More depressed than before?

[wrecked]

---

Members don't see this ad.

First off: I know there are too many people who didn't match, great candidates to whom the scramble was unkind and I feel for them - really I do. But that said, is anyone else out there who DID match who is feeling utterly devastated by the way things turned out? If so, how are you guys dealing?

I know life goes on, I know I'll suck it up and make the best of it but I can't help being left with the lingering question, what went wrong?

 

[usnavdoc]

This is exactly the reason they say donk rank a program you are not willing to go to. I feel for you but not really that much.

 

[Koko]

First off: I know there are too many people who didn't match, great candidates to whom the scramble was unkind and I feel for them - really I do. But that said, is anyone else out there who DID match who is feeling utterly devastated by the way things turned out? If so, how are you guys dealing?

I know life goes on, I know I'll suck it up and make the best of it but I can't help being left with the lingering question, what went wrong?

It would help to understand why you are "devastated". Is it because you thought you'd match at your first choice, or you went farther down your ROL than expected, or you dislike the program you matched at, or some other reason?

 

[confuzed]

I was excited before the match but after I opened that envelope I was devastated. I matched pretty far down my list for starters. Secondly, I quickly realized, holy crap I am actually committed to doing this. Third, I saw my wife and kids and it hit me that I would be taking them away from everything they know and their support system. I like the field I matched into but I don't think I would do anything or go anywhere just to get in like some other applicants might. I feel bad, especially since I have people in my class who did not match into this field and were unable to scramble. I don't know what I will do at this point, especially since I was always unsure about what residency I wanted to do and just picked this field as the least of all evils. I could easily see myself doing something else and am realizing at this point that location was a lot more important for me than I initially thought. I have a prelim year to take care of first and if things don't get better with time, I'll have to give my future PD a call I guess. I hope things work out for you "wrecked".

Has anybody here successfully gotten a waiver from the NRMP?

 

[surgdia]

Maybe not depressed...but mildly bummed out. Don't get me wrong - first off, I'm happy and thankful that I matched. Secondly, I got one of my top choices - I'll be at a strong program in a wonderful city and close to friends and family.
But, I had my heart set on one program. I know I shouldn't have done that...it's safe to say I'm a bit wistful. But I can always move there after training, if it's meant to be. sigh.
sd

 

[toxic-megacolon]

This is exactly the reason they say donk rank a program you are not willing to go to. I feel for you but not really that much.

Where did the OP say that they were not willing to go to the program?

 

[Poety]

This is exactly the reason they say donk rank a program you are not willing to go to. I feel for you but not really that much.

I had programs on my list that I would have done, but wouldn't have been hapy about it - I think thats the OP's point - not happy about it, shocked that they went downt hat far... etc etc.

Don't worry OP - I had a couple on there that woulda freaked me out so I sympathize with you. Perhaps you can try to find something (anything) positive like cool eople in the program and try to focus on that? Sometimes concentrating on the positives help you to ignore the negatives.

Good luck! 🙂 😳

 

[usnavdoc]

Where did the OP say that they were not willing to go to the program?

He said that he was depressed about having to go to the program. My point was that if he didnt like a certain program or place then why rank it. You have to think you may actually wind up there. Sorry I just dont feel bad for him. I mean "Utterly devastated" come on. There are worse things in life to get upset about. Get over it move on and thats that.

 

[8744]

Oh man. I ranked every Emergency Medicine program where I interviewed, even the one I didn't like, under the theory that I would rather do Emergency Medicine at Joe Bob's Gas'n'Eat and Self-service Emergency Department then any other specialty anywhere else.

It's just a place, OP. You won't have time to do anything anyways. People always ask me how I like Durham to which I reply that the part of it I have seen from my car on the way to and from the hospital looks pretty nice.

