Marriage and Surgery Interviews

[angleoflouise]

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Hi!

I will be applying for Gen Surg this fall and I have a choice of waiting to get married after med school graduation or getting married now. My stats are very good, 99/99 on both steps, 3.96 gpa cumulative, great LORs, will apply everywhere. My question is, will it make it harder for me if I apply to general surgery as a woman, married, but not planning to have kids during residency. Will most PDs be wary of ranking me? Will this be a red flag for them or will they see the positive aspects in this (like a supportive spouse, less stressed out resident that doesn't have to worry about finding a husband before her eggs expire, etc)? Should I just wait until after med school graduation to get married? Thanks.


P.S.

I am very passionate about surgery and my future husband fully understands that. There is nothing more I want than to be a surgeon.

 

[DrNick Riviera]

As far as I understand the rules, they cannot hold you accountable or hold it against you should you refuse to answer these questions. Technically, interviewers cannot ask you about your personal life (sexual orientation, marriage status, kids, etc). If they do ask you, you are not obligated to answer, and they cannot hold that against you. Now, should you choose to volunteer this information, it is all fair game.

Technicalities aside, there are some good programs out there that are clearly pro-women, just by how many are in their current classes. I was particularly struck this year during interviews that U Wisc in particular had an all female PGY1 class (if i remember correctly).

Few things to think about, obviously the women here may be able to shed more light on the topic.

 

[Buzz Me]

I'm glad you did well on Step 1! I remember you fretting about the exam before and considering taking time off for it.

Would definitely apply broadly but think you should do OK. Best of luck.

 

[DrCG20]

There is nothing more I want than to be a surgeon.

This will change in about 12-18 months of starting residency.

Get married whenever you want. It shouldn't change a thing with your application, unless you keep on plugging it during your interview in every sentence.

Life is more important than surgery.

 

[angleoflouise]

I'm glad you did well on Step 1! I remember you fretting about the exam before and considering taking time off for it.

Would definitely apply broadly but think you should do OK. Best of luck.

Hi! Thanks for the advice, didn't take time off. But now I need new advice, should I disclose that I am about to be married if they ask me? Thank you for the best of luck wishes!👍

I know I don't have to answer, but won't they be offended if I say I choose not to answer. Won't that seem fishy to them?

 

[angleoflouise]

This will change in about 12-18 months of starting residency.

Hahahaha.

 

[Taty]

I got married second year of medical school and will start my general surgery residency in 2 weeks. I had 15 interviews and during my interviews no one asked me about my marriage. Some out of state programs asked me if my husband will move in with me or we going to do long distance thing...no one asked me about my plans when i want to have children and so on. No one asked me about taking a year off (only for research) if I get pregnant. I was asked how my husband takes fact that I want to be a surgeon. I told them he is very supportive and in fact drove me to every interview because he wanted to see places where I may end up going. In some places I was told that first 2 years of residency are very hard and it is great to have a supportive spouse.

So,I think u will be fine; no one will hold your marriage against you; but again I speak from my own experience...

 

[Taty]

Hi! Thanks for the advice, didn't take time off. But now I need new advice, should I disclose that I am about to be married if they ask me? Thank you for the best of luck wishes!👍

I know I don't have to answer, but won't they be offended if I say I choose not to answer. Won't that seem fishy to them?

I dont think they will ask such a personal question. I have a ring on my finger thats why they asked me some things but out of nothing something like when are u planning to get married thing...I hardly can imagine that.

 

[angleoflouise]

I dont think they will ask such a personal question. I have a ring on my finger thats why they asked me some things but out of nothing something like when are u planning to get married thing...I hardly can imagine that.

Thanks so much for your answer.🙂

 

[angleoflouise]

Taty, what were your scores if you don't mind me asking

 

[Smurfette]

I dont think they will ask such a personal question. I have a ring on my finger thats why they asked me some things but out of nothing something like when are u planning to get married thing...I hardly can imagine that.

