Married in PT school?

[FHUlion17]

So I am in a little bit of a dilemma. My girlfriend and I have been talking about getting married for quite some time now. We have a very strong relationship and truthfully the only decision we have to make is timing. We are trying to decide whether to get married this August or next May. I graduate from UG this year, she graduates next year. The PT school I am hoping to attend and our UG are 1:45 apart. We have thought of getting married in August and then living about 30-45 min away from my PT school (I have a bigger SUV and she has a smaller car for gas mileage and also the area is much nicer in that time range from the school). We both realize that it may be best off to wait til May however I guess our situation is a little unique. We are both strong about our convictions with our Faith so more than likely we think its best to not stay under the same roof, just me and her, which poses the problem that we may not be able to see each other often. This will make this entire year after I graduate awful. (Right now we are both in dorms at a Christian school where members of the opposite sex are not allowed in each others rooms. I know its awful and I'm ready to get out of here).

So my question is, does anybody have experience with this and how hard would it be financially speaking for us to live off of loans for one year while also having to commute? Obviously we are the only ones that know our relationship but would in be worth it in your (the reader's) opinion?

Also, I will be coming out of UG with around $15k in debt and the school I am hoping to attend will cost a little over $30 for in-state tuition. It's debatable how much debt she will have because her parents are paying for it but perhaps once we get married they will no longer. She will also have a job working in admissions that will bring in $1000 per semester (not much but obviously every little bit helps. Perhaps it will cover some commuting expense). My SUV is paid for and I believe her car will be given to her once she is married.

Anyways, I just wanted to get some thoughts on this topic. Its getting close to that time that if we want it to be August we need to make a decision soon. Thanks.

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[DPTin the makin]

I am actually in a VERY similar situation. I'm in a serious relationship and we are planning to get married after my 1st year in PT school. My boyfriend is also still in school and the PT program I am going to is also 1.45 away. We also dont want to move in together before marriage. This means that we'll be away from each other alot during 1st year so i completely understand how you feel :/

As far as loans, it's kind of inevitable in PT school but I've been doing research to find different ways I can obtain scholarships and grants b/c any little bit helps,like you said.Also check with the school to see what financial assistance they offer. Check out the links below.
http://www.fastweb.com/
http://www.scholarships.com/

I can't give you any other insight about what it will be like since I too don't know what to expect..Right now Im just hoping that everything will work out for the best. The sacrifice will be worth it in the end when we become PTs.

If anyone has experience in any way to ours..I would also appreciate your opinion/advice.

 

[ksball14]

Hey all! I am in a somewhat similar situation, yet a little different. I graduated undergrad last May and my now husband graduated as well. With our strong faith, we wanted to do things the right way. We got married fall of 2010 and I decided to take a year off before going for my DPT. This August I'll be starting my DPT and my husband's job is about an hour and a half from school so we'll live in the middle. I didn't necessarily want to take the year off, but now looking back, it made things a bit less stressful and a lot more enjoyable in the first year of marriage. I think if you're ready get married and if you want to start your pt school do that too! I'm sure your spouse will be supportive

 

[kcrat21]

From what I understand, you don't get much time in PT school to really do much that isn't related to your schooling, so if you are going to wait to get married plan on not seeing each other that often during your first year of school if you don't want to live together due to religious reasons. A little bit off that topic, I am a religious person as well, and my aunt is a real estate agent. She's sold many houses to young couples who did not want to live together until marriage and more often than not the house was back on the market due to divorce because you really don't know someone until you live with them. That's why my husband and I chose to move in together during our engagment, to get to know each other even more before taking the plunge. Maybe its something you should consider considering the serious dorm restrictions at your UG college, and if you don't want to be apart for a year.

Also, if you lived in the middle and you each had a 45 min commute that's really not that bad. We live in Northern VA where no matter where you go you need to give yourself at least 45 min to get there bc of traffic. My school is only 20 miles from me and it takes me an hour everday, so its definitey doable. I hope you live in an area with decent gas prices, unlike here.

As far as loans go, pretty much every PT student has to live off loans unless they have an SO who is working full time to provide. My husband works full time but the area we live in requires us to subsidize his income with some student loans however just bc its so expensive here. Take into account the cost of living in your area (including gas for your commute) when you apply for
your loans.

