Medical School and Relationships

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honey0102

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Current MS2 (female) posting. Before anything I just want to say I promise I'm not trolling-this is a serious post.
To other med students/residents-what proportion of your class would you say was single? In undergrad, even my senior year, that was a high number. But now, in medical school, it seems like everyone around me is in a serious relationship, getting married, having kids, etc. I'm a traditional student (23 years old) and many of the people I mentioned are also. I'm very happy for my friends don't get me wrong, but I do feel like the oddball out-the only single woman among several married people with families. I often have no one to hang out with on post-exam evenings/weekends because that time is reserved for family-which I definitely understand.
Any other med students in a similar boat? Medical school is, as it is, stressful, and this kind of just adds to it. Is it common for people in medicine to meet their SO's after M2 year (ie M3, m4, residency)?
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I'm in the same boat. I was wondering whether it's just because I'm the Midwest so I feel like people settle down here faster. I've actually talked to residents about this and I get the answer that roughly 80% of the class is married or in a serious relationship.
 
When MS1 started at my southern, suburban medical school the mix was about 50-50. By MS4 it was 75% coupled 25% single.

Of the coupled folks, I would say maybe 5-10% were married and very few had kids (4 in a class of 150ish), so socializing was rarely an issue.
 
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Aurum said:
When MS1 started at my southern, suburban medical school the mix was about 50-50. By MS4 it was 75% coupled 25% single.

Of the coupled folks, I would say maybe 5-10% were married and very few had kids (4 in a class of 150ish), so socializing was rarely an issue.
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How did those people meet their SO's during medical school? Was it all within the class?
 
honey0102 said:
How did those people meet their SO's during medical school? Was it all within the class?
Click to expand...

Within the class, through dating apps, or the old fashioned way (bars, mutual friends, etc)
 
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Patrick Bateman's Brother said:
23 y/o?? MS-2?? Single??

Start your cat collection
Click to expand...
Haha sorry, I knew this might be taken as a troll thread so hence the disclaimer at the top. It really does seem like most people in my class are much further along in their personal lives than I am. It's hard to get perspective with just one place though
 
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honey0102 said:
Current MS2 (female) posting. Before anything I just want to say I promise I'm not trolling-this is a serious post.
To other med students/residents-what proportion of your class would you say was single? In undergrad, even my senior year, that was a high number. But now, in medical school, it seems like everyone around me is in a serious relationship, getting married, having kids, etc. I'm a traditional student (23 years old) and many of the people I mentioned are also. I'm very happy for my friends don't get me wrong, but I do feel like the oddball out-the only single woman among several married people with families. I often have no one to hang out with on post-exam evenings/weekends because that time is reserved for family-which I definitely understand.
Any other med students in a similar boat? Medical school is, as it is, stressful, and this kind of just adds to it. Is it common for people in medicine to meet their SO's after M2 year (ie M3, m4, residency)?
Click to expand...

I met my SO at the end of MS3 year. Every school is different; you may just have been stuck in a class with a high proportion of people who happen to be married.

I will note that I started med school with a number of people who were in serious relationships; some were married. Some of those people weren't married anymore by the time we graduated. :(

As for how I met my SO....I met him on SDN. :laugh: We happened to both be students in the same city, but different schools, so it was pretty easy to meet up in real life.
 
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smq123 said:
I met my SO at the end of MS3 year. Every school is different; you may just have been stuck in a class with a high proportion of people who happen to be married.

I will note that I started med school with a number of people who were in serious relationships; some were married. Some of those people weren't married anymore by the time we graduated. :(

As for how I met my SO....I met him on SDN. :laugh: We happened to both be students in the same city, but different schools, so it was pretty easy to meet up in real life.
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Wow, thanks for this-and how you met is such a heartwarming story lol.
 
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I met my SO at a gym during MS1. It was a random thing. Now, at NS3 we are getting married and having a kid. It was not my intention to meet anyone. However, I never expected medical school or even residency to let life get in the way. Be open to a relationship when you are ready.
 
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raiderette said:
I met my SO at a gym during MS1. It was a random thing. Now, at NS3 we are getting married and having a kid. It was not my intention to meet anyone. However, I never expected medical school or even residency to let life get in the way. Be open to a relationship when you are ready.
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I had a similar story. It’s akways seemed to me that the people who had a plan to get married by a certain age and actively and systematically hunted out a partner went through a lot more drama, bs, and pain with failed relationships from trying to force something just to have something than the people who just went about their lives, focused on themselves and their work and just minded their business until one day they got hit by the thunderbolt out of the blue.
 
