long distance vs. less prestigious program?!

[irinka217]

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I've already matched to a PGY2 spot, now fiance is applying for fellowship. He's having a hard time ranking: he likes programs that wouldn't allow us to live together due to location! Having a hard time being supportive of his career decisions at this point... I mean, career is important, i personally know that having just matched in a very competitive field, but 3 years of long distance for a better program? Anyone else in this situation?

 

[Tigger14]

A little more info would help... how far is long distance? what are the two fields (i.e. surgery with tight schedules or family with flexible time off)? what are his thoughts on the matter?

 

[irinka217]

100 miles away, busy fields for both. he's torn...

 

[Tigger14]

100 miles is less than a two hour drive. Nothing can replace seeing each other most evenings, but if you can work out weekends, it would be do-able if you are both committed.

Good luck!

 

[deleted113029]

100 miles is less than a two hour drive. Nothing can replace seeing each other most evenings, but if you can work out weekends, it would be do-able if you are both committed.

Good luck!

+1

100 mi is nothing. my wife (GF at the time) and I were 160 mi from each other for a couple of years and then 60 mi apart for another couple of years (status upgraded to fiancee) before we were married. it's definitely doable as Tigger14 said. i was committed to my woman as she was to me.

 

[irinka217]

he did interview at 7 places that would allow us to live together, just liked the other better... getting married next month, so would hate to spend first 3 years of marriage not living together.

 

[pillowhead]

I have to disagree with the other posters, and I have done long distance relationships both dating and married and closer to home versus across the country. If there are that many fellowships that would allow you to stay together, it seems like there has to be one that's a good fit. It seems selfish to me that someone would pick another program just because s/he liked it a little more when there are so many to choose from close to home.

I just matched in a residency program that I'm very happy with but would not necessarily have been my number one except that my spouse is tied to one location. I wouldn't have had it any other way--three years is a really long time.

 

[pinkfrosting]

I agree with pillowhead on this. Long distance is very difficult, especially if both are going to be super busy with budding medical careers. I also just matched in a program that I am ultra-thrilled about, but the main reason for ranking them #1 was location since my fiance is tied to that location. A relationship, especially a brand-new marriage is hard enough to sustain without the added stress of being apart for the better part of 3 years. If it were me, I would have a long talk with my S.O. about the benefits of a trade-off between ideal location and good, but not necessarily "perfect," program. Good luck!

 

[Samoa]

I'm going to straddle the fence here...

If the choice is between a really great program 100 miles away, and a good program in your location, then by all means pick the one that lets you live with your spouse.

However, if the choice is between a good program 100 miles away, and a bad program close to home, I would lean the other way. Long-distance is hard, but not as hard as being in a relationship with someone who's desperately unhappy with their work situation.

 

[pacinonme]

I think 100 miles is very close, but 3 years is a long time. I am going to be 1400 miles away from my husband, but only for 1 year. Hoping we can beat the odds Everyone's advice is good, your SO needs to decide which is more important: your future together or the career. I am not advocating going only by location, just serious thinking about a healthy medium.

I wish you and your SO luck with this difficult decision

 

[jennyboo]

I can't ever speak for everyone. I lived 3000 miles away from my significant-other and boyfriend and we did well for all of medical school. In fact, if timing had been a little different I believe we would have done equally well for internship/residency.

But after we got married, we were done with all that and we aren't going back. I'd be willing to tolerate six months or maybe up to a year (max) if needs be, but to me a long distance marriage is very different from and much less tolerable than a long distance engagement. Being married is different from being engaged (especially if you weren't living together before). It makes the long distance, two apartments thing difficult to put up with, and downright undesirable.