Moral advice

[Bumpalump]

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[heymanooh1]

How many years out of high school have you been? Does the state you live in allow you to apply to the "public" universities after being x years out of high school or do you have to fulfill requirements at a junior/community college for the first two years?

If you're still working now, I suggest you look into a 529 account. This educational account allows you to set aside a certain amount of your paycheck, or anyone willing to contribute to it, for future educational purposes. Any contributions to the account are tax deductible and any money withdrawn from the account is not taxed as long as it's used for education. You or your children can be the beneficiaries but they must be used only for educational purposes such as tuition, school supplies etc.

Take the recommendation someone already gave of going to school part-time. Also look into enrolling into on-line coursework to fulfill college lower division requirements. Here in California, many community colleges offer on-line courses in English, Humanities, Physical Sciences, Social Sciences etc. But you have to keep in mind that on-line courses are geared towards those who are motivated to cover material on their own and for individuals who are are willing to pursue self-education.

Don't get divorced because that will only hurt you in the long run once you start applying to medical school. Also, don't you think that it's better for you to have emotional support from your husband and children, once they have grown up, as opposed to feeling alone after you get divorced.

 

[njbmd]

I was a great student 4.0 throughout high school (passed up a full ride to Marquette University to work and be on our own with my son) and am depressed everyday by the opportunity I missed. I have recently discovered that if I were to become divorced I would be eligible to receive benefits through Social Secur. Adimn. as the surviving parent of a child under 16. I have talked to my husband about selling the house and renting so that I can go to school. I am willing to give up everything (besides my family) to go to school and become an MD. My husband is very supportive, but older than me and not willing to give up the house. The leagal divorce/ssa benefit seems like a viable (though morally questionable) solution for me to be able to go to school. I could stop work and go to school. Our budget would be cut significantly, but we could still keep the house. As an MD I would be worth much more to SS than in my current line of work. I would more than pay back the benefits we will receive. To anyone who read this far, thanks. To anyone willing to post a reply with some opinion, thanks X 100. 🙂

I will address a couple of things for you: First, you cannot do anything about your past decision to forego attending Marquette. You made the best decision that you could under the circumstances at the time. It does you NO good to beat yourself for something in your past that you cannot change in the present. That being said, you have the wisdom of your experiences, good or bad, and that's the best that you can do.

If your husband is unwilling to give up the house, then you have to work within those constraints. If you love your husband and family, don't divorce your husband and don't even think of giving up your family. The first thing that you need to do is find a sound financial advisor who can help you pick the best course of action that would enable you to keep your house and get the funds for your education. Try your local bank, financial aid office of your local college and keep moving forward until you get the information that you need. Whenever everything else in life seems gone, we have our family and loved ones to lean on. No career is worth giving up your family in any way.

Go to several financial institutions with a plan in mind for you to secure the upgrade in education that you need. Have your assets and liabilities listed. It may take some time but gather anything and everything that you can do to finance your education and keep your family intact. You have time on your side so you don't have to hurry with your plans. Good luck!

 

[Bumpalump]

Getting off track here in that I don't plan to give up my family. I did call SSA and was told that my living situation and who is contributing to my financial well being are irrelevant for the type of benefit I would be eligible for. The only item they consider is my earned income and any SSI (disability income) I receive (which is none). Thanks for the advice and luck.

 

[viostorm]

Are you kidding?

I find it absolutely morally wrong that an able bodied person intelligent enough to go to medical school would seek welfare.

As someone who is working in medical school, I have no desire for my taxes to pay for you to go to school. Take out loans like the rest of us.

Sorry if that is gruff ... but ... that is how I feel.

Not only that ... to get divorced ... i guess "till death do us part" was "till I want the goverment to pay for me."

 

[Bumpalump]

Are you kidding?

I find it absolutely morally wrong that an able bodied person intelligent enough to go to medical school would seek welfare.

As someone who is working in medical school, I have no desire for my taxes to pay for you to go to school. Take out loans like the rest of us.

Sorry if that is gruff ... but ... that is how I feel.

Not only that ... to get divorced ... i guess "till death do us part" was "till I want the goverment to pay for me."

My first husband worked insistently. Overnights and in extreme cold and heat. The sweaty nasty life of an arc welder. He was on-site (away from his family, all across the country) for three and a half weeks of every month for the last three years of his life (he died at 22) Maybe I am selfish, shallow and "wrong" to feel not so slimy in claiming the SS benefits that he worked his ass off for me to be eligible to receive. He paid his taxes too. Note: not everyone says "till death do us part" when they get married. Ours was more along the lines of "in this life and the next". Which was said at our ceremony and remains true at heart, although not printed anywhere in the marriage certificate. Until the day that a man can marry a man and a woman can marry a woman, I will continue to have little regard for the legal aspect of marriage.

 

[ophelia]

I'm glad you called SSA and got the answer you were looking for. I did look up the statute and you're right--it says simply "is not married," so getting divorced would definitely solve that problem. I'm not sure why you weren't receiving these benefits prior to your remarriage--whoever handled your case at SSA must have been incompetent, since that is a lot of money you could have been receiving when you needed it as a single mom!

If you're still considering divorce, one thing you should keep in mind is that getting a divorce may be a lengthy and expensive procedure. There might be a waiting period involved (for example, in my state, you can't get a no-fault divorce unless you live apart for 12 months; otherwise you have to show cruelty or other unsavory conduct). You will probably have to hire a lawyer to handle the paperwork, which can get expensive. Your assets will have to be divided, and there will be custody issues to work out. Even if everything is amicable, you'll still have to go to court and go through the formalities. It might end up being more hassle than it's worth. You should talk to a lawyer or at least someone you know who has gotten divorced to get an idea of what you'd be in for. It's amazing how easy it is to get married, and how hard it is to undo that, even if both parties are willing and able.

 

[mitawa]

While you should have received the benefits in the past, I find it very, let me say it again very disconcerting that you would consider finding loopholes to gain entitlement to funds and support that do not currently apply to you and your situation. In the future should those funds fail to be available for you or a loved one, when it is a necessity for survival and not a want to make it easier to have the privilage of attending medical school, I think that you may have regrets. 🙁 However that's just me, sometimes we have to sacrifice what we don't want to in order to get where we want to! Others probably have done it and will continue to do so, but I firmly believe that 2 wrongs don't make a right. I wish you success in your endeavors!👍