medical school and relationships

[TeinVI]

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for those of you guys who're currently in a relationship and planning on being with him/her even after you start medical school this fall, i'm just wondering how you plan on balancing the two? would you go so far as choosing a school so that you can stay closer to your boyfriend/girlfriend?
i'm just asking this because i remember my first year of undergrad, i let my relationship take prerogative many times, and in turn, led to some detrimental effects on my academics. and now the stakes are bigger. of course now i know what's really most important to me now, which is doing well in med school. but i guess it'll help to have someone there for you as you go through some stressful times. i recently got into a relationship and if it does end up lasting until the summer, i'm wondering if i'll have enough time to balance both med school and a significant other.

 

[memoryless]

I'm in a very serious relationship right now (by the time I start med school I'll most likely be married), so obviously I'm going to be juggling both. My boyfriend will be starting law school the same year I start med school, and we're bent on going to schools at least within easy driving distance, if not in the same city. I know that means I'll most likely have to give up quite a few things (ie if I get into Yale but he doesn't get into any good law school in the area, bye-bye Yale), and I've already resigned myself to this. I'm a very ambitious person, so this is extremely difficult.

You really have to keep in mind that as much as you love medicine, it can never take the place of the person you love. If you can't see there being any possibility that you'd spend your life with the person you're in a relationship with, by all means don't let your studies suffer. But otherwise you should just realize that you can't have everything. Something as great as love ocassionally requires sacrifices.

 

[alphabeta53]

keep the girl around as long as she knows her role (making sandwiches, cleaning, sex-slave,etc). When you get bored of her or when you graduate, which ever comes first, dump her and upgrade with your soon-to-be acquired bling-bling.

-😛

 

[applegirl]

I have been in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years (together 2 years). It is hard, but we completely love each other. I am going to med school in the fall, he is applying for next year. We will probably not even be in the same state. Some might say "Why are you still together?" but when you love someone it isn't easy and it is easy to wait. Doesn't make sense to most, but it does to me.

I see it this way, what is 4 or 5 years vs the rest of your life. Nothing.

 

[bridgie]

Anyone know the divorce rates during and post med school/residency? They have to be somewhere on the web.

 

[Mangs]

hey, just wanted to give kudos for this one. i find myself
thinking about how i'll balance my relationship and school.
sorry i can't offer much advice but, i'm definitely in the same boat!

 

[gogiants]

it's all about give and take. i've been living with my boyfriend for a while now and he's coming with me to med school. that means a sacrafice for him (giving up a good job and leaving the area his family is in) but I'm also letting him have some say in where i end up going. in talking to other people who have relationships in med school it just seems like you have to make a really concerted effort to make time to be together. for some people that meant getting up early and studying until 5 so they could spend evenings with their significant others. or for other people it meant taking one weekend day off a week that was for together time. i think a relationship can work even at such a stressful time provided you are both willing to work at it.

 

[gogiants]

i should add though...that we've been together so long that we are really used to each other and our relationship is more stable because of it. relationships that are newer and more challenging often are the more draining ones in my opinion, and i can imagine how that would present a bigger problem in med school.

 

[What the pho]

Do any of you guys/girls worry about out growing your significant other intellectually? A girl I'm dating write now w/a GED is not going to stimulate me cerebrally, when I'm an MD. She might be worrying about hair, nails and what to wear tonight, and I'm worried about the the patient in bed #5.

 

[alphabeta53]

I don't think you will ever outgrow this girl intellectually "write" now or later...

Originally posted by What the pho
Do any of you guys/girls worry about out growing your significant other intellectually? A girl I'm dating write now w/a GED is not going to stimulate me cerebrally, when I'm an MD. She might be worrying about hair, nails and what to wear tonight, and I'm worried about the the patient in bed #5.

 

[lola]

Originally posted by alphabeta53
keep the girl around as long as she knows her role (making sandwiches, cleaning, sex-slave,etc). When you get bored of her or when you graduate, which ever comes first, dump her and upgrade with your soon-to-be acquired bling-bling.

I don't think you will ever outgrow this girl intellectually "write" now or later...

why aren't you ever funny?

