Looking for some perspective

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This is really kind of embarrassing - and oddly enough I can't seem to find anyone where I am that's been in the same situation…
Anyway, not passing step 1. Took 6 weeks to study for it, still not passing the stinking thing and can't for the life of me figure out why. Didn't do fantastically in medical school, but not all that bad, either. Can't think straight anymore, but I think that's fairly normal after 6 weeks of this business! Read that big thread of Neuronix's, and hate the idea that my rather inevitable barely passing score is going to land me doing something I don't want to do. Wish I knew what it was I do want to do, but haven't a clue. Well, obviously not family practice or psyc or something like that. Something that will eventually fit with more research than anything and where a surgery and cell bio heavy PhD will be of use. Really, I just don't want to be stuck here in a few years. Feel like my probably near 190 step 1 score will be the end of doing anything clinical. I don't want to feel like I'm forced to head straight for academia (skip the residency) when I graduate if it turns out I really don't want to. Anyway, I'm scared shelf exams and 3rd and 4th are just going to be a repeat of this - complete with my new frustrated bad attitude toward the whole thing. Or, I might just love it, which I kind of suspect. I'm hoping the time off for the PhD will let me step back a little and start over, but… no idea if that will actually happen. It's tempting to think that hating this test means I'll hate all of medicine and that's the end of all of this… but I think I'm wrong. Just trying to decide how to handle this - really postpone test, just do poorly, give up? No good options...

Anyway, I know I'm just complaining, but I just feel lost. It's just a stupid standardized test and I know I have absolutely no perspective on the matter, so, thoughts? Any poor, annoyed, frustrated first and second year mstp students have everything turn out well in the end? Any of the older folks have any advice? Hoping some perspective will help me clear my head - and there seems to be lots of that here!

 

[Neuronix]

My advice is to do your best and then evaluate when your score comes back. Pick a specialty based on what's realistic for your score and later clinical grades. IMO, It's never the end of the world, and if I had to because of my score, I would go into PM&R (it at least recently had the lowest avg step score) and get my Plenty of Money and Relaxation! If you really do fancy a majority research career, and we'll see how you feel about that post-PhD, it seems to me you could probably still swing a decent academic Pathology or Neurology residency even with a low Step I score and a reasonable application otherwise. But, hopefully the guys we have around in those specialties can step in and confirm that.

Keep in mind you can always get a residency no matter your score (assuming you pass, at least once), it just depends where and what in. Remember, my thread is venting frustration in Rads, which may indeed shut you out if you really do fail once or score sub-200. There's actually a current thread on this topic at Aunt Minnie (http://www.auntminnie.com/forum/tm.aspx?m=203811).