Last edited:
loneliness
- Thread starter mokavious
- Start date
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2009
- Messages
- 89
- Reaction score
- 1
The Loneliness of the Med Student
Hope this helps 🙂
If you do not find happiness through your work, you might never know what true happiness really is. There is a saying "If you want to be happy for a day, go to a bar. If you want to be happy for a month, get married. If you want to be happy for life, love your work."
At the end of the day, I think it comes down to the fact that "There's nothing of any importance in life - except how well you do your work. Nothing, only that. Whatever else you are will come from that. It's the only measure of humar value."
I also believe that every subject is beautiful if you give it some honest effort and delve into its depths. So I suggest drop that attitude and start afresh with your books 🙂. Start a research project or something.
Oh and finally, you can always dump your current residency and try for a field that you really like, nobody's stopping you. Just know that its never really late to pursue your dreams. 🙂
Hope this helps 🙂
If you do not find happiness through your work, you might never know what true happiness really is. There is a saying "If you want to be happy for a day, go to a bar. If you want to be happy for a month, get married. If you want to be happy for life, love your work."
At the end of the day, I think it comes down to the fact that "There's nothing of any importance in life - except how well you do your work. Nothing, only that. Whatever else you are will come from that. It's the only measure of humar value."
I also believe that every subject is beautiful if you give it some honest effort and delve into its depths. So I suggest drop that attitude and start afresh with your books 🙂. Start a research project or something.
Oh and finally, you can always dump your current residency and try for a field that you really like, nobody's stopping you. Just know that its never really late to pursue your dreams. 🙂
Last edited:
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2008
- Messages
- 1,667
- Reaction score
- 12
OP, I fixed that thread. Reread it. http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=672997&page=2
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2007
- Messages
- 534
- Reaction score
- 13
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2009
- Messages
- 614
- Reaction score
- 228
Work should ultimately not be sucking the life out of you, but it will always have aspects of 'work' in it. You should enjoy it, but if that is where the majority of your self validation comes from, then you are missing 75% of life. Remember the quote, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home."
You are in the most miserable portion of your residency, the intern year, which occasionally will send you into depression, for which you probably haven't developed the coping skills (few people have). You need a support system, so in addition to calling your parents 5X a week, find a social activity outside of work that engages you, easiest may be at a church. Also, force yourself to exercise, and get 8 hours of sleep every day you can, it will help with the depression.
You are in the most miserable portion of your residency, the intern year, which occasionally will send you into depression, for which you probably haven't developed the coping skills (few people have). You need a support system, so in addition to calling your parents 5X a week, find a social activity outside of work that engages you, easiest may be at a church. Also, force yourself to exercise, and get 8 hours of sleep every day you can, it will help with the depression.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2005
- Messages
- 633
- Reaction score
- 13
I think a percentage of your issues may stem from your attitude. To making a sweeping generalization that the whole town is uneducated is a pretty harsh judgement on your part.
It really seems like you haven't given anyone a chance to get to know you...not other residents or anyone else. I've found that people will surprise you and many of the most interesting people I know aren't board certified MDs.
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2004
- Messages
- 30,872
- Reaction score
- 10,062
Agreed. The key isn't, as a few in this thread have suggested, exclusively loving your work. The key is balance. You have to find your work mostly interesting, sometimes enjoyable. That's all. You don't need to be that workaholic who cannot wait to be back in the office because it's your true mistress -- that's not normal or healthy, although it probably will make you well off financially. The quote above "If you want to be happy for a day, go to a bar. If you want to be happy for a month, get married. If you want to be happy for life, love your work", is bogus. Why would you take advice for an alcoholic who cannot keep a marriage together (based on the first two sentences)? No, you shouldn't be exclusively finding happiness in your job, your marriage, and probably never should be having to go to a bar for the purpose of finding happiness. You should find it with balance. Job you like, family you like. And an appropriate balance of time between them. Not job you love because you only get a months worth of happiness from your marriage, and would rather have your job be your great love in life. That's actually pretty sad. Not uncommon in the professions, but sad.