 

[ashkan33]

why are you settling????? it's not like there aren't other fish in the sea! and don't you realize that up until now, you were just a helpless pre-med and in a few years your going to be a DOCTOR! you're value to the opposite sex is gonna skyrocket. it's like going from garage-band groupies to motley crue groupies. my advice: just tough it out for a few years until you realize your eligibility.

 

[Zoobaby]

My GF of 2.5 years and I are going to move in together when I go to school in the fall. She is a PhD student and I'll be a med student, so time will be short for both of us. To be able to automatically see each other every night after school will be great. I think It'll make the whole thing a bit easier to handle.

Even with that I'm already planning to study early and late so I'll be able to take one weekend day off per week. Part of that is just me... I can't work every day for too long w/o going nuts.

 

[What the pho]

Originally posted by alphabeta53
I don't think you will ever outgrow this girl intellectually "write" now or later...

Wow, your so smart, you probably got the highest score on the written section on the mcat. To bad no one gives a flyin phuck about the written section alphabutthole53. If I meet you in person and you corrected me for that I would bitch slap your anal pre-med ass, and steel you pocket protector.

 

[alphabeta53]

Originally posted by What the pho
Wow, your so smart, you probably got the highest score on the written section on the mcat. To bad no one gives a flyin phuck about the written section alphabutthole53. If I meet you in person and you corrected me for that I would bitch slap your anal pre-med ass, and steel you pocket protector.

so you agree with me...

 

[Sarah Kerr]

Originally posted by What the pho
Do any of you guys/girls worry about out growing your significant other intellectually? A girl I'm dating write now w/a GED is not going to stimulate me cerebrally, when I'm an MD. She might be worrying about hair, nails and what to wear tonight, and I'm worried about the the patient in bed #5.

I don't know about YOUR girl with a GED, but THIS girl with a GED can keep up just fine, has more important things to worry about other than hair and nails (important at times as they may be) and I have no trouble whatsoever "cerebrally stimulating" my husband, who doesn't feel the need to distinguish between a high school diploma and a GED. Just because someone didn't graduate from high school doesn't mean they lack the intelligence to keep up with a gem like yourself. 😉

 

[What the pho]

Originally posted by alphabeta53
so you agree with me...

I agree your a byotch ass, who probably doesn't sit down much cuz your ass is so up tight you might break something when you sit down.

 

[manicmaven]

Originally posted by What the pho
I agree your a byotch ass, who probably doesn't sit down much cuz your ass is so up tight you might break something when you sit down.

Troll alert.

Somebody get me the asswipe repellant.

 

[VienneseWaltz]

I am very fortunate to have a supportive husband. The divorce rates in residency ARE high, but I think couples who are committed and *prepared* have a good shot at getting through it OK. I think the best thing you can do for your s.o. is tell him or her what to expect. Since before we got engaged, I told my husband what med school has been like for my friends (in-house call, etc), what he should expect at different points and in residency. I am in graduate school right now, and there will be times when you just have to put school aside and be with your s.o. The better you get at partitioning your life (I work from 8:30-5 even though I no longer have class), the easier it will be to spend time together.

The final choice of med school should be made together (I did not apply to any school in a city he didn't want to live in), but don't feel guilty about asking for compromise on your s.o.'s part, either. Besides having you, there is a big pot of gold at the end of this. I think people who abandon their dream school for the ideal of sacrificing for love could wind up really regretting it later on (and your s.o. should not ask or want you to do this). A long-distance relationship is difficult but definitely feasible. You won't have that much time for each other if you're both in school, anyway. In grad school, I know a lot of people who did this, and they are fine. My husband and I dated long-distance for 18 months while I was finishing undergrad, and we came out just fine, too.

 

[VienneseWaltz]

Originally posted by What the pho
Do any of you guys/girls worry about out growing your significant other intellectually? A girl I'm dating write now w/a GED is not going to stimulate me cerebrally, when I'm an MD. She might be worrying about hair, nails and what to wear tonight, and I'm worried about the the patient in bed #5.

It sounds to me like you don't have a lot of respect for her intellect right now.

 

[relatively prime]

Originally posted by What the pho
Wow, your so smart, you probably got the highest score on the written section on the mcat. To bad no one gives a flyin phuck about the written section alphabutthole53. If I meet you in person and you corrected me for that I would bitch slap your anal pre-med ass, and steel you pocket protector.

