Sorry to hear you're having such an awful time
🙁
I can't say that I've been quite as miserable as you are, but vet school has not been the time of my life either and know many people for whom that is also the case.
A few things that I kinda wanted to address:
the endless classes and studying, tests that never end
I think this is a VERY common frustration, but know it does end! Second year is probably the worst time for this because at that point you kinda feel worthless in that you don't know enough to do much. You're starting to learn useful information, but it's hard to imagine that you'll be a full fledged vet ever. It's depressing when you think about all that you've studied in the past year and a half... and how that really amounts to close to nothing. And the end is so far away that the end of the tunnel is totally out of sight. Just know that everyone in your class, and pretty much anyone in vet school is in the same situation as you, and maybe take comfort in that. Commiseration with those who understand can be cathartic... but that brings me to the next topic.
the horrible people in my class, [...] the people in my groups... [...] I'm not a social person by any stretch of the imagination and have had trouble making friends. Anytime I seem to be getting somewhere, it falters out and I'm left back where I started. I've joined some clubs and things but that doesn't seem to be helping.
This sounds really stressful, and I think you might really benefit from counseling. Most vet schools provide free counseling for students so I hope you can take advantage of that. At least from what you say, it sounds like you're not getting along with really anyone in your class. To me, that's a little concerning and sad
🙁. I think it's concerning because the more you move up in the curriculum, the more important it is to get along. Once you start your surgery training and clinics you have to really start trusting and feeling comfortable working with others in the class. If you have an adversary relationship with the class as a whole, it's going to make your life a heck of a lot harder. YOU DON'T have to be friends with everyone in the class, but you do need to get along enough with a majority of them to be good work partners, and you have to be civil enough with those you despise to get the job done. If the above isn't true for you, you need to figure out why. So what went wrong? Do you feel like your classmates undermine you? Is it that it bothers you that others in your group aren't pulling their weight and you can't do anything about it? What about working in groups is bothering you so much? If people are being rude to you, is it because they're mean? Or is it because they're reacting to how you come across to them?
I was sort of in your situation first year, and I would go home fuming almost every day because of "the annoying as **** people in my class." I realized a little later though, that there really were only 10 or so grating personalities in my class who for some reason were either too loud and obnoxious with their nastiness to be ignored, or actually directly affected me. The rest of the 130 or so students were perfectly normal people, and being not all that social myself, I just didn't know most of them. Because of that, I just had an overwhelmingly negative view of my class as a whole. Turns out, most people are super nice people with lives and ambitions of their own. Those lives, ambitions and personality aren't necessarily compatible with mine, but that doesn't make them bad people or bad colleagues. I've found that if I just respect people for what they bring to the table and be supportive of their weaknesses for the task at hand, they will have the same courtesy for me, and s*** gets done. There's no need to judge others or be judged by others for your lifestyle, personality, quirks, etc... in these situations because those are irrelevant. There are a few out there that just don't play by these rules, and you just have to do your best to ignore/manage them or yourself for the collective good.
As for not having any friends, I think that part takes a bit of introspection, and again, I think counseling might be beneficial. You say that when you seem to be going somewhere, it collapses, and you end up where you started. I really think it would be helpful for you to describe what happened to get an objective opinion about what went wrong. I'm sorry you're in the situation you're in because that's really really sucky. I really hope you make some connections that you're happy with in the near future. On that end, I think it's really important to realize that friendships don't happen just because you want them to. You can be the nicest person in the world, and it doesn't mean you'll be friends with every other person out there. Compatibility is important. So don't get frustrated that you can't be friends with someone because you're not compatible with them. That's just a function of who you are and who they are. Just because I'm not friends with someone, it doesn't mean s/he is an awful person. With a weird and awkward individual like myself, there aren't very many people who are compatible to be my friend... but you know what, it doesn't matter as long as I've found some. For people like me, it takes a little bit of searching and waiting to find the right people to pass by, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I've learned to be okay with that and don't waste my time/effort on relationships that are not going to go anywhere. Not everyone is interested in me or my life, and that's perfectly fine. I choose to spend my time with the few who do. And there are different levels of friendships ya know? Some friends I'm happy to go eat out with once in a while or go get coffee; some friends I feel comfortable with spilling everything with; some friends I like, but would prefer to only hang out with in the context of other people. Not every one of my friends are my best friends, and it can be kind of uncomfortable when someone isn't but wants to be.
professor A is being condescending, professor B doesn't respond to emails,
This kind of stuff, you just have to learn to let it go and not worry about it. If you let these little things eat you up on top of all your other problems, it only makes your life more miserable imo.
Last semester, I was doing okay grade wise before finals but my grades dropped in all but one or two of my classes. My lowest grade was a C (my semester grade goal was nothing below a C) but the number of Cs I had was discouraging. I don't deal with stress well and by the end of finals, I was barely hanging on. The time I studied per test decreased with each final--I couldn't seem to make myself study adequately for the last 2.
It sounds like all the stresses of vet school is festering and it's affecting your performance in school
🙁. I really hope you can get the help you need to get through this, and maybe find an outlet for your frustrations so that you can cope a little better. It might also be worthwhile to go and have a chat with your dean about what's going on, so that they know you're struggling and might be able to get you some help.
Finally, I have no idea what to do this summer. I don't have the gpa or references to do anything competitive and I'd like to work on my clinical skills and make some money. I wanted to shadow over winter break but my calls were not returned.
You don't need anything competitive to work on your clinical skills, so I wouldn't be so depressed about the gpa situation. Not all places ask for references either. Making money while getting clinical skills can be a bit difficult for a lot of people, so it's not just you. You may have to pick one or the other. Have you thought about maybe doing a banfield summer program? I know people in my class who struggle with their grades that had positions and loved it. Don't let the lack of call-backs for shadowing over winter-session discourage you. Rejections (or silent rejections) are annoying, but you can't let that slow you down. You just have to contact more, or find other ways of getting opportunities. Is there anyone at school you can talk to about clinics that students have had good experiences with? Can you volunteer at a shelter with adequate vet services?
Anyhoos, good luck FOD! I hope things start turning around for you soon.
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