel. Truly I have never been able to know when to use which one.

 

[desertcat]

doesn't really seem like a genuine reason to ask somebody to marry you... How's that going to go anyways: "Will you marry me... and my medical school?"

 

[BGGA]

There are so many factors that go into making the decision of what school to go to. For me my bf's location is definatley a factor. We have been long distance for years now and have been able to manage fine, so it will not be too much of a strain if we are still long distance after this process. That being said I would prefer if we were closer so if I have the opportunity to do that I probably will.

I think it comes down to how you feel about the longevity of your relationship. If you can realistically envision a future even with the stresses of being a med school student then do everything you need to ensure the survival of your relationship. You will not be in med school forever, you all have to think of life in the long term.

My two cents. Good Luck to you all.

 

[lulubean]

I think it's important to remember that relationships should be dynamic, and should evolve with time, meaning starting med school should be a new chapter you both face together, not an end to the relationship.

At the end of this process, my boy and I are going to sit down and decide together where the best place would be for both of us. I think it is important to take your s.o.'s situation into account, particularly since it's four years of his (or her) life too. (I am really really lucky he has been so supportive in this process 😍 )

 

[SRQGirl]

I'm sorry to be anal, but can we just clear this up...? It should be AFFECTING, not EFFECTING.

Thank You! I can't believe it took 20 posts for someone to point that out.


Affect ---> verb
Effect ---> noun

 

[45408]

My girlfriend will graduate undergrad at the same time as me, and she can go anywhere (and find a job anywhere), so the only thing that would affect my choice based on her feelings would be that she doesn't want to be too far from her family.

 

[liverotcod]

Thank You! I can't believe it took 20 posts for someone to point that out.


Affect ---> verb
Effect ---> noun

Actually, effect is a verb too, meaning "create":
"The policies of the new administration effected massive changes in organizational procedures."

 

[MeowMix]

Thank You! I can't believe it took 20 posts for someone to point that out.


Affect ---> verb
Effect ---> noun

If you want to effect better grammar on SDN, you will have to accept that "effect" can also act as a verb and "affect" as a noun. 😀 Your affect may be disturbing to others who read your messages.

 

[45408]

Thank You! I can't believe it took 20 posts for someone to point that out.


Affect ---> verb
Effect ---> noun

🙄 Don't correct someone's grammar if you don't understand it completely either. They're both nouns, and they're both verbs.

The effect of the decision was that it affected the affect that he was trying to effect.

Affect - verb - to influence
Affect - noun - more or less like demeanor
Effect - noun - result
Effect - verb - to bring about a result

 

[ElKapitan]

doesn't really seem like a genuine reason to ask somebody to marry you... How's that going to go anyways: "Will you marry me... and my medical school?"

Why else do people marry, cause they don't want to be alone, because they accidently had a kid, because they want to have kids before they get too old, the list could go on. Seriously though, I love her and that is why I would ask her.

 

[CoachMcGuirk]

One from the other side of things:

My girlfriend is the one who will be applying to medical schools. It has never really even been a question of whether I will move to be with her or not. I love her and can't imagine being without her...of course I will do whatever it takes to be with her. No medical schools where I'm at, so I will be moving out of state. Yeah, it'll be a hassle and tough to find a new job and of course there are risks in doing so, but ultimately, its well worth the effort.

I'm sure she'll take into account the type of place I'd want to live in if those options are available, but in the end, it's her decision and I will support her whatever she chooses to do as best I can.

 

[boardchic]

🙄 Don't correct someone's grammar if you don't understand it completely either. They're both nouns, and they're both verbs.

The effect of the decision was that it affected the affect that he was trying to effect.

Affect - verb - to influence
Affect - noun - more or less like demeanor
Effect - noun - result
Effect - verb - to bring about a result

I agree that both affect and effect can be used as nouns or verbs, but, regardless, in this case affect is the correct verb. Where you go to med school is (or isn't) being influenced, not produced.

"Usage Note: Affect and effect have no senses in common. As a verb affect is most commonly used in the sense of “to influence” (how smoking affects health). Effect means “to bring about or execute”: layoffs designed to effect savings. Thus the sentence These measures may affect savings could imply that the measures may reduce savings that have already been realized, whereas These measures may effect savings implies that the measures will cause new savings to come about."

 

[VPDcurt]

This thread is on a downward spiral.

 

[liverotcod]

This thread is on a downward spiral.

Yeah, we're probably better off acknowledging each other's syntactic prowess and moving on.

 

[LauraMac]

i love how everyone is as anal about grammar as i am.

now anyway, i would never choose a school based on a significant other. i have, however, never really been in love, so i'm not sure how i would feel if that were the case. i know that right now i LOVE having no obligations and no responsibilities, and i LOVE the fact that i can just come and go as i please and end up at any med school i wish (assuming i get accepted there). yay for being single!

