Is your SO coming with you?

Discover Your Odds of Getting into Medical School
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My SO other moved away from me to attend med school (CA --> NY). She's a third year resident here in NY now. I'll likely be moving away from her this time. We knew it would be hard, but both of us understand that our careers are the priority. At seven years together, we've outlasted some marriages. We do likely plan to get married once she is done with residency and I make it to rotations (hopefully, I'll be able to rotate where she is the attending... fingers crossed).
 
This is going to be a make or break for me.
 
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They would be wise to.
 
As of now. I'm going to be alone the first semester to learn the ropes as she finished up her MBA back home (sugar mama).
 
My significant other will be joining me, wherever we end up. 6.5 years together. He is and has been such a vital, supportive part of this process.
 
I'm still largely unsure. My SO's mother is basically implying that she'll disown him if he goes with me and at the same time he's unsure whether he'll be anything but a burden in my life.

So... yah...
 
A good portion of my class is married, engaged, or otherwise involved with professionals. They are slowly trickling into town as they find work in their field. The ones that haven't are working on it.
 
I've been doing the distance thing since I started med school. My gf lives about 3 hours away, and it's been fine. Like, it sucks that we're apart, but at least when I'm at school, I can focus on school and not worry about her emotional needs. On the weekends either I'll drive down to see her or she'll drive up to see me, so it's pretty much like I'm working a job on the road and come home on weekends, or at least that's how I look at it.
 
Mad Jack said:
I've been doing the distance thing since I started med school. My gf lives about 3 hours away, and it's been fine. Like, it sucks that we're apart, but at least when I'm at school, I can focus on school and not worry about her emotional needs. On the weekends either I'll drive down to see her or she'll drive up to see me, so it's pretty much like I'm working a job on the road and come home on weekends, or at least that's how I look at it.
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You're living the good life.
 
chizledfrmstone said:
You're living the good life.
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Consider me naively emotional. But isn't that the whole point of a relationship? To care for each other's emotional needs?

Idk, part of the reason I'm kinda worried about taking mine with me is that I genuinely am worried that I'll be unhappy with how it ends up. Like he'll get defeated at being in a new place far away from everyone and basically spend the entire day at home being a housewife and get stuck in that mode.
 
serenade said:
Consider me naively emotional. But isn't that the whole point of a relationship? To care for each other's emotional needs?

Idk, part of the reason I'm kinda worried about taking mine with me is that I genuinely am worried that I'll be unhappy with how it ends up. Like he'll get defeated at being in a new place far away from everyone and basically spend the entire day at home being a housewife and get stuck in that mode.
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It was a joke. Let's just say women can get a little emotional at times.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
serenade said:
Consider me naively emotional. But isn't that the whole point of a relationship? To care for each other's emotional needs?

Idk, part of the reason I'm kinda worried about taking mine with me is that I genuinely am worried that I'll be unhappy with how it ends up. Like he'll get defeated at being in a new place far away from everyone and basically spend the entire day at home being a housewife and get stuck in that mode.
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Compartmentalization is key. You need to learn to live two lives- one as a student, and one as a lover. Or at least that's the way I've done things, as my gf is very understanding and handles the distance well. When I have her, I have her and I'm happy, but when I don't, I'm in machine mode- studying 24/7, doing my best to survive the hell that is med school.
 
AttainableDream said:
Yikes...negatory.
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Just tired of this whole mindset where men are thought as being emotionless (or at least supposed to be) while women are supposed to be full of them. The former is the furthest thing from the truth possible.
 
Mad Jack said:
Compartmentalization is key. You need to learn to live two lives- one as a student, and one as a lover..,
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Any good review materials for brushing up on Lovering? I figure I have until late July to study.
 
studentp0x said:
Just tired of this whole mindset where men are thought as being emotionless (or at least supposed to be) while women are supposed to be full of them. The former is the furthest thing from the truth possible.
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Women are more emotional...something called estrogen. Men are more possessive and proud...something called testosterone.

If you are a woman going off to medical school, and your man is not a physician...you relationship will likely fail at some point of your training...especially if it is long distance. Security is good enough for some women...it is rare for it to be enough for men.

If you really love the guy...encourage him to come. If you don't, your relationship will likely be over. But it may be for the best because the divorce rate is astronomical for women not married to a physician. Might as well enter MS-1 with a ton of MS-1 guys who you have a better chance to have a relationship that lasts.
 