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2007
- Messages
- 534
- Reaction score
- 13
Of course, work should not be the core of one's life where you love it to the exclusion of everything else. That is not what I was implying when I pointed out the above quote. Medicinesux is all about striking a balance between work and personal time. However, work IS an important component of one's life and does provide one a sense of purpose. To deny that fact is outlandish. As a physician, you will easily spend more than half your waking hours on the job. Let's do the math to drive this point home:
There are 168 hours in a week. You "should" spend 33% of that time asleep to maintain sound body and mind (56 hours a week), roughly 36% "on the job" (60 hours a week for avg physician), and 31% "off the job" (52 hours a week). Please keep in mind that when you are pulling ten hour days, you have to factor in such things as waking up at the crack of dawn, showering, shaving, primping, getting dressed, making breakfast, COMMUTING all which can take away 1-2 hrs every day out of your precious 52 hours of "off the job" time. And then you need to factor in time at the end of the day where you get to languish in traffic again or take the train ("meat cart") and also the countless hours you need to recuperate after going to battle for the day. This is yet another 2-3 hrs that you can subtract from "off the job" time. And let's not forget all the extra hours where you need to be constantly reading medically relevant literature to keep yourself up to date on your field and not turn into a medical numb nut. Now revising our numbers, we can STEAL 20 hours out of "off the job" time and ship it right on over to "on the job" time. Doing this new math we have the following:
80 hrs involved with "job related activities" (48%)
32 hrs of "free time" (19%)
56 hrs asleep (33%)
If we just count the time we are awake, then you are roughly spending a whopping 71% of your time (80 out of 112 hours) performing physician related activities!!!
Also, ask yourself if you are able to keep those 32 hours of "free time" untainted and pure, where you are able to completely divorce your mind and NOT think for a second about work? Good luck on that one.
So the driving point from this analysis is that you damn better pick a profession that you are going to enjoy and be happy doing. Is any amount of money worth being miserable, discontent, or just biding time 70% of your waking hours for the next 30-40 years??? Or how much a year would you be willing to pay to be happy 70% of your waking hours? Everything in this world has a price. How much is happiness worth to you?
There are 168 hours in a week. You "should" spend 33% of that time asleep to maintain sound body and mind (56 hours a week), roughly 36% "on the job" (60 hours a week for avg physician), and 31% "off the job" (52 hours a week). Please keep in mind that when you are pulling ten hour days, you have to factor in such things as waking up at the crack of dawn, showering, shaving, primping, getting dressed, making breakfast, COMMUTING all which can take away 1-2 hrs every day out of your precious 52 hours of "off the job" time. And then you need to factor in time at the end of the day where you get to languish in traffic again or take the train ("meat cart") and also the countless hours you need to recuperate after going to battle for the day. This is yet another 2-3 hrs that you can subtract from "off the job" time. And let's not forget all the extra hours where you need to be constantly reading medically relevant literature to keep yourself up to date on your field and not turn into a medical numb nut. Now revising our numbers, we can STEAL 20 hours out of "off the job" time and ship it right on over to "on the job" time. Doing this new math we have the following:
80 hrs involved with "job related activities" (48%)
32 hrs of "free time" (19%)
56 hrs asleep (33%)
If we just count the time we are awake, then you are roughly spending a whopping 71% of your time (80 out of 112 hours) performing physician related activities!!!
Also, ask yourself if you are able to keep those 32 hours of "free time" untainted and pure, where you are able to completely divorce your mind and NOT think for a second about work? Good luck on that one.
So the driving point from this analysis is that you damn better pick a profession that you are going to enjoy and be happy doing. Is any amount of money worth being miserable, discontent, or just biding time 70% of your waking hours for the next 30-40 years??? Or how much a year would you be willing to pay to be happy 70% of your waking hours? Everything in this world has a price. How much is happiness worth to you?
Last edited:
The thread starter is looking for some feedback and encouragement, and wow, what garbage. Work is life? How about God, people, family, spirituality, all being energies in your life that help you do your work.
