Kids

[makesomerheum]

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There have been many posts on when it is best a female medical student or resident to have a child. Does anyone have any insight into when it would be best for a male medical student (finishing MS1) and his wife to start a family?

 

[24858]

It depends on so many things. How old are you and your wife? How many kids do you want? If you want more than 4 kids and your wife is pushing 30 maybe its time to think about it? How far apart do you want them. I mean, we had almost ten families we knew-husband a med student, now in 3rd year everyone has AT least 2 kids..but then you hear about people in their 40s now having triplets, so whatever works for you. Kids are alot of work, si your wife ready to basically do everything? If she already complains that you dont do housework now, or you're the one that cooks all your dinners 🙂 , you guys are in for a lot of trouble..if she loves to cook and clean hey, that's her next twenty years with kids.....

 

[lovemydrhubby]

Yes, it does depend on many things! In general, I would think the same time periods that are good for a female med student/resident are also good for males. I would say 2nd yr and 4th year of med school are better than 1st and 3rd. For residency- I'd avoid the first year because it will be such a big adjustment for everyone- adding a baby only complicates things. Just my thoughts.

All of the things Meaculpa said were good questions though- having a husband working with crazy hours or going to school full time is tough. I do everything around the house and for the kids. I'm not saying he's a bad dad or husband (he's neither) but he doesn't spend nearly as much time with our daughters as I do.

Our experience... well, I am the ultimate poor timing expert! Our first daughter was born during my husband's 4th yr undergrad (the end- his finals week to be exact- she was 5 weeks early). We then moved across the country to begin med school with an infant...not too easy. It was an adjustment for everyone. Daughter #2 was born during 3rd yr of med school. The timing wasn't the greatest again because we had planned a few weeks of vacation for my husband around her due date, but she came early. This was tough because we were just adjusting to 3rd yr life and having two kids!
I guess I'm rambling about all of this because there is no perfect time! You can make it work. We realize the timing might not have been ideal, but I can't imagine it any other way. We were ready and happy to start a family together.
We're planning more, but not sure when... I'm convinced I'll be due the month we move to a new city for residency!

 

[makesomerheum]

Thanks for the advice. We are both young 20s, and my wife has graciously taken on most of the housework, but I help as much as possible. I think we are starting to think 4th yr or early PGY-2.

 

[doc05]

Does anyone have any insight into when it would be best for a male medical student (finishing MS1) and his wife to start a family?

in the evening.

 

[makesomerheum]

HHAHAHAHA

 

[f_w]

> There have been many posts on when it is best a female medical
> student or resident to have a child.

There is never a 'good' time. Realistically, the first time everything is fine, is right after you made partner 😉

If you have a mature relationship, family network and the financial means to do it, get started early (if you can during medschool). There are just too many 37 year old female docs crowding fertility offices.

 

[ahd929]

i'm wondering the same thing. i'm starting in med school in 2006, when my wife and i will both be 27. we would prefer not to wait till our 30's to start a family, but the biggest issue we've got is finances (and i'm surprised i didn't see this mentioned yet here).

if we have kids, and my wife stays home to raise them, does our financial aid award reflect the fact that there is no income? or would they still expect my wife to contribute financially, and deduct that presumed amount from our loans? does anyone else have experience with that?

thanks.

 

[makesomerheum]

To answer your question, my school provides loans that cover both living expenses, tuition, and fees. Right now, I am able to decline most of my loans because of my wife's income. If she were to have a baby and no longer work, we would simply have to take on the full amount of loans. Babies = more loans, but you will be able to survive.

 

[beanbean]

First and second year you have a bit more control of your schedule at schools that do not have mandatory attendance for lecture. We have mp3 files and powerpoints available for lectures so I often would stay home and study to spend a bit more time with my kids (ages 8, 6 and almost 2) this past year. It worked for me and I have passed everything. It really depends on your learning style. Now that I am beginning third year I will have to be away from the house more and they will be tough.

As the above posters have mentioned, there is no perfect time. Just be sure to have some good support systems in place.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

i'm wondering the same thing. i'm starting in med school in 2006, when my wife and i will both be 27. we would prefer not to wait till our 30's to start a family, but the biggest issue we've got is finances (and i'm surprised i didn't see this mentioned yet here).

if we have kids, and my wife stays home to raise them, does our financial aid award reflect the fact that there is no income? or would they still expect my wife to contribute financially, and deduct that presumed amount from our loans? does anyone else have experience with that?

thanks.

Yes, you can get loans to cover living expense too as another poster said. I'm a SAHM now- it's very tight- even with loans, but definitely something you can work out. It just takes some creativity 🙂
I did work the first two years of med school, but our expenses were much higher then too (daycare, we had two cars then, a bigger rent payment, alot of unecessary entertainment expenses etc.) so we still borrowed quite a bit.