My SO moved with me to medical school, and I am extremely grateful. She is also a nurse and found a job instantly that she likes. She was actually my girlfriend at the time, which means even more that she was willing to take a leap of faith with me. We are now engaged and we are loving it out here! The key is to find enough time to spend with each other. We usually dedicate at least one night a week to date night.
 
j4pac said:
Women are more emotional...something called estrogen. Men are more possessive and proud...
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Ahh pride...that's can be a huge hurdle for some guys who struggle with a women being what they view as more successful than them. Success doesn't necessarily have to be about $$$, some can't get past that.
 
I've been with my boyfriend nearly 5 years, and he's coming with me to school. Find a job, chill out. He's pretty low-key so I won't have to worry about him pining for all of my time. He's not in medicine but has resigned himself to the fact that I'll be the main provider in the family, and he doesn't have a problem with it (sugar mama and all...). I want to get married soonish, but I'm worried that through the hell of 3rd year/residency it'll be trying on the relationship and dealing with a divorce in med school would be pretty crappy. But eh, marriage doesn't mean a whole lot, and being in a long-term relationship is basically the same without the problem of divorce when you want to break up (although boyfriend seems so high school-esque...husband sounds much more grown up).
 
Food for thought:

Over 30 years of follow-up, the divorce rate was 51 percent for psychiatrists, 33 percent for surgeons, 24 percent for internists, 22 percent for pediatricians and pathologists, and 31 percent for other specialties. The overall divorce rate was 29 percent after three decades of follow-up and 32 percent after nearly four decades of follow-up.

Physicians who married before medical school graduation had a higher divorce rate than those who waited until after graduation (33 percent versus 23 percent). The year of first marriage was linked with divorce rates: 11 percent for marriages before 1953, 17 percent for those from 1953 to 1957, 24 percent for those from 1958 to 1962 and 21 percent for those after 1962. Those who had a parent die before medical school graduation had a lower divorce rate.

Female physicians had a higher divorce rate (37 percent) than their male colleagues (28 percent). Physicians who were members of an academic honor society in medical school had a lower divorce rate, although there was no difference in divorce rates according to class rank. Religious affiliation, being an only child, having a parent who was a physician and having a divorced parent were not associated with divorce rates.

Physicians who reported themselves to be less emotionally close to their parents and who expressed more anger under stress also had a significantly higher divorce rate, but anxiety and depression levels were not associated with divorce rate.

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/press/1997/MARCH/199703.HTM​
 
costales said:
Food for thought:

Over 30 years of follow-up, the divorce rate was 51 percent for psychiatrists, 33 percent for surgeons, 24 percent for internists, 22 percent for pediatricians and pathologists, and 31 percent for other specialties. The overall divorce rate was 29 percent after three decades of follow-up and 32 percent after nearly four decades of follow-up.

Physicians who married before medical school graduation had a higher divorce rate than those who waited until after graduation (33 percent versus 23 percent). The year of first marriage was linked with divorce rates: 11 percent for marriages before 1953, 17 percent for those from 1953 to 1957, 24 percent for those from 1958 to 1962 and 21 percent for those after 1962. Those who had a parent die before medical school graduation had a lower divorce rate.

Female physicians had a higher divorce rate (37 percent) than their male colleagues (28 percent). Physicians who were members of an academic honor society in medical school had a lower divorce rate, although there was no difference in divorce rates according to class rank. Religious affiliation, being an only child, having a parent who was a physician and having a divorced parent were not associated with divorce rates.

Physicians who reported themselves to be less emotionally close to their parents and who expressed more anger under stress also had a significantly higher divorce rate, but anxiety and depression levels were not associated with divorce rate.

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/press/1997/MARCH/199703.HTM​
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This is awesome. Thank you.
 
j4pac said:
Women are more emotional...something called estrogen. Men are more possessive and proud...something called testosterone.

If you are a woman going off to medical school, and your man is not a physician...you relationship will likely fail at some point of your training...especially if it is long distance. Security is good enough for some women...it is rare for it to be enough for men.

