loneliness in MS1, wanting to quit

[enigmaace12]

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Hi guys,
I am an MS1 in a regional campus with about a couple dozen people in my class.
Of course, like most people making the transition, I struggled a lot initially with academics. I was lonely, almost depressed with the lack of time for anything fun and interesting etc. I was told the second semester is much better, and thus far, academically it seems lighter but I am still not doing nearly as well as I had hoped. Further, I am incredibly lonely and frustrated. To elaborate, I don't have any close family in my state, even in the United States. My father passed away a couple of months before I started med school. I don't think I really wanted to come, but my mother expected nothing less of me. I still like the idea of helping people, but I am not sure how much more misery I can handle.
Most importantly, I don't feel like I have any friends. In general it takes me a long time to open up and make really close friends. In undergrad, I had a lot of people to choose from, and I found a great group of friends with common interests, attitudes and economic statuses, most of whom were not pre-med. Now I feel incredibly left out since most people in my class have a solid group of friends, and I struggle to find my way into any of them. Further, I don't really take part in the social life since I have no money and no support from anyone whatsoever, and have a hard time justifying eating out five times a week or drinking/partying when I don't have a single penny of non-loan money. In any case after all the time we spend together in class, I feel like I need a break from the MS1 group - maybe this is really crummy attitude on my part. There is nothing about my life right now that makes me happy; I don't really talk to my undergrad friends a whole bunch since I have nothing interesting or happy to talk about, and I typically don't like complaining and whining, especially when there isn't really a solution. [Ironic, I know, since this whole post is just that].
I keep thinking of leaving, and spend about a night a week crying, which I am sure is affecting my academic performance...the only reason I keep at it is because I know some day I'll help people [I want to do peds or family practice], but I keep thinking of less expensive, happier ways to do so, like teaching or getting an MPH.
Anyone else in the same boat/have any advice?
Thanks so much 🙂

 

[monkeybutt]

You sound depressed (clinically). You should take advantage of whatever psychiatric or counseling services your school has to offer. Lots of med students take advantage of these services during med school. The sooner you talk to someone the better.

Good luck.

 

[penguin24]

Before you quit, you owe it to yourself to seek a psychiatrist and possibly be put on an SSRI. It would be a shame for you to throw away your dream of being a physician & helping others just b/c you didn't know you were clinically depressed.

A metaphor would be a farmer who had a fever, productive cough w/ green sputum, chest pain, and dypnea. He had bacterial pneumonia, but instead of going to the hospital and getting put on Antibiotics, he decided to stay at home until he died b/c he didn't want the stigma of being 'sick' b/c he thought others would think he was weak. Wouldn't that be a shame?

Also, if you are depressed, other people are not going to want to be your friends. Think about it, if you saw somebody who looked miserable, would you be inclined to walk over and make friends w/ that person? No. It's turns into a cycle: the more depressed you get, the less others will like you, which makes you more depressed, etc.

 

[unsung]

Before you quit, you owe it to yourself to seek a psychiatrist and possibly be put on an SSRI. It would be a shame for you to throw away your dream of being a physician & helping others just b/c you didn't know you were clinically depressed.

A metaphor would be a farmer who had a fever, productive cough w/ green sputum, chest pain, and dypnea. He had bacterial pneumonia, but instead of going to the hospital and getting put on Antibiotics, he decided to stay at home until he died b/c he didn't want the stigma of being 'sick' b/c he thought others would think he was weak. Wouldn't that be a shame?

Also, if you are depressed, other people are not going to want to be your friends. Think about it, if you saw somebody who looked miserable, would you be inclined to walk over and make friends w/ that person? No. It's turns into a cycle: the more depressed you get, the less others will like you, which makes you more depressed, etc.

Wow, drug pushing.

Why are we assuming the OP is "clinically depressed"? (I mean, aside from the "was almost depressed" and "not happy" statements 😉)

I guess I can relate to the OP, even those 2 statements, yet I do not personally consider myself to be "depressed", per say. And there's no way in hell I'd seek out antidepressants. Though, I'm not opposed to counseling or therapy. I think having someone to talk to about this may help the OP.

But more than anything else, I'd "prescribe" exercise, or extracurricular activities (preferably something physical, like a sport, or yoga, or dance, or whatever). For one thing, exercise has been shown to have significant effects at alleviating depression (yes, even clinical). Also, exercise or especially sports can be good social activities that can be enjoyed with classmates.

