Letting Down a Friend Nicely?

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Vikes33

Vikes33

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Hello fellow SDNers!

I'm in an interesting situation. A friend of mine who is a couple years older is looking into applying to med school in the next cycle, but she won't graduate until June and then plans to travel. She wants to go to our state school, which is notorious for offhandedly rejecting people with little research experience; she has zero experience and no future plans to undertake a project or join a lab. Based on the application cycle timeline, there is no way she could have a meaningful research experience with her current plan before interviews start. I've told her that the school likes to see research experience, but she kind of just brushed it off. I want to bring it up again, and since we are fairly good friends I want to tell her the truth so that she can get her stuff together and make her app as best as possible. I'm not really sure it's even my place, but since I have heard horror stories about this, I feel like I have an obligation to say something. What would you all do? 😕
 
Vikes33 said:
Hello fellow SDNers!

I'm in an interesting situation. A friend of mine who is a couple years older is looking into applying to med school in the next cycle, but she won't graduate until June and then plans to travel. She wants to go to our state school, which is notorious for offhandedly rejecting people with little research experience; she has zero experience and no future plans to undertake a project or join a lab. Based on the application cycle timeline, there is no way she could have a meaningful research experience with her current plan before interviews start. I've told her that the school likes to see research experience, but she kind of just brushed it off. I want to bring it up again, and since we are fairly good friends I want to tell her the truth so that she can get her stuff together and make her app as best as possible. I'm not really sure it's even my place, but since I have heard horror stories about this, I feel like I have an obligation to say something. What would you all do? 😕
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I'd probably not push the subject. You aren't her pre-med advisor...
 
Vikes33 said:
Hello fellow SDNers!

I'm in an interesting situation. A friend of mine who is a couple years older is looking into applying to med school in the next cycle, but she won't graduate until June and then plans to travel. She wants to go to our state school, which is notorious for offhandedly rejecting people with little research experience; she has zero experience and no future plans to undertake a project or join a lab. Based on the application cycle timeline, there is no way she could have a meaningful research experience with her current plan before interviews start. I've told her that the school likes to see research experience, but she kind of just brushed it off. I want to bring it up again, and since we are fairly good friends I want to tell her the truth so that she can get her stuff together and make her app as best as possible. I'm not really sure it's even my place, but since I have heard horror stories about this, I feel like I have an obligation to say something. What would you all do? 😕
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You can let her know what you've heard but it isn't your place to say whether or not she will or will not get in, or how she should shape her application.
 
I'd not mention it any more than once, probably. You've done what you can, and she'll probably do what she wants as it is. She may even get accepted, if her app is great besides the research 🙂
 
I'd mention it again if I was a close enough friend, but in the end...what do you know? Your friend might get in anyway. Your opinion is just that, an opinion unless you work for that school's ADCOM and have some special knowledge about it...
 
I wouldn't give a rat's ass. Seriously. It is her life. She may even luck out and get accepted or invited to interview at the school
 
Beat her away with a stick. That's what I had to do when I had my wolf shirt.
 
I was told I wouldn't get accepted w/ no volunteering experience.
 
Sometimes it's best to let people try and work things out for themselves. Also, it's not like a lack of research is an absolute deal breaker.
 
Point her to SDN?

I know of one school where lack of research would be a deal breaker but they explicitly state it on their website so unless she's applying there I think you've done as much as you can and would be expected to.
 
There's always exceptions to rules...if she doesn't get in, then maybe she'll do some research. But there's no reason to be the cookie cutter applicant if you don't want to, and she might still be fine.
 
Josh7 said:
I'd probably not push the subject. You aren't her pre-med advisor...
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La Presse said:
I wouldn't give a rat's ass. Seriously. It is her life. She may even luck out and get accepted or invited to interview at the school
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I agree. OP, you don't have to worry about what your friend is doing. It doesn't concern you. Simply point her to a premed adviser or to SDN for more advice (hopefully the latter).
 
I dont agree with everyone else saying to disregard your friend if she didnt listen the first time. Obviously you care about this person enough to see them f*ck up. I would seriously talk to her a second time and explain to her the pro's and con's. Im really anal and organized so i personally would probably write up a budget of how much she would be spending if she went about this application the wrong way and then having to re apply and spend more money. If she doesnt get it after that then i would give up and wish her luck. But maybe you should try talking to her again and see if something gets through that noggin of hers.
 
Yeah let it go, dont end up as the annoying know it all pre med overlord of admission probability.
 
Check the MSAR and see what percent of accepted applicants have research. I doubt it's above 95%.
 
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It hard to sometimes dish out advice like that and not sound condescending, especially when the person is older and thinks you're in the same boat in terms of the whole applying thing/having things figured out. I think it hits harder/a person pays more attention to someone they might consider an expert or authority figure in terms of these things. Why don't you suggest for her to find out these details herself? Like someone said, SDN, the school website, better yet even if you know a med student from the school who would talk with her? I would bring up again casually, or if she brings up any concerns to you and then lead into that. I think the best scenario is to bring it up when it seems like she's willing to listen. Otherwise, you might have good intentions but end up putting a lot of bad energy into your friendship.
 