If you really love the guy...encourage him to come. If you don't, your relationship will likely be over. But it may be for the best because the divorce rate is astronomical for women not married to a physician. Might as well enter MS-1 with a ton of MS-1 guys who you have a better chance to have a relationship that lasts.
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its weird because almost every girl I meet who is medical school either has a boyfriend or is married. The few who are single have a reason that they are single.
 
Mad Jack said:
Compartmentalization is key. You need to learn to live two lives- one as a student, and one as a lover. Or at least that's the way I've done things, as my gf is very understanding and handles the distance well. When I have her, I have her and I'm happy, but when I don't, I'm in machine mode- studying 24/7, doing my best to survive the hell that is med school.
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You would have made a great Gigolo.

studentp0x said:
Out dated theory... if anything men get emotional more.
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studentp0x said:
Just tired of this whole mindset where men are thought as being emotionless (or at least supposed to be) while women are supposed to be full of them. The former is the furthest thing from the truth possible.
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Did my post make you feel emotions?

Tri4thlete said:
My SO moved with me to medical school, and I am extremely grateful. She is also a nurse and found a job instantly that she likes. She was actually my girlfriend at the time, which means even more that she was willing to take a leap of faith with me. We are now engaged and we are loving it out here! The key is to find enough time to spend with each other. We usually dedicate at least one night a week to date night.
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I need to get me a nurse wife. They look hott and make tons of money.

GypsyHummus said:
its weird because almost every girl I meet who is medical school either has a boyfriend or is married. The few who are single have a reason that they are single.
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So true.
 
From my limited experience in med school, the ones who come need something they can do while you are in school. It can be a job, school, whatever, but they need something to do. If they don't come with you, they should have a good reason, and it should be very clear that its for a limited time (i.e. 1-2yrs, not 4yrs, then we'll see what happens with residency). Now this is all provided that you want to stay together with your SO.

The people I know that had open ended long distance periods are mostly broken up now by late 2nd year. The only ones still together are the two girls I know who's boyfriends are in med school within 2-3hrs driving of here.

I know a few people who's spouses couldn't come with them because of work or kids school, etc., but those people work hard during the week and regularly meet their spouse and kids on weekends on top of regularly skyping and what not. On top of that, those people are almost universally moving with their family for 3rd year clinicals at their regional sites.

Anyways, if you want to stay together (i.e. this is the person you're going to marry and have a family with), either have your SO come with you or make it the plan that either you'll join them in some very discrete length of time or they'll join you.
 
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I did MS1 long distance (opposite coasts of the country), then MS2-4 have been/will be living together. She'll then follow me wherever for residency, but I'm trying to return the favor by matching where she wants. She has a retail job that entails high flexibility. Super thankful.

During MS1 we actually sent each other snail mail multiple times per week (she sent me one literally every day). In retrospect, my time was so limited that if we didn't do that, our relationship could have really suffered to a critical point. Without being able to hear about each others' day-to-day lives, we could have felt like we met back up with completely different people at the end of that long-distance year. Do what you have to do.
 
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I am still unsure of where I will be matriculating, but it could possibly be 3-4 hours away. She will be in law school so it is hard to say if we'll be close to each other. I do hope it works out but I know it will be hard
 
I'm thankful that my SO will be able to come with me. Also very fortunate that she will be able to support me through the entirety of med school and save us from having an even larger mountain of debt to overcome.
 
We're both 24 and have been dating for 9 years. I'll be attending an SMP at a University that is 8 hours away from him this fall. He just got a job so he won't be moving in with me this year. I'll hopefully get into med school next year. The plan is to get into the same school where I'm doing the SMP. If that happens we'll live apart for another year while I focus and adjust to med school. One of my biggest mistakes was allowing our relationship to distract me during undergrad. We are stable and confident enough in our relationship to get through the separation and I'm looking forward to gaining an identity separate from the one I've developed during our relationship. I'll get a Xbox Kinect and he can watch me study 😛

The plan is to get engaged in the next two years and then marry right after graduation. We will have been dating for 14+ years.
 
Negatory.

And honestly, I am happy about that. I don't think I can handle my SO's emotional needs while focusing on studying. He is extremely clingy....
 
serenade said:
I'm still largely unsure. My SO's mother is basically implying that she'll disown him if he goes with me and at the same time he's unsure whether he'll be anything but a burden in my life.

So... yah...
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Yikes sorry to hear that serenade!
 