I really love that I can be a stay at home mom now. It's really important that I'm here for my daughters and very rewarding to me. I'm also able to support my husband a TON more. I know it might sound old fashioned, but I can cook, clean, and help him organize himself much more when I don't have my own work. When he gets home from a busy day, if I have the house in order- we can all relax together. It just provides more quality time for the 4 of us.

Good luck! Let me know if you have any other questions.

 

[Mom2five]

As others have said, there is never a perfect time. We already had 4 kids when hubby started Med school. We had baby #5 at the end of 2nd year and he is in his 3rd year now with five children ages 7, 6, 4, 3, and 1. It works for us. Our last was born in May and he had the whole summer off which was very nice. He took care of the older 4 and I focused on myself and the baby. Really you just have to both agree to what you want...there will be pros and cons with any approach.

 

[kaos]

Yes, you can get loans to cover living expense too as another poster said. I'm a SAHM now- it's very tight- even with loans, but definitely something you can work out. It just takes some creativity 🙂
I did work the first two years of med school, but our expenses were much higher then too (daycare, we had two cars then, a bigger rent payment, alot of unecessary entertainment expenses etc.) so we still borrowed quite a bit.

Are these outside loans? As in outside of school financial aid for living expenses? I'm a 3rd yr med student now, I have a 5 yr old daughter who's about to start kindergarten, and I have no idea how I'm going handle expenses, let alone shuttle her to school and back, especially with my husband working a not very well-paying job. Let's just say we're living way below poverty level. (more so than other students, as my financial aid advisor said, but he didn't recommend anything to improve lifestyle)

I was wondering how people handle it all!

 

[ahd929]

thanks for the advice! i guess my wife and i have a good resource in this forum. 🙂

 

[lealf-ye]

There have been many posts on when it is best a female medical student or resident to have a child. Does anyone have any insight into when it would be best for a male medical student (finishing MS1) and his wife to start a family?

There will never be a good time and any time is a good time. I have seen people did it in medical school w/o any problem. 🙂

 

[alison_in_oh]

FWIW, we're shooting for early residency. That way I keep working through med school, get hubby his tuition waiver, keep us in steady income and minimal debt. Then at some point after intern year, assuming we're in an area where cost of living makes a resident's salary a living wage, I can stay home with Jr. and hopefully hubby's schedule will be predictable and human enough that we can have some family time (he's going into EM). Fingers crossed the plan works. I think I'll be 28 or 29 by the time we start raising our little ones.

 

[redrocky]

Unfortunately, there is no perfect time. We had our son when my wife and I were still in undergrad (our suprise baby -what happens when antibiotics and BCP mix). She worked until I finished school, then I worked until she finished school. We debated about when to have #2. During med school or in residency? It was our son's pediatrician who sealed the deal for us. At our son's 18 mo check up he asked if we were planning for another and we told him that we were still debating. He then told us that there is no perfect time and that he and his wife waited for what they believed to be the perfect time and now they were 5 years into trying to conceive their first. Four months later he retired after only 10 years of practicing. Two days after my wife finshed her BS, we moved half way across the country (no family or support system) so that I could attend med school. We had our second child during my winter break of second year. There were two other MS2s that had babies too (#1 and #3). There are babies born every year to students in all four years. This fall a MS3 had her baby and returned to her surgery rotation the following week. My wife stays at home with the kids as do most of the wives. We take out the max loans and live on a budget. Cost of living is pretty inexpensive here so it's pretty doable. We are planning on #3 during first year of residency. My wife will be 27 this year and wants to be done having kids by the time she is 35. I am certain that I will miss events in my children's lives, but most parents who work do. That's when quality time is going to matter. I know a good number of docs who had kids in med school and they all seem to be doing well; two of them have thriving practices. Their kids, who I grew up with, never felt cheated or resentful. It is great to come home to my wife and kids. They motivate me and I can't imagine spending my "free time" any other way. In fact, my best grades have been post fatherhood. You have to do what's best for you and your spouse. Best of luck to you.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

RedRocky- thanks for sharing- it's nice to hear about raising kids during school from the student's perspective. You sound like a really caring dad. St. Louis sounds nice- it's one of the cities my husband and I are looking at for residency.

I wish you luck with #3. I'd like to try for our third then too, but I think we'll wait until we get settled with residency first. I know (from experience) we won't find a perfect time, but for us, we don't think Intern Yr will work too well.

 

[THP]

They motivate me and I can't imagine spending my "free time" any other way. In fact, my best grades have been post fatherhood. You have to do what's best for you and your spouse. Best of luck to you.

The exact same is true for me. We had our first about 1/2 way through first year of med school (I just finished first) and are planning on having another one during 3rd year. It seemed to us that 4th year would be more difficult with residency applications/interviews and potentially moving. 3rd and 4th year friends of ours have said that it is easier having kids during 3rd year because when you are home, you are home (very little studying) eventhough you are gone more often.

