Medical student - nude scandal advice

[sabz2323]

Hi there,

I am a third-year medical student at a great school, but have recently encountered a huge problem, and require advice. After the end of a four-year relationship, my ex boyfriend has posted explicit, "full frontal" photos of me (taken three years ago, even) to a revenge porn site. These photos have now gone viral, and he attached my name and address to these incriminating photographs. Where I reside, there are no laws that allow me to effectively sue him or take legal action, and the sites refuse to take down the non-consensually uploaded photos on the basis of him owning the copyright, and freedom of speech.

I am absolutely devastated. When you search my full name, the links to the pages appear on the third page of google. While the photos were taken years ago in the privacy of what I thought was a trusting relationship (and I had learned since not to take such images), it will make no difference to anyone who sees them. I am utterly embarrassed. I had hoped to go into paediatrics, but now feel as though I will never get a residency position, and patients would not even want to come to me, thanks to this scandal.

I truly feel this man has ruined my career prospects. I was wrong to take those types of photos, but I was foolish at the time and put too much trust in him. Should I forget my aspirations for paediatrics and find a new discipline, or do I no longer have any decent shot at a stable career in medicine altogether?

Like I said, I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and now appear completely unprofessional. I'm not sure how to proceed, and any advice would be much appreciated. 🙁

Thank you all for reading.

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[4thCoast]

I'm very sorry to read this and can't imagine your frustration. Your ex-boyfriend seems like a pretty solid scumbag to stoop to this level. Unfortunately I don't have any perfect solution, but I do want to offer a little bit of sympathy. Maybe you could convince the site to use a fake name, and find a service that could clean your internet search results afterwards (I've heard some of these types of things on the radio but don't have a specific name). That wouldn't cure the root of your problem, but at least you would have some piece of mind that someone (residency director or colleague) couldn't find the photographs with a simple search of your name.

 

[CptNemo]

I'm sorry about what happened. Please keep in mind that many physicians have overcome much more egregious violations such as drug abuse, sexual boundary crossings, behavioral\anger problems, actions that led patient harm, loss of license, etc. and have still gone on to have successful careers. Trust me, I have seen people recover from much worse things in their careers over the years! In your case, you made a bad choice at a time in life when people are prone to making bad choices, and you are essentially the victim of someone else posting photos that you assumed would be kept private. Reasonable people understand that. Also, I doubt that many programs are doing comprehensive google image searches on applicants... so it's quite possible that they would never find out even if something was out there (same goes for patients). No matter what happens, you will find people in medicine who are willing to overlook such a relatively mild and distant lapse in judgement. Although it doesn't seem that way now, this will likely just fade into being a bad memory a few years down the road.

That being said, the world is not perfect and it is a good idea to try to avoid any potential loss of reputation in this field. So for peace of mind, it may be good idea to talk to a lawyer who specializes in internet defamation/slander to see if they have any recommendations. I'm no lawyer... this is a complex and continually developing aspect of the law and all these regulations vary based on where you live, but lawyers who deal with this may be able to find creative solutions. You can also go to Avvo, or some similar website and ask some questions, kind of like this one: http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/can-i-prosecute-someone-who-has-nude-pictures-of-m-621576.html

Even if nothing can be done legally, negative information like this can often be buried (by flooding search results with other positive stuff) by various services, such as those described in this article: http://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2013/07/26/is-online-reputation-management-worth-the-money/ They are not free, but they may be worth it. I have not had any experience using these, however.

Good luck!

 

[mwpeds]

First off, I'm so sorry for your situation. I don't think one specialty is going to be any better for your situation (I don't think peds will be any better or worse for you, so do what you like!). As above poster has mentioned I would really look into hiring a lawyer. Perhaps the threat of legal action (even if it might not be successful due to the laws you said) would be enough to get the sites to take down the photos? Were you underage in the photos, in which case the pictures would be child pornography and they would have to take them down due to illegality? A quick google search yields a lot of online services and lawyers who can help with this.

http://www.dmca.com/FAQ/How-to-stop-from-being-a-victim-of-revenge-porn DMCA site can help you takedown websites/photos posted without your consent.

http://www.endrevengeporn.org/professionals-helping-victims/ - this site has some resources on what to do, and list of attorneys who work in this area.

This might seem radical, but could you change your last name (or any chance you are getting married and may be changing it anyways)?

 

[mwpeds]

You know in further thought, in the era of the internet & public accountability, I would take it a step further and go on the offensive. This douchebag ex-bf wants to post your private pictures with your name attached? Go after him for posting them! If you dated for so long, I'm sure you know his family and friends. Would he want his mother, or gf/wife to know he has posted these pictures as a way of harassment? How does that reflect on him? Secure the information you need that he did this to you (get him to admit to it), and then bring it forward (or at least threaten to) to his friends and family. If his mom called him and asked him about his actions, how would he react? Or if you threatened to tell his current gf what he's done, unless he helped getting it taken down? If I ever found out my significant other did that stuff to someone else, that would be the end of us!

Sorry if this seems aggressive or mean, but this guy is a huge scumbag and deserves no sympathy. Best of luck.