...Or non-classmates. I do understand the impulse to want to interact with non-med students. Perhaps some of you other folks who are overjoyed in your well-established social groups cannot relate to this at all 😉 Personally, I am so sick of "high school version 2.0". Seeing the same people every single day. Many of whom seem far more interested in the material than I. And want to talk about medicine non-stop. Whatever.

The other night when I finally took the time to go out and do something I really loved w/ non-med school ppl, it was SO fun and SO relaxing. I really need to do it more often.

I don't think drugs solve either problem of stress or loneliness. The former is a matter of improving study skills/time management. The latter is really better addressed via things like exercise/ECs, than SSRIs that take weeks to perhaps (may or may not) have some effect... and really don't get at the root of the problem.

Exercise is always good. It's a panacea. 🙂 That, and spending time on something you love to do that doesn't involve the source of your stress (med school, med students). I say this because friendship can't be forcibly found. This isn't such a common sentiment, I suppose, as a lot of people claim to have really "bonded" with their classmates. Well... I guess I'm a little like you. I have a few peers I talk to or occasionally study with, but no one I'd consider a real friend that I feel I have a lot in common with.

Which, actually isn't that far-fetched. We're put randomly into a group of ~100 or ~200 people. I suppose the really social, extroverted types will always find "friends". But for those outnumbered introverts, I don't think real friendship comes so readily when selection is limited. Like you, in undergrad, I was surrounded by a really very diverse crowd... and I found my friends amongst non pre-meds too... kinda helped that I was not pre-med at the time, myself 😉. Tho'... even back then I was annoyed by the pre-meds ha. All of a sudden, I get here, and it's just culture shock. I grew sick of the type A science majors real quick. And it doesn't help matters that most everyone puts on a "front".

I found out quickly that if I act "too nice" or "humble" about my real feelings or questions, people end up trampling all over me and not taking what I say seriously... even when I actually know more than they do. Which was like wow, okay... guess I NEED to "act" type A just to survive! Sorry, that was a bit of a tangent. But I bring up all that just to make the point that you can look outside of med school and med students for your social life and your mental health 😉

It's hard. I can definitely relate. I would say the first thing to address is your academic performance. Sounds like things have improved since first semester, which is good. Make sure you have a handle on that, as that can definitely send your spirits nose diving in a way that takes precedence over any other dilemma. Then in your spare time, spend time on stuff you enjoy. That will lift your spirits and put you in the mood to talk to your old friends and perhaps make new ones.

 

[theroadtomed]

I agree with a lot of points in the post above me. I feel like we put wayyyy to much emphasis on antidepressants in this country. Sometimes people are sad for legitimate reasons. It doesn't always mean you're depressed when your mood is down. Depression is when your mood is uncontrollably down, not due to any specific, present causation.

 

[monkeybutt]

I agree with a lot of points in the post above me. I feel like we put wayyyy to much emphasis on antidepressants in this country. Sometimes people are sad for legitimate reasons. It doesn't always mean you're depressed when your mood is down. Depression is when your mood is uncontrollably down, not due to any specific, present causation.

Depression is when you meet the DSM criteria for depression for more than 2 weeks. Feeling down, crying often, anhedonia (not able to find pleasure), trouble sleeping. Yeah, the OP likely meets the criteria for depression and would benefit from therapy, medication, and exercise.

 

[VoiceofReason]

try exercise, diet, and listening to music after smoking weed before you try an ssri

 

[Rollo]

Second the weed advice.

 

[penguin24]

There goes the stigma about SSRI, this stuff isn't cocaine, you won't get addicted to it.

This guy talks about feeling lonely, depressed, loss of interest in daily activities, feelings of guilt for not having anything to offer his old friends, his father passed away 2 months b4 med school, his concentration is decreased and his academics is suffering, he cries once/week. I don't think exercise & hangout out w/ friends is going to be enough.

I respectfully disagree and would bet you anything this guy meets the DSM criteria for clinical depression if he went to visit a psychiatrist & told him this same story. Have you ever heard of SIG E CAPS? Why can't he take SSRI's & exercise & hang out w/ friends & therapy w/ a psychologist? What is the stigma against taking a pill. If he had hypertension, would you not prescribe him an ACE? We're not voodoo doctors, we're physicians and we have the power to prescribe drugs to people who need them, and this guy needs them.