I think you mean to say "you're so smart." You see, "you're" is short for "you are" while "your" is the possessive form of "you." The way to remember it is... if you see a ' that means there are letters missing. I hope that helps. 😉


To the OP... I'm married. My man and I will be going to different med school... but we'll keep in touch (pun intened). 😉

 

[Moskeeto]

I've been with my gf for awhile now and we'll have to be apart for the first year, so hopefully things work okay. If everything goes good, she should move to whereever i get into school after the first year. I think thats pretty nice of her.

 

[kam730]

OK, I've posted this question numerous times on SDN and have never gotten a response, so I have decided I must be the only person in the world in this situation, but here goes another shot anyway. My boyfriend of 2 years and I will be starting med school together next year, at the same school. I am just wondering if anyone else has attempted this and if they have any advice. We are obviously very committed to each other, have discussed marriage, but are as yet not engaged (I am only 21, he is 22). Any advice anyone has would be appreciated, or at least I would just like to know if anyone else out there is in this situation. Thanks!

 

[Mistress S]

I posted a thread very similar to this several months ago, when my partner and I moved in together, which basically resulted in a lot of responses about how we should get married and not live in sin. 🙄 I am happy to report that sinful living rocks, however we will still have to decide what we want to do if/when I get into an out-of-state med school. Of course there's only 1 med school in OR and it's about 5 minutes from where we live now, so if I go there nothing necessarily has to change; but if I end up getting in out of state when I apply this year, we will have to make a decision about whether or not he's coming with me. We're both kind of operating on the assumption that he will, but it's still over a year away, so it's kind of difficult to know what things will be like then. I have discussed where I am planning to apply with him and listened to his input about where he would or wouldn't want to live, but when it comes down to it the primary factor will be the state of our relationship. Are we both still happy together? Is our relationship growing and changing for the better, or just stagnating? Can we see spending our lives together as a reasonable possibility, even if we aren't yet ready to get engaged at that point? If we both can't answer "yes", "growing", and "yes" (in that order 😀 ) to those questions, then we probably shouldn't move to another state together, even though it would be really difficult to call things off.

It's a big decision, and I wouldn't want him to move with me unless we are both pretty sure, because it involves a lot of sacrifice. We'd both be moving away from the families we grew up with, and he would have to find a new job and pay out-of-state tuition for at least a year since he will also still be a student. Not to mention the complications of maintaining a relationship while dealing with the demands of med school. As I prepare to go through the application process, I'm just trying to keep the lines of communication open so we can continue to discuss things and make our final decision once I know where I'm going. Good luck to everyone else trying to juggle the responsiblities of being a pre-med/med student and being in a relationship, with all the attendant confusion and complications.

 

[memoryless]

I envy you, kam730. The best-case scenario for me is my boyfriend and I both getting into the same top-notch university, him for law and me for medicine. But I know that even if that happens there will be times when he just won't understand why I have to study so much, and will be bitter. Plus, I won't be able to vent about classes or professors and have him understand completely.

I'm sure there are a few cons to your situation, but despite the possibility of you two getting too competitive with each other, I'm not seeing any. You get to live together, spend time together while in classes, have a built-in study partner, and have someone to give you the emotional support only someone who knows exactly what you're going through can.

 

[Naphtali]

Originally posted by ashkan33
why are you settling????? it's not like there aren't other fish in the sea! and don't you realize that up until now, you were just a helpless pre-med and in a few years your going to be a DOCTOR! you're value to the opposite sex is gonna skyrocket. it's like going from garage-band groupies to motley crue groupies. my advice: just tough it out for a few years until you realize your eligibility.

Heh heh heh. I figure my stock is on the upswing. Not being attached has made this process less stressful (and isn't it stressful enough?). I decided what school was best for ME. Being single has its advantages.