 

[VPDcurt]

i love how everyone is as anal about grammar as i am.

now anyway, i would never choose a school based on a significant other. i have, however, never really been in love, so i'm not sure how i would feel if that were the case. i know that right now i LOVE having no obligations and no responsibilities, and i LOVE the fact that i can just come and go as i please and end up at any med school i wish (assuming i get accepted there). yay for being single!

amen to that

 

[LauraMac]

amen to that

yup, amen to that! and sorry to hear about your situation with your ex-girlfriend. that sucks. 🙁

 

[stinkycheese]

Last year my girlfriend asked me the following question: "If you got into UConn med school, would you go there?" I answered, "yes," and then she punched me in the face and gave me a black eye. Needless to say, she was crazy and the relationship came to an abrupt end. I don't know why it was such a shock to her - I am from CT and she knows that UConn has always been my #1 choice. All she wants to do is teach elementary school and there are plenty of those jobs up in CT I'm sure. Anyway, as if the punch to the face wasn't enough, she called on the cops on me one night at 4am and told them that I stole her TV (this was obviously not the case) after I broke up with her. She also told all of our mutual friends from college that I was abusive during our relationship - give me a break. Sounds like a great girl, right? Bottom line - I officially don't trust women right now and there is no way I would ever move just to be with someone right now. On the flipside, I wouldn't expect someone to move with me wherever I go.

Borderline. Personality. Disorder.

My advice would be to get a restraining order if she ever bothers you again, bc you need to document her craziness in case she ever accuses you of something that you can't prove you didn't do. Not as uncommon as you might think with these wackjob borderlines.

 

[VPDcurt]

yup, amen to that! and sorry to hear about your situation with your ex-girlfriend. that sucks. 🙁

thanks...it happens i guess. kinda interesting though - it makes you really realize who your real friends are. some of my "friends" still believe her to this day and give me dirty looks whenever I see them. they never even asked for my side of the story...i say 'to hell with them' though. live and learn.

 

[doogyhowser]

b!tches

 

[liverotcod]

thanks...it happens i guess. kinda interesting though - it makes you really realize who your real friends are. some of my "friends" still believe her to this day and give me dirty looks whenever I see them. they never even asked for my side of the story...i say 'to hell with them' though. live and learn.

I'll bet she was a firebrand in the sack, though.

 

[45408]

I agree that both affect and effect can be used as nouns or verbs, but, regardless, in this case affect is the correct verb. Where you go to med school is (or isn't) being influenced, not produced.

I knew that. I was just pointing out the irony of standing on a soapbox while announcing something that's incompletely true.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

The only reason I applied to chicago schools because she is in Chicago. more years in Chicago, so if I am there b/c of her, will she then sticj around b/c of me? I don't want us to end up in Chicago...and what if we break up along the way. I'm confused. 😕

 

[EpointH]

The only reason I applied to chicago schools because she is in Chicago. more years in Chicago, so if I am there b/c of her, will she then sticj around b/c of me? I don't want us to end up in Chicago...and what if we break up along the way. I'm confused. 😕

I'm in the same position, except with New York. The way I see it, though, is that you shouldn't do anything that's going to make you bitter in the future. If being in Chicago is going to make you upset for the next four years, you will probably carry some of that resentment into your relationship and then even though you're in the same city, things might be strained anyway. And if you should break up, then you're stuck in a place you don't necessarily want to be.

That said, long distance isn't exactly a picnic either, so there's no perfect solution. If anyone finds one, let me know!! 😉

 

[desertcat]

What's wrong with Chicago? Friendly people, big city, awesome St Patty's day.. A place is totally what you make of it, you've got learn to appreciate what it has to offer, I've lived in Tucson for five years, at first I hated now I love it and am sad to leave.

oh yeah and long distance relationships do suck, but if a relationship isn't worth a little inconvience then whats the point in it in the i first place..

I love that scrubs quote by the way 😀 👍 makes me laugh every time

There I've giving my share of opinions for the day i gotta go study

 

[VPDcurt]

I'm in the same position, except with New York. The way I see it, though, is that you shouldn't do anything that's going to make you bitter in the future. If being in Chicago is going to make you upset for the next four years, you will probably carry some of that resentment into your relationship and then even though you're in the same city, things might be strained anyway. And if you should break up, then you're stuck in a place you don't necessarily want to be.

That said, long distance isn't exactly a picnic either, so there's no perfect solution. If anyone finds one, let me know!! 😉

That's some good advice right there 👍

 

[VPDcurt]

one more time desertcat