Lost -- Need Advice

[hubriz]

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Alright. I'll see if I can gain a bit more insight at student services and then diplomatically bring this up to them. Thank you very much. The advice this forum has provided when I truly need it has been downright amazing.

Or you can post your parent's cell phone number and we'll take it from there 🙂

 

[Boolean]

Or you can post your parent's cell phone number and we'll take it from there 🙂

Haha, as wonderful as this community is, I don't think they would take too kindly to that. Currently waiting on the financial aid office people to beckon me back... hopefully this is for the best!

 

[hubriz]

Haha, as wonderful as this community is, I don't think they would take too kindly to that. Currently waiting on the financial aid office people to beckon me back... hopefully this is for the best!

It is. Your doing the right thing. I'm proud of you.

 

[Goro]

My learned colleague beat me to the punch, but if a priest/pastor/rabbi/imam etc can't help, how about a trusted relative? Aunt/Uncle/Grandparent?

It isn't so much a religious commitment as it is "can I survive forty days without coffee"
I was drinking three or four cups a day, and I figured that perhaps it wasn't the /best/ thing to be doing to my body. Nobody in my family is too terribly religious. Sorry, should have clarified that one.

 

[Boolean]

My learned colleague beat me to the punch, but if a priest/pastor/rabbi/imam etc can't help, how about a trusted relative? Aunt/Uncle/Grandparent?

Unfortunately we've moved pretty far away from any other family members, and my parents aren't too inclined to listen. My father grew up in a very military background, and he views any act against his will as an act of insubordination. In good news --- the mentoring program I participate in through a local college of medicine will be hiring me. This will help tremendously.

 

[Goro]

I, for one, am rooting for your success, and hope eventually you'll apply to my school Good luck!

Unfortunately we've moved pretty far away from any other family members, and my parents aren't too inclined to listen. My father grew up in a very military background, and he views any act against his will as an act of insubordination. In good news --- the mentoring program I participate in through a local college of medicine will be hiring me. This will help tremendously.

 

[Boolean]

I, for one, am rooting for your success, and hope eventually you'll apply to my school Good luck!

I really cannot vocalize my thanks enough. Thank you so much.

 

[Augstartcodon]

Your parents sound bad and they should feel bad

 

[touchpause13]

Boolean you sound like a great kid that any parent would dream for. Seriously.

Your parents are dicks. I'm sorry to say it but the way they are treating you is horrific.

Take out loans and move into the dorms or get an apartment with a friend. You could also try and be an RA. They make good money and then your room would be free

 

[Theafoni]

No offense but parents don't just kick kids out of the house. Playing the devil's advocate here, you're probably doing something wrong and not pulling your own weight--you sound pretty entitled, "im doing everything I can, my parents are just so cruel, so sad".

Moving out will definitely help you though, it seems you've been sheltered your whole life by your parents, you'll see what the world really is. Please don't take offense, I know some parents can be unreasonable.

 

[terp720]

No offense but parents don't just kick kids out of the house. Playing the devil's advocate here, you're probably doing something wrong and not pulling your own weight--you sound pretty entitled, "im doing everything I can, my parents are just so cruel, so sad".

Moving out will definitely help you though, it seems you've been sheltered your whole life by your parents, you'll see what the world really is. Please don't take offense, I know some parents can be unreasonable.

wow, did we read the same thread?
Plenty of parents actually do kick kids out of the house when they're adults, not that uncommon. It's great though if you haven't experienced this or known anyone who has.

People have called OP's parents cruel, but I don't think OP ever did. I don't even get how one could consider him entitled. OP was paying his parents rent to live in the house, which a lot of other people arguably don't do at this age.
He is now doing everything he can to find jobs and take care of his situation, and he's really not even complaining about it -- just asking for advice, which he has taken extremely well and is being very proactive about. Not like he's just suing his parents.

also, telling someone to not take offense when you're calling them entitled and they're potentially on the verge of being homeless? really?

 

[Theafoni]

Like I said, Devil's advocate.

I do know some people kicked out of the house, parents were unreasonable, demanding, or just crazy. I also know parents who kicked kids out of the house that were bums, all they did was eat all the food, sleep, and play Xbox--contributing nothing to the household.

This guy's parents are supposed to be well educated, he's in college with a scholarship on a 4.0, he doesn't party, and all of the sudden his parents are trying to kick him out--seems kind of unlikely to be honest unless he's leaving something out.

