Married, with children?

[easy1226]

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Is there anyone out there who is currently, or has been, a med student who is/was married while in school (not to another student)? Anybody with children? I really need to know what it's gonna be like and if I'll need to wait until after school to have kids. I'm already married, so that's just going to have to work. But how difficult is it? Is there enough financial aid available to help support a family, whether my wife is working full time, or just part time with a baby? Any advice/info would be great. I'm just looking for a no-BS assessment here.

 

[ZagDoc]

I know at my school over 1/3 of the class is married, most of which have children. One of my lab partners have a 1 and 4 year old. One of my small group partners has a 7 and 9 year old. They all make it work. Its more difficult, and you gotta make compromises, but its not impossible. Both of them want to go into emergency medicine (not exactly a cake route), and both are right on track.

 

[MadameLULU]

MomMD may be a useful resource to you.

 

[njbmd]

Moving to Non-Traditional Students Forum.

 

[easy1226]

Just wanna clear the air with a few more details. I'll be 26 when I start med school, and my wife will be 27. So, we'd like to get the ball rolling as soon as possible. Here's the thing....how in the hell are we going to afford it? Can we draw enough on student loans to help buffer our situation? My wife (and I as well, although I really don't like the idea) can work while I'm in school. However, I know that my wife would like to stay home with the baby for at least a few months after birth and I agree with her. At that point, she wouldn't be working, and I might be able to swing working part time, but I doubt it. Plus, the actual cost of having a baby is incredible. Are there schools out there that offer child care services for students? Do any of the health insurance plans they offer to students cover dependents as well? My wife is a cosmetologist, so there's not really many jobs for her out there that offer benefits like health insurance, maternity leave, etc. I'm nervous and everything that I've read is all about moms in med school. What about the dads? Is it incredibly easier for guys? I'm not worried about sleepless nights or stress, I've experienced much worse in my life. I'll be there to raise my child and support my wife no matter what. However, I do stress about cost and such. Thanks for the replies so far!

 

[2008orbust]

It can be done. Lots of people do it. BUt you will only be 31 and 32 when you graduate. That is SOOO not too old to have kids. Lots of people have babies in their 30s. we did.

Good luck.

 

[OncoCaP]

Just wanna clear the air with a few more details. I'll be 26 when I start med school, and my wife will be 27. So, we'd like to get the ball rolling as soon as possible. Here's the thing....how in the hell are we going to afford it? Can we draw enough on student loans to help buffer our situation? My wife (and I as well, although I really don't like the idea) can work while I'm in school. However, I know that my wife would like to stay home with the baby for at least a few months after birth and I agree with her. At that point, she wouldn't be working, and I might be able to swing working part time, but I doubt it. Plus, the actual cost of having a baby is incredible. Are there schools out there that offer child care services for students? Do any of the health insurance plans they offer to students cover dependents as well? My wife is a cosmetologist, so there's not really many jobs for her out there that offer benefits like health insurance, maternity leave, etc. I'm nervous and everything that I've read is all about moms in med school. What about the dads? Is it incredibly easier for guys? I'm not worried about sleepless nights or stress, I've experienced much worse in my life. I'll be there to raise my child and support my wife no matter what. However, I do stress about cost and such. Thanks for the replies so far!

First of all, do what you want to do. The information below is just data to help you, if possible.

I'm married with children in medical school. I wouldn't recommend starting a family in med school unless you had the finances pretty well figured out. It's hard enough to pay the bills for yourself in medical school, let alone support a family. Better to delay and get the financial situation under control, if possible.

On top of that, there are the hormonal and health issues. You never know how your wife is going to react to this whole thing. She might be happy & healthy you add a new family member that is the joy of your life. She might be perfectly healthy, but the pregnancy may affect her mood in ways that neither you or she expected and would require some additional love and patience on your part. In addition, there are all kinds of health issues that can come up with respect to mom or baby (which you will study in great detail) and they can make life very challenging. You probably need to be prepared to spend some extra time beyond the normal should the situation arise.

That said, most people don't wait to put their life on hold to have kids. It's rarely convenient to have them. When it is convenient, well, by then you might be having fertility problems (you might even have fertility when young, not to belabor the point).

