I applied to every program for my specialty because of my stats and am grateful to have ended up at an amazing program. Now that the excitement has died down, I am trying to figure out the logistics of it all. During my audition rotation and interview I did not disclose the fact that I am in a long-term, gay relationship. Now I am wondering how to go about "coming out" to my fellow residents and the PD. Everyone is friendly enough, but the program is in the bible belt and church and religion came up quite a few times in casual convos with the PD. I know my relationship is nobody's business, but after the hell we have gone thru these last 4 years of med school, I feel like my partner deserves to be at the social gatherings that my program hosts just as much as anyone else's significant other. I guess my question is: how do I bring it up in the least awkward manner. Should I "warn" everyone ahead of time or just introduce my partner at the first meet and greet and hope for the best? Has anyone had to go through this before? Any advice would be appreciated!
Lgbt support in a "conservative" program
- Thread starter idkmyname
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2007
- Messages
- 1,032
- Reaction score
- 66
I'm in Chicago, used to live near Boystown, went to a college with a significant LGBQT population, so I'm not your target audience, but...
I would not "warn" people, just let it come up in casual conversation. When someone asks you what you did this weekend, reply my bf/gf/partner/husband/wife and I went to this great restaurant/museum/saw a play, whatever. Bring them to social gatherings, as you said, he/she deserves to be there. I doubt you are going to keep the relationship a secret for 3-5 years of residency.
Generally, younger individuals, regardless of geography, are more open to LGBQT relationships than older individuals. Most of your co-residents will be 25-35 and are likely going to know someone who is gay.
I would not "warn" people, just let it come up in casual conversation. When someone asks you what you did this weekend, reply my bf/gf/partner/husband/wife and I went to this great restaurant/museum/saw a play, whatever. Bring them to social gatherings, as you said, he/she deserves to be there. I doubt you are going to keep the relationship a secret for 3-5 years of residency.
Generally, younger individuals, regardless of geography, are more open to LGBQT relationships than older individuals. Most of your co-residents will be 25-35 and are likely going to know someone who is gay.
- Joined
- May 6, 2012
- Messages
- 2,367
- Reaction score
- 3,083
This. I'd do what everyone else does -- your bf/gf just comes up in conversation and ends up with you at social gatherings.
- Joined
- May 3, 2006
- Messages
- 4,698
- Reaction score
- 1,675
I think you should just introduce your partner. Your co-residents will be like family to know. Especially since this is a long term relationship, that is meaningful to you, this is something that it'd be nice to share with your new friends. Even though it might be in the "bible belt", I think people are more accepting that one may believe. Especially educated individuals. At the very worst, one or two bigots may have negative thoughts, but that will be kept to themselves. Regardless, in residency, if you work hard, and are friendly, sexuality should not pose a major issue to you.
Just be honest and don't hide your partner. You are right, your partner and you deserve the same respect everyone else in a relationship will have in the work place and at social gatherings. That's why I was "out" on the interview trail, if I got a sense of rampant homophobia (and I did at a few places) then that wasn't the place for me. At some places they would tell me about the LGBTQ support groups the hospital has or the university for that matter and that was just a point in that place's favor.
Point being is that for the next couple years these people are going to be just like your family because you'll be spending many long hours/nights/days with them and if you can't be who you are and be proud of that, it will just make your time there all the more miserable. I know the stress of wondering what people may think or react and hell there have been times when I'm talking with an attending and he makes a homophobic remark about a patient/employee and I do all I can to not rip them a new a face but ignorance is everywhere and sadly still in medicine. I made sure the places I ranked had a non discrimination policy that included sexual orientation, hopefully yours does as well!!
Point being is that for the next couple years these people are going to be just like your family because you'll be spending many long hours/nights/days with them and if you can't be who you are and be proud of that, it will just make your time there all the more miserable. I know the stress of wondering what people may think or react and hell there have been times when I'm talking with an attending and he makes a homophobic remark about a patient/employee and I do all I can to not rip them a new a face but ignorance is everywhere and sadly still in medicine. I made sure the places I ranked had a non discrimination policy that included sexual orientation, hopefully yours does as well!!
