Love issues

[Mushy003]

I am a pre-medical applicant who has a couple acceptances out of state, which is great, I am very thankful!! But my wife goes to medical school in state and her school requires a couple points higher on the MCAT. I was wondering if anyone had a similar problem or just some information that could help me? I am "currently being evaluated" by there system as we speak.


(if you tell me to retake the MCAT I will personally round house kick you in the face) = I am not retaking the MCAT

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[DoctorLacrosse]

I am a pre-medical applicant who has a couple acceptances out of state, which is great, I am very thankful!! But my wife goes to medical school in state and her school requires a couple points higher on the MCAT. I was wondering if anyone had a similar problem or just some information that could help me? I am "currently being evaluated" by there system as we speak.


(if you tell me to retake the MCAT I will personally round house kick you in the face) = I am not retaking the MCAT

unfortunately, there's not much else you can do. if you can't get accepted in the same state as your wife, your only other options are A. go out of state or B. don't go to medical school.

obviously it would be a tough/strange/unique situation to have to be separate from your wife, but if medicine is what you want to do then you can make it work. many people have successful long distance relationships. good luck

 

[alpinism]

Yep. Being a doctor requires sacrifices. If you don't get accepted to your in-state school this will be the first of many.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

I had a classmate in a similar situation. She was an M1 at our state school, while her husband was applying. He later got accepted and started in the same program a year later.
I have no idea what his stats were like, but IIRC I think my classmate said something about him mentioning his wife was already in the program, and that may have helped.

So maybe send an update letter or mention in your interview your wife is a student there? I can't imagine it would hurt...and might even help a bit. I'm just speculating though, perhaps someone else could chime in.

 

[tiedyeddog]

yes, this happens. It must suck but people make do with what they are dealt.

 

[Crayola227]

It's rare to be able to transfer from one med school to another after the first two years but has happened. You'd have to look into that way ahead before settling on one of the out of state acceptances.

Definitely see if the fact that your spouse is already accepted can help you at this institution.

Think about what might happen with residency too later. You will have to graduate the same year or do resume fillers (MPH?) If you don't both start the same year to try to do couple's match.

Otherwise it's at least a 7 year long distance relationship if you can't match together.

People have done it. I've known way way way more relationships ruined by cheating during those sorts of long distance relationships during med school and residency than ones that worked out.

Just beware that if you separate during your training there is no guarantee your relationship makes it no matter how good your intentions.

Hmm, one resident I know did 4 yrs long distance for med school, found out fiance was cheating the whole two years before graduation.

Another resident I know did long distance in med school, as intern found out the baby wasn't his.

Another intern I know did long distance for a few months, guy was cheating and she found out later on.

Someone else cheated on partner the whole first year of residency and gave the not-cheating partner herpes.

2 more friends I know in medical field with fiancees in another city were dumped for whoever they were being cheated on.

2 married health professions students with spouses and kids in another state started an affair and left their spouses for each other.

One more couple that did long distance and one of them cheated.

I know of about two or three people with similar circumstances that led to a happy ending. Maybe there was no cheating or no one was found out or no one cared.

I used to believe long distance relationships could work until I went to med school.

 

[Psai]

Call the school

 

[Shjanzey]

Currently M2 with my wife a resident at another institution out of state. Hardest thing I have ever done. School is easy, maintaining the relationship between two very brutal schedules is tough. If you are just dating forget it. If you are married, I think it is possible if both people are totally committed. I can't wait until I can transfer at the end of second year. I am already over it.

 

[Millineutron]

Hmm, one resident I know did 4 yrs long distance for med school, found out fiance was cheating the whole two years before graduation.

Another resident I know did long distance in med school, as intern found out the baby wasn't his.

Another intern I know did long distance for a few months, guy was cheating and she found out later on.

Someone else cheated on partner the whole first year of residency and gave the not-cheating partner herpes.