 

[VoiceofReason]

There goes the stigma about SSRI, this stuff isn't cocaine, you won't get addicted to it.

This guy talks about feeling lonely, depressed, loss of interest in daily activities, feelings of guilt for not having anything to offer his old friends, his father passed away 2 months b4 med school, his concentration is decreased and his academics is suffering, he cries once/week. I don't think exercise & hangout out w/ friends is going to be enough.

I respectfully disagree and would bet you anything this guy meets the DSM criteria for clinical depression if he went to visit a psychiatrist & told him this same story. Have you ever heard of SIG E CAPS? Why can't he take SSRI's & exercise & hang out w/ friends & therapy w/ a psychologist? What is the stigma against taking a pill. If he had hypertension, would you not prescribe him an ACE? We're not voodoo doctors, we're physicians and we have the power to prescribe drugs to people who need them, and this guy needs them.

there may be a stigma but that wasn't at the root of my recommendation. Lifestyle changes are to be tried first, imo, as long as there is no pressing need to correct a problem (e.g. mildly hypertensive vs malignantly hypertensive).

since he hasn't indicated that hes about to kill himself, i would recommend lifestyle changes before a serotonergic drug simply because i feel that the side effect profile of serotonergic drugs is particularly heinous.

 

[basupran]

I second the exercise thing. I think working out helped me survive medical school. Here is something written by Henry Rollins and I agree with a lot of what he says- working out makes you stronger both physically and emotionally. Med school is hell and you need an outlet.


IRON, from Details Magazine
By Henry Rollins

I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.

Completely.

When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me "garbage can" and telling me I'd be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn't run home crying, wondering why. I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.

I hated myself all the time. As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn't going to get pounded in the hallway between classes. Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you'll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn't think much of them either.

Then came Mr. Pepperman, my advisor. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class. Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard. Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no. He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn't even drag them to my mom's car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.

Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.'s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn't looking. When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing. In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn't want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in.

Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn't know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.

Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn't say **** to me.

It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn't want to come off the mat, it's the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn't teach you anything. That's the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.

It wasn't until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can't be as bad as that workout.

I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn't ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you're not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.

I have never met a truly strong person who didn't have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone's shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr. Pepperman.

Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.

Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body.

Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn't see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.

I prefer to work out alone. It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you're made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live. Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it's some kind of miracle if you're not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole.

I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind.

Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.

The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back.

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

 

[enigmaace12]

thanks, all of you! first off, I am a girl...[and I do exercise, more than I did in undergrad which is probably a good thing 😉]
I honestly am not above seeking out help in the least, and I have thought about depression, but I don't think that is it. I enjoy the things I used to but I don't have the time/opportunity. In undergrad I was in a clubs, went to movies and theater and concerts [most of the time, $3 was all I needed 🙂], had opportunity to nurture my inner hippie and had a solid group of friends [with literally hundreds to choose from] at the end of my sophomore year. I have never hurried the process, since I am pretty introverted, and don't really function well in/enjoy large groups. I am more a one-on-one person, and even now, I really enjoy random conversations in the one decent cafe this town has, at the clinic/youth center I sometimes volunteer in, the peeps in my leasing office. I guess my concern is that I would like to have a social life outside med school, but I don't know where or how, since I don't really know anyone besides the 24 in my class + about a dozen other faculty/staff/MS2s. Everyone else in my class lives/has friends in drivable distances and often leave for the weekends. I am not really the type to feel sorry for myself or want what others have, but for the first time in my young 22 years I am a little jealous of people around me for that. I guess I am wondering how all of you managed, if you were in a similar situation [unsung, thanks a lot for that post, btw!]
About drugs, I tend to be a bit cautious, I don't know if it's a culture thing [I grew up in India] or what. I remember when I had trouble falling asleep last semester, a couple of my friends suggested taking sleeping pills and/or anti-anxiety meds. I was hesitant but procured some and wound up returning them the next day since I simply did not want to get into that modus operandi so I bought some sleepytime EXTRA tea and slept just fine. I honestly don't know a lot about anti-depressants and their side effects, but at this point I am not sure they're warranted. I am hoping to take some time off one of these weekends and go to our main campus and talk to a counselor of some sort, maybe even on the phone.
But in the meantime, like I said, any suggestions about improving my social life would be appreciated a lot...I know next year will be better since I am moving into a house with a couple of people, and after that I'll be in a bigger city for rotations, but anything to tide me over till then...
Thanks!