 

[midweststudent1]

I think I would talk to a lawyer....perhaps just a sternly written letter from a lawyer would scare the guy into taking them down

 

[KPride]

You guys are so smart and peaceful. Because I read this and instantly thought wait for him outside his house behind some pushes with a baseball bat or an angry box of bees. Maybe even pitbulls or something out of the movie 'Home Alone'. Not enough to kill him but just enough to make him regret he ever crossed you.
But since it seems the rational route is going to be the better choice: you can definitely contact a legal representative to 1) scare him into taking it down; 2) scare the sites into taking it down; 3) actually take legal action to have it take down, if the scare tactic doesn't work; and 4) to help you clean up the mess this a$$hole made (change your name, speak to programs on your behalf, sue the bastard).
If working with children is what you want to do, I say go for it. Don't let this scandal shared your hopes and dreams. I know people that have done waaaaay worse and they are practicing medicine out there somewhere (Lord protect us all). Unless your pictures involve inappropriate behavior with children, I believe you will be okay. It's your good name that will be tarnished and a good lawyer can help you with that. Best of luck. And let me know if you need more good revenge ideas. I have tons!

 

[sabz2323]

Hi all,

Thank you, everyone, very much for the very understanding responses. I have received a lot of blame from the people around me to be honest, so this was refreshing to read.

I will look into speaking with an attorney to see if anything in civil court of law can be done, at the very least. Considering I hope to be married some day, changing my last name may be an option, but not for a while. Apparently, the issue with a civil claim will be that it will be very hard to prove he himself posted the pics.

I am not doing anything explicit in the photos. They really are just relatively neutral photos of my...erm...undressed body (thank God for that), so I hope that eventually this ordeal can be overlooked by residency programs. It's hilarious though because my face wasn't in any of the photos, but he attached neutral photos that included my face, which were taken in the same background as the nudes, so by associating, you can conclude I'm the one in the other photos. A lot of effort on his part!

I have files some dmca claims (thank you for those links) and will continue to do damage control. While this has very negatively affected my personal life and relationships, I hope to ameliorate the professional aspect as much as possible.

Haha, and I would love to retaliate aggressively, but I assumed that violence would just put me in a worse position 😉

 

[midweststudent1]

Hi all,

Thank you, everyone, very much for the very understanding responses. I have received a lot of blame from the people around me to be honest, so this was refreshing to read.

I will look into speaking with an attorney to see if anything in civil court of law can be done, at the very least. Considering I hope to be married some day, changing my last name may be an option, but not for a while. Apparently, the issue with a civil claim will be that it will be very hard to prove he himself posted the pics.

I am not doing anything explicit in the photos. They really are just relatively neutral photos of my...erm...undressed body (thank God for that), so I hope that eventually this ordeal can be overlooked by residency programs. It's hilarious though because my face wasn't in any of the photos, but he attached neutral photos that included my face, which were taken in the same background as the nudes, so by associating, you can conclude I'm the one in the other photos. A lot of effort on his part!

I have files some dmca claims (thank you for those links) and will continue to do damage control. While this has very negatively affected my personal life and relationships, I hope to ameliorate the professional aspect as much as possible.

Haha, and I would love to retaliate aggressively, but I assumed that violence would just put me in a worse position 😉

One thing I would also suggest is---find the meanest lawyer you can find. Some are just big babies who may tell you that you can't do anything. My first goal would be just to scare the nonsense out of him, not actually take him to court. That way nothing else has to go public. Even if they cost a little more, an intimidating lawyer could be worth his weight in gold

 

[JMMH]

Honestly the biggest thing would be to remove or bury the links on Google. I know you want the pictures gone, but if they are not accessible on Google, I think the chances of anybody that you will interact with finding them are low, and if they are found, it's rather self-incriminating for one to let that information out.

Here's a link to Google to start the process of removing things, hopefully they will be responsive:
https://support.google.com/websearch/troubleshooter/3111061?hl=en

Good luck and hope you have a successful career in medicine ahead of you!

 

[oldbearprofessor]

Speaking from the administrative side of things, I think it is extremely unlikely that any PD would find out about this and if they did (how?), then I suspect also that they would not hold it against your application. All the legal suggestions are good ones, but focus on your own mental health and moving forward with what you wish to do with your life.

 

[CptNemo]

Haha, and I would love to retaliate aggressively, but I assumed that violence would just put me in a worse position 😉

Yup, any temporary joy you'd get from that would be cancelled out by the felony aggravated battery charge, which would look pretty bad on a medical license application ;-)

On a serious note, this situation isn't something that has to be reported to a medical board, and it is unlikely that Program Directors are trolling revenge porn sites... so looks like the consensus here is that, in all probability, things will turn out OK!

Again, good luck!

 

[sabz2323]

Hello again, all!

Thank you for your advice and words of reassurance (and aggression towards this capital D-bag, hehe...). Sorry I didn't reply sooner. Due to anxiety over this traumatic experience, I was avoiding the internet as much as possible. I had begun to receive scary threats and disgusting misogynist comments, as he began to post my address along with the photos - even to the point where I had a strange man arrive on my parents' doorsteps asking for me. Very scary.

I have spoken with a lawyer who specializes in Internet defamation and harassment, and we will be pursuing some legal action, especially now that there are very real, physical threats to the safety of both myself and my relatives. It's a very hefty monetary investment, but I figure my professional reputation and my family's safety is worth the cost.

In the meantime, I have also notified police of the situation, and may have grounds on which to file a restraining order. Additionally, my good friends have been great at making sure people - especially other women - know what a jerk he is. Don't want him to ever be able to affect another woman like this again.

It has been very difficult trying to navigate this situation, especially with the number of people who also have been extremely unsupportive, but I'm trying to get by. I have decided to still pursue paediatrics, and hopefully, things will work out over the long-term.

Thank you for your support, and all the best in all of your endeavours as well!

 

[oldbearprofessor]

I am glad you are still going to do pediatrics. You are welcome to PM me or others if you would like more advice and wish to further discuss how pediatric leaders might see your application. I think it is best to otherwise leave the public forum part of this as concluded. My best wishes to you in the future.