I plan on being a selfish bastard for a few years, while I get through some of med school. When I get tired of that, then I'll settle down. But I'm not sure it'll be as easy as it sounds:

Me: Hey sweet thang, can I buy you a drink?
Woman: I think I'm feeling a little ill...
Me: Oh? I could help you with that... I *am* a med student, after all.
Woman: [perks up] Really? So, you're going to be an MD?
Me: Yeah. Actually, I'm going to be an MD/PhD.
Woman: Wow, so does that mean you'll earn more money?
Me: No, I'm going to go into academia. I'll probably earn less.
Woman: [frowns] Oh. But at least you'll be out soon.
Me: Actually, it's a 7 year program. Then I do a residency. Then maybe a post-doc. I should be done in about 12 years.
Woman: Listen, I have to go...
Me: Hey baby! Don't you want to play doctor?!?
Woman: [walks away, starts talking to lawyer at end of bar]

-Naphtali

 

[Jacobim]

Note that Alphabeta53 is real cool.

 

[abw]

Hey everyone!
I give so much credit to anyone who has everything figured out with their significant other. I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and we've discussed marriage, so it's not something I'm planning on letting go of. However, this is so stressful! He's two years younger than me, and will still be in undergrad when I start med school. I gave up top ten schools to stay nearby for grad school, but really don't have that many options for med school. I feel so guilty because I feel like I'm deciding his future for him with my decision. I'm gonna have to move around for med school, some rotations, residency, and career. How is he supposed to establish a meaningful job if he knows he'll keep moving? I'd love for him to be a stay at home dad type, but that's not exactly the most politically acceptable deal - most guys aren't all about getting the "husband degree". I actually asked a student about it at the school i'm planning to attend, but she laughed and told me i was too young to worry about it. Has anyone else received this advice from others?

 

[cabruen]

RP, I am sure you meant intended. 😉

Originally posted by relatively prime
To the OP... I'm married. My man and I will be going to different med school... but we'll keep in touch (pun intened). 😉

 

[ShortStuff]

I am in a similar position to memory less with my man starting law school next year as I start med school. So far being in the same city does't look like it is going to happen but you never know b/c he has a lot of places he is still waiting to hear from. It is really difficult because we will have been together 3 yrs. once school starts and that is not something that is worth throwing away but finding that balance is always tough....I feel you guys...

 

[lotanna]

Its doable, but VERY hard, been in that situation, its easier when both partners are in school, because then ur both busy and dont have time to complain that ur not gettin the other person's attention. A relationship is hard enough as is, add in long distance and med school, and talk about STRESS. I'm glad mine understood. Being within driving distance helps, like I dont think it'll make a diff if ur in Boston and ur partner is in NY, or Detroit and Chicago, but when ur talking NYC and Cali, then it can be extremely diffficult.

 

[pillowhead]

I'm interested in what yall think i should do in this situation...so here it goes.

I've been with my boyfriend for about three years, although we've been friends since middle school. Definitely could see us staying together forever. I was at Univ. of Florida while he was at Georgia Tech and we did the crappy long distance thing for five semesters. I graduated in December, so now I'm back in Atlanta with him as he finishes up his undergrad and things are happily going quite well. I've been accepted to MCG which is in Augusta and about 2 and a half to three hours from Atlanta. Not only do they have the second cheapest tuition in the country, but they've given me $5500 a year (so I'd come out with zero debt). But I really really want to go to Emory where I have also been accepted where I would end up with almost six figures in debt barring being a woodruff scholar. My boyfriend will probably end up in Atlanta (PhD or law school) or in Athens, GA (law school) which is about an hour away from Atlanta and two and a half from Augusta.

So I don't know what to do. Obviously I haven't gotten finaid yet from Emory which might end up making the decision for me. But more than likely, I won't get anything from Emory. So would you be willing to go into pretty big debt to stay closer to someone who you will probably marry (although no engagement yet)? Or would you suck it up and do long distance for another four years. At MCG you can do a couple of rotations in Atlanta. He's great and more than willing to end up being a househusband (I think it's his dream actually). We're the same religion, love each other's families, etc etc. I just hate the thought of delaying marriage, starting a family, etc just to prevent going into debt. That said, it's really appealing to think that every penny I earn after graduation will be mine meaning it'd be easier to take time off earlier to have kids, and we could buy a house earlier.

Oh what to do? Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be accepted to both. but somehow it would have just been easier to be accepted only at one! Decision made for me! Your thoughts are appreciated.

