Match delimma... Not for me

[discombobulous]

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Hi all,

This story might sound familiar to some, but I am really seeking advice. I am currently an intern in a good program and have already matched. My significant other, currently boyfriend, did not match. I matched into the program he desired to match in. We were doing the whole couples match thing at first but de-linked due to his personal best interest of making sure I match in case he didn't. So guess what? I did and he didn't match at all.

So, now he is reapplying. He didn't sit on a couch, eat, and do nothing. He volunteered as an externship with a cardiologist for three months, and now has become the junior faculty at our medical school running sim lab codes, teaching harvey, and assisting in problem based learning with the medical students. Additionally, he plans to take Step 3 before residency. So sounds like he is a good candidate, and he has better board scores than me.

The problem is, how to approach and convince my program into matching him. The issue was brought up with some individuals and the first thing I get asked is if we are going to get engaged/married. The answer is, eventually yes. However, he desires to match first before moving onto the next step. Kind of hard with long distance, no money, and job. I usually don't know how to handle this question. It seems that as if one of their requirements in matching him is he has to be engaged/married. Other problem is, how open and involved I need to be with administrators or whoever to make sure he can match? I was told they will definitely interview him again, but no further discussions were made. Therefore, I am in this dilemma. It's not helping me and I am trying to stay mentally sane and focused on my job and to study.

Thanks in advance for any advises.

 

[deuist]

I have to agree with your program. If I was a PD I couldn't rely on "I hope we get married." What's to stop every other resident from saying, "You need to give my boyfriend/girlfriend a residency spot, too?"

 

[NYCMS2]

Sounds like they left the door cracked open when they asked if you are engaged, so why don't you say that yes you are engaged, and of course your BF should do the same. Maybe it is a white lie, but whatever...

 

[deleted480308]

If you want to marry the guy, buy a $100 ring at walmart and announce your engagement. If you feel guilty about a boyfriend you won't marry also not matching....then move on

 

[rokshana]

they want to know if this is a serious relationship and won't cause them any problems. If you are just dating, then there is a greater chance that you will break up and then they will have 2 exes working together...i'm sure you can appreciate how difficult that could be, esp if its a smaller program.

you two need to sit down and talk about your future...if you are planning on getting married, then you need to consider getting engaged.

 

[discombobulous]

I know that, how can I get married when he isn't physically here and has no money to buy a ring. I don't think I need a physical ring to say we are serious. We are serious.

 

[dpmd]

An engagement is a promise to get married at some point in the future. The ring is just a outward sign for that, but is not required. If you are that serious and plan to get married in the future it might be worth it to discuss whether you should call yourselves engaged or not.

 

[inmyslumber]

Agree with dpmd.

Why do you need a ring? You can be engaged without one. Seems like an outdated tradition/conditional gift, especially if the woman had a source of income.

If you two decide to get married, you do not need a ring to prove it. Just set a date and leave it at that.

This decision to marry needs to be separate from his desire to secure a residency. Obviously.

Good luck to both of you.

-ims