Long Distance Relationships in Pharmacy School

[Kavina]

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I will be starting pharmacy school this fall. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have been discussing attempting to try and make a long distance relationship work since he has a pretty good job right now (he has a full time position as a pharmacy tech and has a lot of seniority in the district and doesn't want to relocate since our company isn't taking many transfers at the moment). He is planning on moving in with his mom and trying to aggressively pay down debt so when I graduate we only have my student loans to pay off. Thankfully my school is really close to my family, so I will be able to live with my sister which will help reduce the loans I need to take out.

For those of you who have had long distance relationships during pharmacy school, how did you make it work? We'll be living about 500 miles from each other so we we will only get to see each other maybe every couple of months. We are planning on Skyping almost every day. I know this is going to be really tough since we've lived together for the past seven years. We're hoping that we will only have to do this for maybe a year or two.

 

[PharmD17']

I am currently in pharmacy school and in a long distance relationship. We are not married, and have not had the luxury of truly living together (we have been in a long distance relationship our entire 6 years of dating, all that has changed is the distance we are apart from each other. We went from only being an hr apart to many states apart). Given that you are married and have been with your husband for at least 7 years I don't see you guys having any issue! 🙂. It will be hard, but you guys clearly know how to communicate and work through things. Just adjust your communication and know that school may have to come first, so during hell weeks (the weeks when you seem to have an exam in every class) you both have to acknowledge and accept your time will have to be devoted to studying. Take things a day at a time, pharmacy school is definitely an adjustment in itself. Setting goals to talk every day and skype every day is a good thing to do, but also you BOTH have to remember that is the ideal situation and not take it too hard if the goal is not met. All in all; communication, understanding, and support are the key to making a long distance relationship while in graduate school work.

Good luck!

 

[DesertPT]

As a married adult starting PT school in a couple months, I personally don't think I could do it. I'm not saying your marriage will crumble or anything, but it would definitely put a strain on it. It really just depends on the person really. Some people's personalities are compatible with long-distance relationships and some are not. Personally I wouldn't be able to go 4 years only seeing my spouse ~24 times. But if it's what you've gotta do then I wish you the best of luck!

 

[BMBiology]

We have been discussing attempting to try and make a long distance relationship work since he has a pretty good job right now (he has a full time position as a pharmacy tech and has a lot of seniority in the district and doesn't want to relocate since our company isn't taking many transfers at the moment). He is planning on moving in with his mom and trying to aggressively pay down debt so when I graduate we only have my student loans to pay off.

He is a pharmacy tech and he already has a lot of debt? How did he get in this mess?

I am going to be straight forward. Once you are done you are most likely going to make 6-7x what he makes. You don't want him to ask for spousal support if things don't work out. Don't accept financial help from him especially with tuition.

I think it is a red flag that he doesn't want to move with you. A tech job can't be more valuable than your marriage.

 

[sosoo]

.....he has a pretty good job right now (he has a full time position as a pharmacy tech and has a lot of seniority in the district and doesn't want to relocate since our company isn't taking many transfers at the moment). He is planning on moving in with his mom and trying to aggressively pay down debt.

its nice that u think the world of your husband n a marriage of 5 yrs is very respectable.. though in the eyes of an outsider, a pharmacy tech is not a "good job" n definitely not a choice career. in a retailer when they cut down tech hours, they cut it til theres none left. unless he works for Kaiser then the pay is very respectable n the situation will be a lot different. however, if his job cannot afford him a home n he has to move in with his mom, then he's only living paycheck by paycheck.. that plus indebtedness makes him very vulnerable.. all the risks that you're taking, i hope it is worth it... if i were u, i would pick up some vocational training instead. less debts, good pay. what's not to like? but i'm guessing the decision is already final. so best of luck n try to survive in this world.

 

[deleted390966]

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[Kavina]

He is a pharmacy tech and he already has a lot of debt? How did he get in this mess?

He was originally going to school to do information security systems at one of those really evil for profit schools, never finished so has a lot of student loans and useless credits that he can't do anything with since they are non transferable. I also have quite a bit of credit card debt and some medical bills, and we have a car payment that we are making. Both of us aren't in the best financial position, so the main idea is to try and improve our credit and pay down debt so we can think about buying a house and starting a family when I'm done with school.

