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Medical School Jokes

Discussion in 'Medical Students - MD' started by Coastalbarley, May 12, 2013.

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  1. Coastalbarley

    Coastalbarley 5+ Year Member

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    May 27, 2009
    Anyone know of a few good tasteful jokes about med school, especially cores? or a website where I can find some?

    Please and thank you!
     
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  3. Anastomoses

    Anastomoses secretly an end artery Banned Account on Hold 2+ Year Member

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    May 11, 2013
    Texas, Chicago
    Someone said a professor mentioned "if you want to succeed in med school, just two things - don't fall in love and don't fall behind". I found that amusing.
     
  4. Coastalbarley

    Coastalbarley 5+ Year Member

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    May 27, 2009
  5. markyb03

    markyb03 JD Wannabe 2+ Year Member

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    Jun 26, 2012
    Iowa City, IA
  6. yehhhboiii

    yehhhboiii ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Banned Account on Hold

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    post?
     
  7. markyb03

    markyb03 JD Wannabe 2+ Year Member

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    Jun 26, 2012
    Iowa City, IA
  8. Anigma07

    Anigma07 5+ Year Member

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    Aug 13, 2010
    A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

    Also a good one about an anatomy prof and fingering a corpse- try google.
     
  9. rueby25

    rueby25 7+ Year Member

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    Oct 17, 2008
    I believe the punch line is the first rule of med school is follow instructions. The second is pay attention.

    ...or something like that. You can imagine how the joke goes.
     
  10. siliso

    siliso 7+ Year Member

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    Oct 18, 2008
    At the hospital elevator...
    The internist comes running up as the doors are about to close. He sticks his hand in, doors open and he gets on.
    The general surgeon comes running up. Doors are about to close. She sticks her foot in the door, they open and she gets on.
    Then the orthopedic surgeon comes running, doors about to close...sticks his head in and gets on.


    Told to me by a general surgeon.
     
  11. Hemichordate

    Hemichordate Peds 7+ Year Member

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    May 5, 2008
    First-year students at Med School were receiving
    their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
    They all gathered around the surgery table with the
    body covered with a white sheet.

    The professor started the class by telling them,
    "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important
    qualities as a doctor: The first is that you
    not be disgusted by anything involving the human
    body."

    As an example, the Professor pulled back the
    sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse,
    withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

    Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his
    students.

    The students freaked out, hesitated for several
    minutes, but eventually took
    turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead
    body and sucking on it.
    When everyone finished, the Professor looked at
    them and told them: "The second most important
    quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
    finger and sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay
    attention."
     
  12. D elegans

    D elegans 5+ Year Member

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    Mar 30, 2011
    Flyover Country
    What's the difference between a rhinoceros and an orthopaedic surgeon?
    One's thick-skinned, small-brained and charges a lot for no very good reason





    Other mildly amusing ortho jokes:

    http://mrkay.co.uk/joke.htm
     
  13. mimelim

    mimelim Vascular Surgery 5+ Year Member

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    Sep 19, 2011
    Physician
    Rocket Scientist
    It is standard to get yelled at for stopping an elevator with any part of your body at our hospital, at least in surgery. Some med student many years ago was decapitated by an elevator at a neighboring institution.

    Edit: Apparently it was a surgical resident: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/965442/posts
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2013
  14. 45408

    45408 aw buddy 7+ Year Member

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    Many years ago? Dude, I remember exactly when that happened....and I think about almost every time I try to stop an elevator.

    I only stick my hand in to stop it if I am quite sure that I have enough time to pull it back out if needed.
     
  15. Chip N Sawbones

    Chip N Sawbones Ship's Carpenter 5+ Year Member

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    Jan 19, 2011
    Below sea level
    A young man walking down the street started shouting, "Call me a doctor! Call me a doctor!"

    A passerby asked, "Why, are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

    "No! I just graduated from medical school!"
     
  16. mimelim

    mimelim Vascular Surgery 5+ Year Member

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    Sep 19, 2011
    Physician
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    Well, it was just a story to me up until looking up that article. And it was 10 years ago... I was in high school at the time!
     
  17. yehhhboiii

    yehhhboiii ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Banned Account on Hold

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    :lame:
    wtf...

    jesus imagine being the woman stuck in the elevator for 15 mins
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2013
  18. siliso

    siliso 7+ Year Member

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    Oct 18, 2008
    And the vascular surgeon stands outside the elevator and tells a charming anecdote about freak decapitation, killing the joke thread :lol:.

    Just ribbing. I know I will think twice about catching the elevator, now.
     
  19. rueby25

    rueby25 7+ Year Member

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    Oct 17, 2008
    Yes! This.

    Clearly I was too lazy to look it up earlier. Always a classic.
     
  20. Anastomoses

    Anastomoses secretly an end artery Banned Account on Hold 2+ Year Member

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    May 11, 2013
    Texas, Chicago
    I, too, will not be stopping any elevators in the future. ...
     
  21. 911 Turbo

    911 Turbo med student Gold Donor 5+ Year Member

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    Jul 24, 2010
    mars
    hSDN Member
    hSDN Alumni
    dude what the ****
     
  22. tobi44

    tobi44 5+ Year Member

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    Aug 23, 2010
    California
    A medical student sees a female patient with a distended stomach and says "Gee I wonder what that patient has". An intern sees the same patient and says "that patient has cirrhosis", the third year resident sees the same patient and says, "that patient is pregnant". The attending sees the same patient and says "Gee, I wonder what that patient has".
     
  23. DrBodacious

    DrBodacious H-D Sportster 883C 10+ Year Member

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    Oct 13, 2003
    A man goes to his general practitioner, and says, "doc, I got this annoying problem, you gotta help me out."

    Doc says, "What can I help you with?"

    Guy says, "every time I look in the mirror, I get a hard-on."

    Doc says, "I am not sure that you want me to help you out with this problem."

    Guy says, "please doc, it's been happening every since I was 10 years old. I am fed up with it! I'll do anything!"

    Doc says, "it's because you look like a pus**!"
     
  24. Anastomoses

    Anastomoses secretly an end artery Banned Account on Hold 2+ Year Member

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    May 11, 2013
    Texas, Chicago
    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

    Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

    Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

    AND......

    For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
    5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

    CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
    [​IMG]
     
  25. helvetica

    helvetica 2+ Year Member

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    Mar 15, 2012
    Very corny. One of the anesthesiologists in the OR told me this one:

    Q: What do you call the sheet between the anesthesiologist and the surgeons?
    A: The blood-brain barrier.
     

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