2 more friends I know in medical field with fiancees in another city were dumped for whoever they were being cheated on.

2 married health professions students with spouses and kids in another state started an affair and left their spouses for each other.

One more couple that did long distance and one of them cheated.

I know of about two or three people with similar circumstances that led to a happy ending. Maybe there was no cheating or no one was found out or no one cared.

 

[Mad Jack]

It's rare to be able to transfer from one med school to another after the first two years but has happened. You'd have to look into that way ahead before settling on one of the out of state acceptances.

Definitely see if the fact that your spouse is already accepted can help you at this institution.

Think about what might happen with residency too later. You will have to graduate the same year or do resume fillers (MPH?) If you don't both start the same year to try to do couple's match.

Otherwise it's at least a 7 year long distance relationship if you can't match together.

People have done it. I've known way way way more relationships ruined by cheating during those sorts of long distance relationships during med school and residency than ones that worked out.

Just beware that if you separate during your training there is no guarantee your relationship makes it no matter how good your intentions.

Hmm, one resident I know did 4 yrs long distance for med school, found out fiance was cheating the whole two years before graduation.

Another resident I know did long distance in med school, as intern found out the baby wasn't his.

Another intern I know did long distance for a few months, guy was cheating and she found out later on.

Someone else cheated on partner the whole first year of residency and gave the not-cheating partner herpes.

2 more friends I know in medical field with fiancees in another city were dumped for whoever they were being cheated on.

2 married health professions students with spouses and kids in another state started an affair and left their spouses for each other.

One more couple that did long distance and one of them cheated.

I know of about two or three people with similar circumstances that led to a happy ending. Maybe there was no cheating or no one was found out or no one cared.

I used to believe long distance relationships could work until I went to med school.

Going on a year and some change and my relationship is still pretty good, though we did hit one rocky period, but that was less about medical school than anything else. Of course, we see each other every week (one of us will do the 3.5 hour drive every weekend), so it's a bit different that a true long-distance, not seeing the other person for weeks or months a time relationship.

 

[Tenk]

If you don't get into her school just pursue a different career path. It's not worth 4+ years of being apart if you don't match residencies and a ginormous amount of debt. Once you're on this roller coaster there's really no getting off (especially with That much debt) and you only have one life. You can live a great one without two MDs.

 

[Mad Jack]

If you don't get into her school just pursue a different career path. It's not worth 4+ years of being apart if you don't match residencies and a ginormous amount of debt. Once you're on this roller coaster there's really no getting off (especially with That much debt) and you only have one life. You can live a great one without two MDs.

I'd strongly disagree- this relationship may or may not work out, but that MD is forever. If you aren't married, I will always say to go for med school, as you'll hate yourself forever if the relationship doesn't work out and you passed on your only chance at becoming a doctor. Given that the vast majority of relationships in people's early 20s do not work out, those are odds I'd say are worth skipping on and just going to med school.

 

[Ophthoseidon]

How far are the out of state schools? I know of couples being at two different schools ~3 hours apart and it works just fine because they can still see each other on weekends and stuff.

You could also always retake the MCAT

 

[704]

It's rare to be able to transfer from one med school to another after the first two years but has happened. You'd have to look into that way ahead before settling on one of the out of state acceptances.

Definitely see if the fact that your spouse is already accepted can help you at this institution.

Think about what might happen with residency too later. You will have to graduate the same year or do resume fillers (MPH?) If you don't both start the same year to try to do couple's match.

Otherwise it's at least a 7 year long distance relationship if you can't match together.

People have done it. I've known way way way more relationships ruined by cheating during those sorts of long distance relationships during med school and residency than ones that worked out.

Just beware that if you separate during your training there is no guarantee your relationship makes it no matter how good your intentions.

Hmm, one resident I know did 4 yrs long distance for med school, found out fiance was cheating the whole two years before graduation.

Another resident I know did long distance in med school, as intern found out the baby wasn't his.