I agree with post 5, there is hope, there are options, we all get in despair, things will get better.... and he didn't say the whole town is undeducated.... if you've ever lived in a really small town, it is a huge culture shock if you come from a large city.
OP, hang in there. Some good advice, here, and some really immature, absurd, unmamageable workaholic advice here, IMHO.
I agree with post 5, there is hope, there are options, we all get in despair, things will get better.... and he didn't say the whole town is undeducated.... if you've ever lived in a really small town, it is a huge culture shock if you come from a large city.
OP, hang in there. Some good advice, here, and some really immature, absurd, unmamageable workaholic advice here, IMHO.
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2009
- Messages
- 89
- Reaction score
- 1
If you kindly go through the suggested thread then you'll find that many other relevant advice has already been poster there, hence I chose to mention only work related advice here as the OP wrote that he didn't like his field much.
@ medicinesux 👍 good post
Here's something that might help - 🙂
"A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness
from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for
forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It
was there that the wise man lived.
"Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main
room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went,
people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft
music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious
food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and
the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the
man's attention.
"The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explanation of why he had
come, but told him that he didn't have time just then to explain the secret of
happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in
two hours.
" 'Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something,' said the wise man,
handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. 'As you wander
around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill.'
"The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace
keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the
room where the wise man was.
" 'Well,' asked the wise man, 'did you see the Persian tapestries that are
hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master
gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in m
library?'
"The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing.
His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had
entrusted to him.
" 'Then go back and observe the marvels of my world,' said the wise man.
'You cannot trust a man if you don't know his house.'
"Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of
the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and th
walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the
flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon
returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.
" 'But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?' asked the wise man.
"Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.
" 'Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you,' said the wisest of
wise men. 'The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world,
and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.' "
-The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho 🙂
Last edited:
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2008
- Messages
- 780
- Reaction score
- 12
Loneliness can be a sign of depression, especially if it feels like everybody around you is "uninteresting", . . . at most hospitals I've been at there is always something interesting, i.e. the patients 99% of the time and the various rumors circulating about residents and attendings the rest of the time. You seem to down on the whole small city and hospital . . . even a town of 30,000 has stuff to do and I am sure that you are a 2 to 3 hour drive from a big city like NY or Chicago . . .take a weekend to travel and remind yourself there is life outside of medicine my friend.
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2004
- Messages
- 30,872
- Reaction score
- 10,062
While I don't disagree with this concept generally, the whole "only 2-3 hour drive" and "take a weekend to travel" advice is not particularly well geared toward an intern's life.
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2000
- Messages
- 39,952
- Reaction score
- 18,721
The OP has posted multiple times about his situation:
- he's Canadian
- went unmatched
- got a position in a specialty he doesn't especially care for
- is in a program where he estimates he's the only one who speaks English
- is in a small town
Most of us would be depressed too if we felt forced to take a position in a specialty we didn't want, in a town where we don't know anyone. Having done it all my life (ie, move places where I didn't know anyone - the last 4 truly alone - for medical school, residency, fellowship and job), it can be very difficult and its easy to get yourself dug into a dark hole if you don't make an effort to find others with similar interests (which is easier said than done if the OP is clinically depressed).
- he's Canadian
- went unmatched
- got a position in a specialty he doesn't especially care for
- is in a program where he estimates he's the only one who speaks English
- is in a small town
Most of us would be depressed too if we felt forced to take a position in a specialty we didn't want, in a town where we don't know anyone. Having done it all my life (ie, move places where I didn't know anyone - the last 4 truly alone - for medical school, residency, fellowship and job), it can be very difficult and its easy to get yourself dug into a dark hole if you don't make an effort to find others with similar interests (which is easier said than done if the OP is clinically depressed).
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2002
- Messages
- 24,413
- Reaction score
- 17,616
Hey, I did the same thing! (Well, substitute prelim IM for fellowship.) You're spot on.
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2002
- Messages
- 3,915
- Reaction score
- 22
It is a negative environment created by a negative mindset. Not much we can do about that.
