Mixed Feelings about Matriculation?

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MedArtist

MedArtist

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I'm wondering if any current students / accepted folk had / have mixed feelings about matriculation? I'm very excited to finally continue along this path, but as a nontraditional student I have some grief for the changes that will inevitably happen in my life. I will be moving away from my community / family and will likely be unable to continue living with my partner for at least the first year as he will be in school. I feel like a great loss is coming, and I am wondering how you all have coped with these sacrifices?

Thank you for the kind words.
 
have you ever moved away from your family or community before, or did you attend college in the same place/remain there after graduation? Moving away has all sorts of emotions attached to it, but in my experience it is great for personal growth. You'll end up meeting some amazing friends in your class and some great mentors in medical school that will help with the transition
 
MedArtist said:
I'm wondering if any current students / accepted folk had / have mixed feelings about matriculation? I'm very excited to finally continue along this path, but as a nontraditional student I have some grief for the changes that will inevitably happen in my life. I will be moving away from my community / family and will likely be unable to continue living with my partner for at least the first year as he will be in school. I feel like a great loss is coming, and I am wondering how you all have coped with these sacrifices?

Thank you for the kind words.
Click to expand...
I constantly alternate between starry-eyed excitement and powerful dread. Big transitions are always rough, but we'll get through them.
 
I keep getting a sinking feeling that I somehow "tricked" the adcoms into letting me in, while not actually being qualified whatsoever to become a physician.

I imagine I'll probably still have moments like this even as a med student, resident, attending, and probably until I retire.
 
Whyamionhere said:
I keep getting a sinking feeling that I somehow "tricked" the adcoms into letting me in, while not actually being qualified whatsoever to become a physician.

I imagine I'll probably still have moments like this even as a med student, resident, attending, and probably until I retire.
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Imposter Syndrome. You'll face it now and then. You're not an imposter, there's no tricking adcoms. You deserve your acceptance and you deserve whatever you earn going forward.
 
Ismet said:
Imposter Syndrome. You'll face it now and then. You're not an imposter, there's no tricking adcoms. You deserve your acceptance and you deserve whatever you earn going forward.
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I appreciate this Ismet, thanks!
 
Whyamionhere said:
I keep getting a sinking feeling that I somehow "tricked" the adcoms into letting me in, while not actually being qualified whatsoever to become a physician.

I imagine I'll probably still have moments like this even as a med student, resident, attending, and probably until I retire.
Click to expand...

You articulated exactly how I feel, thank you
 
Also had to move more than thirty minutes away from my family and long-term boyfriend for the first time when I started medical school a few months ago. Now I'm 5ish hours away from them. It was definitely a rough transition and I'm still adjusting- but I like what I'm doing and am excited for my future. I'm finishing up finals but if you want to talk it out with someone, feel free to message me. 🙂
 
I do think it's extremely normal to be apprehensive about venturing into the unknown like this, especially when that unknown includes medical school, that looming source of hope and fear which so many stories have been told about, but which none of us have actually experienced first hand. There are so many different accounts about what med school is like and part of that fear is wondering which of those anecdotes we've heard (both good and bad) will be most similar to what we actually experience.
 
I am petrified that this long and arduous journey may be a bad decision on my part. That I may have difficulty competing with my younger peers. And that I may have tricked my way into this. I am morbidly uncertain about all of this. But then again I am paralyzingly uncertain about everything in my life.
 
I'm scared to further put off some of my loans from undergrad while my other friends are making good money and becoming debt free.

I am having mixed feelings because I finally got into my local medical school (dream school) after three times but... I fell in love with an OOS school in the process and may regret not going (which is likely).

I am deathly afraid that I will barely scrape by and possibly not cut it.

My love life is basically non-existent and medical school is not exactly a matchmaker.

Also I often go through swings in my emotional and mental status, and I have no idea how I will hold up in the next few years.

Gah... Sorry just had to let you know that fear of the unknown / unfamiliar is normal.
 
Absolutely normal. My first week was an emotional roller-coaster, because it wasn't until then that I really understood what I was getting into and what I was going to have to sacrifice. It definitely took me some time to mourn the life that I left behind, as cheesy as that sounds. But you'll be fine, it just takes time to adjust.


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libertyyne said:
I am petrified that this long and arduous journey may be a bad decision on my part. That I may have difficulty competing with my younger peers. And that I may have tricked my way into this. I am morbidly uncertain about all of this. But then again I am paralyzingly uncertain about everything in my life.
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Honestly, I'm one of the youngest in my class and if anything I feel intimidated by the older people, you guys are so much more mature than I am and have so much more life experience!


