Sonnet34

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May 18, 2012
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This question would be so much more simple but I am also a medical school student!

I'm a current MS1 and my significant other is an MD/PhD student at another school, also in first year.
Recently we've been having talks about when to get married and I am simply at a loss of what to say. Ideally, we'd want to get married when we're able to live together, but I have no idea what is going on regarding that. Our lives are pretty out-of-sync right now.

Has anyone experienced a similar situation or has helpful advice regarding when we should get engaged/when we should get married? I think we're both getting a little antsy, but I have no idea when our schedules would actually even have the possibility of us ending up in the same place for a while. I'm pretty clueless, and I don't know anyone who has been in a similar situation. Any advice or suggestions?

Thanks so much in advance!
 
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Sonnet34

5+ Year Member
May 18, 2012
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Medical Student
Nobody? :(
Am I allowed to repost this or move this to, for example, the Medical Student forums? (Because I'm a med student and all)
 

sam1999

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Aug 7, 2009
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In my experience long distance relationship does not work. His MD/Phd = your MD + residency. So lot so lonely nights!
 

QofQuimica

Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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My advice would be to get engaged/married whenever you both feel like you're ready. If you put your lives on hold for your medical training, you won't get married for another decade. Since you won't realistically be able to live together until after you finish med school (and that's assuming you match in the same city for residency), the real question is whether you'd be willing to have a long-distance marriage. I know some people who do it and make it work, but most people don't like being separated from their spouse.
 

LADoc00

Gen X, the last great generation
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My advice is: bail. Lots of fish in the sea and honestly lonliness for a short time is really really healthy especially when you are studying your butt off.

Everyone in modern society is so damn needy, be different. I went through the same thing when I bailed out of a PhD portion and my SO at the time stayed in. I let it drag on for YEARS and it was the worst mistake of my life.

The 5 years after we broke up were so blissful, I cant begin to describe the feeling honestly.
 
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Sonnet34

5+ Year Member
May 18, 2012
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Medical Student
Thanks everyone. It means a lot to me since I (we?) have no idea what to do.

A long distance marriage would be okay imo (not optimal ideally), but I just don't know how to manage children. Ideally I would want to have children before I reach the age of 30. But... Now I don't know if that's reasonable? I'd want to raise them with both parents around - and that doesn't seem very possible unless we wait. Arggggh!

Bailing isn't really an option. I dearly, dearly love him and want to try my best at making it easy on both of us. I know it will work out, but I want to do it in the easiest way possible ;)

We've been long distance for almost two years now. His school is located an hour and a half (driving at a good speed, no traffic) away from mine, so I think our current arrangement is fine... We need time to study anyway. I just don't know how to approach the coming years.

Any more advice/stories whatever? Maybe I just need to talk. Heh
 

VenusinFurs

I am tired, I am weary
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Dec 17, 2009
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I was going to suggest living together halfway from both your schools, but over 30 mins drive seems a bit much.
 
Mar 29, 2013
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Pre-Medical
I am also in the same boat my boyfriend is a term 5 med student and it sucks. I have made so much compromise for him over the last 2 yrs now I am beginning to wonder if it s worth it. Med school takes all of your time and conversations are mainly about school even when you are in a lovely romantic place. I think you should try and make it work and if it doesn't it doesn't when you feel like you have no spark just leave. If the two of you are meant to be together you will cross each other's path again.
I am leaving my bf I just want him to be through with exams before I do. I can't deal with always feeling ignored and also he has 2yrs of residency to do he will DEFINITELY not have anytime for me. Just try it don't give up. I am a pre-med student and I know of couples that are married and dealing with it just keep faith hun. All the best