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2013
- Messages
- 18
- Reaction score
- 18
I think this is the best way to go about it. I can't understand the logistics nor the anxiety you'd have about coming out but my feeling is that if you make it an official announcement then that would create more awkwardness than anything since your apprehension about bringing up the issue would transfer onto others. As humans we naturally mimic each other so the least anxiety provoking situation would be for it to just come up naturally during conversation. Good luck and congrats on matching.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2009
- Messages
- 356
- Reaction score
- 29
Did anyone say/do something to make you worried? Or are you just making assumptions based on this program being in the so called "bible belt" and people talking about religion? A lot of religious people are live and let live types. In fact, most find practices like Westboro Baptist despicable. How are you at handling those who think while individuals have the right to engage in whatever behavior they choose, they also believe that homosexual activity is a sin? Are you willing to accept THAT viewpoint as long as they treat you professionally on the job? What, exactly, is a "homophobic" remark to you?
Tolerance is a two way street.
Tolerance is a two way street.
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2010
- Messages
- 38
- Reaction score
- 9
To the OP: I would do as others have encouraged you; mention it casually, when relevant. If you don't make a big deal about it, there's no reason for anyone else to act any different. Act normal, because you ARE normal. Good luck!
Despite your name, it's clear that you're still in Kansas.
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2006
- Messages
- 2,845
- Reaction score
- 63
In my residency, which is pretty conservative in a conservative area, I took a "don't ask don't tell" approach. If someone asked me, I'd tell them otherwise I didn't broadcast it. All of my fellow residents knew and either were supportive or didn't say anything publically. My first year, one attending worked hard to get me fired. He'd sit me down and say "You aren't a fit for this profession...you should leave". I never really knew what he was getting at, thinking that maybe I wasn't working hard enough or something. After my first year, the attitude of the attendings changed, I worked hard and did the best that I could learning every day. He changed his mind and wanted me to stay. I found out later that he wanted to get rid of me because he didn't agree with having gay people in the profession, found that out from a fellow resident. I can't prove that, but I wouldn't be surprised. I actually chose to leave this particular specialty and go into another one: EM!
Last edited:
Thanks for all of the awesome responses! You have no idea how helpful you all are 🙂
I have definitely come in contact with people who believe homosexuality is the world's greatest sin. Heck, my dad is a minister and preaches against it in sermons. I respect other people's beliefs, as long as they don't feel the need to preach to me about how wrong they think I am. I don't expect everyone to accept my lifestyle, only to let me live my life in peace 🙂
I have definitely come in contact with people who believe homosexuality is the world's greatest sin. Heck, my dad is a minister and preaches against it in sermons. I respect other people's beliefs, as long as they don't feel the need to preach to me about how wrong they think I am. I don't expect everyone to accept my lifestyle, only to let me live my life in peace 🙂
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2010
- Messages
- 597
- Reaction score
- 234
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2006
- Messages
- 2,845
- Reaction score
- 63
That was my attending, not me. I should have said he, instead of I. Fixed.
Lol ok, I was confused too!
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2010
- Messages
- 597
- Reaction score
- 234
Phew. Glad you fixed it.
D
deleted480308
Except for like, the places where they are routinely murdered for their religion...but whatever
It's not an oppression contest, everyone comes in contact with people who don't like something about them. op, you're going to be fine. You'll likely find someone who isn't friendly but it is an era where even those with an issue with you will be unlikely to be open and transparent enough about it for you to really pinpoint their issue. Just do your work well and live your life well.
Good luck
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2012
- Messages
- 148
- Reaction score
- 85
Strawman.....clearly that poster meant in the states. Where, pray tell, do heterosexual christian couples face institutional discrimination in the US?
The SDN wordsmiths never cease to amaze me.
D
deleted480308
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2009
- Messages
- 356
- Reaction score
- 29
Ahhh, now you are making assumptions about ME that aren't true. Whatever.
Don't tell me there aren't LGBT people who get in the faces of people who might disagree with their lifestyle- even if those people would adopt a live and let live philosophy. One might be able to hold the intellectual complexity of participating in a faith that holds that homosexual activity is a sin, and also believe that people have the right to choose what they want to do, and be able to have a barbeque with the gay couple next door. I have met people who are "in your face" about being LGBT. This is as annoying as a bible thumper.
The OP is worried about professional retribution from his sexual orientation. When responding to this, you responded with some anecdote about gay people getting "in your face" while citing that most people who are religious are "live and let live". First, what counts as getting in your face? Second, do you think that people's religious beliefs really don't generally affect others, given that 30+ states disallow marriage for an entire class of the population largely due to religious arguments? How about when considering the religiously-funded Prop 8 passage in California? Thirdly, how many people do you think have had their professional careers impacted due to being a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant vs. being gay?
D
deleted307836
Wow that's scary. What was the original speciality?
D
deleted307836
OP asked this question in the best way possible. No need for anyone to argue or try to "provoke". Go to the lounge for that.
D
deleted480308
Similar threads
