Marrying a Surgeon...Implications???

[glamorous25]

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Hello, I am thinking of marrying a person who is aspiring to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am not in medicine myself and know only a little about residencies. My boyfriend will be starting fourth year of general surgery residency next year and I am wondering what his schedule will be like after he starts residency.

As of yet he is completing his research year and is looking to get back to residency next year. Please advise. I have read posts and replies on this forum and am anxious of the time hours (some members have mentioned) that surgeons put in at work. What will his lifestyle be like?...How shall I prepare myself mentally and physically if we do get married...????

 

[MoosePilot]

Hello, I am thinking of marrying a person who is aspiring to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am not in medicine myself and know only a little about residencies. My boyfriend will be starting fourth year of general surgery residency next year and I am wondering what his schedule will be like after he starts residency.

As of yet he is completing his research year and is looking to get back to residency next year. Please advise. I have read posts and replies on this forum and am anxious of the time hours (some members have mentioned) that surgeons put in at work. What will his lifestyle be like?...How shall I prepare myself mentally and physically if we do get married...????

How do you prepare yourself physically? Huh? Work out a lot so he doesn't dump you for a more attractive trophy wife [joke, no offense meant]

I'd suggest you post this in the spouse forum. You might get better advice there.

 

[notstudying]

It depends mostly on the person you marry. It is time consuming, but I know surgeons who make time for their families a priority, and even two-surgeon families who somehow make things work. On the other hand, many surgeons are married to their work first, and rely on their spouses to run the household and bring up the children (my father was in this category). Cardiothoracic surgery is one of the most intense and time consuming of the surgical fields, and it remains that way for most surgeons even after residency and fellowship. Since you haven't experienced residency yet, it sounds like you haven't been together very long. You might think about waiting to make a decision until you've seen what life is like when he's in a clinical residency year. Being a surgeon's wife is less glamorous than it is often made out to be; just like being a surgeon, it requires a lot of hard work and sacrifice. (Of course, this is true for marriage in general-it's just amplified when one partner works 100 hour weeks).

 

[carrigallen]

This thread could probably be moved to Spouses & Partners...it is a good forum for these concerns.

 

[Mirror Form]

If you want, you can just not work and be a house wife, but you'll still be rich. I think being the house wife for a rich surgeon sounds pretty damn good!

 

[fourthyearmed]

If he's starting back to his 4th year you've missed the worst of it. Not that he won't be busy, but at least he's already finished his intern year.

 

[erichaj]

Lets see, your trying to see if you should stay with this guy because he is going to be a cardiothorasic surgeon?

Hmmmmmmm, Lets focous on your caracter.

If you love him, you will stay because of that. because baby he is going to be busy for several years.

If you with him because of his wallet. He will make great money.

He could just be great in bed. 😍 😍

Who knows, he may think, I'm going to be a surgeon and should I marry her.
He could be thinking that right now.

He may trade in you B cup for some fake D cups.

Either way, I think your asking if you have the stamina to go the distance with this guy if he want to be a surgeon. This is a question only you can answer.

Good luck,

EH.

 

[JAMMAN]

Fellowships, particularly CT fellowships are far more demanding than internship. I speak from experience when I say this.

As a fellow, I am on call every other day for two years. I leave the house before 5am and when I get home at night, I typically have less than one hour of free time before I fall asleep. Usually the time is spent doing several different things at the same time.

I am always late for dinner, I have to cancel plans frequently and at times I am just to exhausted to be a companion.

 

[BenHoganFan]

Hello, I am thinking of marrying a person who is aspiring to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am not in medicine myself and know only a little about residencies. My boyfriend will be starting fourth year of general surgery residency next year and I am wondering what his schedule will be like after he starts residency.

As of yet he is completing his research year and is looking to get back to residency next year. Please advise. I have read posts and replies on this forum and am anxious of the time hours (some members have mentioned) that surgeons put in at work. What will his lifestyle be like?...How shall I prepare myself mentally and physically if we do get married...????

You are thinking about marrying him. Is this a contemplation or has he proposed and you are considering it? CT surgery is INTENSE physically and mentally. It's a stressful lifestyle and call is no joke. If you've been with him during 'research' his evil side has probably not been manifested, yet. Call from some programs are every other night and at least every third night.

What is your occupation? If you have your own career, it may work out. If you plan to be a homemaker, it will be stressful for you: Where to spend the money that is... 🙂 .

How to prepare mentally? How is being alone for dinner when he is on call? How would you feel when you've prepared dinner and he just ran into a complication during a 12 hour case and can't come home? How about sitting together at dinner and having him paged due to some postoperative complication, he has to leave? How do you like getting interrupted phone calls in the middle of the night or the pager going off? Knowing that he saved the local drug dealer's life, while on call, who was shot by a deranged hooker?

On the other hand, how would it be like knowing your husband just gave a grandfather an extra chance? Knowing he changed the course of a child's life to live a normal one? Understanding that the hands that hold you, are a gift from God to save lives?

It's a mixed bag. You'll just have to see if you can stand the lifestyle, good with the bad.

Check out the following article:
http://www.jhu.edu/~gazette/janmar97/mar1797/briefs.html

"After decades of following 1,118 physicians who graduated from the Hopkins School of Medicine between 1948 and 1964, researchers found a 51 percent divorce rate for psychiatrists and 33 percent for surgeons, rates higher than those for internists (24 percent), pediatricians and pathologists (each 22 percent). The study revealed a 32 percent overall physician divorce rate."
-Not too bad since the general population runs around 50 percent. It's better than the flip of a coin, eh?

Just trying to be a devil's advocate.

BenHoganFan

 

[kas23]

While I agree with the above poster, the article cited (and I am sure this crossed through the poster's mind) is totally insignificant. Not only did it only examine Hopkins grads, it did so between the years 1948 and 1964, which is hardly appropriate for the year 2004. Otherwise, I would be very impressed with those numbers because they seem to good to be true.

Just trying to be the Devil's Advocate. 🙂

 

[john182]

Understanding that the hands that hold you, are a gift from God to save lives?

Someone's been too influenced by the movie Malice obviously......

 

[Winged Scapula]

Thread closed due to SDN TOS violation (posted in multiple forums - flourishing in Surgery Forum).