long story...insight appreciated

[smmer10]

Helo all,

Im new to SDN, but I've been browsing the forums for sometime now!
Anyway, here is my story:
I graduated from cornell about 3 years ago and was premed. I didnt do so well in my science classes (think C's maybe a couple of Bs) but I stuck with it perhaps because I didnt know what else to do. No other career options out there appealed to me and I really thought that I would be fulfilled as a physician.

I should at least say that I was depressed all through college not only because of my grades, but I just never really thought I was as smart as my classmates. Yes, I've learned now the power that comparisons to other people can have, but I didnt realize it then. When I was in undergrad, I would be fixated on how long it was taking me to learn the material that I got fed up and just gave up. I would go on the computer and usually my days were filled with just endless hours of sleep.
I usually dont even remember going to class that often...I was usually just too tired.
Anyway, I am in a post bac program right now and things are not going well. I made all As and 1 B last semester, but because of my terrible gpa (2.6) and even more terrible science gpa (2.4), I just know what to do.
I enjoy the material very much, but I have difficulty focusing because I just think about how upset with my llife I am. I dont have many friends at all, I dont really fit in that much, no relationship, etc etc.

I really like the interaction with patients when I volunteer, but I am always so depressed. I know I have not really elaborated on why I want to be a physician (nothing extraordinary, just I really love learning about physiology and I like learning about diseases, and helping those who cant help themselves).
My mother is a family physician so I understand the profession largely from her point of view and know about the sacrifices involved from what she has told me. She hasnt pressured me to continue in anyway and is pretty supportive of whatever I want to do.

I think I am mostly putting pressure on myself because I could be doing so much better than I am, but I cant seem to pull it together. I am scared that I am not mentally stable for this profession but I think I will be so disappointed if I dont give it my all because I really do feel so fulfilled when I learn something applicable to medicine or when I get to interact with patients through my volunteering.

I just dont know what to do. I just feel like if I went another route in healthcare I would be so disappointed in myself because to me, it would be like giving up.

I hope I dont sound entitled. Maybe I do...anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for the constructive criticisms.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[sgtbrushes]

SDN is not the place to seek medical advice, but you need to talk to a professional. The feelings of depression you're experiencing are very common but not normal. Assuming you have the money (mother = MD and Cornell education), you should pursue this. It could tremendously improve your quality of life.

That being said, with the brief explanation you gave concerning why you want to be a Doctor, there are other routes you should consider. I don't mean to sound cruel, but your GPA is definitely going to cripple you. If you have 120 MORE credits (i.e., 4 more years of undergrad), and get an A in very single class, your GPA will be 3.3. Even if 4 years of undergrad were practical, this is not an impressive GPA.

Have you considering getting an RN? Your GPA can be worked around, you learn a lot of physiology, diseases, and you help those who can't help themselves. They are different skills than an MD, but it can be a rewarding career - and because of the national RN shortage, the wages are VERY competitive. I know few jobs that pay as well for a 2-year degree.

 

[smmer10]

Thank you for the advice.
I guess I was not too clear in my post, but I didnt want medical advice. I was talking more about advice about what I should do next. what my options are...

I am going to make time to see someone and my mother has urged me as well. But assuming all goes well and I am better, should I just push forward?

 

[DrMidlife]

should I just push forward?

No. Stop taking classes. Your GPA is more permanent than a tattoo.

If you ever want to get into med school, then don't take any more classes until you can get A's. More to the point, don't take any more classes until you can enjoy the process. If you aren't performing well and enjoying undergrad work, med school is a really, really bad idea.

Take as long a break as you need to. Med school will be there later.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

I agree with the above posters. My immediate reaction was the same, get your head straight, come back with a fresh attitude. Also, while I wouldn't say RN is as good, maybe think about PA, or get the SMP/PB program and really do well. The poster's comment that even with 120 credits of 4.0 you would only have a 3.3, well, those 120 credits of 4.0 DO count for something, please also consider that you have DO schools as an option. Give it some time, don't give up, but don't continue until you have the mental stamina to do so. I've been working full-time and going to school full time since fall of 09 (through the summer as well), and it takes a lot out of you.

So again, don't give up, but get everything straight in your emotions and mind, then continue and do well, take the MCAT and get in

 

[katiemaude]

I agree that you should take some time off to get your head straight. Get out in the real world and get a job. Find something you can enjoy doing, make an effort to make friends, develop your social life, and seek treatment for your depression. If in a few years you are happier and more stable but still want to pursue medical school, you will be in a much better place to do so. If you repeat your classes and get A's then, you could be a good candidate for a DO school or for PA school.

Having a balanced life is important. I couldn't have gone down this path 10 years ago. I didn't have the focus or emotional resilience do it in my early 20s either.

 

[smmer10]

Thanks for the replies all and encouragement sbb, katie...I agree its time to get some help for myself. I guess Ive tried to not acknowledge that I've messed up badly and that im a complete dissappointment to my school, my parents, myself...I wonder sometimes with all the feelings i have if i will ever be able to become a competent dr.
ive considered other careers such as pharmacy but its only because i think i could do ok despite being depressed (not as much time commitment). i know its also a challenging field, but im not sure if its right to make that decision even though i know i still have desire to become a physician...maybe i am thinking i am not strong enough to pursue medicine even though i want it.

sorry if im whining. i just hope to make the right decision. thanks for reading. ive never vocalized my feelings about this to anyone...

 

[malpractician]

I agree, get the depression taken care of first and foremost. It is an insidious thing to live with, whether it's lifestyle or unresolved issues, get that sorted out.

start from a concrete foundation, anything less is setting yourself up for failure

 

[murfettie]

don't be so hard on yourself either. Cornell is a hard school. But, get better.