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atomi said:
I had a similar story. It’s akways seemed to me that the people who had a plan to get married by a certain age and actively and systematically hunted out a partner went through a lot more drama, bs, and pain with failed relationships from trying to force something just to have something than the people who just went about their lives, focused on themselves and their work and just minded their business until one day they got hit by the thunderbolt out of the blue.
Click to expand...

So true, but you can't expect med school type A's to do otherwise.

Now that I'm in medical school, I find it rather humorous that so many female doctors are single. They could easily get with a male resident or medical student, but don't. They could easily snag some gym instructor guy, but don't.
 
After spending my break traveling around Cambodia, almost 80% of the people we met were couples (young) I couldn't believe it and we went to the party places. (65% of my class are also in relationships)

I'm a huge believer in do what you enjoy and you'll meet someone along the way. I met my ex gf (lasted about 10 months) at the gym she came up and approached me completely unexpected and out of the blue. I met my current gf in a similar fashion; she just approached me at a Christmas party.

You'll meet someone when you least expect it and when you're not looking for them, don't stress, you never know when it could happen :)

Get out socialize, play sports and join clubs and it'll happen naturally.
 
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Thanks everyone for this, it really is helpful!
 
honey0102 said:
Current MS2 (female) posting. Before anything I just want to say I promise I'm not trolling-this is a serious post.
To other med students/residents-what proportion of your class would you say was single? In undergrad, even my senior year, that was a high number. But now, in medical school, it seems like everyone around me is in a serious relationship, getting married, having kids, etc. I'm a traditional student (23 years old) and many of the people I mentioned are also. I'm very happy for my friends don't get me wrong, but I do feel like the oddball out-the only single woman among several married people with families. I often have no one to hang out with on post-exam evenings/weekends because that time is reserved for family-which I definitely understand.
Any other med students in a similar boat? Medical school is, as it is, stressful, and this kind of just adds to it. Is it common for people in medicine to meet their SO's after M2 year (ie M3, m4, residency)?
Click to expand...
By the end of first year only about 25% of the class was single
 
Mad Jack said:
By the end of first year only about 25% of the class was single
Click to expand...
Do you know what ever happened to the other 25%? I'm guessing you are all attendings now. Did they ever meet anyone?
 
Someone should conduct a research study evaluating medical students with and without a sexual partner, and see which group performs better on exams...
 
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Totally right. Everyone is married or in a very long term relationship, to an extent that seems much higher than the general public.
 
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Syncrohnize said:
but if I were to guess the number #1 cause of anxiety for women in medical school, it would probably be still being single
Click to expand...

As a woman in med school, I can promise that still being single is far far from the #1 cause of my anxieties lol
 
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smq123 said:
I met my SO at the end of MS3 year. Every school is different; you may just have been stuck in a class with a high proportion of people who happen to be married.

I will note that I started med school with a number of people who were in serious relationships; some were married. Some of those people weren't married anymore by the time we graduated. :(

As for how I met my SO....I met him on SDN. :laugh: We happened to both be students in the same city, but different schools, so it was pretty easy to meet up in real life.
Click to expand...

Yeah ladies if you happen to live in the same city as a certain good looking anesthesia resident this could be you!
 
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Before a flame war hijacks the thread, let me just say that I realize even though I initially thought that quoted part was coming from a good place, I realize it's sexist. Deleted initial post /endissue
 
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TelemarketingEnigma said:
As a woman in med school, I can promise that still being single is far far from the #1 cause of my anxieties lol
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Any girl can have dozens of male options lined up in 15 minutes via apps. And many of those options will be extremely good looking. For guys, ha.
solitarius said:
So true, but you can't expect med school type A's to do otherwise.

Now that I'm in medical school, I find it rather humorous that so many female doctors are single. They could easily get with a male resident or medical student, but don't. They could easily snag some gym instructor guy, but don't.
Click to expand...
High standards. Most are shooting for male model tier looks in a partner.
On the flip side, even quality guys have an intense uphill battle. Worsens annually due to social media.
 
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Psai said:
https://forums.studentdoctor.net/conversations/add/psai
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Slidin’ into those PMs

828C26AE-275F-483C-BE39-C3CA64061C54.gif
 
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MedicineZ0Z said:
Any girl can have dozens of male options lined up in 15 minutes via apps. And many of those options will be extremely good looking. For guys, ha.

