Looking for tips...

[SarahA11arie]

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Hello,

My boyfriend of a year and a half just got into Medical School at South Dakota University. We have not been dating very long, however, we have a very healthy and mature relationship, and are very committed to making our relationship work. Therefore, I decided to move to South Dakota with him and attempt to find a job (I just finished my Bachelors degree).

Due to his families values we will not be living together. I just want to move there with realistic expectations for this relationship, such as the fact that we will have limited time together. I was wondering if anyone had any advice for how to make a relationship like ours work, and/or what to expect when I move with him.

Thank you for your interest

 

[LadyMoreta]

Welcome! I think it's a great idea to live separately for now. You're already going through some huge adjustments in your lives, and that will give you both some freedom to settle into your own new unique circumstances.

How much time he has will depend on his study habits. MS1 and part of MS2 were pretty similar to a heavy semester of undergrad for my husband. He was usually done with class by midafternoon, so he would mainly study while I was at work. Before tests, he'd study a little more in the evenings, but having dinner together was never a problem. He even did a lot of the cooking, housework, and grocery shopping, since my job required relatively long hours. During MS2, he started studying for Step 1 of the board exams, and then it got pretty stressful. He still made time for dinner with me, but he needed to do a lot of studying, so I was able to help him out by taking over more of the household chores.

MS3 was his most difficult year of medical school. That is the year they start doing rotations in the hospital. Depending on the program, students may have to travel for some of these, but my husband didn't. He'll put in a lot of hours, and he'll start taking call, so he will be pretty exhausted most of the time. He'll also have to study a lot more at home because he's basically learning a completely different profession every month or two. Since this will be his first real hospital experience, he will probably be a mix of excited/happy and sleep deprived/hating life.

MS4 for us was a great year. If you are planning on getting married during medical school, this would be a good year for it. With his program, they had the option of not having rotations every month, so he used a couple of months for residency interviews. You could easily fit a honeymoon in there. The rotations were a lot lighter, too, and he didn't have call as often, so you'd have plenty of time to get settled into your marriage before the joys of residency start. 🙂

As far as advice goes, he'll need you to be supportive and keep him grounded. There will be times when the stress really gets to him (not the time to remind him that he's pursuing his dream), and there will be times when he gets too wrapped up in the pressure of it all, and you have to force him away from the books for 30 minutes to go get an ice cream cone (or, I guess in South Dakota you'd go for hot chocolate!) You also have to make sure you take care of yourself. You're moving to a whole new city, and you will need to make friends of your own so you'll have someone to hang out with when he's working or studying.

Finally, a little bit of a warning... This probably won't apply to your relationship, but I just feel like I should say it. Some medical students change for the worse. If he starts treating you disrespectfully, you need to address it right away. You are there to support him and determine if he is the man you want for your husband. If he can't support you and love you as well as medicine, then he's not ready for the complications that come with having a medical career and a marriage.

 

[Mr hawkings]

I agree 100% with the above post.

All i have to add is you are going to have to understand that there will come a time when you guys go for weeks without doing any of the stuff you always used to do (dates, trips etc).

Also, at some point he will start to feel that you do not understand what he is going through.

I think you have made a step in the right direction by coming on this message board. i could encourage you to browse some of the student threads ocasionally just to get an idea of what types of challenges med students face and ask advice for.

Good luck

 

[SarahA11arie]

Thank you very much for the two posts they are very much appreciated and helpful. I am just trying to mentally prepare for the big move and and big changes ahead.

 

[BoracayReef]

Hello,

My boyfriend of a year and a half just got into Medical School at South Dakota University. We have not been dating very long, however, we have a very healthy and mature relationship, and are very committed to making our relationship work. Therefore, I decided to move to South Dakota with him and attempt to find a job (I just finished my Bachelors degree).

Due to his families values we will not be living together. I just want to move there with realistic expectations for this relationship, such as the fact that we will have limited time together. I was wondering if anyone had any advice for how to make a relationship like ours work, and/or what to expect when I move with him.

Thank you for your interest

I too just moved with my boyfriend for his first year of residency. We have been dating for 4 years. Some advice I would say is just be understanding and be patient. He will be pretty busy studying in med school. The first and second years are the hardest. They go pretty fast though. I would say keep yourself busy. Like some of the posters here said you won't get to do much of the things you guys used to do (dates, trips, etc.). It will get rough but it is possible to make it work. Appreciate every moment together when you get a change. Third year of med school for me wasn't too bad. He was still as equally busy but it wasn't that bad. The fourth year was the best it was more relaxed and he had more time. He had time off for interviews and I went to most of the interviews with him. I know my boyfriend would have made it through med school without me but he has always told me that I helped him stay sane! 🙂 So be supportive and just go with the flow. Hope this helps!

 

[femmes07]

If you believe in Love then trust his love... Everything has its own perfect time, and nobody can take him from you if he's really meant to be your destiny... I do believe in fate...

All things come to him who waits - provided he knows what he is waiting for.- Woodrow T. Wilson

George Eliot
What greater thing is there for two human souls that to feel that they are joined... to strengthen each other... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.

😍

 

[Brodie919]

My wife just graduated from USD, and my advice to you would be to move to Sioux Falls while he is in Vermillion for 2 years. Then he can move in with you in Sioux Falls. Also, the job opportunities will be much greater in Sioux Falls than the college town of Vermillion. Good luck, have fun, and encourage the school to do family and spouse events. Feel free to contact me if you want some more location specific advice. Good Luck!!

Brodie
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