I wouldnt sweat any of this stuff. the criminal check is just to make sure you're not a rapist or child molester. Stupid stuff like parking tickets, etc. nobody cares! DUI's amybe!!!
drug test, obvious reason for it!
EtOH, well, I suppose I see their logic this way. As you all pointed out, you pretty much have to show up drunk to test positive for this test. And if you're stupid enough to do that, then I wouldn't accept you to my school either, lol.
But serisously, don't sweat it, its just part of their formality for getting accepted.