Another intern I know did long distance for a few months, guy was cheating and she found out later on.

Someone else cheated on partner the whole first year of residency and gave the not-cheating partner herpes.

2 more friends I know in medical field with fiancees in another city were dumped for whoever they were being cheated on.

2 married health professions students with spouses and kids in another state started an affair and left their spouses for each other.

One more couple that did long distance and one of them cheated.

I know of about two or three people with similar circumstances that led to a happy ending. Maybe there was no cheating or no one was found out or no one cared.

I used to believe long distance relationships could work until I went to med school.

That is absolutely horrible.

 

[Mad Jack]

That is absolutely horrible.

People are absolutely horrible in general. They're also wonderful. But horribleness is to be expected, duality of man and all.

 

[PhillyMed777]

I've also seen it work out many times as well (the long distance MD thing). It just isn't as easy obviously.
I really hope it works out for you, OP. Good luck.

 

[Crayola227]

I'd strongly disagree- this relationship may or may not work out, but that MD is forever. If you aren't married, I will always say to go for med school, as you'll hate yourself forever if the relationship doesn't work out and you passed on your only chance at becoming a doctor. Given that the vast majority of relationships in people's early 20s do not work out, those are odds I'd say are worth skipping on and just going to med school.

I'm mostly with you here Mad Jack, but if they're married than THAT is supposed to be forever, or at least vows were taken to attempt to treat it as such, and so then one must decide what they will or will not do or need to do to keep it together. Or they are taking your approach and career or bust come what may to what may be a first marriage in their 20s (I didn't catch if that were the case)

The MD is forever but it's usefulness might not be.

You could lose your marriage over this, find yourself too disabled to work or some other **** out of luck with that MD and have nothing.

Or, you forgo the MD to keep the marriage together only for the "in sickness and in health" bit of the vow not upheld by your spouse, in which case you still have nothing.

It's a classic dilemma, the "security" of family vs "security" of career.

Either one can let you down or die leaving you alone and miserable.

There was a married person who worked at the school who was in a car accident with family in the car, woke in hospital from coma to find their spouse and two kids dead, just like that.

You can't always have it all, and it's up to this person to decide what to pursue, what they might lose either way, how OK they are with any bad case scenario that might arise.

I know someone who gave up a very pretigious professorship because after 6 mo long distance and a lot of long pauses on the phone that long distance med school would spell the end of the marriage ultimately (they were on different coasts). It came down to career or marriage, and the career was compromised.

You guys really need to have a heart to heart with yourselves, be realistic how good you are at connecting via phone/skype/texting/email/holidays/where to spend holidays/vacations long drives/ finances with long flights and determine what expectations each of you would have re: long distance, how far the distance is you can tolerate, your respective sex drives, history of cheating or how well you can each rely on other expressions of sexuality (sex talk/ skype to each other, porn, reading erotica, masturbation), how frequent and what modality to use to communicate, and how that plays in, what if anything you would do if a rough patch was hit (counseling might not be feasible, would one of you quit to keep the marriage together?), and definitely what plans if you can't match together (would one of you pursue something besides residency with the MD?)

Without a lot of self awareness, maybe trial long distance, or knowing how far the distance will be, and knowing that this means 4 yrs at least and easily up to 7 years, this can easily go south.

The only way to prevent disaster here is a fair amount of introspection, honesty, and communication.

I highly advise trying to get into the same school, or one within driving distance, figuring out if you can afford short flights often, attendance policies and vacation schedules of schools (once you hit the last two years this will be impossible for visits together, you'll mostly be cutting down to weekends and have 60-80 hr work weeks even if you can do away rotations at one another's schools) and think about ultimate residency/career goals.

What if birth control fails? What chances of an unplanned pregnancy and what will be done to accommodate that?