 

[Plastikos]

Maybe not depressed...but mildly bummed out. Don't get me wrong - first off, I'm happy and thankful that I matched. Secondly, I got one of my top choices - I'll be at a strong program in a wonderful city and close to friends and family.
But, I had my heart set on one program. I know I shouldn't have done that...it's safe to say I'm a bit wistful. But I can always move there after training, if it's meant to be. sigh.
sd

I did the same thing. Then i started feeling like confuzed, realizing how its gonna suck to get up and go while making the whole family uproot. Then after those couple of days, im ecstatic and cant wait get started. This was probably the best match i could have gotten, i only ranked the other program #1 b/c it had more residents/bigger city/great benefits.
Its a big change thats coming up, i think i would have felt similar even if i got my #1.

 

[toxic-megacolon]

My point was that if he didnt like a certain program or place then why rank it. You have to think you may actually wind up there.

Well not matching is EVEN WORSE (in many cases) than going to a program you are upset about. Why would one make things worse for themselves and risk being unmatched?

 

[DrNick2006]

As long as there are cute nurses to flirt with I think I'll be happy 🙂

 

[Mom2five]

I was excited before the match but after I opened that envelope I was devastated. I matched pretty far down my list for starters. Secondly, I quickly realized, holy crap I am actually committed to doing this. Third, I saw my wife and kids and it hit me that I would be taking them away from everything they know and their support system. I like the field I matched into but I don't think I would do anything or go anywhere just to get in like some other applicants might. I feel bad, especially since I have people in my class who did not match into this field and were unable to scramble. I don't know what I will do at this point, especially since I was always unsure about what residency I wanted to do and just picked this field as the least of all evils. I could easily see myself doing something else and am realizing at this point that location was a lot more important for me than I initially thought. I have a prelim year to take care of first and if things don't get better with time, I'll have to give my future PD a call I guess. I hope things work out for you "wrecked".

Has anybody here successfully gotten a waiver from the NRMP?

Just be thankful for the time you did live near family. It's all perspective. We moved to the Caribbean with our kids (we had always lived minutes away from my Mom) for Med. School and are now 30+ hours away. I don't have a support system here. I've made friends but it's not like I have babysitters. BUT I am very happy. With cell phones, email, web cams...it's the best time to live apart from family. Try to stay positive and good luck to you with all your upcoming preparations.

 

[usnavdoc]

Well not matching is EVEN WORSE (in many cases) than going to a program you are upset about. Why would one make things worse for themselves and risk being unmatched?

My point exactly. He should be happy about it and move on, especially if he matched into something competitive and had to move down his rank list some.

 

[Qafas]

My point exactly. He should be happy about it and move on, especially if he matched into something competitive and had to move down his rank list some.

Lay off, dude. If he could be "happy about it" simply for the wanting, he would be. This is a big deal. None of us have control over the match process. Yeah, sure, it makes sense to not rank any place you just don't want to go. But, as others have mentioned, it is probably worse to not match at all and then scramble. You're still likely to end up somewhere you don't want to go.
If happiness could be had at will, none of us would be unhappy. If you can't empathize and encourage, at least don't rub it in. Wait till the Navy sends you some place you'ld rather not be and see if you can be "happy about it."

 

[usnavdoc]

Lay off, dude. If he could be "happy about it" simply for the wanting, he would be. This is a big deal. None of us have control over the match process. Yeah, sure, it makes sense to not rank any place you just don't want to go. But, as others have mentioned, it is probably worse to not match at all and then scramble. You're still likely to end up somewhere you don't want to go.
If happiness could be had at will, none of us would be unhappy. If you can't empathize and encourage, at least don't rub it in. Wait till the Navy sends you some place you'ld rather not be and see if you can be "happy about it."

Wait till the navy sends me someplace like say Afghanistan or Iraq? Been there jack ass. And got shot at several times...

This goes exactly to my main point there are worse things in life than getting to do the specialty that you want to do, but having to spend a few years of your life in an area youd rather not be.

Next time you want to use me as an example get your f...... facts straight. I have many posts on SDN supporting people. The reality is that the op gets to practice medicine as whatever specialist they had set out to be.

 

[marcus_aurelius]

Wait till the navy sends me someplace like say Afghanistan or Iraq? Been there jack ass. And got shot at several times...

This goes exactly to my main point there are worse things in life than getting to do the specialty that you want to do, but having to spend a few years of your life in an area youd rather not be.