 

[Mr Roboto]

It sounds like they want you to get a job.

 

[dieanotherday]

I don't qualify for too many either. I'm thinking I landed a job with the library (I'll know soon) on campus, so hopefully I can pay for a roof over my head with that money. The largest issue I'm finding here is that my volunteering and mentoring will be hindered quite a bit (I realize I probably sound like a neurotic premed here, but I made a commitment to the children in the program and I having to step down from that position is really an option of last resort.

if you find yourself completely cut off
you can qualify for independent status as a student
you need to have a few letters from counselors etc stating that your parents are unreasonable etc and do not financially support you any longer

once this happens, you basically get more loans/grants/scholarships, sub and unsub for the next academic year which SHOULD fund your entire education AND living expenses for the rest of your college career

this happened to my husband, his mom was bat **** crazy.
my mom had to write a letter for him to a financial aid counselor telling them he no longer receives any support

that ALSO means come tax season they cant claim you as a dependent.
so you can threaten them with that! because having dependents reduces your taxable income by $$$$ and it might not be viable for them to "cut you off" so to speak if providing you would be better than paying all that in income taxes/state taxes

 

[LostinLift]

Unfortunately we've moved pretty far away from any other family members, and my parents aren't too inclined to listen. My father grew up in a very military background, and he views any act against his will as an act of insubordination. In good news --- the mentoring program I participate in through a local college of medicine will be hiring me. This will help tremendously.

What is the age range of your parents?

Do you have any siblings?

 

[Boolean]

Like I said, Devil's advocate.

I do know some people kicked out of the house, parents were unreasonable, demanding, or just crazy. I also know parents who kicked kids out of the house that were bums, all they did was eat all the food, sleep, and play Xbox--contributing nothing to the household.

This guy's parents are supposed to be well educated, he's in college with a scholarship on a 4.0, he doesn't party, and all of the sudden his parents are trying to kick him out--seems kind of unlikely to be honest unless he's leaving something out.

I'm not the most sociable. They take issue with that. As a result of such, I'm not always entirely the most pleasant to be around, I'm sure. This is not to say that I am nasty or say mean things, but there are certainly times where I could show a bit more respect. This is not to say at all that I am down talking my parents. I've been there during my middle school years and that is not a road I would like to revisit.

I do not think my parents truly grasp what I'm attempting to do. As they see it, I come home from school and basically stay in my room. Albeit, I'm studying, but they think that I could be more productive with my times. This only happens once a week, but I suppose they feel it is once a week too many. There have been many issues with my parents in particular. This is not an isolated occurrence, however, this is the first time the situation has been approached with so much severity.

 

[Boolean]

It sounds like they want you to get a job.

I wish this was simply the case. I can and have easily gone out and gotten a job. In fact, the mentoring position I was in has offered to take me on as a tutor, in which I'd be generating more of an income in comparison to what I am making now. If this was simply the matter of getting a job, I would have immediately remedied the situation.

 

[Boolean]

No offense but parents don't just kick kids out of the house. Playing the devil's advocate here, you're probably doing something wrong and not pulling your own weight--you sound pretty entitled, "im doing everything I can, my parents are just so cruel, so sad".

Moving out will definitely help you though, it seems you've been sheltered your whole life by your parents, you'll see what the world really is. Please don't take offense, I know some parents can be unreasonable.

I'm sorry if I came off like that. My intent isn't to complain. I thought I made it fairly clear from the start that I simply need advice.
I may be in a bit of an unpleasant situation at the moment, but others are in situations far worse than I. I recognize that, and I do not wish to at all seem as if I am comparing myself to that level.

I've merely been placed in a bit of a compromising situation where actions I cannot control are affecting my future (specifically, admittance into medical school). I can understand why one would think I'm doing something wrong or not pulling my own weight. While I do not necessarily think this is the case, I am positive there are areas I could improve on.

I am truly sorry if this comes off as a rant. I believe I stated multiple times that I am trying to avoid any semblance of one, I'm merely looking for advice on a forum I know has users more learned than I.

 

[terp720]

I'm sorry if I came off like that. My intent isn't to complain. I thought I made it fairly clear from the start that I simply need advice.