If you don't do all of the above introspection and just start a school a plane flight away, and don't have a firm plan to either couple match together or not at all, or know that not couple matching that way means another 3 years long distance, and that without considering the above advice the chances of a relationship surviving 4 years long distance, and maybe another 3 bringing you to 7 years, without someone quitting, can be the end of the marriage, and without thoughtful consideration it will be, if you just dive in I would say the chances of destruction are high.

It's not impossible but without enough foresight you may as well go camping in the arctic without more than a ski jacket and a tent.

 

[deleted642188]

how do you already have acceptances before oct 15?

to answer your question: if you don't get an II at your wife's school by january try sending a LOI to explain that your wife is a current student and you are 100% certain that you would matriculate at that school if interviewed and accepted.

If I am correct DO schools can give out acceptances before Oct 15

 

[Tenk]

I'd strongly disagree- this relationship may or may not work out, but that MD is forever. If you aren't married, I will always say to go for med school, as you'll hate yourself forever if the relationship doesn't work out and you passed on your only chance at becoming a doctor. Given that the vast majority of relationships in people's early 20s do not work out, those are odds I'd say are worth skipping on and just going to med school.

1) He never said he was in his 20s, although he might be.

2) He's not just in a "relationship," marriage is much more than that. Maybe they have kids, maybe they want to, maybe they own a house, maybe they want to, the list goes on and on. Marriage > MD.

3) I didn't say be a stay at home dad and do nothing with your life. I said pursue another career path: pharmacy, dental school, PA school, etc. Great ways to make an awesome income without as much debt as medical school while still enjoying the company of your family, etc.

4) I agree with you wholeheartedly if he wasn't married btw. But he is.

 

[futuremdforme]

1) He never said he was in his 20s, although he might be.

2) He's not just in a "relationship," marriage is much more than that. Maybe they have kids, maybe they want to, maybe they own a house, maybe they want to, the list goes on and on. Marriage > MD.

3) I didn't say be a stay at home dad and do nothing with your life. I said pursue another career path: pharmacy, dental school, PA school, etc. Great ways to make an awesome income without as much debt as medical school while still enjoying the company of your family, etc.

4) I agree with you wholeheartedly if he wasn't married btw. But he is.

Agreed. A good marriage is worth so much more than any job.

 

[Mad Jack]

1) He never said he was in his 20s, although he might be.

2) He's not just in a "relationship," marriage is much more than that. Maybe they have kids, maybe they want to, maybe they own a house, maybe they want to, the list goes on and on. Marriage > MD.

3) I didn't say be a stay at home dad and do nothing with your life. I said pursue another career path: pharmacy, dental school, PA school, etc. Great ways to make an awesome income without as much debt as medical school while still enjoying the company of your family, etc.

4) I agree with you wholeheartedly if he wasn't married btw. But he is.

I missed the wife bit somehow. Probably because I have a personal aversion to the word lol

 

[kmp0410]

Long distance is horrible. It is in no way a good thing for a good marriage. Your talking atleast 4 years, probably more with residency. Whats the point? You got married to spend your life together, so imo that should be your number one priority (and I'm married and in med school). If you get into her school then great, go forward, but past that, I would pursue something else. Definitely call the school she attends and make this known. And while I don't know anything about the couples match, I would think something so she could delay a year and then y'all do that would be beneficial.

 

[mimelim]

That is absolutely horrible.

This is approximately my experience as well. It isn't just the distance. It is how busy you are as well.

 

[fancymylotus]

Long distance is the absolute ****ing worst. I say this as I am sleepily sitting at work downing bottles of cold brew(coffee) coming off a 630AM flight back home with patients till 7 tonight. My other half is in med school. We've been doing this for years. Repeat. Long. Distance. Is. The. WORST

 

[mimelim]

Long distance is the absolute ****ing worst. I say this as I am sleepily sitting at work downing bottles of cold brew(coffee) coming off a 630AM flight back home with patients till 7 tonight. My other half is in med school. We've been doing this for years. Repeat. Long. Distance. Is. The. WORST

But you make it work

 

[DokterMom]

How's your wife doing? And how far below average is your MCAT/GPA?

