Living with parents during residency

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Uncle Albert

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My situation: graduating this may, going into internal medicine, top choice right now is a 15-20 minute door-door drive from parents house. Will be 25 when I graduate in May, currently single male, $170k (principal + interest) deep in loans by graduation. Rent in the area is about $1500/month. Parents actually encouraged me to live at home (asked me to rank local programs over higher ranked programs out of state). I would be living in guest home interconnected to parents house but with separate driveway and separate entrance.

Does anyone who live with their parents during residency (or know people who did) know what the potential downsides are besides the obvious potential bringing a girl home issue?

I feel like residency would be so tough and exhausting that having a free place to live, not needing to worry about preparing meals/doing chores would allow me to focus on work and perform at my best. Also, 3 years saving (1500x12x3) $54k cash that I can devote entirely towards my loans just sounds too nice to give up.


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Sounds like a sweet deal I would take in a heartbeat

You will hardly be home enough for it to matter unless your parents really drive you nuts

As far as girls, they are likely to have more problems with your hours and lack of immediate money, if they can tolerate that for the benefit of dating a doctor, you should be able to work around the situation
 
I wouldn't suffer parents to save on rent, but if they won't bug you, then the food and lack of chores are huge plusses.

There were days in training I would have given my left leg for someone to do my laundry, pick up my dry cleaning, clean the kitchen, and pick up groceries.
 
Uncle Albert said:
My situation: graduating this may, going into internal medicine, top choice right now is a 15-20 minute door-door drive from parents house. Will be 25 when I graduate in May, currently single male, $170k (principal + interest) deep in loans by graduation. Rent in the area is about $1500/month. Parents actually encouraged me to live at home (asked me to rank local programs over higher ranked programs out of state). I would be living in guest home interconnected to parents house but with separate driveway and separate entrance.

Does anyone who live with their parents during residency (or know people who did) know what the potential downsides are besides the obvious potential bringing a girl home issue?

I feel like residency would be so tough and exhausting that having a free place to live, not needing to worry about preparing meals/doing chores would allow me to focus on work and perform at my best. Also, 3 years saving (1500x12x3) $54k cash that I can devote entirely towards my loans just sounds too nice to give up.


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Depends on your relationship with your parents.

If they give you enough freedom to go out without the third degree every time, I don't see too many other downsides.

I lived with my parents the three years of residency without any problems, but I also have a good relationship with my family and was in a long distance relationship at the time anyway.
 
I don't know, I feel like in medicine it's hard enough to find time to be social and meet people of the opposite sex. Do you really want to create that additional barrier for 3+ years? I guess you could hypothetically live with them for a year or two, bank the savings, then move out and find your own pad if/when you find someone.

You also would have the benefit of just finding your own place whenever you want- you wouldn't be breaking any year-long contract if you gave it a try then decided it wasn't working.

#mytwocents

ETA: I estimate that 95% of residents do not live at home and do not have personal assistants to do their laundry, cook for them. That's what a family partnership/spouses do. You're 25, probably time to start taking care of yourself. Residency is hard, no doubt, but you've gotten this far and should be able to handle life's errands/chores/tasks by now.
 
mostwanted said:
I would strongly recommend living with parents and building up some savings. That rent with utilities is likely closer to $1800, basically you are doubling your take home pay.


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Are there things one would miss out on if living with parents vs living in housing close to hospital? In med school, there’s a lot of social events and stuff; I figure this is not the case in residency


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I would never do it because I couldn't stand living with my parents. I love them, but we couldn't live together like that. I feel like my independence is worth the money spent on rent. Also, like said above, it's not like paying rent and doing your own laundry are some impossible things to do as a resident.
 
Uncle Albert said:
Are there things one would miss out on if living with parents vs living in housing close to hospital? In med school, there’s a lot of social events and stuff; I figure this is not the case in residency


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Considering you spend most of your time at work/studying, I see very little downside especially if you have a good relationship with your parents.
I think considering how much debt residents are graduating with, OP, I recommend you spend some time making an excel about your finances and how this decision will impact you being debt free. With 170kish loans, with proper planning you can be debt free within 2 yrs after training.


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The way I’m reading this, the living space will have a separate entrance/driveway. To me this is different than just living in your childhood bedroom. Does the space have a kitchen/kitchenette? For me that would be key because while free meals sounds great, residency hours means you’re not always going to be home when your parents want to have dinner. In fact you should lay out that expectation ahead of time; if they are expecting family dinners every night that could be a problem. And as for “no chores” I would encourage you to do your own laundry and cleaning of your space at least.