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Lannister said:
Honestly, I'm one of the youngest in my class and if anything I feel intimidated by the older people, you guys are so much more mature than I am and have so much more life experience!


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Yes, but we have obligations that can not be put on the back burner. spouses, children, sick parents etc.
 
libertyyne said:
Yes, but we have obligations that can not be put on the back burner. spouses, children, sick parents etc.
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Oh of course. I don't know how you guys do it! If it makes you feel any better, I've got a friend in med school who's raising a kid on their own and that person is doing great, like top of the class!


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I'm not anxious, just kind of sad. My last four years were a blast, and I hate to see them go. I met a lot of great people and had a lot of good times. However, I felt the same way leaving high school. I'm so excited for this next journey. I hope I have some fun.
 
The excitement was there yes. I felt a huge sense of relief because I finally got into a school on my 3rd try. Then these last few weeks though as the sheer amount of responsibility that I feel. I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity as well.

I too had the sudden moments of clarity has a truly grasp the commitment I am about to make. It is truly scary and saddens me as well.

So yes mixed
 
sleepyhead22 said:
Are we the same person?! The bolded are exactly me. Feel free to PM me if you need to vent. Also, I'm a graduate student and at the med school I'm affiliated with, at least 25% of students ended up in serious relationships with someone in their class. I think you might be pleasantly surprised with the opportunities for relationships. 🙂
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Ooooo Yay!

And most definitely. I'll likely do so between now and August 🙂. Thanks, homie.
 
I'm ecstatic that I got in, but I've never dealt with change well, and this is a big one. I've loved college, done so many amazing things, and met so many amazing people, that I'm sad and terrified to see it all end. I didn't experience this feeling out of HS, as it was a nightmare and I couldn't wait to get out, so these feelings are new to me. Plus, I'm not anyone's idea of a social butterfly–I have friends in college because of marching band and because my university has so many clubs and opportunities that you have to try to NOT meet someone you get along with. I know medical school is a lot different–most people live in apartments on their own/with a roommate/with a SO, there are fewer opportunities for involvement, the workload is much harder, so there's less free time for hanging out and doing nothing on some random night. Basically, I'm terrified out of my mind that I won't make any friends and I'll feel lonely.
My long distance, long term boyfriend is moving in with me when I start med school, wherever I go. I know this will be great, and it will mitigate loneliness incurred from chronic shyness, but I'm afraid that our relationship will be strained or that he'll resent me for having to study all the time. I'm also afraid that living with him will be part of the problem as far as not finding friends is concerned–he wants and encourages me to have friends outside the relationship, but if it's a choice of hanging out with and getting to know some classmates after school and going home to him, I'm afraid I'll choose the easy option and go home to him most if not all of the time, because it's more comfortable and because I would already feel bad about being away for most of the time.
But it's totally gonna be great guys! 😛 (I don't mean to be pessimistic, I think rationally it will be fine, I just have all these worries and I haven't gotten to dump them anywhere and they've just been sitting in my head yay anxiety)
 
SydSing said:
My love life is basically non-existent and medical school is not exactly a matchmaker.
Click to expand...

My med school class had at least 10 couples (I think more actually) that formed during our 4 years. AKA like 15% of my class met their partner in med school. Most are still together, a few are married or engaged, many of them couples matched. Also several classmates who met someone outside of med school and are in serious relationships and/or engaged/married. It happens.
 
Ismet said:
My med school class had at least 10 couples (I think more actually) that formed during our 4 years. AKA like 15% of my class met their partner in med school. Most are still together, a few are married or engaged, many of them couples matched. Also several classmates who met someone outside of med school and are in serious relationships and/or engaged/married. It happens.
Click to expand...

I'm also not straight so... that kinda throws a big ol' not-so-fun twist into the equation. BUT I understand your point. It could happen.
 
TRPMinus said:
I'm disappointed that I have to leave my job working in the ER. I love my work fam and am pretty upset that I'll be leaving them in a few months. Almost makes me wonder if I'm making the right decision. When I think about it though, I know I would regret not using my abilities in my everyday work. The hardest part is that everyone else is starting their "life" now.......finally out of school, traveling, having kids, finding hobbies. I just hope that down the road I don't regret giving up at least 7 years of my life to become a physician. Before getting accepted it seemed like an obvious choice to go to med school. SDN tends to make med school look like the Holy Grail, and it's a career choice that the public looks at with admiration. I don't think that many understand how grueling of a process it is. I'm fairly excited now, but pretty scared that I'll regret it later in life.
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I'm the same. But listen to enough horror stories of ER work places and it'll be enough to make you want to be a physician. At least they have the ability to rise above it. Imagine 20 years down the road and thinking about all of the potential you could have used. And if you ever doubt how much of a difference you made, you can always work at a clinic, or do doctors without borders type of work, and you'll make an impact in a way no one else would have.
 
