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Marriage + Medicine = Impossible?!
- Thread starter mayouches
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I'm sorry things didn't work out for you! 
Well, I'm not terribly familiar with the cultural realities in your region, but over here in the states plenty of doctors are married to "civilians" and other doctors alike. I forgot where that data is, but I seem to remember divorce rates being lower for doctor-doctor marriages as compared to the general population.
So basically, yes, it is possible to be married and also be a physician. Will there be sacrifices? Absolutely. You'll just have to decide which is more important to you at the time.
Best of luck!
-X
Well, I'm not terribly familiar with the cultural realities in your region, but over here in the states plenty of doctors are married to "civilians" and other doctors alike. I forgot where that data is, but I seem to remember divorce rates being lower for doctor-doctor marriages as compared to the general population.
So basically, yes, it is possible to be married and also be a physician. Will there be sacrifices? Absolutely. You'll just have to decide which is more important to you at the time.
Best of luck!
-X
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The odds of two physicians getting married and making it becoming harder and harder and harder (well here in the US at least). And if they want to be of time killing specialties like General Surgery and Neurosurgery... then prepare for divorce.
IMO they should be handing brochures when you first apply to med school stating your calculated increased risk of divorcing and killing yourself. A little sobering fact. But that would be pissing in your own drinking water.... i.e. less applicants and therefore less application fees.
Cheer up... people get married in their 40s now a days. Kids are over rated.
IMO they should be handing brochures when you first apply to med school stating your calculated increased risk of divorcing and killing yourself. A little sobering fact. But that would be pissing in your own drinking water.... i.e. less applicants and therefore less application fees.
Cheer up... people get married in their 40s now a days. Kids are over rated.
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hire a nanny
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This is all pretty depressing. I don't know how they do it (I have no personal experience) but hundreds if not thousands of med students are married and / or have families every year. If you want it bad enough, you'll make it work. When times get tough, just remember you're not alone. Check out MomMD.com for some support.
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the type of occupation you aspire for and work hard to attain in life does play a part in the ease of making a relationship work, but it does NOT determine a relationship's fate.
every single relationship, whether a couple spends time together all the time or not as much, compromise is vital to keeping a strong relationship. along with that maintaining one's own drive and goals while being in the relationship is just as necessary as making sure the other in the relationship is content.
my bf leaves for med school in less than a month, and yes it is scary to think i will be lonely because he is going to be 5 hours away and i will miss spending every night with him. but every time i get sad thinking about it, i think back on the day he called me with the most excited voice i have ever heard and he told me almost in tears that he got an early acceptance in to med school. all his hard work and sacrafice paid off towards something he wanted more than anything.
while he is in there, i will be finishing out my degree and will also apply to med school when i graduate. of course we will be busy, but because what we feel for each other is genuine and we both have worked hard for our aspirations of being doctors, i know we will can make things work out.
every single relationship, whether a couple spends time together all the time or not as much, compromise is vital to keeping a strong relationship. along with that maintaining one's own drive and goals while being in the relationship is just as necessary as making sure the other in the relationship is content.
my bf leaves for med school in less than a month, and yes it is scary to think i will be lonely because he is going to be 5 hours away and i will miss spending every night with him. but every time i get sad thinking about it, i think back on the day he called me with the most excited voice i have ever heard and he told me almost in tears that he got an early acceptance in to med school. all his hard work and sacrafice paid off towards something he wanted more than anything.
while he is in there, i will be finishing out my degree and will also apply to med school when i graduate. of course we will be busy, but because what we feel for each other is genuine and we both have worked hard for our aspirations of being doctors, i know we will can make things work out.
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mayouches said:
Cultural differences aside, these are questions that lots of women in our generation are asking - and not liking the answers... My opinion is that the answer is yes, but not all at the same time. There just aren't enough hours in the day. Many, many people simultaneously have careeres, marriages that don't end, and kids who stay out of prison. However, they sometimes do miss those precious first words and those leisurely dinners with their spouses, and they also may miss out on a great opportunity at work because they have to go to their daughter's piano recital.
An idea that is getting a lot of buzz in the business world is flex-careers. The idea is that our lives have phases, and your career should be able to accommodate those changes. When you have kids, you can take a few years off. Then, when your kids start school, you can take on some contracting or part-time work to keep your skills up to date. Once they're grown, you're ready to get back on the career ladder, but you don't have to start at the bottom anymore. The bad news - most companies (and probably most hospitals) aren't on board with this yet. If you liked the idea, you could probably find a way to make it work, but you'd probably have to fight for it.
I wish you the best - it can't be easy being a woman in medical school. You're right, people don't have the same kinds of expectations of husbands as they do wives. One thing you might consider is marrying a man who would be willing to be a stay-at-home-dad. Aside from the breastfeeding, they can do pretty much anything you could do as a stay-at-home-mom, and you would know that your children were well taken care of during the day.
You can have kids and be a female physician, lots of people do it. You just have to make sure that your significant other is understanding of the fact that he'll have to take some of the mommy role on, too. You don't "have" to work full time, and you'll be able to afford help when you need it.
IMHO, considering the passion you've shown here, it appears you have two options: 1) make your life complete by being a mother and a physician or 2) not.
You'll never know if it can work unless you try it, and there is only one way to find out.
JM.02
IMHO, considering the passion you've shown here, it appears you have two options: 1) make your life complete by being a mother and a physician or 2) not.
You'll never know if it can work unless you try it, and there is only one way to find out.
JM.02
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I could not marry (or date) a guy from my own culture precisely because I could not stand the thought of somebody telling me how to live my life.
So, I moved to the UK and found a nice American guy. No relationship is completely aproblematic, but if you two really want to understand each other and be there for each other, things could work out. My career has certainly brought its unique challenges and complications into our relationship, but we both were aware of those, took them in stride and did our best to work them out.
Marriage and medicine could certainly work, you just have to find the right Mr Right.
So, I moved to the UK and found a nice American guy. No relationship is completely aproblematic, but if you two really want to understand each other and be there for each other, things could work out. My career has certainly brought its unique challenges and complications into our relationship, but we both were aware of those, took them in stride and did our best to work them out.
Marriage and medicine could certainly work, you just have to find the right Mr Right.