Just let it go. You told her already, but she wants to do her thing her way. I don't blame her.
 
don't even worry about it. I used to try to hint to people that they had too lofty of goals (I'm the leader of my school's pre-med club), and it doesn't work out well for you at all. You will come across as arrogant and some people will even consider you mean (even if you have their best interest at heart). You're talking about telling someone that their dream of X profession is unreasonable. Let them figure it out for themselves; it is not something you want to be a part of. It will also put an enormous strain on whatever type of relationship you have with this person.


NN
 
Vikes33 said:
Hello fellow SDNers!

I'm in an interesting situation. A friend of mine who is a couple years older is looking into applying to med school in the next cycle, but she won't graduate until June and then plans to travel. She wants to go to our state school, which is notorious for offhandedly rejecting people with little research experience; she has zero experience and no future plans to undertake a project or join a lab. Based on the application cycle timeline, there is no way she could have a meaningful research experience with her current plan before interviews start. I've told her that the school likes to see research experience, but she kind of just brushed it off. I want to bring it up again, and since we are fairly good friends I want to tell her the truth so that she can get her stuff together and make her app as best as possible. I'm not really sure it's even my place, but since I have heard horror stories about this, I feel like I have an obligation to say something. What would you all do? 😕
Click to expand...

Are her stats competitive?

Sent from my DROID RAZR using SDN Mobile
 
I wouldn't tell her more than once. I tried to help my friend out and we aren't friends anymore. She didn't listen to my info and didn't get into any of her top choices. Some people just can't take constructive criticism. She took it as not being a good friend because she was expecting me to just say her app was great and seemed to just want me to rub her ego. The thing is she was asking for my help, but then used it against me saying I was a bad friend just because I pointed out there were bad things about her app. Sometimes I don't get people. It wasn't even her first time applying. You'd think if you failed the first time maybe you'd listen to others advice.
 
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bollywoodlover said:
I wouldn't tell her more than once. I tried to help my friend out and we aren't friends anymore. She didn't listen to my info and didn't get into any of her top choices. Some people just can't take constructive criticism. She took it as not being a good friend because she was expecting me to just say her app was great and seemed to just want me to rub her ego. The thing is she was asking for my help, but then used it against me saying I was a bad friend just because I pointed out there were bad things about her app. Sometimes I don't get people. It wasn't even her first time applying. You'd think if you failed the first time maybe you'd listen to others advice.
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This is exactly what I'm afraid of.

I can't remember which one of you asked, but her stats are ok. She hasn't taken the mcat yet. Her cGPA is about a 3.7 I think but I think her sGPA is on the lower side, maybe a 3.5?

I agree with most of you, I don't think it's really my place, but since we are pretty good friends, I felt like I should say something since I've heard from people who have been rejected from the school as well as people who have worked for the university in the health sciences department. I don't think I will say anything after reading all these thoughts, I just hope the rest of her app is kickass enough to make up for it.
 
Vikes33 said:
This is exactly what I'm afraid of.

I can't remember which one of you asked, but her stats are ok. She hasn't taken the mcat yet. Her cGPA is about a 3.7 I think but I think her sGPA is on the lower side, maybe a 3.5?

I agree with most of you, I don't think it's really my place, but since we are pretty good friends, I felt like I should say something since I've heard from people who have been rejected from the school as well as people who have worked for the university in the health sciences department. I don't think I will say anything after reading all these thoughts, I just hope the rest of her app is kickass enough to make up for it.
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I'm glad you recognized this. Good luck to your friend
 
Are you on the school's admissions committee?
No?
Then why would you offer her advice on applying to that medical school?
Let her do what she wants to do. Whether she gets in or not is really none of your business.
 
I'm always trying to help my friends as well, but i realized that even though i want to push them to do their best, ultimately it's their choice how they want to handle the situation. I'm currently trying to help my friend apply to a few post bacs but she hasn't even started the applications yet. I've been telling her for months to start it but i finally gave up. If she wants to succeed it's on her now, i realized it and now i'm minding my own business. no need to stress yourself over someone else's app, they will realize you were right and feel dumb when it's too late.
 
Tell her to apply there.

One less medical student means one less potential residency competitor for you. It's common sense.
 
Vikes33 said:
This is exactly what I'm afraid of.

I can't remember which one of you asked, but her stats are ok. She hasn't taken the mcat yet. Her cGPA is about a 3.7 I think but I think her sGPA is on the lower side, maybe a 3.5?

I agree with most of you, I don't think it's really my place, but since we are pretty good friends, I felt like I should say something since I've heard from people who have been rejected from the school as well as people who have worked for the university in the health sciences department. I don't think I will say anything after reading all these thoughts, I just hope the rest of her app is kickass enough to make up for it.
Click to expand...

I'd say if she fails to get in the first cycle, feel free to offer advice if she decides to apply again. You're friends, so there's no reason why you should stay entirely aloof.
 
You point her to this site and worry about your own goals. You don't want to be known as a dream poo-er.
 
A friend of mine is applying next cycle w/ no clinical experience... I've already told him twice - the onus is on him now
 
I don't think using advice from a bunch of random pre-meds on the internet, who have no knowledge of the relationship between you and your friend, is that great an idea to be honest. You know better than anyone what your friend would want you to do, and if you don't, how can you expect us to?

If it were me, though, I would try to bring it up once more, and if your friend disregards your advice, then just drop the subject once more and wait and see what happens 🙂
 
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