 

[DoctorLacrosse]

How's your wife doing? And how far below average is your MCAT/GPA?

post history shows a 22, with a 24 retake I believe

 

[Crayola227]

It doesn't make a difference in my mind what the MCAT is because already having OOS aceptances in the bag it's not like it makes sense to turn them down retake MCAT ( OP said they would not consider that anyway) just to reapply to that school where wifey is next year and still the issue of them being separated yet another year in grad date which would be problematic for match later).

It seems like this year or bust.

Wife should be the one to contact her school on his behalf as she already attends there to see if any strings can be pulled. He could see about deferring one of the other acceptances a year if that would shorten the time between his start and her grad, and then cross fingers she can match where he is or close by. At least with her MD out of the way wherever he is she could try to get research or MPH or something at that institution post grad more easily (resideny slot has a lot more variables). That would put her at a disadvantage in match but they could shorten time apart and still try to get MDs, and hopefully match together or stall.

It's always easier if one has attending status before the other if they can't be matching together.

They should both inquire about transferring start of third year at the respective institutions they have acceptances to/ currently attending if she's not a third year already.

If she's admitted, and already attending, which I didn't get from the post clearly, they may be more apt to interview him despite his MCAT if she's wanting him to attend and she's looking to transfer to one of the institutions he's already been accepted.

I know I got a residency interview on the basis that my partner was being recruited by the institution for a different job (they wanted him bad so they basically were willing to take us as a package, my match there would have been assured had my partner taken the job)

Someone already in attendance the school doesn't want to have looking to transfer (assuming that's possible it can be very difficult, it's not usually a question of the alma mater allowing it but if the institution they want to transfer to will allow it). Also tentative transfer plans can always fall through. I knew someone who had a promise on the basis of their spouse being an attending physician at the institution of a transfer going through when the whole school up and changed their policy the year it was happen.

If she's a current student the school will likely at least consider looking at his app a second time and at least re-consider an II over her making noises to leave or transfer out. I don't mean to say you should be threatening you don't have power in this situation, adcoms and med schools do whatever the **** they want just that I know from personal experience these sort of convos and thoughts are had in these situations.

Some schools will say "oh you're a student and your spouse applied but we threw the app in the trash because of our MCAT score cut off? He has acceptances elsewhere but you both want to attend here? You're wondering what policies there are on transferring out? Why don't we take another look?" And other schools will just tell you to **** yourself.

OP could turn down these acceptances, retake MCAT, and try again but unless the school indicates that will a) make any difference b) the OP is willing to turn down acceptances and maybe never get another and c) can afford financially to retake MCAT d) thinks realistically they can improve that score (they have 2 acceptances on a 22 MCAT so turning them down to be a reapplicant next year even with a higher MCAT, the higher score may not offset being another year out when he already has acceptances, if he had 0 acceptances there is only money & time to lose in retaking amd reapplying which is why people do that)

Sure OP could try to retake for this app cycle for that school where wife is, but it doesn't really make sense to me in terms of cost and improving score.

MCAT or not, they have to figure out if they're going to take an OOS acceptance they have and do long distance, or just not pursue medicine. They could take the middle road of trying again next year with a higher MCAT, but the chances of not getting an acceptance or again being OOS with wifey a year closer to grad, well, let's say I can't say what they can should do only prognosticate possibilities.

I see why wondering what the score is is a prognosticator, but if it doesnt affect management (OP won't retake and the cost/benefit of reapplying vs score vs time tradeoff indicates diminshing returns) I think it comes down to whether or not they can chamge the school's mind, and if the OP will do long distance with wife OOS or just forget the whole thing.

They could forget the whole thing and try later bit that's never good advice if you want the MD. It mi h t be good advice if they don't want to risk the marriage over that MD.