(And no, we wouldn't live together if we were both in Atlanta...just not something I want to do. Although if it works for you, more power to you!)

 

[VienneseWaltz]

pillowhead--it sounds to me like the only thing keeping you from Emory is fear of debt. You like the school better and you would be closer to your s.o. Certainly, debt should weigh into your decision, but bear in mind that you WILL be able to pay it off. When you are out of residency, you can afford both a house and loan repayment. If the two of you are ready to get married soon, having a working spouse (or spouse with stipend, even if meager) will save you quite a few bucks. If you want to stay home with the kids for a while, he can work. Depending on your specialty, you might be able to moonlight part-time so that you can make your loan payments while your kids are little.

 

[relatively prime]

Originally posted by cabruen
RP, I am sure you meant intended. 😉

lol... I was just giving that other guy a re hard time.

 

[bridgie]

http://www.aafp.org/afp/20020901/resident.html

 

[jayvee]

Originally posted by abw
Hey everyone!
I give so much credit to anyone who has everything figured out with their significant other. I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and we've discussed marriage, so it's not something I'm planning on letting go of. However, this is so stressful! He's two years younger than me, and will still be in undergrad when I start med school. I gave up top ten schools to stay nearby for grad school, but really don't have that many options for med school. I feel so guilty because I feel like I'm deciding his future for him with my decision. I'm gonna have to move around for med school, some rotations, residency, and career. How is he supposed to establish a meaningful job if he knows he'll keep moving? I'd love for him to be a stay at home dad type, but that's not exactly the most politically acceptable deal - most guys aren't all about getting the "husband degree". I actually asked a student about it at the school i'm planning to attend, but she laughed and told me i was too young to worry about it. Has anyone else received this advice from others?

They say med school breaks relationships. It's certainly believable but I'm not so sure yet. The majority of my class at Drexel seems to be in a long term/ long distance relationship and only one relationship that I know of ended. We're nearly at the end of our year and it doesn't seem to be a problem.

As far as what that means in terms of "house husbands" or locations, etc. The best advice I've received is to take one day at a time. Make your decisions based on what's right for you and tell your Signif. Other to do the same. The last thing either of you want is to feel resentful because everytime you get in a really big argument (which is inevitable) you will hold your decisions over them and they will too.

So make decisions based on what's best for you, and what you can live with. The S.O. will do the same and it will work out if it's meant to be.

I also know plenty of people who are with Med Students who do not go on to become housewives/husbands. I think this is a very backwards and not-at-all foregone conclusion. I'm encouraging my g/f to complete her undergrad and go on to a PhD program (neurobio) or med school. She would be an excellent candidate!

Good luck to all of you and your relationships,
I know it's really hard sometimes to think about the dreaded long distance,
jayvee

 

[Sarah Kerr]

My relationship is the only thing I'm NOT worried about when med school time rolls around. My husband is in the military, and I go to the college I'm at now simply b/c this is where he was stationed. When I get accepted to medical school, he is going to follow wherever I may lead, since I've already made the same sacrifice for him. Of course we've talked about the cities where we both want to live, but he's willing to go where I will be happiest. He plans on making a career out of the military, so when I am accepted to med school he is doing "green to gold", which is where he is enrolled in college to become an officer. Even if we can't end up in the same town, it will be better than living thousands of miles away.

Our marriage is really strong, and I'm 100% confident that medical school won't do anything to harm it. I am just lucky I have someone so supportive of my career aspirations. And, even better, he will retire from the military when he is 38...perfect opportunity for him to become a stay at home dad (which after 20 years in the Army I'm sure he'll welcome), while I open or join a practice (hopefully). I just hate to wait so long to have babies! 🙁

 

[johnstoner]

i think the only way that a decision should be made with someone else is if they both decide to get married in the near future...ie. are engaged, if not...i think there are so many things in the future that you never know what might happen. Its not right to have someone make the sacrifice of moving b/c their partner got into a particular medical school. Its a whole new world where people meet new people and who knows...they might meet someone new...of no fault in their part.

bottom line...let fate take its course and if it was meant to be...it will be. que sera sera

 

[Sarah Kerr]

" Before another anal premed gets their panties in a bunch
and jumps on my niggity niggity nutz about my spelling and grammar.
Ask yourself, do you think I give a flyin phuck?
So what if my grammer and spelling is bad on the internet.
To bad almost all test in med school and boards are multiple choice.
So check my grammar and spelling on this mcat 35L (7VR,13PS,15BS).
English is not my primary language, so eat me."