If you really have your own space, I would take them up on the offer. But definitely would make sure both you and them have all expectations laid out ahead of time.
 
LucidSplash said:
The way I’m reading this, the living space will have a separate entrance/driveway. To me this is different than just living in your childhood bedroom. Does the space have a kitchen/kitchenette? For me that would be key because while free meals sounds great, residency hours means you’re not always going to be home when your parents want to have dinner. In fact you should lay out that expectation ahead of time; if they are expecting family dinners every night that could be a problem. And as for “no chores” I would encourage you to do your own laundry and cleaning of your space at least.

If you really have your own space, I would take them up on the offer. But definitely would make sure both you and them have all expectations laid out ahead of time.
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Yea my parents understand the craziness of residency schedule. the way I see it is I’ll be living in my own space on my own schedule but also have emotional support/someone to talk to if I needed/wanted it. I’ve lived on my own for college and med school and it really is hard some days to go to my apartment with nobody to have a chat with. Also, like somebody else mentioned, the money saved would actually be far more cause of utilities/internet/Food/etc


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Don't do it. You're too old to move in with your parents.

A residents salary isn't great, but you can surely afford to rent an apartment.

Best thing to do: only rank programs that are out of state.
 
Uncle Albert said:
Are there things one would miss out on if living with parents vs living in housing close to hospital? In med school, there’s a lot of social events and stuff; I figure this is not the case in residency
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It's very program dependent. Programs that tend to have a lot of young, single residents may have more informal get togethers/parties/"liver rounds" than programs that have a lot of residents that are married and have families. That's one of the questions that typically gets asked during the pre-interview dinner.
 
Uncle Albert said:
My situation: graduating this may, going into internal medicine, top choice right now is a 15-20 minute door-door drive from parents house. Will be 25 when I graduate in May, currently single male, $170k (principal + interest) deep in loans by graduation. Rent in the area is about $1500/month. Parents actually encouraged me to live at home (asked me to rank local programs over higher ranked programs out of state). I would be living in guest home interconnected to parents house but with separate driveway and separate entrance.
Click to expand...

Umm yes.
 
I would do this in a heartbeat. Separate house with separate entrance and no rent to pay? Take that $1500/month you would've paid in rent and pay student loans instead. I am so jealous of your opportunity!

My mom, the inconsiderate woman she is, chooses to live 1-2 hours away from any decent academic program!!!
 
I would definitely do it.

If you do meet a girl, you can always sleep over at her place. If your parents ask, just say you were on call. My parents woudn't care though.

Think about the home cooked dinners. Think about having the option of asking your parents to help out with chores right before inservice exams or during rough rotations. Just having the options is a huge relief already, even if you plan to do all this on your own. Think about coming home with someone to talk to. I live alone in residency and I miss all of these opportunities.
 
Agree with the majority on here, I really don't see the downside here. You'll save $18k/year, which is a significant amount of your take home pay after taxes and loan money. You have a separate entrance and driveway and are basically living for free.

I'd be prepared to potentially move out if this becomes too hard or you want your independence though, something you'd be able to do in this situation as opposed to if you had a lease for an apartment you realize is terrible.
 
You are the only person he who knows your parents. Have an honest conversation with them before you move in about food and chores and sexual partners before moving in. Initially consider it temporary. But the financial aspects are amazing and totally worth the "stigma" if you and your parents can come to an agreement on food and chores and sex.

I worked with a resident who lives with his parents for part of residency and he enjoyed it and still came to all the social events of residency. I'm not sue why where you live had anything to do with how many of those events you attend unless your parents live far away from the hospital and it would be a pain to get back.
 
I lived at home during residency and start of fellowship. It worked out well, it was just my mother and I. A big benefit was the additional support (meals, laundry, visiting with family, etc). I dated a few girls and the one that clicked was a medical student. She "got it" with regard to work schedule, etc and it worked out. We do laugh now at me living at home but at the time it didn't cause any interference, I'd stay over at her place occasionally. Staying over at her place became more frequent = got our own apartment. Now we're married with a 2yr child, own a house, both attendings, and lucky to have my mom watch our child during the day. It all worked out!
 
Thank you all for the replies! I have talked to my parents and thankfully they are very understanding. I'm going to do my chores/laundry/eat my own food most of the time. The way my living space will be set up, they would not even know that I left for work/returned home since I have separate entrance to outdoor so that shouldn't be a problem with me coming/leaving at absurd hours.

Also, I think I am getting to that point in life where if a girl cannot see the financial maturity I am displaying by living with parents to pay off 6-figure loans quicker, then that girl is probably not someone I would have long-term potential with anyways.
 
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