Next time you want to use me as an example get your f...... facts straight. I have many posts on SDN supporting people. The reality is that the op gets to practice medicine as whatever specialist they had set out to be.

i guess i'd be pissed if the program were located somewhere out of my comfort zone, but i think u'll like it when you go there and get used to the area.

i dont think u can quite compare getting a residency somewhere you dont want to go to getting a military assignment somewhere you dont want to go...ie iraq or afghanistan......from what i here, docs are getting shot at and on the front lines.....Iraq is a f'in mess......is that where you were? what was it like?

 

[ohbee gin]

Apparently, it's common to have a little "buyer's remorse" even if you end up at the program high on your list. After 6 months of running around getting letters, interviewing, etc., it's seems logical to feel some ambivalence about your future.

To say otherwise is insensitive and ignoring human nature.

 

[usnavdoc]

i guess i'd be pissed if the program were located somewhere out of my comfort zone, but i think u'll like it when you go there and get used to the area.

i dont think u can quite compare getting a residency somewhere you dont want to go to getting a military assignment somewhere you dont want to go...ie iraq or afghanistan......from what i here, docs are getting shot at and on the front lines.....Iraq is a f'in mess......is that where you were? what was it like?

I wasnt trying to compare it to that. The Previous poster made a comment about it not knowing what he was talking about. I simply responded.

Ive been to both but Im not going into that on a public forum. But there are plenty of stories/threads in the milmed forum.

Being pissed is one thing and it would be understandable. Or even worried about moving somewhere that would be a culture shock. But the OP is stating that he is utterly devastated. I mean come on. Its not the end of the world or your career or your family. It is temporary and you will get the training you sought out to get.

Besides the OP has never even come back to this thread to say anything.

I would feel sympathy for him if say he didnt match and had to scramble and wound up in say OB. I mean that would be a living hell and who wouldnt feel for the guy. Just kidding future OB/GYNs lol

 

[usnavdoc]

Apparently, it's common to have a little "buyer's remorse" even if you end up at the program high on your list. After 6 months of running around getting letters, interviewing, etc., it's seems logical to feel some ambivalence about your future.

To say otherwise is insensitive and ignoring human nature.

Sure I 100% agree. Its even common to feel aprehension towards starting internship knowing that you are doing this for "real" rather than from the comfort of the medical student role.

But "a little "buyer's remorse"' or aprehension is a far cry from Utterly devastated. Maybe I am "insensitive" about this, but I just think there are far worse things in life than matching in an area of the country youd rather not be.

 

[inositide]

just like many other things in life, a period of time filled with extreme excitement (such as interviews, match day, the whole app season, etc) can be followed by a period of time filled with ambivalence, some anxiety, and even dysthymia. It is not uncommon for this to happen, and know that with time things will improve. Even clinical depression, if left untreated, often improves by itself in 9-12 months.

 

[JackBauERfan]

Oh man. I ranked every Emergency Medicine program where I interviewed, even the one I didn't like, under the theory that I would rather do Emergency Medicine at Joe Bob's Gas'n'Eat and Self-service Emergency Department then any other specialty anywhere else.

It's just a place, OP. You won't have time to do anything anyways. People always ask me how I like Durham to which I reply that the part of it I have seen from my car on the way to and from the hospital looks pretty nice.

Same here, ranked everywhere, thinking that even if i get into #13, I'd rather be doing that than randomly scrambling and probably not getting a spot at all. I think the OP's concern is that he/she is not even sure if the specialty is right, and that location has now become even a greater deal. Thats a tough one to decide whether you should stick with it, since you really don't know what ELSE you would want to do.

 

[CANES2006]

I would feel sympathy for him if say he didnt match and had to scramble and wound up in say OB. I mean that would be a living hell and who wouldnt feel for the guy.

You did not just diss my chosen career path. 😉

 

[Qafas]

Wait till the navy sends me someplace like say Afghanistan or Iraq? Been there jack ass. And got shot at several times...