Everyone has their own thresholds when it comes to finances. It goes without saying that bad finances can hurt a good marriage. You might be very wise with money and able to scrape by on much less cash than others. Obviously location of the school would play a role here. Others might suffer immensely in the cash-strapped situation. You won't starve, but you might have a hard time with various other expenses, such as auto maintenance, etc. If you could delay your start and save some money, that would soften the blow. Any family members willing to help out with donating a car, etc. ... always a big plus. Babysitting: if you could live near relatives that would be willing to do this so that your wife could work, also a big plus. Your wife staying at home would be a feat under these circumstances in medical school ... very very unlikely in my opinion. Might want to have Plan B for her to work ready to go.

Anyway, you get the idea. Finances are the toughest part of med school for a family unless you are very good with making ends meet or have some money saved up. I personally have money saved up, and I'm glad I did. I wouldn't even dream of going to medical school without money saved while supporting a family, but then again, I'm already older and have an established family. I hope everything works out for you. With some planning, it can. I guess as long as you are expecting what's about to come your way, you'll be better able to deal with it.

 

[Empi]

I'm married with children.

Having a supportive spouse is so important.

 

[medhacker]

Married with children here

Having a supportive spouse is like the only way

 

[ViolinCello]

Would you say that location close to family is more important than going to a school you feel would be better fit for you, or say somewhere you think might give you a better chance of getting better residencies? I have a young child and a very supportive husband -- but this process if about all of us, not just me.

 

[lzbthcox]

My husband and I are both in school and we have a 4 and 7 year old.. considering another one 😉 Neither of us are working at this point, we have dedicated ALL of our time to school and family. The way we make it financially is government assistance. The state of GA (and I'm sure most other states do this too) has programs. We get about 500 a month in Food stamps, we would get free childcare if we needed it, and they have insurance for the kids. I can understand her wanting to be home with the baby. I stayed home for 3 years. I have a strong belief that children should be with a parent for most of their forming years, but that's beside the point. We live pretty cheaply. At this point we live on about 700-800 a month. I know loans seem like a bad thing, but if it's what you need to do to get yourself through school, then do it. We haven't taken out any, yet. We are living off of our savings and such. I'm sure after undergrad we will need them though. Just don't go crazy and take out 50k a year in loans for "living expenses". 🙄
HTH,
Liz

 

[NontradICUdoc]

I am a first year medical student with 3 girls (6, 3, and 1). It is very hard, and very time consuming. Just this past Sundy I had to take my 3 year old to a birthday party then come home and study for a physio exam the next day. Not to mention Back to School night and the up coming Parent/Teacher conferences.

Since you need to take a break anyway spend it with your family/kids. You would not believe how much they understand. And my wife is the best.

It is hard, but do-able.

 

[umlungu]

I am a M2 in early 30's, I have 3 kids and a very supportive wife who stays home with the kids. we are able to keep her home because family is helping and I got a small scholarship from the school. Though I think the most important reasons are living in the south (cost of living) and have always lived on under 30k/ year.( no expectations and little cutting back). If you can keep your Family living expenses + school expenses under 50k/year it is very feasible. We budgeted the 38K in federal loans and the rest of the money(12K comes from scolarship and family) and odd jobs the wife picks up as a freelance writer and I have picked up a couple of very part time jobs at the school that bring in a couple grand a year. Any money beyond the loans has not been in the bank but it has shown up and my parents have committed to being a safety net if we need it.
Bottom line if the family is flexible anything can work, but be smart and sacrifice money wise whenever you can.

The plan is for her to work more after the youngest starts school when I start residency and start paying off the "extra" loan money we took so she could stay home.

As far as school with a family, I have a set schedule which I stick to. I have to fit all my studying into certain hours and take the hit grade wise if it works out that way. So far I have managed to stay in the top half or so of the class. I am home for supper every evening until the kids go to bed and spend one week night with the wife and Sat. night to Sun evening at home as well.

Best of luck

 

[Empi]

I'm impressed with your frugality.

Personally, I was a SAHM before I became a student so we never had the experience of living off two incomes. Living with 0 income, I'm impressed.

 

[SOUNDMAN]

Married, M2, with 3.8 kids, (due in November). Definitely doable with a good spouse, and frugality.

 

[ScubaEMT]

Married with our first (and probably last) baby girl coming in late December. Im sorta in the same boat as you as I am trying to figure out just how we are going to make things work financially.

My wife has a great job here, but because of how difficult CA med schools are to get into, we are bracing for the possibility that we will have to move. Hopefully, we will be able to make things work between govt assistance, loans, and limited family contributions.

It is really encouraging to know that all of these people on here are balancing marriage, kids, and med school. Best of luck to you, your wife, and your growing family 🙂