High standards. Most are shooting for male model tier looks in a partner.
On the flip side, even quality guys have an intense uphill battle. Worsens annually due to social media.
Click to expand...

Why do guys have an intense uphill battle?


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mymembernames said:
Why do guys have an intense uphill battle?


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Click to expand...

Guys who use online apps/sites invest a huge amount of time only to have limited success with girls who are less attractive than they are. They also have to approach large numbers of women and play the game perfectly, again for limited success. Many face repetitive rejection which just gets awkward if you're seeing them again. Only the best looking guys have it easy.

In contrast, girls can put up a couple selfies and have 200 tinder matches in 30 minutes. Or just be... anywhere (gym, library, etc.) and guys will approach.

btw, this whole "thing" is in no way the fault of girls. Just making that clear. If anything, we should blame guys.
 
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MedicineZ0Z said:
Guys who use online apps/sites invest a huge amount of time only to have limited success with girls who are less attractive than they are. They also have to approach large numbers of women and play the game perfectly, again for limited success. Many face repetitive rejection which just gets awkward if you're seeing them again. Only the best looking guys have it easy.

In contrast, girls can put up a couple selfies and have 200 tinder matches in 30 minutes. Or just be... anywhere (gym, library, etc.) and guys will approach.

btw, this whole "thing" is in no way the fault of girls. Just making that clear. If anything, we should blame guys.
Click to expand...

Interesting.


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MedicineZ0Z said:
Guys who use online apps/sites invest a huge amount of time only to have limited success with girls who are less attractive than they are. They also have to approach large numbers of women and play the game perfectly, again for limited success. Many face repetitive rejection which just gets awkward if you're seeing them again. Only the best looking guys have it easy.

In contrast, girls can put up a couple selfies and have 200 tinder matches in 30 minutes. Or just be... anywhere (gym, library, etc.) and guys will approach.

btw, this whole "thing" is in no way the fault of girls. Just making that clear. If anything, we should blame guys.
Click to expand...
this isnt really much different than life before tinder.
 
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libertyyne said:
this isnt really much different than life before tinder.
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Not quite true. Guys now have to compete with the best guys in the local 20 mile radius.
For most guys it seems to be a huge shock that women also want someone they find physically attractive.
 
libertyyne said:
this isnt really much different than life before tinder.
Click to expand...
And there was always a difference between hooking up and serious relationships. I am always amazed that men on SDN act like they are being discriminated against because beautiful women don't fall at their feet on Tinder. Meet nice people, tell them you are serious, be serious, be exclusive, ask her, then get married. Forget about your buddy who has a Tinder game, Are you still lonely?
 
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raiderette said:
And there was always a difference between hooking up and serious relationships. I am always amazed that men on SDN act like they are being discriminated against because beautiful women don't fall at their feet on Tinder. Meet nice people, tell them you are serious, be serious, be exclusive, ask her, then get married. Forget about your buddy who has a Tinder game, Are you still lonely?
Click to expand...

I have numerous male friends both in med school and outside of medicine who constantly complain to me about this stuff. I don't think anyone complains about the super pretty girls not knocking their door down though. It's more that girls who are below average to barely average in the looks department still brush off guys who look okay because they demand the best. The pretty ones don't use dating apps in a serious manner, it's only to get social media followers from it.
And serious dating & hooking up are no different. You still need to obtain some form of contact & most girls make it obvious there's no interest on their end off the bat (friendzone).
 
MedicineZ0Z said:
Not quite true. Guys now have to compete with the best guys in the local 20 mile radius.
For most guys it seems to be a huge shock that women also want someone they find physically attractive.
Click to expand...
It's not like women didnt know attractive men existed before tinder.
 
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MedicineZ0Z said:
It's more that girls who are below average to barely average in the looks department still brush off guys who look okay because they demand the best. The pretty ones don't use dating apps in a serious manner, it's only to get social media followers from it.
Click to expand...

Evidence?
Women demand a lot more from guys than just looks. An “ok” looking dude can be a weirdo on their profile.
Also the fact that you think pretty girls don’t use these things in a serious manner is silly. I’ve used dating sites before because my work schedule didn’t allow me to meet anyone because I didn’t go out.
You act like every pretty girl has a boatload of guys at her disposal. That is not true. I have many friends who had trouble finding people, and trust me it wasn’t because they were ugly or had bad personalities. They were busy with school. Few guys actually approach a strange girl in public (I’m talking about the ones who are actually interested, not cat callers). I can count on a single hand in the last 15 years when a guy randomly approached me and showed interest.