Hope my two cents helped you at least a little bit! Good luck!

 

[jbizzle]

Man, I thought I gave TMI sometimes. We sure are an "open" bunch on SDN.

kcrat21 is right, PT school will be time consuming.

 

[dizzy88]

I think if you 2 are truly ready, being married in PT school is definitely doable. I have a biased opinion though. I would say 85% of my classmates are either married, married with children, or engaged. One of whom, has a family of 5 (6th on the way) and is essentially living off loans. He also has a 45 min commute everyday.

If you're smart about your decisions and live thrifty for a while, I think you can do it. Like a previous poster said, it's going to be very difficult to make time for anything but school while in the program. A majority of my classmates say being married while in school is the best thing possible in that sense!

 

[FHUlion17]

Thanks a lot everyone. I'm not 100 percent sure on anything right now but all of your input has been beneficial. Truthfully she comes from a very conservative family (I come from a conservative family but not quite as much as hers) and they don't approve of us being under the same roof for a weekend without someone else there much less living together. She doesn't want to lie to them, which I wouldn't have her do, and she wants to respect their point of view as well. Pretty much there is no way to live together before marriage but we have spend up to two weeks together at either mine or her house before. We live 16 hours away from each other so we have no choice but to see each other at length during breaks and summer/etc... I know that it is completely off topic and probably not needed to be discussed her but oh well, what are some questions you would find out or things to consider before making the decision to marry since we can't move in together first? These questions may be better directed at a counselor or preacher but hey, at least this way I can get free responses. Also, I think the answer is yes, but I would be able to get enough loan money to cover a 30-45 mile drive everyday in addition to tuition/other living expenses, correct?

 

[johncronejr]

Don't worry about it being a problem of not "test driving" the relationship. Sociological data actually shows that couple who cohabitate before marriage have a higher chance of divorce than couples who do not cohabitate before marriage.

Just do what feels right to you. It will be tough if you have to be apart a little more, but y'all can make it work. Good luck!

 

[ukegal]

I'm actually an OT person, but I wanted to comment.

"Sociological data actually shows that couple who cohabitate before marriage have a higher chance of divorce than couples who do not cohabitate before marriage."

Ok, yes, but also, you need to consider that the people who live together before marriage tend to be more liberal and may have different views of what marriage is. So, people who are more conservative may not even consider divorce to be an option. I just wanted to add this because this was an article I read in my soc class in undergrad.

 

[markelmarcel]

Kudos to you and your SO for wanting to wait until marriage to live together.

This was actually my plan all along, but sometimes life is funny and you end up not where you planned to be.

My SO and I have been together for a little over 4 years and it's certain that marriage is in the cards for us, however, with my going back to school we feel that financially we cannot afford a wedding until after I am done. That puts me at a 2013 wedding at the earliest.

However, it is also in our financial interest for us to live together prior to that while I go to school. (It will be easier for us to contribute to one set of bills, than risk making my loans even higher if I pay for seperate housing and then due to having to pay back even higher loans still not being able to afford a wedding/a house, etc).

It wasn't my intention in life to live with someone before marriage, but I feel more open to it now, even though I am still Christian.

But, my parents are more conservative and my mother would prefer we not "outright tell people" that we are going to live together because they may "talk about us". (I have some rather unrulely cousins that the family/people will probably talk about over me, though! )

I think that you've gotten some great information from people in similar situations and you and your SO just need to sit down, crunch the numbers and figure out what will be best for you both -- not only now, but also in the future as a married couple. Good luck!

 

[KinesStudent]

I'm married right now as a UG Junior. My wife and I both go to school full-time. We were blessed enough to have scholarships pay for the majority of our bills but Grad school will be a different story.

A difference between my situation and yours is that we're both going to be going to grad school as soon as we graduate.

She wants to be a marriage counselor and obviously I want to be a PT. So, we'll have to juggle two different schools, school workloads, loans from both etc.

Moral of the story, I'm not worried because I know I've got the right girl and though it may be tough, we'll get through it. I'd say don't put your relationship through any unnecessary stressors, but strengthen your relationship with the necessary ones.

You guys will be fine either way as long as you're meant to be together.