 

[jdh71]

Am I a bad person that I can't even get past the: there != their to even give a helpful response

Quick. Someone needs to post a meme about how no one like it when you correct their spelling and or grammar.

 

[Crayola227]

Am I a bad person that I can't even get past the: there != their to even give a helpful response

Quick. Someone needs to post a meme about how no one like it when you correct their spelling and or grammar.

No one like*S* it when you correct their spelling or grammar

 

[jdh71]

No one like*S* it when you correct their spelling or grammar

exactly

 

[Goro]

Oh yeah...my does all the time. We start interviewing in sept and have 2-3 week cycle when the Adcom meets to make decisions.

If I am correct DO schools can give out acceptances before Oct 15

 

[ortnakas]

What year is your wife in med school? I ask because it affects the timing and might make long-distance more manageable.

 

[deleted642188]

Though OP if it is more assuring I remember a study that suggests that statistically long distance may fare better because each moment you share with YOUR SO is much more meaningful and cherished in LD; hopefull, it works out regardless

 

[Mushy003]

H

 

[Mushy003]

She is a first year at an osteopathic school. I just need advice about what I could do to increase my chances. If it is not possible and you have nothing to say that's cool, I don't need a million examples of failed marriages.

 

[Mushy003]

And her schools average MCAT is a 27 and I have a 24 and a 22 with 3.7 overall and 3.7 science

 

[Law2Doc]

If you don't get into her school just pursue a different career path. It's not worth 4+ years of being apart if you don't match residencies and a ginormous amount of debt. Once you're on this roller coaster there's really no getting off (especially with That much debt) and you only have one life. You can live a great one without two MDs.

Meh, if someone is going to cheat on you, they weren't worth giving up a career for. If they aren't, then you do the extra work to try and make the LDR work. Med school certainly puts extreme stress on any relationship (longterm or local) and often breaks up the weaker ones. But better you find that out earlier. Fwiw lots of relationships will end simply due to the crazy hours involved in medicine. There will be times when you'll be working 80 hours a week, gone every weekend, gone numerous overnights. You'll miss holidays and family events. Not every non-medical field person is going to understand the hours or expectations and many will feel neglected. In a way a LDR might actually be easier at certain stages of the schooling/training because all they'll be expecting is a text or phone call now and then.

 

[jakeislove]

Hilarious!

Though OP if it is more assuring I remember a study that suggests that statistically long distance may fare better because each moment you share with YOUR SO is much more meaningful and cherished in LD; hopefull, it works out regardless

 

[FriendOfTheCupcake]

I am a pre-medical applicant who has a couple acceptances out of state, which is great, I am very thankful!! But my wife goes to medical school in state and her school requires a couple points higher on the MCAT. I was wondering if anyone had a similar problem or just some information that could help me? I am "currently being evaluated" by there system as we speak.


(if you tell me to retake the MCAT I will personally round house kick you in the face) = I am not retaking the MCAT

Honestly, if you're already accepted at a few schools then you have nothing to lose by re-taking the MCAT, you only have things to gain. The MCAT is nothing compared to the material of medical school...you'll only be helping yourself if you learn how to do better on it, and in my own *marriage* I'd be willing to try for a few points higher if it meant being with my significant other for the next 4 years...I know you're threatening a roundhouse kick in the face for this advice, but you may find that you'll want to roundhouse kick yourself when you realize how easy it could have been.

Either way, I hope it works out and they take you anyway!

 

[tvelocity514]

OP I would get your wife to go to someone on admissions and talk to them about what's going on. A girl did that at my school and her husband got in. Your grades are decent besides your mcat. It's not like she's asking for her husband that has a 3.0 GPA and 20 mcat. I think that's the best thing to do. Tell her to say that you have gotten into other school but she wanted to know if there is any way they could take a closer look at your application and give you a chance. Ultimately, it would be healthier in the long run for your wife also bc I'm sure you being there would create less mental stress than if you were far away. Hope it works out- good luck!