 

[ar2388]

ok i didnt read all the posts but i will 3rd the eexercise thing! its the only thing that helps me through.. im so sad that i didnt get into a dance class this semester bc they were full or conflicted because ballet is one of the few things that helped keep me together.

reading your post OP, you really reminded me of the ways that i have felt during these past months. i only have loan money and dont go out with my class at all. part of it is living off campus but i also find that i just.. dont make friends too easily and it takes me a long time to trust people.. anyways.. i really think you need to think about yourself and your life and the things that make YOU happy.forget about other people and what they think. try to find a few things that help you destress. i know for many it takes a nice long run, or a dance class, or a swim in the pool, or a good book, or even spending 2 hours watching a movie...
but dont forget that you come first and screw everyone else. do waht YOU need to do for yourself

 

[penguin24]

Well, I hope things get better for you. Regarding your social life, you may have to dip into your loan money to have a good time once in a while. I think the majority of us are supported by loan money only (I am). You are gonna be a physician making enough money later to pay off your loans, just don't go to the local bar and crack open a bottle of Don Perignon every weekend. If you went out 1-2/week you should have a decent enough social life. Then volunteer once/week to meet people outside medicine. I'm cool w/ most of my friends being in medicine, but different strokes for different folks.

 

[quiltlady]

This may sound crazy to you, but try karate or another martial art. There is nothing like the self-confidence gained by physical mastery. Not many women do it, which is all the more reason to start. If your school doesn't have a class, check out the dojos in town and look for one where the goal is not beating other people up but kata mastery. The exercise will be good, the complete escape from med school will be great, the new friends will be great. Training in karate helped me past a very difficult time in my life and i am a woman a lot older than you.

 

[VOP]

if you're a chick, just wear a skirt, flirt with the nerd boy and bam. You got yourself a boyfriend, loneliness gone.

 

[marianne12]

Your father passed away a few months before you started medical school -

The death of a parent is one of the most profoundly painful events that can happen to anyone. For it to happen at your age is even more difficult. You may not be clinically depressed, but you may need to deal with the effect your father's death had on you. The death of someone close to you can take a long time to recover from and you may not return to feeling like "yorself" for a long time. Added to your grief is the pressure of medical school with all the work that's involved and its deprivations.
I would see if you can talk to someone at the student clinic about all of this.
You owe it to yourself.

 

[Velocity]

Medical school is hard on just about everyone, and for some people (from what I've heard) the misery and thoughts of quitting don't stop until you're finished with your residency. I think it's also particularly difficult on people who are used to performing well. I can't tell you how many days I'd come home to find my wife in tears because she was below the class average, or because she completely didn't know the answer to something that was asked in class. In undergrad and even before that she always performed very well, and worked hard for it. I can't imagine that she could work any harder than she already does now. To put in that much effort and not see as high an outcome as you'd expect or are used to is really difficult.

In your case, the more concerning thing is that you lost a parent. The timing occurred right around when you made another major life change (switching schools, and I presume changing location as well). Did you ever have the time to process what happened?

The first thing I'd recommend would be to utilize your school's counseling services, if they have them. Another thing to try would be to start writing in a journal (it could be a digital one). Writing out your thoughts and frustrations is a therapy in itself, and can help you to process and recognize various problems, obstacles, and feelings in your life.

Regarding socializing, it's certain that you'll have a harder time connecting with others if you're not feeling particularly happy. A lot of the reason why has to do with body language and general behavior - you simply won't engage people in the way that you would if you were feeling happy. If you don't feel any particular connection to the students in your class, the only thing I can recommend is trying to learn more about some of them. You may find more in common than what it initially seemed!

I can commiserate with you greatly, because I think I'm the same way about making friends. I had a hard time with it in my first year of undergrad. For coming this far and wondering what you have, I think that you're a strong and sensitive person. I hope things improve for you. I'd be happy to give more advice or lend a sympathetic ear, if you ever need.

Best wishes!

