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Meet Your Military Health Care "Family" Part I
What experiences can physicians of different specialties (or none at all) expect in what used to be called "military medicine", but which is now just one big purple morass of "military health care"?
It's simple. It's like being part of a family...a severely dysfunctional one from reality TV:
"There will be a mandatory fun run around the radioactive lake yesterday."
--All physicians of every specialty O-6 and above = Your abusive stepparents destined for stars on their shoulders and/or fancy bling on their sleeves who couldn't doctor their way out of a wet paper bag from years of not touching patients (appropriately, at least). Realizing they are unable to function in the civilian world after so much skill atrophy from doing e-mail all day long, they have latched onto the turgid teat of taxpayer money like the greedy piglets they are, and will not let go until they can get even MORE money for doing nothing by retiring. These are mostly losers who have been given promotions way beyond their level of competence by the other anencephalic mor0ns in their military academy plus USU tribe who were also promoted by their bros for continuing to breathe.
Notable for Cowardice Above and Beyond the Call of Duty as they count the days until retirement by shutting up about real threats to patient safety; hanging their whistle-blowing subordinates out to dry; and avoiding making waves or doing anything that might remotely be confused with actual work until their twenty years are up.
"Glad they fixed the combat autopilot. More canned cheese snack?"
--Operational Physicians (flight surgeons and the equivalent) O-3 to O-5 = Glorified General Medical Officers with less knowledge than Family Physicians who are skilled at prescribing antibiotics for STDs and partying with pilots, as long as they never DNIF (ground) their flying heroes for colds. If their skin is adequately pale, these keyboard cowboys are groomed for command positions over smarter people through mandatory IV infusions of buzzwords, slogans, and incomprehensible acronyms.
Remember: left seat = pilot = surgeon. Right seat = navigator = anesthesia "provider". Planes have four tiedowns, so we need a "spiritual" tiedown in the Air Force to balance our physical, emotional, and social tiedowns for Jesus. Every single thing in medicine has a 1:1 correlation with an operational military analogy involving things that fly, float, and/or fight, because the nanoscale brains of our flag rank leaders at the Pentagon can't handle reality otherwise.
(to be continued)
What experiences can physicians of different specialties (or none at all) expect in what used to be called "military medicine", but which is now just one big purple morass of "military health care"?
It's simple. It's like being part of a family...a severely dysfunctional one from reality TV:
"There will be a mandatory fun run around the radioactive lake yesterday."
--All physicians of every specialty O-6 and above = Your abusive stepparents destined for stars on their shoulders and/or fancy bling on their sleeves who couldn't doctor their way out of a wet paper bag from years of not touching patients (appropriately, at least). Realizing they are unable to function in the civilian world after so much skill atrophy from doing e-mail all day long, they have latched onto the turgid teat of taxpayer money like the greedy piglets they are, and will not let go until they can get even MORE money for doing nothing by retiring. These are mostly losers who have been given promotions way beyond their level of competence by the other anencephalic mor0ns in their military academy plus USU tribe who were also promoted by their bros for continuing to breathe.
Notable for Cowardice Above and Beyond the Call of Duty as they count the days until retirement by shutting up about real threats to patient safety; hanging their whistle-blowing subordinates out to dry; and avoiding making waves or doing anything that might remotely be confused with actual work until their twenty years are up.
"Glad they fixed the combat autopilot. More canned cheese snack?"
--Operational Physicians (flight surgeons and the equivalent) O-3 to O-5 = Glorified General Medical Officers with less knowledge than Family Physicians who are skilled at prescribing antibiotics for STDs and partying with pilots, as long as they never DNIF (ground) their flying heroes for colds. If their skin is adequately pale, these keyboard cowboys are groomed for command positions over smarter people through mandatory IV infusions of buzzwords, slogans, and incomprehensible acronyms.
Remember: left seat = pilot = surgeon. Right seat = navigator = anesthesia "provider". Planes have four tiedowns, so we need a "spiritual" tiedown in the Air Force to balance our physical, emotional, and social tiedowns for Jesus. Every single thing in medicine has a 1:1 correlation with an operational military analogy involving things that fly, float, and/or fight, because the nanoscale brains of our flag rank leaders at the Pentagon can't handle reality otherwise.
(to be continued)
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