I'm fortunate in that my boyfriend is a year older with a chemical engineering degree. We've both come to the conclusion that I'll bum off him until all my training is over. Afterwards he'll probably get a PhD and I'll go wherever he needs to be for that. He may not be going in to medicine, but hey, he's always really helpful when it comes to physics, math, and chemistry. Lol.
 
Fortunately, my SO is coming with me.

Granted, it isn't very far from where we are both living now. I think she feels like she owes me one since I've stuck around this city for the last three years while she finishes her degree. She is currently looking for a full-time gig in the area surrounding my school.

Marriage and kids are definitely hot topics of discussion and something we both want with one another one day, but I've made it very clear- none of that business til I have my degree... honey.
 
Mine didn't. She's 2 and a half hours away. Been at her current secure job for 8 years and is almost vested in her retirement and getting longevity pay. When I go home on the weekends, if she's off work, Friday nights are hers. I study Saturday, and depending on what I have Monday-I'll stay Sundays. Weekends she works (she's a night shifter), I've got the house to myself. It's working so far, sucks, but it's working. We have a 3rd year rotation site that is close enough I can move back home.
 
serenade said:
I'm still largely unsure. My SO's mother is basically implying that she'll disown him if he goes with me and at the same time he's unsure whether he'll be anything but a burden in my life.

So... yah...
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Gah I understand the feels. My parents were not too happy when they heard that I was moving away with my SO. They basically said the same thing as your situation in regards to being a burden on my life....
 
CajunMedic said:
Mine didn't. She's 2 and a half hours away. Been at her current secure job for 8 years and is almost vested in her retirement and getting longevity pay. When I go home on the weekends, if she's off work, Friday nights are hers. I study Saturday, and depending on what I have Monday-I'll stay Sundays. Weekends she works (she's a night shifter), I've got the house to myself. It's working so far, sucks, but it's working. We have a 3rd year rotation site that is close enough I can move back home.
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That's rough - glad you guys found something that works. My wife is a city person (like the epitome of a city-girl) and we're moving to Kirksville. She almost slapped me in the face when I told her that's where I wanted to go but we're hoping to do rotations in Phoenix. We're also paying for a nicer house and my wife gets paid to go to school online (full tuition scholarship + pell grant) so we're going to use that money to do fun things for the 2 years we are there. Hopefully she won't go completely insane.
 
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costales said:
Food for thought:
Over 30 years of follow-up, the divorce rate was 51 percent for psychiatrists, 33 percent for surgeons, 24 percent for internists, 22 percent for pediatricians and pathologists, and 31 percent for other specialties. The overall divorce rate was 29 percent after three decades of follow-up and 32 percent after nearly four decades of follow-up.​
Click to expand...
HAHAHA. My SO is not coming with me, but we're in it for the long haul. Great news is, she's going to be a pathologist and I want to be a pediatrician! Looks like we're destined to be stuck together forever.
 
+1. I love him, but he's a city person and wants to get his masters and I'm going to an itty bitty town. I'm afraid if he went with me I'd be too worried about keeping him happy and it would hinder my studies.
keels99 said:
Negatory.

And honestly, I am happy about that. I don't think I can handle my SO's emotional needs while focusing on studying. He is extremely clingy....
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samac said:
+1. I love him, but he's a city person and wants to get his masters and I'm going to an itty bitty town. I'm afraid if he went with me I'd be too worried about keeping him happy and it would hinder my studies.
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Similar situation. He is from KC and can't stand rural areas. I'm from the middle of nowhere and can't stand the city. We might eventually reach compromise.
 
Mad Jack said:
Compartmentalization is key. You need to learn to live two lives- one as a student, and one as a lover. Or at least that's the way I've done things, as my gf is very understanding and handles the distance well. When I have her, I have her and I'm happy, but when I don't, I'm in machine mode- studying 24/7, doing my best to survive the hell that is med school.
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This is such awesome advice. I only hope my gf (and me included, because respect and understanding each other's necessary commitment to your respective careers is a two way street) can work through it. At best I will be 7 hours away from her (she's going to PA school), and at worst I'll be roughly 14 hours away (depending on which school I get into).

Either way I think it's key to be able to discipline yourself to switch modes, where and when appropriate. @Mad Jack you always have the best advice.
 
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