PB&Jam said:
I'm ecstatic that I got in, but I've never dealt with change well, and this is a big one. I've loved college, done so many amazing things, and met so many amazing people, that I'm sad and terrified to see it all end. I didn't experience this feeling out of HS, as it was a nightmare and I couldn't wait to get out, so these feelings are new to me. Plus, I'm not anyone's idea of a social butterfly–I have friends in college because of marching band and because my university has so many clubs and opportunities that you have to try to NOT meet someone you get along with. I know medical school is a lot different–most people live in apartments on their own/with a roommate/with a SO, there are fewer opportunities for involvement, the workload is much harder, so there's less free time for hanging out and doing nothing on some random night. Basically, I'm terrified out of my mind that I won't make any friends and I'll feel lonely.
My long distance, long term boyfriend is moving in with me when I start med school, wherever I go. I know this will be great, and it will mitigate loneliness incurred from chronic shyness, but I'm afraid that our relationship will be strained or that he'll resent me for having to study all the time. I'm also afraid that living with him will be part of the problem as far as not finding friends is concerned–he wants and encourages me to have friends outside the relationship, but if it's a choice of hanging out with and getting to know some classmates after school and going home to him, I'm afraid I'll choose the easy option and go home to him most if not all of the time, because it's more comfortable and because I would already feel bad about being away for most of the time.
But it's totally gonna be great guys! 😛 (I don't mean to be pessimistic, I think rationally it will be fine, I just have all these worries and I haven't gotten to dump them anywhere and they've just been sitting in my head yay anxiety)
Click to expand...

I have the exact same worries about my partner when he has the chance to move in with me. I worry that we won't even get that far because the long distance and time constraints may kill our relationship, and that I will change to the point that the person he fell in love with will no longer exist...

I also worry about being in school / residency / fellowship for the next 10 years and not making a true wage for half of my working life, falling behind my peers that chose tech jobs. I worry about the debt that seems so astronomical.

Thank you all for commiserating with me, reading each response truly helps.
 
I seem to jump from overwhelming excitement, to paralyzing fear, to sadness in leaving my roommate. We have lived together for so long that I honestly can't imagine being without her at this point. Then I'm torn between two schools, one closer to home but another one closer to my boyfriend who is going to be dry docked for the next 3.5 years and not change stations anymore(navy stuff). The thing is, I actually fell in love with the school near him even though its OOS but everybody thinks I want to go there for him. I mean duh its dope that he is there but this is my whole future. I actually like the school more than any other I've gotten in to. School essentially stole my heart but leaving my friends and family is lowkey scary.
 
Apprehension is common after acceptance. Like post-partum depression. You would think it's a happy time. No one likes change
 
I cycle between ready to go and wanting to fake my own death so my friends and family don't realize that I just chickened out.

I'm mostly just ready to get going tbh. Enough waiting. It's like Chinese water torture at this point. Just hurry up and ruin my life already. Jeez.

Kidding aside, whenever a new wave of imposter syndrome kicks in, I just try to remember how much of an arrogant and overconfident freak you'd have to be to feel relaxed about moving hours away from home to change the direction of your life forever. This is huge. Anxiety is the sane response. You'd be pretty weird to not be at least a little (let's be real, a lot more than a little) anxious.

But too many have done it for it to be impossible. Failing out is literally the exception to the rule. We can do this. This is just the deep breath before the plunge...

I'm ready to dive in!


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SydSing said:
I am having mixed feelings because I finally got into my local medical school (dream school) after three times but... I fell in love with an OOS school in the process and may regret not going (which is likely).
Click to expand...
Is it still too late to decide?!

If the decision is made try not to dwell too much! The grass is always greener on the other side and both sides have their pros and cons. The important thing is that you are going to be a doctor! :highfive:
 
HFlash said:
Is it still too late to decide?!

If the decision is made try not to dwell too much! The grass is always greener on the other side and both sides have their pros and cons. The important thing is that you are going to be a doctor! :highfive:
Click to expand...

Well the local school is covering my tuition now, so the decision has been been made. 🙂


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HA this thread makes us all look like a bunch of whiners. There are thousands of kids who would kill for a seat this upcoming fall.
 
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