No, expect to be asked your marital status. Between residency and formal job interviews, I think I've only once not been asked "are you married?". Maybe twice. Sometimes they'll ask flat out (and refusing to answer it as an 'illegal question' is not really an option that will make you look good) and sometimes they'll ask it in a roundabout way ("is your husband supportive?" "does your spouse have ties to this area?").

I wouldn't worry about it being held against you; some places like it when their residents have a support system to help keep them happier and less lonely moving to a new place. It's not like being married is unusual for a surgery resident; and many who start residency single do not stay that way. If a program does hold it against you, then that's probably not a program you'd want to be at anyhow.

 

[surg]

2 easy answers. Don't know why this comes up so often to be honest.

1) get married when it fits in your schedule. Your applications should play no part in this significant life decision. The only thing I might mention is that if you are changing your name, it might be minorly easier to have your diploma under your married name, but not enough so to matter.

2) tell the interviewer or not, it is up to you. I would tend to mention it because you want to gauge their response. Remember, you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. Why on earth would you go some place that doesn't want a married resident? That's a quick way to flunk out. I think this perceived bias against being married is overblown. While some programs are more "woman-friendly" than others, this is really at the margin, it won't make or break your application either way unless there is something very unusual about your intended spouse.

 

[Mad Kasia]

Totally agree with everything that's been said here.
Get married whenever you think the best time is for you guys and for your families. It shouldn't be a factor in your interview process.
If somebody doesn't want you b/c you're married, you don't want to work for them either. Think about it.
I'm going to start my surgical residency next week. I've been married for 7+ years and it came out in my interviews multiple times. I ended up matching in my home school program... In fact we have all female class of incoming PGY-1's.
Good luck with your application process and your interviews!

 

[dpmd]

I got married summer after first year. I wear a ring and did get asked things like what did my husband do (which probably helped me since he is a nurse and can basically get a job wherever). I don't remember if I was asked IF I was married if my ring wasn't noticed (it isn't huge). I don't think I brought it up if I wasn't asked except for maybe when I was at the program affiliated with where he went to college, but the fact that he would have loved to return would be helpful there I think. I think I got asked about kids, but they made it seem like conversation (there is usually a particular tone in my voice when I say I don't have any that most people understand as me never wanting any-like the way you would answer if someone asked you if you have ever killed someone).

Get married whenever you want. Even if you aren't married, you are still engaged and unless you plan to lie it would probably be interpreted the same way (I'm not convinced it is a bad thing or a good thing, and may just be person and program dependent-one that has had hardship from pregnant residents before may be less positive that one that has had things work out fine with pregnant residents).

Agree that saying "that is an illegal question" is not going to make you look good.

You never know what an interviewer is going to think of anything you say or do. I had a moment when answering a question (talking about how my dad inspires me, but in my head I was thinking about his recent at that time treatment for cancer and how I could have lost him and I started to tear up). Would have thought that would scream crazy chick to the interviewer who would want nothing to do with me, but I matched there and he was one of the people advocating for me while ranking (which he told me later). Just be you and hope that matches up with the program.

 

[angleoflouise]

Thank you so much for all the replies, esp the ladies. 🙂

 

[LucidSplash]

I have to say too, that many of my male counterparts in med school applying for surgery were asked about being married/having families, when they interviewed. Its not selective to women. A few places asked me but I never perceived the question as having a negative connotation - just a trying to get to know you and what you're about question. I ended up ranking and matching at a place where a good portion of the residents are married +/- kids - and I'm not married. I don't think my marital status worked for or against me.

 

[Taty]

No, expect to be asked your marital status. Between residency and formal job interviews, I think I've only once not been asked "are you married?". Maybe twice. Sometimes they'll ask flat out (and refusing to answer it as an 'illegal question' is not really an option that will make you look good) and sometimes they'll ask it in a roundabout way ("is your husband supportive?" "does your spouse have ties to this area?").