 

[reedman]

Second the weed advice.

the problem with weed is that it can become a crutch when you are depressed. i have experienced this personally. its just too easy to toke up whenever you feel bad, and then you will feel even worse without it because you miss feeling happy so much. pretty soon you are going to class high. people tend to go through a period of overuse until they learn to respect it.

weed is great for happy people, and maybe better for depressed people who are not in medical school, but i would not recommend messing with that if you are a depressed med student. its just not worth risk right now.

maybe try 5htp before you do an ssri. it has helped me in the past. obviously, go see a shrink.

also, if you get your depression figured out you will act happier and more outgoing. then you will make friends. i think people unconsciously pick up on depression/anger/poor self esteem and wont approach you.

good luck. just remember that many people have been through what you are going through (myself included). every day is another opportunity to get better.

 

[sunset823]

...Or non-classmates. I do understand the impulse to want to interact with non-med students. Perhaps some of you other folks who are overjoyed in your well-established social groups cannot relate to this at all 😉 Personally, I am so sick of "high school version 2.0". Seeing the same people every single day. Many of whom seem far more interested in the material than I. And want to talk about medicine non-stop. Whatever.

Exercise is always good. It's a panacea. 🙂 That, and spending time on something you love to do that doesn't involve the source of your stress (med school, med students). I say this because friendship can't be forcibly found. This isn't such a common sentiment, I suppose, as a lot of people claim to have really "bonded" with their classmates. Well... I guess I'm a little like you. I have a few peers I talk to or occasionally study with, but no one I'd consider a real friend that I feel I have a lot in common with.

Which, actually isn't that far-fetched. We're put randomly into a group of ~100 or ~200 people. I suppose the really social, extroverted types will always find "friends". But for those outnumbered introverts, I don't think real friendship comes so readily when selection is limited. Like you, in undergrad, I was surrounded by a really very diverse crowd... and I found my friends amongst non pre-meds too... kinda helped that I was not pre-med at the time, myself 😉. Tho'... even back then I was annoyed by the pre-meds ha. All of a sudden, I get here, and it's just culture shock. I grew sick of the type A science majors real quick. And it doesn't help matters that most everyone puts on a "front".

Amen...I agree with all of this - while I've not been blackballed at school or anything, I definitely don't 'fit in', and so far have refused to put myself in awkward social situations that remind me waay too much of high school (the pinnacle of this will be spring formal, which is a catch 22 since if I don't go, people will notice in our relatively small class, but if I do, unlike in undergrad or grad school, I don't have any close friends to booze out with)

I think for me I got a wake up call yesterday when I went to a history/politics seminar in the undergrad campus, and realized I really missed my old life, major, research, etc. My best friend from undergrad is my one link to another half of me (the one interested in policy/law/etc), and without her I'm almost certain I'd be miserable. I also feel the OP's pain of being in a regional campus, because I'll be moving to a campus next year that has only a tiny liberal arts college, but otherwise is adult residential, not the college towns I've been growing up in or near my whole life. I've already decided my way to 'cope' would be to catch some concerts or musical theater, which is something I really enjoy.

I tend to do things by myself, and really don't mind the 'loneliness' aspect, but I know that's not everyone. OP, if you are in a campus with other schools (law, business, etc.), definitely go out and socialize with them, who knows, maybe your compatibility level will be better with them. (I am by far more compatible with law students than med students, even though I enjoy the content of med school by far more than the content of law).

I also don't think antidepressants are the answer, unless it is really interfering with you academically (failing classes, etc.).

 

[prio001]

Thank you everyone for your posts! Really great input.

I am a MS1 and have not been back to SND since I was accepted. I found myself back here searching for the reassurance that you all have given me.

WE ARE NOT ALONE.

It is challenging, sleepless, LONELY- oh soo lonely... the hours alone studying (which is the only way to get through all the material in time without distraction, bc I would prefer groups but too distracting)... but I have found-- we all feel this way.



I agree with everyone... give yourself a fair shot- with everything!!

1) grieve, get the support you need, don't be afraid to ask for help, losing a parent is tough... at my medschool splinting years is an option if you feel like you need to lighten your load to tend to personal issues...
2) stop the weed (nothing good will come from self medicating)
3) find a non med school hobby that you enjoy and burns off the stress and preferably physical or else your sedentary life of a med student will get the best of you

I told my non-med school person I am dating (which is a whole other challenge in its self but worth it) this morning:

"It is really hard to connect with people in medical school"

and responded with some stern answer about how
I have control over my life and don't have to be a passive observer of my life

I expected some touchie feelie response but...this is the truth... we are smart, self determined people, we do not have to live our lives in misery we can be happy and successful physicians


just HANG IN THERE

and mostly... if after your fair shot- you still find it isn't working... it is OK to leave school- giving something your best and finding it isn't for you will not make you a failure 🙂

Thank you everyone again, for the encouraging thoughts and reminder that we share these challenges together.

