Marriage or medicine

[Xsherv]

Okay, just a disclaimer--don't get mad at me for this post--I have a friend who wanted me to post this for her since she is too embarassed to do it herself...

"I am a very interested in medicine but I'm also very interested in meeting someone with whom I can form a mutually loving partnership for the rest of my life. I am not the most attractive person in the world and I don't kid myself into thinking that looks aren't important. I'm not ugly either--but I'm not getting any younger. Anyway, I am afraid of medical school for the following reasons so I want to get your take on these rumors about medical school if you're a girl...

1) If you're not superfically attractive, men in medicine tend to treat you as a second class citizens.
2) Medicine sucks up a lot of your time so you can't meet potential mates--and most of the single guys are just into hook-ups anyway.
3) Medical school makes you forget that finding a partner is important b/c you are too busy studying/competing/etc. By the time you realize what you're missing, you're past your prime.
4) Lots of women are resentful at the end of medical school for missing their opportunity to find a life partner.
5) Lots of women in medicine eventually settle and marry another health care professional so they won't be lonely.

In summary, does medical school make you a "victim of success" in the field of relationships?

. Also, please be honest--I've already heard all the "follow your dreams" speeches and just want some practical advice. And incidentally, I'm not a psycho-superficial girl who just wants to make babies; I'm just aware that sharing my life with someone else is very important to me, and I'm not ashamed to admit it (well maybe a little ashamed since I'm not posting myself-- 😀 )

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[Singh]

Hello,
I'm surprised to read your post!
I can't speak for anyone else, but myself. I certainly don't treat "less-attractive" women differently than so-called attractive women. In my eyes, there are so many other factors that are just as, if not more attractive than physical features.
You really think that med school will decrease your chances of having an affair? No, being a doctor will actually increase your chances since most intelligent people look for an intelligent partner. As for the time, sure med school takes some time out of your life, but it doesn't take ALL your time.

 

[fava]

embarrassed to post on an anonymous message board?? 😕 😕


in answer to your post: i worry about some of those things too, some of the time. but look at it this way: what is the alternative?? not pursuing your dream to try and increase your chances of finding a husband? imagine if things STILL didn't work out in your personal life -- now THAT would suck. in my opinion, relationships like that should just happen -- you shouldn't have to rearrange your life for them to work out.

 

[png-girl]

well, first of all you shouldn't be ashamed for wanting to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, and if you were a woman that "just" wanted to make babies, there is nothing wrong with that either. I think it is possible to have a love life and be in med school. sure it's a time committment, but you still have a life, you aren't gonna study all the time and you can do other things, become involved and meet people. I happen to be a Christian and think that there is a purpose for my life and God knows what he is doing and will bring the right person into my life at the right time. I obviously know nothing of your belief system, but this is a comfort to me. and i think that that person stepped into my life 6 months ago. I say, if you really want to be a doctor then go for school and the rest will fall into place. you don't sacrifice one for the other. anway, just my opinion.

 

[timerick]

Have you considered the possibility of practicing medicine as a physician assistant instead of as a physician? PA school similar in intensity to medical school, but it's a year shorter (although you don't get the summers off). And after that there's no internship and residency. The average full-time PA works 42 hours a week and makes $50-90K, depending on the location and specialty.

A P.A. practices medicine under the supervision of a physician, similar to a resident in some ways. Usually the P.A. handles the walk-ins and simpler cases, and the supervising physician typically see patients with anything atypical or chronic.

Anyway, it's certainly not for everyone (you would definitely be a second-class clinician, no matter how beautiful you are) but P.A.'s tend to have a lifestyle that is a little more compatible with raising a family, etc.

For more information, see http://www.aapa.org/geninfo1.html .

 

[FrankMD]

I actually attended a wedding of a friend I knew for a long time couple weeks ago. The thing is that she was in a similar situation. She was holding ACCEPTANCE letters to top 25 medical school in the country and decided NOT to go because she decided she wanted to get married and settle down. She decided on a different career instead that doesn't take as much time so she can pay more attention to her family. She is not attending a nursing school.
At first I thought she was making a mistake of her life, but the thing is you can to whatever you want if that makes you happy. Personally, I don't think you need to worry about all of the above things you mentioned because you'll find someone and not just "settle" for someone because you get old. Be optimistic! You have to make a decision if medicine is really for you and if you're ready to make some sacrfices with your time, however you never know when you're meet your match! It doesn't gurantee you anything if you get into medicine or not. I don't think it necessarily increases your chance of meeting someone if you don't go to medical school or not. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people in medschool through inter-school parties, organizations etc. So do what you feel is right for you and try not to worry too much about meeting "THE ONE".

 

[johnstoner]

we live in a double standard world where males in medical school are very attractive for the reasons that they will be successful. Females in medical school...a lot of people will find intimidating. I think i read an article about harvard MBA women who dread giving the "H bomb" as they call it because it freaks guys out. while guys use the H bomb to attract the hot mamas.

You have to decide what you want as a priority in your life. Its definitely true that you can have a career and a family but sometimes its not going to work out that way. I know a decent amount of 40 year old women who are settled in there career and is lonely as hell b/c they realized..."oh ****...i'm 40 and i haven't even dated"

When you make a decision...just go with it and don't regret it. If you want a family...so into a "family friendly" field. If you want a career...go all out on that too. It sucks that its hard for women to have it both ways...as the saying goes "you can't have your cake and eat it too"

 

[ironey]

Have you considered that some men might be attracted to intelligent, successful women? Have you considered that there are all sorts of opportunities out there for women who are creative go-getters?

Here are some options/ideas that I keep open for my future as a woman in medicine:

1. I can find other like-minded women with whom to practice medicine. There is an up-and-coming trend of women practicing together with a patient load that is "family friendly."

2. Medicine is what I do, it is not what I am. This means that I will always have a life outside of medicine.

3. Kind of a subset of the above: I have to take care of myself before I can take care of other people.

4. In this day and age, family responsibilities do not necessarily have to be the exclusive domaine of the female in a marriage (or partnership). There are many intelligent, assertive, family-oriented men out there who agree with this!

If you really feel that you have the talent and ambition to practice medicine, there is no real barrier between you - a woman - and that goal. It's all about how far you are willing to go, the compromises you are willing to make.

Best of luck!

 

[kaos]

Hmm...interesting. I do both. MSI now, I got married in high school, but even now I meet a lot of guys who tell me they wish they were married to me. And I'm not even a socialite.

 

[Rezul]

You can definitely have a family and be a doctor. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And who came up with the notion that girls can't find a husband if they go to med school??? I'm currently a MSII and going to medical school was one of the best choices I made in my life- for two reasons. One- I get to be a doctor and have a fulfilling career. Two- 😍 I actually met the love of my life in my first year of medical school.😍 He and I are in the same class and have now been going out for over a year. I couldn't be happier. So, au contraire, you can indeed find love in medical school. Best wishes!! And if you need any other advise, feel free to message me.

Rezul😀