I wouldn't worry about it being held against you; some places like it when their residents have a support system to help keep them happier and less lonely moving to a new place. It's not like being married is unusual for a surgery resident; and many who start residency single do not stay that way. If a program does hold it against you, then that's probably not a program you'd want to be at anyhow.

Hmmm I probably was not asked because I already had a wedding band.

 

[Taty]

You never know what an interviewer is going to think of anything you say or do. I had a moment when answering a question (talking about how my dad inspires me, but in my head I was thinking about his recent at that time treatment for cancer and how I could have lost him and I started to tear up). Would have thought that would scream crazy chick to the interviewer who would want nothing to do with me, but I matched there and he was one of the people advocating for me while ranking (which he told me later). Just be you and hope that matches up with the program.

I started tear up also more towards the end of my interview ( I lost my grandfather to cancer, I grew up with him he was like my father. It just all went in my had at wrong place and wrong time-during interview) ...I went to the bathroom after the interview and my eyes were so red, I tried to take care of it because I had interview with another person like in 5 min. So I put some cold water in my eyes and went in. I was also thinking it killed all my chances but I ended up matching there...go figure who thinks what...

 

[navymd]

Just be yourself, if the program is going to hold it against you that you are married you need to think, is this a place I want to be for five years?
Surgery programs that see their residents as strengths of the program do not care if you are married or not, they look for other attributes that makes you a fit for them and them a fit for you.
Please enjoy your last year of med school, get married when you have the time and money to enjoy it and do not let people you are just going to talk with (interview) dictate something that will affect the rest of your life.

 

[BlondeDocteur]

Btw, the only time I know of that the question has been formally studied (a paper written by the Surgery PD at UTSW), being married was predictive of success in surgical residency, regardless of gender. Married residents, female and male, were more likely to successfully complete their training.

 

[DoctorDoom]

Btw, the only time I know of that the question has been formally studied (a paper written by the Surgery PD at UTSW), being married was predictive of success in surgical residency, regardless of gender. Married residents, female and male, were more likely to successfully complete their training.

Indeed; it takes a lot of support to make it through, a good marriage can make all the difference.

 

[dpmd]

Indeed; it takes a lot of support to make it through, a good marriage can make all the difference.

Emphasis on the good marriage part. A spouse who isn't supportive of the long hours, weird schedule with little control over it, and the changes it makes in your personality (maybe not for everyone, but I know I have gotten less patient and grumpier as time has gone on-hard to not have it spill over into your life outside of work) would be worse than not having anyone I bet.

 

[DoctorDoom]

Emphasis on the good marriage part. A spouse who isn't supportive of the long hours, weird schedule with little control over it, and the changes it makes in your personality (maybe not for everyone, but I know I have gotten less patient and grumpier as time has gone on-hard to not have it spill over into your life outside of work) would be worse than not having anyone I bet.

Definitely. The key is a good support base during a professionally demanding time. Domestic unrest will definitely negatively impact residency graduation likelihood.

 

[Surgical FMG]

Btw, the only time I know of that the question has been formally studied (a paper written by the Surgery PD at UTSW), being married was predictive of success in surgical residency, regardless of gender. Married residents, female and male, were more likely to successfully complete their training.

found this paper (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21844434) by Bucholz EM et al from Yale:

"Sex, marital status, children, and postgraduate year are predictors of confidence, as are program location, type, and size. Residency programs may target modifiable factors contributing to low surgical confidence."

 

[angleoflouise]

Thanks for that article. Just an update: I went on my first two interviews without my ring, and regretted it because I felt like I wasn't being myself. The rest of my interviews I have been wearing my gigantic ring with pride and I noticed that it is more of a plus rather than a negative. I felt like I was treated with a little more respect with my ring on. So there you go.

 

[Buzz Me]

Personally, I wouldn't try to hide the fact that you're married. Why do that? It's going to come out at whatever program you match, when you start as an intern.