Maintaining Relationship during Residency...

Discussion in 'General Residency Issues' started by Ant098, Nov 29, 2005.

  1. Ant098

    Ant098 New Member

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    My question to you simply is it worth it? 5 year OB/GYN residency. Is maintaining a relationship worth it? or even do able?
     
  2. ericdopt

    ericdopt Member
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    It depends on the context of the relationship. If you are married, then the answer is an obvious yes. How long have you been dating? Will he/she move with you? Many variables here to give a clear answer. Anything is "doable" if you want it badly enough. :)
     
  3. dodo2

    dodo2 Senior Member
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    Since you are asking this question, the answer in your case is no.
    You just want our permission to break it off.
     
  4. Winged Scapula

    Winged Scapula Cougariffic!
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    While I rather agree with the above poster (ie, if you have to ask, it probably isn't worth it) but my relationship survived a (nearly) 5 year surgical residency (plus his fellowship).

    So...it is possible, if you both want it to be.
     
  5. usnavdoc

    usnavdoc Senior Member
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    People do what is important to them. If having a relationship with this girl is a priority then it will work. If all you are concerned about is your career then that is what you will have. I think it is funny when people use things like this to justify break-ups.
     
  6. mackie

    mackie Senior Member
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    I agree with the above posters . . . if you have to ask, then this particular relationship probably isn't worth it to you--and there's nothing wrong with that, but you do need to recognize that and move on (and let the other person move on).
     
  7. Wednesday

    Wednesday Senior Member
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    Life goes on.


    (BTW, Ob/gyn is usually only four years.)
     
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  8. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    I think its a good question, especially for people in not long term relationships. I m sure if your in a long term relationship you can make it work, but what about those who have been a shorter relationship, lets say less than 2 years? I know its highly variable, but what have been your guy's observations and experiences?
     
  9. Winged Scapula

    Winged Scapula Cougariffic!
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    Shorter term relationships pose a trickier situation in regards to staying together during a tough residency.

    OTOH, you've got the flush of new love and sex to bind you together. OTOH, you don't have the strength and trust that a long term relationship gives you.

    Since I met my SO at the very beginning of my internship, our relationship has grown - sometimes prospered, sometimes floundered - over the years. Its fairly easy to keep things together when you are happy, have money, no stress, etc. Its when you work long hours, get yelled at or disparaged on a regular basis, etc. that makes it hard not to bring that stress home.

    Shorter term relationships *may* be more fragile and not hack the stressors of residency - however, the same can be true of longer term relationships. It the foundation you've built (or are building) is based on shared interests and goals, a mutual love, trust and understanding then its much easier to get through the tough times. Just because a relationship is short term doesn't mean that these qualities are in short supply just as one shouldn't assume couples together forever necessarily have a healthy relationship.

    What it comes down to is that life and residency are stressful enough, if your relationship ADDs to that stress and brings you less happiness than sadness, it probably won't survive residency.

    For those with SOs not in medicine, see older threads about how not to screw things up (ie, don't always talk about medicine; ask about their day; call your SO when on call and at other times during the day; MAKE TIME...it doesn't matter how tired you are, your SO will only remember that you "never took them anywhere"; don't forget birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)
     
  10. Poety

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    less than 2 years is short term? :eek: oy, I've had my share of mini's then :laugh: :laugh:
     
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  11. ihsak4health

    ihsak4health Member
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    I'm writing from a non-medical person perspective. I just came to this post awhile ago b/c my then boyfriend of a few months was starting his internship when we began dating.. long distance too. Yea, we did have the initial rush of a new, fresh relationship that made it fun in the first few months despite his long hours. But as his demands and fatigue grew on him, he just no longer could handle a full time relationship. I was, at that time, trying very much to understand his situation because I needed to know that him not being ready is due to work and timing and not me. I know I will never 100% understand how not sleeping every few days feels like or the stress of working in a well-known hospital. Although I have moved on, as you can see, I'm still consumed in his world since I still go to this site.

    Even though I have thought about 'is it worth it' when I was buying my air tickets knowing I can get myself nice shoes or ipod with the money, I don't think I would have wanted to end it. But then again, they say 'love may just not be enough'. So when it comes down to it, I think 'sleep' is the best lover of all and will be the winner in the medical relationship =) (Sometimes I feel like he's telling me: if i have to choose between you and sleep, I pick sleep. Maybe I would say that too)

    Thanks for reading my ramblings.
     
  12. ihsak4health

    ihsak4health Member
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