 

[Domek]

She is a first year at an osteopathic school. I just need advice about what I could do to increase my chances. If it is not possible and you have nothing to say that's cool, I don't need a million examples of failed marriages.

OP, you asked for help/advice from people in similar situations. I think you've gotten a lot of good advice. If you're looking for someone to tell you a surefire way for you to get into the same med school as your wife, you won't find it on SDN (or anywhere, because it doesn't exist). You're a grown, married man looking to go into a very demanding profession. You're gonna have to make some tough decisions.

 

[Law2Doc]

Honestly, if you're already accepted at a few schools then you have nothing to lose by re-taking the MCAT, you only have things to gain. The MCAT is nothing compared to the material of medical school...you'll only be helping yourself if you learn how to do better on it, and in my own *marriage* I'd be willing to try for a few points higher if it meant being with my significant other for the next 4 years...I know you're threatening a roundhouse kick in the face for this advice, but you may find that you'll want to roundhouse kick yourself when you realize how easy it could have been.

Either way, I hope it works out and they take you anyway!

I'm not sure I'd say he has nothing to lose. He can lose those acceptances, can do worse on the MCAT and end up a reapplicant with worse prospects.

 

[Crayola227]

I think my point was to enourage you consider the challenges and the logistics. A lot of people don't consider all the ramifications of what the path down medicine looks like and it can entail.

You're right OP, a lot of us went beyond your questions which was just "how can I try to get into the same school as my wife."

Others will read this thread. I hope ultimately the advice you've been given can help you and your wife and others get a satisfactory outcome.

 

[Goro]

I can't sugarcoat this, this doesn't look good with those MCAT scores; look, you'll be apart for a minimum of two years, but try to arrange rotations for years 3-4.

And her schools average MCAT is a 27 and I have a 24 and a 22 with 3.7 overall and 3.7 science

 

[Tenk]

Meh, if someone is going to cheat on you, they weren't worth giving up a career for. If they aren't, then you do the extra work to try and make the LDR work. Med school certainly puts extreme stress on any relationship (longterm or local) and often breaks up the weaker ones. But better you find that out earlier. Fwiw lots of relationships will end simply due to the crazy hours involved in medicine. There will be times when you'll be working 80 hours a week, gone every weekend, gone numerous overnights. You'll miss holidays and family events. Not every non-medical field person is going to understand the hours or expectations and many will feel neglected. In a way a LDR might actually be easier at certain stages of the schooling/training because all they'll be expecting is a text or phone call now and then.

I never said anything about cheating either. You have a finite amount of time on this planet. All of us do. 7 years is probably somewhere in the order of 10% of the total (average) or probably closer to 20% of the remaining life span of this fine gent. If my wife was a physician and I had to choose to either be a physician by spending 7 years apart or be something else in life, I'd choose something else in a heart beat. But don't get me wrong; I LOVE my job. Absofreaking love it. I just happen to love my family a hell of a lot more.

 

[Mushy003]

OP, you asked for help/advice from people in similar situations. I think you've gotten a lot of good advice. If you're looking for someone to tell you a surefire way for you to get into the same med school as your wife, you won't find it on SDN (or anywhere, because it doesn't exist). You're a grown, married man looking to go into a very demanding profession. You're gonna have to make some tough decisions.

Why would you assume this? Just because I felt people were getting carried away by writing 14 different experiences of failed marriages from people he/she knew. And if you want to get technical I asked if someone was in a similar situation not if they knew anyone in this situation and how it blew up in their face. I know my situation sucks and that I most probably will have to leave for medical school, I just wanted to exhaust all my resources and maybe come across some useful information. I have found a lot of good information on this website but as much as there was good information there was the same amount of bad information and it sucks because the majority of users on this website are people who have some type of problem and are just looking for some guidance, but leave it to the people of SDN to turn on the OP and twist his words to make him seem like he wants everyone to treat him like a baby. For the people who are reading this or may come across this one day, don't take any advice from this website, don't make my mistake and let people tell you that you can't do something you want to do. There is always a way, I was told I should not become a physician because of a section on an exam that I couldn't do well on and here I am with two acceptances and facing a brand new problem. Keep your head up whoever you are and always have hope, don't let anyone take that away from you.

