Making Facebook Friends with attendings

[LoudBark]

Where I am a resident, a number of the attendings (especially the under 50 ones) are on Facebook. I recently had an attending add me as a friend.

I am wondering how it is if an attending I work under has added me as a friend. It seems a little awkward to accept their "friend request", as we just have what I thought was a professional relationship.

On the other hand, it could be really bad if I don't accept the "friend request". I am worried if I work with this attending again (which I will), he may hold a grudge against me because I didn't accept his "friend request". It is like I am backed up against a wall and forced to accept it even though it feels a little weird......this man who can evaluate me in the future now has access to my status updates and pictures that I reserve only for real friends.

Right now I haven't accepted it or declined it....don't know what to do. Also it get the creeps that this attending could be a little stalky....but if I don't accept he will hold a grudge and take it out on my next evaluation.

Kind of stuck here.

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[cabinbuilder]

Dude, if you are that freaked out then don't accept the request. I doubt anyone would think twice about it. If you don't want to friend them then don't. I think you are WAY over reading into it. I have a few friends currently who were my attending at one time. Attendings are people too who enjoy the same things you do and maybe they just see you as a friend and colleague and would like to keep in touch once you graduate. Nothing more.

 

[IlDestriero]

I use Facebook as a tool to keep in touch with current and former colleagues around the country, though mostly on the social level. It's a challenge to stay connected to so many old friends when everyone scatters in the wind across the globe. You never know when you might need those contacts in your network. The value of a strong professional network can't be overlooked. LinkedIn is better for this of course, but many physicians don't use it. I have accepted friend requests from fellows that I'm training, but I don't make any myself until they're graduating for the very reasons you noted.
I wouldn't worry much about it. You could always make a group with very limited access to your info and add him/her to it if you're really concerned. I have a group like that for a few people that I felt bad about declining when they made a friend request. To them it looks like I don't really use Facebook at all, and they're never in my newsfeed, or whatever they call it now.

 

[peppy]

I'm facebook friends with an attending I worked with, although I did wait until I knew we wouldn't work together again to do it. I had no motive other than "He's cool and I bet his status updates would be fun to read". I knew before I did it that he is facebook friends with many residents and therefore didn't think it would be weird. Neither of us post anything that would be inappropriate for discussion at work, so it has been harmless.
I doubt that your attending is a creepy stalker or trying to become best friends with you. He probably just thinks you were good to work with and wants to be able to stay in touch. There's a good chance that once you're fb friends he won't even comment on your updates.

I do agree that it would probably offend him if you declined the friend request and I wouldn't do that. If you are worried that he will see something inappropriate for work on your facebook, then definitely make a special privacy category for him and other work people. However, I would strongly recommend not posting things on facebook that you wouldn't want the general public to see. Facebook is notoriously bad about protecting its users' privacy, so it's safer to assume that anything you put up could potentially get out to the public.

 

[Richie Truxillo]

Dude, if you are that freaked out then don't accept the request. I doubt anyone would think twice about it.

I second these statements. Also, a tip, keep work drama off of facebook. You can't pull the plug on the internet. Remember, attendings were once residents too. We aren't all evil.

 

[Cali2]

I believe there are ways to control which parts of your facebook account a given 'friend' can access. I don't use facebook much, but you might look in to making a 'professional friends only' type access category for your account.

 

[wooster201106]

Wait...you mean that site's not dead yet?

 

[Law2Doc]

I use Facebook as a tool to keep in touch with current and former colleagues around the country, though mostly on the social level. It's a challenge to stay connected to so many old friends when everyone scatters in the wind across the globe. You never know when you might need those contacts in your network. The value of a strong professional network can't be overlooked. LinkedIn is better for this of course, but many physicians don't use it. I have accepted friend requests from fellows that I'm training, but I don't make any myself until they're graduating for the very reasons you noted.
I wouldn't worry much about it. You could always make a group with very limited access to your info and add him/her to it if you're really concerned. I have a group like that for a few people that I felt bad about declining when they made a friend request. To them it looks like I don't really use Facebook at all, and they're never in my newsfeed, or whatever they call it now.

Just keep your Facebook posts professional and it's no biggie. You will find that lots of attendings will move on to other jobs by the time you finish your training, and it's helpful to still have contact with them if you find yourself job hunting in the region they have moved to. And as you get further in your training and become more autonomous, these folks will become less your bosses and more your coworkers. You may end up on first name basis with many of them, have a beer with them at social functions. The formality of the student teacher relationship wanes. But sure, if you have friends who like to post drunken pictures of you in compromising positions on your wall, maybe it's not a good idea.

 

[O2Doc]

While not the same, I am FB friends with a number of my medics (subordinates at work). It's just a matter of making sure your FB is professional enough (I don't post pictures of myself getting drunk, for example, nor do I bitch about work), and if needed making sure to filter specific posts. You can make the attending an "acquaintance" instead of a "friend".