I am truly sorry if this comes off as a rant. I believe I stated multiple times that I am trying to avoid any semblance of one, I'm merely looking for advice on a forum I know has users more learned than I.

you're like....the most polite person on SDN.
seriously though, you're handling this situation really well. Glad you were able to find a job so quickly.

 

[Boolean]

you're like....the most polite person on SDN.
seriously though, you're handling this situation really well. Glad you were able to find a job so quickly.

I'm far from it. I just feel that I should really be handling this situation with a level head. Right now my future is highly dependent upon me being calm and diplomatic. If a few concerned individuals on the forums is enough to distract me from this, I wouldn't be approaching a very positive outlook. As for the job bit, I'm actually fairly amazed. The COM I'll be working through is known for a heavy level of compassion, so I can't say I'm surprised, but it is very nice to see them taking on one of their mentors in the mentors time of need.

 

[Boolean]

if you find yourself completely cut off
you can qualify for independent status as a student
you need to have a few letters from counselors etc stating that your parents are unreasonable etc and do not financially support you any longer

once this happens, you basically get more loans/grants/scholarships, sub and unsub for the next academic year which SHOULD fund your entire education AND living expenses for the rest of your college career

this happened to my husband, his mom was bat **** crazy.
my mom had to write a letter for him to a financial aid counselor telling them he no longer receives any support

that ALSO means come tax season they cant claim you as a dependent.
so you can threaten them with that! because having dependents reduces your taxable income by $$$$ and it might not be viable for them to "cut you off" so to speak if providing you would be better than paying all that in income taxes/state taxes

Financial aid office said something very similar! Thank you for the insight, it is much appreciated.

 

[Theafoni]

I'm not the most sociable. They take issue with that. As a result of such, I'm not always entirely the most pleasant to be around, I'm sure. This is not to say that I am nasty or say mean things, but there are certainly times where I could show a bit more respect. This is not to say at all that I am down talking my parents. I've been there during my middle school years and that is not a road I would like to revisit.

I do not think my parents truly grasp what I'm attempting to do. As they see it, I come home from school and basically stay in my room. Albeit, I'm studying, but they think that I could be more productive with my times. This only happens once a week, but I suppose they feel it is once a week too many. There have been many issues with my parents in particular. This is not an isolated occurrence, however, this is the first time the situation has been approached with so much severity.

Alright, apologies if I came at you wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with staying in your room all day, and there's certainly nothing wrong with being sociable and getting involved. If your parents want you to be sociable, get some friends and hit up some parties or social events, or even join a frat, that may get your parents off your back.

 

[SolarMed]

I feel like we're missing the parent's side of the story...?

 

[Boolean]

I feel like we're missing the parent's side of the story...?

Post above basically clarifies their perspective.

 

[dieanotherday]

Post above basically clarifies their perspective.

Please be more sociable.

It is a bit severe to react this way to your child the way your parents did but seriously make some friends see a counselor yourself

I don't have kids but if all my kid did was stay in his room all day and I never saw him do anything other than go to school and come home no girlfriend no job and no proof of these extra curricular activities nor proof of transcripts I would probably think he's a loner/loser and wasting my time/money living with me when he needs to be in the real world.

You definitely need to show them you really have your **** together
Bring home projects ask them for help show them some grades so that it doesn't look like you just slide by class and take naps

 

[Boolean]

Please be more sociable.

It is a bit severe to react this way to your child the way your parents did but seriously make some friends see a counselor yourself

I don't have kids but if all my kid did was stay in his room all day and I never saw him do anything other than go to school and come home no girlfriend no job and no proof of these extra curricular activities nor proof of transcripts I would probably think he's a loner/loser and wasting my time/money living with me when he needs to be in the real world.

You definitely need to show them you really have your **** together
Bring home projects ask them for help show them some grades so that it doesn't look like you just slide by class and take naps

You make a very good point. I'll certainly try and do that. I'll perhaps look into seeing an on campus counselor.

In positive news: I'm able to get a ride to and from school (yay!) as well as to work now. In addition, I'm highly likely to land a job at the library (I'll work between classes, they're fairly spaced out) and on the weekends and nights when I can.

Thank you all so much for your help. It really means a lot.

 

[DocMcMommy]

I don't have any advice, but I think that's all been covered anyway. However, I'd like to send my good thoughts and applause your way. You sound like you're doing phenomenally. 🙂