 

[Nikki2002]

Hi guys,
I am an MS1 in a regional campus with about a couple dozen people in my class.
Of course, like most people making the transition, I struggled a lot initially with academics. I was lonely, almost depressed with the lack of time for anything fun and interesting etc. I was told the second semester is much better, and thus far, academically it seems lighter but I am still not doing nearly as well as I had hoped. Further, I am incredibly lonely and frustrated. To elaborate, I don't have any close family in my state, even in the United States. My father passed away a couple of months before I started med school. I don't think I really wanted to come, but my mother expected nothing less of me. I still like the idea of helping people, but I am not sure how much more misery I can handle.
Most importantly, I don't feel like I have any friends. In general it takes me a long time to open up and make really close friends. In undergrad, I had a lot of people to choose from, and I found a great group of friends with common interests, attitudes and economic statuses, most of whom were not pre-med. Now I feel incredibly left out since most people in my class have a solid group of friends, and I struggle to find my way into any of them. Further, I don't really take part in the social life since I have no money and no support from anyone whatsoever, and have a hard time justifying eating out five times a week or drinking/partying when I don't have a single penny of non-loan money. In any case after all the time we spend together in class, I feel like I need a break from the MS1 group - maybe this is really crummy attitude on my part. There is nothing about my life right now that makes me happy; I don't really talk to my undergrad friends a whole bunch since I have nothing interesting or happy to talk about, and I typically don't like complaining and whining, especially when there isn't really a solution. [Ironic, I know, since this whole post is just that].
I keep thinking of leaving, and spend about a night a week crying, which I am sure is affecting my academic performance...the only reason I keep at it is because I know some day I'll help people [I want to do peds or family practice], but I keep thinking of less expensive, happier ways to do so, like teaching or getting an MPH.
Anyone else in the same boat/have any advice?
Thanks so much 🙂

Many of us have hit these points in life where things are just so miserable and it seems like you will never find your way out.

You have to trust that things will turn around. It may seem like your classmates are having tons of fun...but chances are they have to sit alone somewhere for hours studying just like you. Otherwise how would they make it through?

I think that the fact that you think your classmates don't want to hang out with you is probably more in your head than reality. Sure there are some really stuck up cliques, but they can't all be like that. I wish you could just start with finding one good friend. Then that person could help you meet new people. Or join some sort of service club through the med school--then you could go out and volunteer with your classmates and get to know them that way.

You may want to speak to a psychologist--esp. since your dad passed away so recently. But I'm not trying to say you need drugs or you're depressed or anything. I don't know anything about you--but maybe just try one session and see what you think.

yeah you are dealing with such a big adjustment--and not having your family nearby and having so much schoolwork--I think anyone would react the same way. So try to think of one classmate that you could start to bond with--just ask them if they want to meet and study together for a couple hours or something.

oh and i agree with a previous poster--if you are in a us med school, they usually give you a portion of your loans just for "entertainment" purposes. It even says that on my loan disbursement--your school wants you to kick back and relax every once in awhile.

and exercise!! that is another great idea--you will feel such a natural high afterwards--over time excercise will help elevate your mood naturally.

 

[GreenShirt]

Most importantly, I don't feel like I have any friends. In general it takes me a long time to open up and make really close friends. In undergrad, I had a lot of people to choose from, and I found a great group of friends with common interests, attitudes and economic statuses, most of whom were not pre-med. Now I feel incredibly left out since most people in my class have a solid group of friends, and I struggle to find my way into any of them. Further, I don't really take part in the social life since I have no money and no support from anyone whatsoever, and have a hard time justifying eating out five times a week or drinking/partying when I don't have a single penny of non-loan money. 🙂

1) Yes, it is loan money but it's provided so that you may have a basic quality of life in medical school. You don't have to eat out every day. Try to get in on a group meal once a week. Or try joining in on a study group where you can socialize in a structured environment and get work done.

2) Try meetup.org. It's a website where people form groups around common interests (everything from knitting to scuba diving groups). There's a few clubs in almost every city.

