Marriage and intern life

[hallowmann]

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Beyond the side bickering that is doing nothing to help OP and seems like some personal beef, there's some great advice here already.

OP, this is a good time to reevaluate your relationship. Intern year sucks, but if a couple weeks in your wife is throwing out tantrums at 13 hr days, something is wrong. I've seen quite a few people with self-centered and unreasonably high maintenence SOs to know it can ruin your happiness, life, and career.

You need to get to the bottom of this. Is there really something legitimate she's upset about (alluded to above, moved for you, just had a kid, had no friends, job, or hobby at this new place, feeling physically neglected, etc.)? These are all things that you both can work on to get your lives better on track. Put yourself in her shoes and take a moment to figure out what she's going through. Communication and understanding are pretty much essential for a healthy relationship, and both parties need to constantly strive for them. If you're missing one, the other, or both there will be rocky times ahead.

Alternatively, if she just has unrealistic expectations of you and your time given your career even after you explain what's going on, then it may just not be worth it.

Make it clear to her that all you want to do everyday is finish your work and get home to her (if this is actually the truth, obviously, if it isn't something else is wrong), but you just aren't able to do that some days. That's the norm for residency, and medicine a lot of the time.

Consider counseling, but really determine and decide if this is what you both want. Residency is tough for couples, but there's reasonable tough where the person at least has a vague idea of what to expect and is just finding it hard to deal, and there's unreasonable tough where they don't trust you (provided there's no reason not to trust you) and have rigid and unrealistic expectations of you.

 

[calvnandhobbs68]

This actually isn't that terrible, you aren't even hitting the 16hr time limit that most interns hit on their long days. Can only imagine what she's gonna do when you do 28hr call as a senior (unless you're a derm prelim or something).

Lots of good advice above, I also think it's funny that she doesn't "approve" and needs "counseling" every night (which sucks for you, I know I had no more counseling left in me after being in the hospital all day). Decide what you want to do but I'd decide fairly quickly cause it sounds like she's having a hard time of it . Not sure what she was doing during your 3rd year of med school though.

 

[Ericslv]

So, 2 weeks into residency. I am on wards rotation (which I dont think I will do for my long term career anyway). I leave home at ~5:30am, come home at ~6:30pm. That is 6 days a week. Wife doesn't approve. There have been multiple days that when I come home, wife is angry/sad that I am late. We spend rest of the evening "consoling" her that this is not my fault, it is the situation's.

Mind you, I expected this going into residency. We have been together since end of my 3rd year. She knew going into it too. I guess she didnt know AS much about it.

Has anything like this happened to you folks who were/are married while starting intern year? How did you approach it?

Consider a divorce now.

 

[rokshana]

Consider a divorce now.

ouch

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

ouch

Sometimes you have to cut your losses while you can

 

[Ericslv]

ouch

rokshana, the thing is his lifestyle won't be changing anytime soon or ever. So if she is sitting around at home and complaining to him that he is getting home late and if she is angry and doesn't "approve" of him coming home late it's time to go.

It's not like he is going out to the bar every night. It's just a real bad start to a marriage.

 

[QofQuimica]

Sheesh. He obviously loved her enough in the not too distant past (and vice versa) for them to get married. Maybe they should at least have a civil discussion about the situation first to find out if they can possibly fix whatever's upsetting her before they go calling in the lawyers.

 

[cbrons]

nah, enough longtime posters on here can confirm I am this crazy and this hot
but thank you, I've always seen myself as a dude in a hot chick's body

there do exist women that men struggle to keep up with.... crazy unicorns.
maybe look for high testosterone women? I don't mean the hirsute, I mean like ring finger longer than index finger & assertive being signs

also look for scorpios if you're feeling very brave

OP - good luck

Proof???

Sent from my SM-N910P using SDN mobile

 

[Mad Jack]

crayola... never heard of a woman like you... hotness and crazy scale.. perhaps a dood. all men i know who are married. their ladys stop putting out. lots of fun...

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk

The Matrix is never wrong.

 

[Crayola227]

The Matrix is never wrong.

oooooooh I was sooooo DANGER zone when I was younger

I think I'm still working on getting my crazy down from date zone to wife zone
for the record, crazy doesn't just scare off nice guys, it's also how I ended up picking jerks to date

he's right too, a woman can always end up anywhere on the crazy line no matter where they started

his dating chart for women forgot to account for the dingus factor, that's huge for girls