Leave my PS the way it is or change it?

[Soon2BPharmacst]

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I have had 2 pharmacists read my personal statement and they both say that it is a strong essay. I had a friend who is also applying to grad school (of a different profession) read it and she said it wasn't catchy enough if the reader had just read 100 statements. I would assume to take the advice and suggestions of the pharmacist, but I'm not sure.

Also is it best to say how you would be an asset to the school or how the school would be an asset to you? My friend said it would be a little cocky to say how I'd be an asset. Should I leave my PS the way it is or change it?

Is it possible that a PS could have some influence on considering a lower GPA applicant?

 

[Passion4Sci]

Not entirely sure any student, except via his or her money, is an asset to any school... so I'd avoid saying that. You could, certainly, say that the school would be an asset to you, but that seems awkward.

 

[Soon2BPharmacst]

Not entirely sure any student, except via his or her money, is an asset to any school... so I'd avoid saying that. You could, certainly, say that the school would be an asset to you, but that seems awkward.

Thanks. When I was writing it, someone said that I should write how I am an asset to the school as well as other important points, so I wrote that I am an asset. Then one of the pharmacists that read it told me to change the way I worded it to say that I will be an asset to any pharmacy school, so that's why I was so confused. Unfortunately I've already submitted my application to my top school. I can leave that part out for my next choice school's application. I am supposed to visit and talk with the admissions coordinator in a few week and she said she would talk to me about my application. Hopefully that helps me, talking with her.

 

[phathead]

The school is definitely an asset to you.

And no offense to the pharmacists you talked to, but I'm not sure they would be the best judge of what a good essay is. Most pharmacists, and rightly so, do not have overly good writing skills. Sure they can write a perfectly fine letter, but if you writing something this important I wouldn't go to them. I had two English profs look over mine before I sent it and received some very helpful advice.

 

[Soon2BPharmacst]

The school is definitely an asset to you.

And no offense to the pharmacists you talked to, but I'm not sure they would be the best judge of what a good essay is. Most pharmacists, and rightly so, do not have overly good writing skills. Sure they can write a perfectly fine letter, but if you writing something this important I wouldn't go to them. I had two English profs look over mine before I sent it and received some very helpful advice.

I agree. This may not make it any better because she isn't an english professor, but does it make it any better if one the pharmacists is a pre-pharm advisor at my school and my organic chemistry teacher? She's both teacher and pharmacist. She did correct anything grammatically incorrect or any phrases I wrote and told me if something I wrote wasn't the best way to say something. BUT...she still isn't an English professor.

 

[phathead]

I agree. This may not make it any better because she isn't an english professor, but does it make it any better if one the pharmacists is a pre-pharm advisor at my school and my organic chemistry teacher? She's both teacher and pharmacist. She did correct anything grammatically incorrect or any phrases I wrote and told me if something I wrote wasn't the best way to say something. BUT...she still isn't an English professor.

Oh I'm sure they did a fine job picking out the basic grammatical errors.

When I met with one of my English profs she sat down with me and went through the whole thing suggesting different word choices and sentence structures to employ a certain feeling. One of the most helpful courses I have taken is my business writing course because it teaches you how simple things like using a similar, but different, word can ultimately change the entire feeling of a sentence.

That's the type of thing you don't get from a non-English prof

 

[Soon2BPharmacst]

Oh I'm sure they did a fine job picking out the basic grammatical errors.

When I met with one of my English profs she sat down with me and went through the whole thing suggesting different word choices and sentence structures to employ a certain feeling. One of the most helpful courses I have taken is my business writing course because it teaches you how simple things like using a similar, but different, word can ultimately change the entire feeling of a sentence.

That's the type of thing you don't get from a non-English prof

I agree, hopefully there will not be a need for a next time but if there is, I will know to do that. I should have known and my mother told me that I should have but I was pushed for time so I didn't.