First, no need for name calling. Learn to be civil. Second, read my post and tell me if you see "Afghanistan" or "Iraq" written anywhere in it. I was thinking about posts within the US where you have no family or friends and would, thus, rather not be. I am a former Marine myself, and know there always posts where one would rather be and rather not be.

This goes exactly to my main point there are worse things in life than getting to do the specialty that you want to do, but having to spend a few years of your life in an area youd rather not be.

This is such a silly statement. There are ALWAYS worse things in life than anything one might currently be suffering from. What if you don't get the specialty you want? I could name a hundred things worse than that. Does that mean one doesn't have the right to feel disappointed about anything?

Next time you want to use me as an example get your f...... facts straight. I have many posts on SDN supporting people. The reality is that the op gets to practice medicine as whatever specialist they had set out to be.

Another silly point. I wasn't referring to your many other posts where you support people when I said you should have empathy. I was referring specifically to your earlier post where you clearly fail to have empathy with the OP over his situation, suggesting that he just be "happy about" his situation as if happiness can be had by turning on a switch.

 

[usnavdoc]

You did not just diss my chosen career path. 😉

Thats alright you can diss mine as well. lol Anesthesiology... To each his/her own.

 

[usnavdoc]

First, no need for name calling. Learn to be civil. Second, read my post and tell me if you see "Afghanistan" or "Iraq" written anywhere in it. I was thinking about posts within the US where you have no family or friends and would, thus, rather not be. I am a former Marine myself, and know there always posts where one would rather be and rather not be.



This is such a silly statement. There are ALWAYS worse things in life than anything one might currently be suffering from. What if you don't get the specialty you want? I could name a hundred things worse than that. Does that mean one doesn't have the right to feel disappointed about anything?



Another silly point. I wasn't referring to your many other posts where you support people when I said you should have empathy. I was referring specifically to your earlier post where you clearly fail to have empathy with the OP over his situation, suggesting that he just be "happy about" his situation as if happiness can be had by turning on a switch.

This was your statement to me "Wait till the Navy sends you some place you'ld rather not be and see if you can be "happy about it." As I said I have already been down that road several times. I think both places I mention are posts that one would rather not be. Would you agree? Have you been there?

"Does that mean one doesn't have the right to feel disappointed about anything?" Of course not as I stated in a previous post, but the OP clearly states he is "Utterly Devastated". Big difference than to feel disappointed...

If you want to hold his hand and empathize go ahead. Im not. Ill save that for someone who needs it a bit more. And since the OP has still never returned to clarify then Ill move on so you guys can empathize some more.

 

[ProwlerturnGas]

USNAVDOC,
I tend to agree with you. Having also been in the Middle east due to Navy requirements, and also shot at, it sure does change your perspective!

When I went to apply for civilian GME, I wanted Anesthesia. Did not particularly care where, as I was used to moving around and getting to know new places. I was happy to have gotten my first choice, but that doesnt mean I wouldnt have been happy elsewhere.

It's all a matter of maturity and Semper Gumbiness (if that's a word)

You just never know, it could open doors you didnt know existed

 

[Plastikos]

This was your statement to me "Wait till the Navy sends you some place you'ld rather not be and see if you can be "happy about it." As I said I have already been down that road several times. I think both places I mention are posts that one would rather not be. Would you agree? Have you been there?

"Does that mean one doesn't have the right to feel disappointed about anything?" Of course not as I stated in a previous post, but the OP clearly states he is "Utterly Devastated". Big difference than to feel disappointed...

If you want to hold his hand and empathize go ahead. Im not. Ill save that for someone who needs it a bit more. And since the OP has still never returned to clarify then Ill move on so you guys can empathize some more.

I agree. Its normal to have buyers remorse and some trepidation towards the future, but not like the world is going to end, at least not after a week or so. Maybe the OP feels different now, im stoked and cant wait personally, and i had a good case of buyers remorse.

 

[lilycat]

Geez... did anyone think that maybe they were taking the OP a little too literally? He was disappointed and was a little overdramatic, but is it necessary to keep harping on his exact words? Just chalk it up to some initial shock and disappointment (possibly encouraged by certain programs?), and assume that in time, things will look better.