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Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by confuse, Apr 14, 2007.

  1. confuse

    confuse Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Nov 3, 2002
    Hello everyone,
    I need your advice on how to overcome this feeling of jealousy that I have. I have been in a serious long distance relationship with my gf for almost 4 years now. It's been hard because we're ocean apart (she lives in Paris), but somehow we manage to make it through all these years. Everything has been going well until this past year when I started taking medical school classes. I'm doing well in these classes and have alot of time to keep in touch with my gf. We call each other every other day, webcam on the weekends, and visit each other about 2x/year. Recently, she joined a church youth group and on every other weekend, she would hang out with these friends and often go on retreats with them. I find myself feeling jealous because she is going out and having fun, having little time for me even when I call. Meanwhile I'm having to study my butts off every day, and any little free time that I have I want to spend it keeping in touch with her. I trust my gf 100% so there is no issue of insecurity here, but I hate this jealousy feeling. Although I haven't let this feeling surface because I am happy that she has friends to keep her occupied while I go through med school, but I find myself being less than enthusiastic, and sometimes even sarcastic, when she tells me about all these fun things she did. Any advices on how I can overcome this jealousy feeling? Thanks.
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  3. ?DreamsRMadeOf

    ?DreamsRMadeOf Banned Banned

    Dec 9, 2006
    In Your Dreams
    Simple, do the same thing she is doing. Find something fun and exciting to do. Don't mope around all day thinking about her. There is nothing worse than going out and having a good time, and then talking to someone with an attitude, who's interrogating you, this will make her go out even more.

    Make her miss you a little bit, but be careful, you have to be real with this, women know when you make up stuff or try to make them jealous. Really search for something that interests you, that way when you talk about it she can "feel" your enthusiasm, and then you can be happy making her a little jealous too. When you talk to her, ask her how she's doing, not what she's doing, or what she did, this will limit her being able to "rub it in your face", which causes you to get jealous. When she does tell you, avoid smart comments, just say "oh that's nice". Short and sweet.

    Trust me, it will annoy her that "something" other than her, makes you happy or peaks your interest. I know she's not a bad person, these are just little games that women and men play.

    Shake it up a little and don't be so predictable, because when she's having a good time, she's probably thinking, my bf is at home bored studying and thinking about me, while I'm out here having the time of my life.

    You don't want that, you want her to be thinking,"where the heck is he?"; "he was supposed to call me", flip the script. Good Luck :luck:
  4. Crookshanks

    Crookshanks Juju 2+ Year Member

    Jun 18, 2006
    yeah, I recommend talking to her...don't play games.

    Remember, you're studying medicine because you want to, I know it's hard, but I imagine it brings you some joy to know you're achieving your goals. I think what you're feeling is resent....that's she's out having fun and you're studying. Resent can really sour a relationship, so be careful with it. I was also in a long distance relationship (it was long distance for 2 years) and we've been together four years. There's been a lot of craziness in mine, (we have a baby), but communication has kept it together. Remember, talk, don't play games. Also, remember not to "talk too much"...don't stay up ALL night talking if you've got a test to take in the morning....don't let it consume your life. But don't ignore it either, it's a balancing act.

  5. confuse

    confuse Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Nov 3, 2002
    Thanks everyone. I took your advices to talk to my gf directly. I didn't have a problem with her going out with churchgoers because I wouldn't want to interfere with her faith. I just asked her to be more considerate and while I am generally happy that she goes out, spare me the tiny details if possible. It has been working for us thus far. I could definitely see that this feeling correlates with my stess level. I talked to my roommate and he appeared to be having the same problem with his long-distance finace so I guess it's fairly common in long-distance relationship, especially during the transition period to med school.

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