Wow! A 35 MCAT AND a sparkling personality!!

Look out, a double threat! 🙄

 

[rat-tickler]

Originally posted by jayvee


Good luck to all of you and your relationships,
I know it's really hard sometimes to think about the dreaded long distance,
jayvee

Wow. Jayvee, you are so profound.

 

[Karina]

But mine didn't work...and I'm not even applying to med school yet. I was in a relationship with a man 11 years older than me...we went out for one and half years...we had a great relationship...but the reason why he broke up with me was medical school...he felt like he couldn't wait that long to start a family and that he wanted someone around and paying attention to him..not someone that was going to be studying all the time...selfish b*stard! 🙂
I had plans to pick my med schools so I'll be in the DC area by next year, because that's where he lives...
But whatever, he knows he made the biggest mistake of his life...otherwise he wouldn't keep calling me all the freaking time! 🙂

But I hope you guys have good communication...and are ready for this journey. If you think this is worth trying...go ahead! Best of luck!

Karina

 

[jayvee]

Originally posted by rat-tickler
Wow. Jayvee, you are so profound. I bet you are super-HOT too. It's funny that you are at Drexel and I will be there next year. Perhaps we can both dump our significant others and find love with one another? I think the universe is conspiring for us to be together.

RRRrrrrRRRow! That's SO hot! congrats on choosing Drex RatTickler. Can't wait to have you here so i can steal you away from rorororo.

We'll have many nights of burning french bread in my oven. That's not supposed to sound perverse.

 

[CityIvy]

rat tickler...oh, jayvee's one of the hotties of the class. he's got the girls pining for him, right jayvee? 😉

 

[coffeespoon]

Question: Does anyone know of couples who have successfully navigated through all 4 years of medical school (both people in school at the same time) in a long-distance context?

I may be in such a situation soon, and it would be nice to have the "if they did it, so can we" morale-boosting stories.

 

[Kovox]

Originally posted by coffeespoon
Question: Does anyone know of couples who have successfully navigated through all 4 years of medical school (both people in school at the same time) in a long-distance context?

I may be in such a situation soon, and it would be nice to have the "if they did it, so can we" morale-boosting stories.

Well, I haven't experienced LDR in medical school yet but I've experienced it as an undergrad. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years in a LDR relationship. He goes to school in WA and I am here at MD. At most, I see him once a week for a year..so basically we've been physically together for a total of no more tahn 14 days in our relationship.

LDR is extremely hard especially when you see couples on campus, at movie theatres or your friends' SO snuggling them. What my bf and I do is talk everyday -> phone, ICQ/IM, Webcam, email, snail mail. LDRs can work but you're going ot have to be 100% committed, if you half-arse it , it's not going to work. You both will need to have extreme trust and committement...it takes two to make it work.

Tein mentioned balance. Medical school is about balance...if you focus too much on school then you kinda miss out on what makes us human -- loving someone else and just living life / enjoying the moment...but if u focus too much on relationships, you might screw up on your goals...so my suggestion is that you're going to have to find that balance somewhere.

It's tempting to find someone closer to you but my take on it is that I'd rather be in a LDR relationship with the RIGHT person than be with the WRONG person but in close proximity.

I dunno..it's not everyday you find someone who you're compatible with..and to let them go just because it might be tough to manage is kinda sossy. Everything worth having in life never comes without a good fight.....

 

[gwyn779]

My fiance and I dated for 3 1/2 years of college long-distance. Obviously it was difficult, but we also obviously made it through. He did say that he would move with me wherever I went to med school, but I took him into consideration when deciding. I ended up staying in state because of the lower tuition, I liked the school, and his EMT-CT certification would still count and allow him to get a job easily. Anyway, we've now been through almost 2 years of me in med school and we're getting married in 3 mos.

