Damn, and I thought you were gonna tell a "Little Billy" joke...
OKAY, I will then instead...
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First day of kindergarten, and all the kids are in class. Not much to do because it's the first day. So, the teacher says to the kids, "Why don't each of you tell us a story about what you did this summer and what you learned from it. Anyone want to go first?"
Little Billy immediately shoots up his hand and and goes, "OOOH!!! OOOOH!!! OOOHH!!! I have a story, TEACHER!!!"
She's been forewarned about Little Billy, so she picks Susie instead.
Susie says, "Well, when I was at my grandpa's farm this summer, I went out to the chicken coop and counted 8 eggs in underneath all the hens. But, the next day when I went out there, only 6 little chicks had been born!"
"Good, Susie," says the teacher, "and, what did you learn?"
Susie smiles proudly and says, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch!"
"Very good story, Susie," says teacher, "anyone else?"
Little Billy shoots up his hand again and and screams, "OOOH!!! OOOOH!!! OOOHH!!! PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! I have a great story, TEACHER!!! PICK ME!! PICK ME!!"
Teacher rolls her eyes and keeps scanning the class. She picks Timmy instead.
Timmy starts, "Well, this summer I went to my grandparents farm too. I went out to the chicken coop and gathered 8 eggs from underneath all the hens and put them in the basket so we could make breakfast. But, when I was walking back to the house, I tripped and fell. Half the eggs broke!"
"Sorry to hear that, Timmy," says the teacher, "but, what did you learn?"
Timmy beams and says, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"That was a very good story, Timmy," says the teacher. "We have time for one more. Anyone else?"
Little Billy jumps up with his hand in the air, and starts jumping up and down. He is practically jumping out of his shorts and saying, "ME! ME! ME! PLEASE!!! My story is GREAT!!! Come on, TEACHER!!! PICK ME!! PICK ME!!"
Reluctantly, she says, "Okay, Billy. Tell us your story."
"My dad was in 'Nam. And, one night he pulled firewatch. All he took out on the wire with him was his M16, bayonet, and a bottle of Jack Daniels. As he's sitting out there, at first it's all quiet and whatnot. He slowly starts sipping that Jack Daniels and, before you know it, it's a couple of hours later and the bottle is empty.
Well, just about then he starts to hear some scuffling through the brush out beyond the wire. Sure enough, he hears all this gook jabber and guns start a blazing. He STANDS UP and... and... he starts to FIRE HIS M16!! And, then... AND... HE'S PICKIN' OFF GOOKS, LEFT AND RIGHT... AND, SUDDENLY THE DAMN GUN JAMS!!! AND... AND... NOW THOSE GOOKS ARE CHARGING THE WIRE... SO... SO... HE TAKES HIS BAYONET AND HE STARTS STABBIN' 'EM LEFT AND RIGHT... AND... AND... THEY KEEP COMING... AND... ONE WRESTLES THE GUN OUT OF HIS HAND... AND... AND... THEN HE TAKES THAT EMPTY JACK DANIEL'S BOTTLE AND HE BREAKS IT!!! AND... THEN HE STARTS USING IT LIKE A PUERTO RICAN SWITCHBLADE AND KILLIN' THE SLOPES WITH THE BROKEN HALF OF THE BOTTLE... AND.... AND... AND THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, HE'S GOTTEN EVERY LAST ONE OF 'EM!!!!!"
The teacher is HORRIFIED and says, "OH MY GOSH, BILLY! That's a TERRIBLE story!! What could you have POSSIBLY learned from that?!??!"
"Don't f**k with my dad when he's drunk!"
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