We don't plan on doing it for the entire duration for school, just for a year or two. At that point hopefully the environment for our company will be better so he can transfer into a guaranteed full time position, or find another job near me. Unfortunately where I'm going to school has an incredibly high cost of living (UCSF) and my sister doesn't have room for both of us and our animals so we have to use student loans to pay for cost of living, which is something we are trying to avoid.

its nice that u think the world of your husband n a marriage of 5 yrs is very respectable.. though in the eyes of an outsider, a pharmacy tech is not a "good job" n definitely not a choice career. in a retailer when they cut down tech hours, they cut it til theres none left. unless he works for Kaiser then the pay is very respectable n the situation will be a lot different.

He's not planning on being pharmacy tech forever. He really wants to go to culinary school at some point, but that's certainly not going to be before I'm finished with school. The company we work for is unionized with guaranteed hours so his job is safe and pay is pretty good.

 

[BMBiology]

Culinary school? I don't think that is a good idea. They are also known to rip students off.

Commuting back and forth is going to be pretty expensive. Have you guys looked into student housing in SF? Even if a tech job is stable and good, being close to your partner is more important. If his goal is not to be a tech forever, he should be looking for other opportunities now while he is still young and you are still in school.

 

[Guilded_Age]

Based on antenatal evidence... I saw 4 LDRs fall apart during my 4 year program. n=4.

I'd avoid it at all costs, personally. Is the higher wage worth the relationship possibly?

 

[DesertPT]

Yikes, I didn't notice that it was a pharmacy tech job. I would have to agree that you're marriage is more important than that. I was mistakenly under the impression he was in a professional position of some kind. Not that I'm saying his work isn't respectable or that he doesn't need a job, but it's not like he's walking away from hundreds of thousands of dollars or something. He'll be able to find a job of some kind in CA with patience.

With that being said, I would of course also strongly encourage you to get out of credit card debt as fast as possible. If that means LDR for a year, then maybe that's what it will take, I don't know. Once the credit card debt is gone, you will have a lot more financial freedom. Nothing will eat you alive financially worse than credit card debt you can't pay.

If I was in your shoes, based on the very small amount I know about you, I would focus on coming up with the best plan possible for eliminating credit card debt and being together as rapidly as possible. There may have to be a compromise of some kind of course.

 

[PharmtoCS]

He was originally going to school to do information security systems

Is he good with technology/programming? There is huge demand for technology workers in San Francisco right now which he can get paid as much as 3x more than his current pharmacy technician salary, if he has the right skills.

 

[pharmasaur]

you are going to struggle ESPECIALLY since you are at UCSF. i think he should move to SF with you and go to community college then transfer to SFSU or something and get a bachelor's degree while you earn PharmD. at least he can get student loans (sad to say that) and so will you so you can get your own place. when both of you graduate you guys will have better jobs and more money

 

[confettiflyer]

Someone in my class did California/Pennsylvania married, and she even got pregnant right before rotations. Wasn't that big of a deal, except he missed the pregnancy & birth, but they were fine. Just keep each other up to date on mundane daily things.

And 500 miles is just up/down the state, that's pretty much nothing. You can see each other on the weekends. Hurray for cheap southwest airlines tickets ($73 one way as of today).

 

[cherry87]

Another way to stay in touch that I have seen in many couples are Internet or FaceTime.
The problem is do u guys really trust each other? If u do, then it wouldn't be so hard.
My friends were in Vietnam and their husbands were in the Us, they were live like that for years before the wifes could come to the U.S. So they spent time to chat online an hour or so a day until they reunited.
It is hard but if u guys truly love each other with all respectful, trustworthy... Then it wouldn't that big a deal. Either one of u can come to visit one the other sometimes. It is not that expensive to buy air ticket to travel within the U.S. like from Us to oversea!!

 

[Topcat15]

I would think he could find a pharmacy tech job somewhere closer to you. I've done long distance while in pharmacy school and it's worked out, but it's been really hard at times. I wouldn't choose to do it if I didn't have to.

And I have to disagree with the people here saying pharmacy tech is a terrible job... I'd say it really depends where you are. If you work somewhere decent (e.g. federal job - and by the way there's a VA in San Francisco with a job posted right now) you can make $50,000+/yr with good benefits for a job that requires no more than a high school education. There's certainly worse places to work that could make it a terrible job, but if you choose your employer wisely, it absolutely can be a decent career.

 

[rxglasshalffull]

didnt do long distance in pharmacy student but did it right after pharmacy school. NY/NJ and California. about 3000 miles for 9 months. we endured it, but i would never want to do that again.