I was in the same situation as you my first year and if I could go back and change things I would have. Yes, there's less people in your class so there's less chance of finding people exactly like you. This means you'll have to learn to get along with people that are different.

I agree with above posters that the recent passing of your father and the shock over starting school may be driving your decrease in mood/depression. However, as an introverted personality in an extroverted society, you are always going to have social problems. There's some "successful introverts" out there who are able to integrate into groups but there are other "unsuccessful introverts" who may suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder (check DSM). There's no medical tx for this but you may gain from some cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

[marimiyaz]

Hi guys,
I am an MS1 in a regional campus with about a couple dozen people in my class.
Of course, like most people making the transition, I struggled a lot initially with academics. I was lonely, almost depressed with the lack of time for anything fun and interesting etc. I was told the second semester is much better, and thus far, academically it seems lighter but I am still not doing nearly as well as I had hoped. Further, I am incredibly lonely and frustrated. To elaborate, I don't have any close family in my state, even in the United States. My father passed away a couple of months before I started med school. I don't think I really wanted to come, but my mother expected nothing less of me. I still like the idea of helping people, but I am not sure how much more misery I can handle.
Most importantly, I don't feel like I have any friends. In general it takes me a long time to open up and make really close friends. In undergrad, I had a lot of people to choose from, and I found a great group of friends with common interests, attitudes and economic statuses, most of whom were not pre-med. Now I feel incredibly left out since most people in my class have a solid group of friends, and I struggle to find my way into any of them. Further, I don't really take part in the social life since I have no money and no support from anyone whatsoever, and have a hard time justifying eating out five times a week or drinking/partying when I don't have a single penny of non-loan money. In any case after all the time we spend together in class, I feel like I need a break from the MS1 group - maybe this is really crummy attitude on my part. There is nothing about my life right now that makes me happy; I don't really talk to my undergrad friends a whole bunch since I have nothing interesting or happy to talk about, and I typically don't like complaining and whining, especially when there isn't really a solution. [Ironic, I know, since this whole post is just that].
I keep thinking of leaving, and spend about a night a week crying, which I am sure is affecting my academic performance...the only reason I keep at it is because I know some day I'll help people [I want to do peds or family practice], but I keep thinking of less expensive, happier ways to do so, like teaching or getting an MPH.
Anyone else in the same boat/have any advice?
Thanks so much 🙂

what you are experiencing is unfortunately not all that uncommon. I agree with previous posters have said - you owe it to yourself to get help - you have worked too hard and too long to get to where you are now. Your school should have an anonymous place to go to seek out help, I think that would be the best place to start. good luck and please keep don't give up!

 

[SuperCool101]

you can make friends easy!!! i guess go outside to clubs and something and you can easily make friends

 

[teratoma13]

I just registered for this site just to reply to your message because I'm sorry but I think a lot of people have this wrong....don't smoke pot please ...that will worsen your depression.
You do not seem severely clinically depressed, coming from someone who has severely lived through 2 major depressive episodes. Obviously, I can't give you a diagnosis here, but if you need help PLEASE get it if you haven't already. There is no penalty in medical school for obtaining psychiatric treatment and you should be applauded for having the courage to seek care!
Mostly, what I wanted to say is that I feel very similar to you a lot of the time and I'm in my second year now. It is still a struggle, but it has gotten better. I don't spend a lot of my time at social events with other medical students either because I get tired after weeks of sitting in classes and labs and clinic and I see my classmates all the time. It is nice to have people who understand where you are coming from, and other students can provide that.
But, I have also come to the understanding that I should spend my free time - very little....doing whatever makes me happy - friends or no friends. If that means you should go to a concert you like, then go. Ask someone you are interested in getting to know better to go with you maybe? I have found that people will reciprocate if you ask...especially if you are reaching out to someone that you view as a potential friend. I too am female...and I'm in a class of only 30% women....so finding girlfriends has been pretty much an issue....
So, medication or not is for you to decide. Might help you feel better and sleep better. But medication will not cure lonliness and the emptiness you are feeling in medical school. Part of that is in the experience of medical school - you just have to keep pushing if that's what you want....pick yourself up and keep going, because it's not going to be like this forever. You will NOT be locking yourself in a hole studying for the rest of your life. Eventually you do actually get to talk to people, help people - the reason why you went to medical school in the first place....from what I can tell. I try to keep reminding myself that other than learning massive amounts of information, medical school is character building. You sound like an empathetic woman who will be a great physician one day!
Take care and stay safe.