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MedicineZ0Z said:
It's more that girls who are below average to barely average in the looks department still brush off guys who look okay because they demand the best.
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That is a really deranged sense of entitlement. Or maybe that's the norm and I missed it my entire life.

Why should "below average"-looking girls be content with an "okay"-looking guy if the guy doesn't have a personality? a good job? a good social network? etc. What is meant by girls demanding "the best"? Just because a girl is less physically attractive than other girls doesn't mean that she should have to settle for someone who doesn't stimulate her outside the looks department. Maybe these okay-looking guys that these okay-looking girls are brushing off didn't bring their A game to a potential mate (whether it be short or long term).
 
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OrthoTraumaMD said:
Evidence?
Women demand a lot more from guys than just looks. An “ok” looking dude can be a weirdo on their profile.
Also the fact that you think pretty girls don’t use these things in a serious manner is silly. I’ve used dating sites before because my work schedule didn’t allow me to meet anyone because I didn’t go out.
You act like every pretty girl has a boatload of guys at her disposal. That is not true. I have many friends who had trouble finding people, and trust me it wasn’t because they were ugly or had bad personalities. They were busy with school. Few guys actually approach a strange girl in public (I’m talking about the ones who are actually interested, not cat callers). I can count on a single hand in the last 15 years when a guy randomly approached me and showed interest.


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Click to expand...
Make the assumption that the guy is far from a wierdo. And girls actually do get approached a ton, I see it every single day. Not to mention endless messages on social media. Maybe you're in the minority that looks serious aka not approachable.
I know women want more than just looks but any somewhat attractive girl has a very hard cutoff for what she considers physically attractive. The standard may drop over time if she doesn't find someone. Without meeting that cutoff, the rest is irrelevant.

curbsideconsult said:
That is a really deranged sense of entitlement. Or maybe that's the norm and I missed it my entire life.

Why should "below average"-looking girls be content with an "okay"-looking guy if the guy doesn't have a personality? a good job? a good social network? etc. What is meant by girls demanding "the best"? Just because a girl is less physically attractive than other girls doesn't mean that she should have to settle for someone who doesn't stimulate her outside the looks department. Maybe these okay-looking guys that these okay-looking girls are brushing off didn't bring their A game to a potential mate (whether it be short or long term).
Click to expand...
Huh? They would have a good personality and a good to a very good job. Hence the whole complaining.
Ironically, back when I actually used tinder & lived with my parents/had no money/worse personality - I had incredible success on there. The guys I mentioned who struggle now are very well off & have no personality flaws.
 
OrthoTraumaMD said:
Why would we make such an assumption if their profile is weird? I saw a dude on a dating site who put some strange things on his profile. I went out with him (I was a little weirded out, but he seemed like a serious person and was an attorney and was interested in long term). On the first (and only) date, he literally told me me he enjoyed the violence in movies, and he thought horror movies didn’t have enough blood.
Click to expand...

:wow::wow:

Did you try to suggest that maybe he see a mental health specialist, or did you just back away slowly after that little revelation?
 
OrthoTraumaMD said:
Why would we make such an assumption if their profile is weird? I saw a dude on a dating site who put some strange things on his profile. I went out with him (I was a little weirded out, but he seemed like a serious person and was an attorney and was interested in long term). On the first (and only) date, he literally told me me he enjoyed the violence in movies, and he thought horror movies didn’t have enough blood.



Wow. That’s pretty outrageously wrong. I guess someone should tell my very loved husband I never should have married him for his personality and his cooking. He was not, and is not, my “attractiveness” type at all. He is overweight and shorter than me. I’m a BMI 19, 5’8” blonde who used to (and still occasionally) models. And gasp. I married him anyway. He was my second physical relationship of my life.

I suggest you talk to some actual women before making these crazy assumptions about their behavior, or whatever MGTOW websites say.


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Click to expand...

Why so many n=1 personal anecdotes? You should look at what women do in large numbers. I can start citing studies/articles on how women value looks way above what society believes, and certainly far higher than things like personality or money.
And yes we get it... you're super hot and your husband is not.

But did you ever think that the whole redpill/mgtow nonsense exists because of the super high standards women have? Most guys aren't weirdos and have okay personalities. Most of the complaining you'll see on the redpill sites is that they can't even get with an average looking girl who isn't overweight (or variations of that).
 
Ok, I think that this thread has outlived its usefulness for this particular forum.

Closing.

EDIT: We've deleted posts from the last page of replies due to a number of inappropriate posts.
 
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