 

[The Hulk]

Originally posted by kam730
OK, I've posted this question numerous times on SDN and have never gotten a response, so I have decided I must be the only person in the world in this situation, but here goes another shot anyway. My boyfriend of 2 years and I will be starting med school together next year, at the same school. I am just wondering if anyone else has attempted this and if they have any advice. We are obviously very committed to each other, have discussed marriage, but are as yet not engaged (I am only 21, he is 22). Any advice anyone has would be appreciated, or at least I would just like to know if anyone else out there is in this situation. Thanks!

Kam,

I have friends in your situation; they are not in med school but in an MPH program and planning on going into med school directly after. They live within walking distance to eachother and choose to take the same track so they would be in the same courses and could work and play together. Its not easy, but as long as you are mature and sensible about it, you guys should be fine. Some advice: take the same courses but don't try and live together; plan your free time so you have both time for yourself (by yourself) and time with your significant other.

regards,

TH

 

[Woots32]

Originally posted by What the pho
Do any of you guys/girls worry about out growing your significant other intellectually? A girl I'm dating write now w/a GED is not going to stimulate me cerebrally, when I'm an MD. She might be worrying about hair, nails and what to wear tonight, and I'm worried about the the patient in bed #5.

I was in a similar situation, though it wasn't directly related to med school. I had a 2.5 year long-distance relationship with my ex, who was a manager at a franchise restaurant (sit down dining). We actually met when I was a waitress and he was a bartender the summer before I left for college. While there were several reasons why we broke up, one of them was that he had no desire to get any further education (he dropped out of college). Here my problem wasn't that I was worried that he wouldn't intellectually stimulate me, because he was very intelligent - probably moreso than I. The difference was in our levels of motivation. I was going to med school (very difficult, as you all know) and he was content to stay in the same less-than-challenging job the rest of his life. And then there was the whole issue of the hypothetical dinner party - my doctor friends with his friends from work, mostly cooks who have had repeat drug convictions. 😛

Those of you who have never been in a long distance relationship don't know how hard it is. It's really easy to say "Oh, we love each other and that'll get us through anything" but love definately isn't enough. It takes alot of time and energy - something med students tend to have in short supply. I'm not saying don't go for it, just be prepared for more work than you're probably expecting. (Those of you in a functioning LDR: this doesn't apply to you since you probably already know what I'm talking about).

 

[VienneseWaltz]

Originally posted by gwyn779
My fiance and I dated for 3 1/2 years of college long-distance. Obviously it was difficult, but we also obviously made it through. He did say that he would move with me wherever I went to med school, but I took him into consideration when deciding. I ended up staying in state because of the lower tuition, I liked the school, and his EMT-CT certification would still count and allow him to get a job easily. Anyway, we've now been through almost 2 years of me in med school and we're getting married in 3 mos.

🙂 Best wishes!

My husband and I also were long distance some of the time we were dating/engaged. We spoke on the phone nightly and saw each other every other weekend while I was in school, every weekend while I was working. That many visits would be hard to manage in med school, but I have friends in grad school who manage visits once a month. If you are organized and disciplined with your time management, you will be able to make time for your S.O.

 

[PlushHamster]

Originally posted by VienneseWaltz
🙂 Best wishes!

My husband and I also were long distance some of the time we were dating/engaged. We spoke on the phone nightly and saw each other every other weekend while I was in school, every weekend while I was working. That many visits would be hard to manage in med school, but I have friends in grad school who manage visits once a month. If you are organized and disciplined with your time management, you will be able to make time for your S.O.

This is my first post, so please excuse any syntax faux pas 🙂.

Anyway, I'm a first year at Duke, and I somehow manage to do fine with this "visiting the s.o." thing. (Hope I don't jinx it). We've been going out for almost 5 years now, and I go down to visit her (a 5.5 hour drive) at least every other weekend. She comes up some of the other weekends. Sure, I'm not getting honors in everything, but I'm doing fine, and so is she (in law school). We usually just have to spend a lot of time working, but memorizing the clotting cascade is ever so much more fun if you're with a loved one 😀 . If someone as dense as me can do this at Duke "cram everything and a monkey into one year" Med, anybody can 🙂.


-PlushHamster