For those of you that helped me on this website and didn't use it for a personal ego booster, I sincerely thank you guys!

Goodbye SDN

 

[Seth Joo]

I am a pre-medical applicant who has a couple acceptances out of state, which is great, I am very thankful!! But my wife goes to medical school in state and her school requires a couple points higher on the MCAT. I was wondering if anyone had a similar problem or just some information that could help me? I am "currently being evaluated" by there system as we speak.


(if you tell me to retake the MCAT I will personally round house kick you in the face) = I am not retaking the MCAT

The thing about medical school is that you are usually confined to a specific locale for two years, sometimes 3, but almost at all schools you usually can go wherever you want in the fourth year.

That being said, you usually get breaks during that time, so take that time to visit your wife when school is out of session, that is the best advice I can give you, medical school is unfortunately a time where you are going to have make some sacrifices.

 

[Crayola227]

No you cannot go wherever you want fourth year. Schools have policies on which rotations can be done away, and you can't make another med school magically have enough rotations or slots for you.

You can't always have your cake and eat it too.

Listen, you guys don't find a way to go through the couples match you may not have a choice for residency either. I was doing you a favor and thinking a few steps ahead. I can't tell you how many of my classmates matriculated and had no clue about step 1 and the competition for residency, about the match, or having to do at least 3 yrs of residency after. They didn't look that many steps ahead in planning their career. That they would likely have to move again after med school.

I hope you don't end up someone who loses things that matter more than medicine to them to medicine. I hope you if you go away for med school you have a wife to come back to. You are starting a 7 year journey and make not make it through the whole thing one way or another.

You can beat the odds, sure. But let's not act like this isn't going to be hard. It is. And you are absolutely risking your marriage.
It's fine to think we're wrong and do whatever you like. I even hope things go well. But don't delude yourself to the idea that this will be anything than the hardest thing you've ever done. At least with that attitude you can go in knowing that this isn't something to take for granted, you can be better prepared.

I didn't just list a bunch of failed relationships to discourage. I want you to understand the risks just as I do for any patient going under the knife. Everyone always thinks they'll wake up fine and they won't be the casualty. But someone always is. If you can make peace with that possibility, go for it.

 

[Petrichor1]

It's rare to be able to transfer from one med school to another after the first two years but has happened. You'd have to look into that way ahead before settling on one of the out of state acceptances.

Definitely see if the fact that your spouse is already accepted can help you at this institution.

Think about what might happen with residency too later. You will have to graduate the same year or do resume fillers (MPH?) If you don't both start the same year to try to do couple's match.

Otherwise it's at least a 7 year long distance relationship if you can't match together.

People have done it. I've known way way way more relationships ruined by cheating during those sorts of long distance relationships during med school and residency than ones that worked out.

Just beware that if you separate during your training there is no guarantee your relationship makes it no matter how good your intentions.

Hmm, one resident I know did 4 yrs long distance for med school, found out fiance was cheating the whole two years before graduation.

Another resident I know did long distance in med school, as intern found out the baby wasn't his.

Another intern I know did long distance for a few months, guy was cheating and she found out later on.

Someone else cheated on partner the whole first year of residency and gave the not-cheating partner herpes.

2 more friends I know in medical field with fiancees in another city were dumped for whoever they were being cheated on.

2 married health professions students with spouses and kids in another state started an affair and left their spouses for each other.

One more couple that did long distance and one of them cheated.

I know of about two or three people with similar circumstances that led to a happy ending. Maybe there was no cheating or no one was found out or no one cared.

I used to believe long distance relationships could work until I went to med school.

grey's anatomy baby