 

[2DOGSAND1KID]

You don't know how encouraging all of your words are to me. I have been really fearful of how we are going to make it through the next decade. It seems like most of you are pretty happy with family life and school. I will be a SAHM while hubby is in school. We have a 5 month old now and i just want hubby to go for a goal he has set for himself and also be the family we have always wanted. Thanks again it gives me hope! 😛

 

[Mom2five]

You don't know how encouraging all of your words are to me. I have been really fearful of how we are going to make it through the next decade. It seems like most of you are pretty happy with family life and school. I will be a SAHM while hubby is in school. We have a 5 month old now and i just want hubby to go for a goal he has set for himself and also be the family we have always wanted. Thanks again it gives me hope! 😛

You CAN do it! School isn't that much different from having a job. Most people want to "move up" in their career so they have the same difficulties...it's all perspective. Most of all if it is a family decision you all will be happy. My oldest was saying a prayer one night and said something like this "Thank you God that daddy is going to be a doctor and I know he doesn't get to spend that much time with us but that's OK because he is going to help people and that is more important!" I was crying. In my opinion, hubby spends lots of time with us. I have often been like "go away...stay on campus and study, etc" He prefers to be at home and doesn't mind getting interrupted by me and the kids a hundred times.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

Are these outside loans? As in outside of school financial aid for living expenses? I'm a 3rd yr med student now, I have a 5 yr old daughter who's about to start kindergarten, and I have no idea how I'm going handle expenses, let alone shuttle her to school and back, especially with my husband working a not very well-paying job. Let's just say we're living way below poverty level. (more so than other students, as my financial aid advisor said, but he didn't recommend anything to improve lifestyle)

I was wondering how people handle it all!

We get a combo of federal (stafford), school loans (merit and needs based), and private loans (you can get these from medloans, citibank, THE loan, bank of america, etc.). These all just cover cost of education (tuition, books, living expenses) determined by the school. There are also programs to get a few thousand for personal use too. I forget the names off the top of my head. The Financial Aid forum here is great. There are a few threads there that list lenders, options, etc. Check it out.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

You don't know how encouraging all of your words are to me. I have been really fearful of how we are going to make it through the next decade. It seems like most of you are pretty happy with family life and school. I will be a SAHM while hubby is in school. We have a 5 month old now and i just want hubby to go for a goal he has set for himself and also be the family we have always wanted. Thanks again it gives me hope! 😛

Welcome!! Let us know if you have any questions. Hope to see you around more. I'm married to a 4th yr medical student...working on residency applications right now. I've been with him since his junior yr of undergrad so I'm pretty familiar with the medical spouse/SO role! 🙂

 

[lovemydrhubby]

For the MD Daddies out there... I saw this cute frame/poem thing and though it was cute to share. (hope it's not against SDN rules)

http://www.pmall.com/searchitem.cfm?productid=1889&storeid=10&did=3070

Of course on a tight budget, I'm not going to buy it...but I'm definitely going to copy/recreate it for Father's Day next yr. 🙂

 

[JasonsWife]

Thank goodness I found you all! My hubby will be starting his first year next month and we're already doing the "when to have" debate. We have #1 who is 2 1/2 right now and are wanting 4. He is 27, im 24. After reading everything on these boards, I'm wondering if we should shoot for a delivery date of June of 06? That way he'll be finished w/ his 1st year and have the summer to get adjusted to having 2. What do you all think?

Also, I'm wondering exactly HOW limited a budget you that are SAHMs are on... I face the delemia of stay at home to help my husband and be with my kid(s) or work so that we can defer some of those massive loans. (I will have my RN license in about 6 months). Any thoughts on that?

Thanks!

*Courtney: wife to Jason- class of 2009 at KCUMB

 

[makesomerheum]

Your budget depends on the amount of loans you are comfortable with taking on. How expensive is your school? If possible, try to stay within the limit of the stafford loans that max out (n/ sure but it might be like 168k). Also you can utilize the advanced search on the above tool bar for topics of interest and you might find better answers to your questions.

 

[Amtekoth]

As others have said, there is no "good" time...you'll both always be busy. That said, earlier is almost always better. The deeper you get, the less flexibility you have. You want to be able to play with your kids without looking like their grandfather!

 

[JDean]

I've looked in the financial aid forums but I still can't find and answer to my question. I hope someone here can help.
I'm going to be an M2 and my wife and I are expecting a baby in mid-Oct. I think I will get enough Unsub and sub loans to cover the entire Medschool budget for the year, but I don't think it will be enough with my wife switching to part-time work. The budget can only be changed for day-care expenses.

Can you get alternative loans above and beyond the school's budgeted amount?
If not, are there other possible loans?

Thanks 🙂