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2007
- Messages
- 766
- Reaction score
- 2
I was in a similar boat. I moved to a place where I did not know anyone and did not even know how to drive...and oh yeah, no decent public transpo! And work sched was horrible. I had to beg the DMV to pass me, so I can even get a car. The field I thought I loved was morphed into a slavedriver where I had no time to think.
I was miserable.
I have never been a quitter, but I seriously contemplated packing and heading back to familiar territory. But then, I figured, then this would all be for naught. I still get those days, but I just try to cope. I literally ask people out to go with me. Sometimes they look so surprised, but sometimes I feel they really welcome the invite as well. So slowly...I am making friends. They're nowhere near the comfort of my old friends, but well, it's a start. No right or wrong choices, OP. But yeah, for all it's worth, don't go into hazy generalizations. Sometimes nonenglish speaking people can be fun to hang out with as well 🙂 Lebanese booze, polish sausages and super spicy Indian curry makes for an interesting evening!
Let me know where you are, maybe we are near...!
I was miserable.
I have never been a quitter, but I seriously contemplated packing and heading back to familiar territory. But then, I figured, then this would all be for naught. I still get those days, but I just try to cope. I literally ask people out to go with me. Sometimes they look so surprised, but sometimes I feel they really welcome the invite as well. So slowly...I am making friends. They're nowhere near the comfort of my old friends, but well, it's a start. No right or wrong choices, OP. But yeah, for all it's worth, don't go into hazy generalizations. Sometimes nonenglish speaking people can be fun to hang out with as well 🙂 Lebanese booze, polish sausages and super spicy Indian curry makes for an interesting evening!
Let me know where you are, maybe we are near...!
WS.
You are unbelievable, how can you know everyone on this forum! And have time with work, family life etc.
Cheers.
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2000
- Messages
- 39,952
- Reaction score
- 18,721
Its a little known secret called "Find More Posts by mokavious".
Try it...anyone can do it.
Besides, I have no family life so have plenty of time to click on the drop down menu and look through the OP's 5 total posts. 😀
- Joined
- May 15, 2008
- Messages
- 5,089
- Reaction score
- 55
Buckley's advice is good (and winged scap's as well).
This sounds like a tough position to be in.
If you really don't want to do the specialty you are in, consider finishing out intern year and trying to switch to something else...depending on your USMLE scores and LOR's you can get, it might be risky vs. not. You likely might need to do a research year next year, while waiting out the Match (b/c will be hard to interview and switch while in the middle of an intern year).
Try to get to know the town you are in...it might not suck as much as you think. I'm from a small town and I can tell you that most small towns do have educated people in them...they can just be a little harder to find, and it does depend somewhat on which small town you are talking about. If there is a local university that could be a good place to start looking for them. You need to find some small hobby outside the hospital that you can do with other people (running, hiking, church, biking, book club, etc.) otherwise you may go crazy. You should try to make friends with the friendliest of the other residents that you can find...even 1 or 2 friends would make things more bearable.
This sounds like a tough position to be in.
If you really don't want to do the specialty you are in, consider finishing out intern year and trying to switch to something else...depending on your USMLE scores and LOR's you can get, it might be risky vs. not. You likely might need to do a research year next year, while waiting out the Match (b/c will be hard to interview and switch while in the middle of an intern year).
Try to get to know the town you are in...it might not suck as much as you think. I'm from a small town and I can tell you that most small towns do have educated people in them...they can just be a little harder to find, and it does depend somewhat on which small town you are talking about. If there is a local university that could be a good place to start looking for them. You need to find some small hobby outside the hospital that you can do with other people (running, hiking, church, biking, book club, etc.) otherwise you may go crazy. You should try to make friends with the friendliest of the other residents that you can find...even 1 or 2 friends would make things more bearable.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Messages
- 66
- Reaction score
- 0
As long you know what interests you, google or go to craiglist and try to find events or activities were you can meet up with people who share similar interest. Or instead try something new go to a different coffee shop or visit a different part of the city.. I can understand what you are going through...been to different countries, learnt new languages and cultures but the important thing is you have to find activities which interest you and also give a few good people a chance to know you. Best of luck