Hi guys,
I am an MS1 in a regional campus with about a couple dozen people in my class.
Of course, like most people making the transition, I struggled a lot initially with academics. I was lonely, almost depressed with the lack of time for anything fun and interesting etc. I was told the second semester is much better, and thus far, academically it seems lighter but I am still not doing nearly as well as I had hoped. Further, I am incredibly lonely and frustrated. To elaborate, I don't have any close family in my state, even in the United States. My father passed away a couple of months before I started med school. I don't think I really wanted to come, but my mother expected nothing less of me. I still like the idea of helping people, but I am not sure how much more misery I can handle.
Most importantly, I don't feel like I have any friends. In general it takes me a long time to open up and make really close friends. In undergrad, I had a lot of people to choose from, and I found a great group of friends with common interests, attitudes and economic statuses, most of whom were not pre-med. Now I feel incredibly left out since most people in my class have a solid group of friends, and I struggle to find my way into any of them. Further, I don't really take part in the social life since I have no money and no support from anyone whatsoever, and have a hard time justifying eating out five times a week or drinking/partying when I don't have a single penny of non-loan money. In any case after all the time we spend together in class, I feel like I need a break from the MS1 group - maybe this is really crummy attitude on my part. There is nothing about my life right now that makes me happy; I don't really talk to my undergrad friends a whole bunch since I have nothing interesting or happy to talk about, and I typically don't like complaining and whining, especially when there isn't really a solution. [Ironic, I know, since this whole post is just that].
I keep thinking of leaving, and spend about a night a week crying, which I am sure is affecting my academic performance...the only reason I keep at it is because I know some day I'll help people [I want to do peds or family practice], but I keep thinking of less expensive, happier ways to do so, like teaching or getting an MPH.
Anyone else in the same boat/have any advice?
Thanks so much 🙂

 

[RoyBasch]

IRON, from Details Magazine
By Henry Rollins

I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.

...

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

I have read this before, but by posting it you have become my new favourite SDNer basuparan.
-Roy

 

[He2]

not gonna lie....that iron article is way too intense for me....

 

[rxforlife2004]

Hi guys,
I am an MS1 in a regional campus with about a couple dozen people in my class.
Of course, like most people making the transition, I struggled a lot initially with academics. I was lonely, almost depressed with the lack of time for anything fun and interesting etc. I was told the second semester is much better, and thus far, academically it seems lighter but I am still not doing nearly as well as I had hoped. Further, I am incredibly lonely and frustrated. To elaborate, I don't have any close family in my state, even in the United States. My father passed away a couple of months before I started med school. I don't think I really wanted to come, but my mother expected nothing less of me. I still like the idea of helping people, but I am not sure how much more misery I can handle.
Most importantly, I don't feel like I have any friends. In general it takes me a long time to open up and make really close friends. In undergrad, I had a lot of people to choose from, and I found a great group of friends with common interests, attitudes and economic statuses, most of whom were not pre-med. Now I feel incredibly left out since most people in my class have a solid group of friends, and I struggle to find my way into any of them. Further, I don't really take part in the social life since I have no money and no support from anyone whatsoever, and have a hard time justifying eating out five times a week or drinking/partying when I don't have a single penny of non-loan money. In any case after all the time we spend together in class, I feel like I need a break from the MS1 group - maybe this is really crummy attitude on my part. There is nothing about my life right now that makes me happy; I don't really talk to my undergrad friends a whole bunch since I have nothing interesting or happy to talk about, and I typically don't like complaining and whining, especially when there isn't really a solution. [Ironic, I know, since this whole post is just that].
I keep thinking of leaving, and spend about a night a week crying, which I am sure is affecting my academic performance...the only reason I keep at it is because I know some day I'll help people [I want to do peds or family practice], but I keep thinking of less expensive, happier ways to do so, like teaching or getting an MPH.
Anyone else in the same boat/have any advice?
Thanks so much 🙂

Okay...forget about SSRI, counseling, blah blah blah...you need to get laid! It will help a lot...👍

 

[vicinihil]

One of the best things to do when you find yourself come to an impasse is to set a goal for yourself and focus on that...be it exercise, be it academic, be it research but find something to progress towards. Having this mindset really makes the days go by faster. Aim to get AOA or get yourself started with some research you can really find interest in. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.