"You may be done with the past, but the past ain't done with you." - unknown
This is not a sob story - I have no one to blame but myself. It is a story of a person filled with regrets for a wasted youth, and a major sense of guilt for throwing golden opportunities away. It's a story of someone who has conquered his problems but doesn't know what strategy to take from here.
It's also quite long. If you want the short version here it is - high school academic star turns down two scholarships to attend Prestigious U - where he flunks out after three years. A boatload of C's, D's, F's and W's litter his transcript. He spends his 20's doing nothing. Late 20's - maturity arrives. Now he takes classes and is at the top of them. Achieves business success. Wants to get back into world of prestigious academia and go to a top medical school - is it possible under any circumstances? Skip down to the "plan" section to see what I plan to do to claw my way back up - even if another bachelor's is needed.
Here's the long version:
I'm not sure where to start. This is hard to write - it's a story that even my closest, oldest friends don't know (only my girlfriend knows my history) - so I guess I'll start at the beginning.
I am a successful entrepreneur who wants to go to medical school. But I'm now 32 - staring down the barrel of 40 and looking at a college transcript filled with semesters of withdrawals, numerous C's, a D, some F's from different schools. Let's flash back to the age of 17.
High school superstar
At the age of 17 I was voted most-likely-to-succeed in my high school class. I was mulling over two full-ride academic scholarships for college (including one U.C.). I had well over a 4.0 GPA, nearly perfect S.A.T.'s, leadership E.C.'s, yada-yada-yada and was building college credits at the local U.C. and community college - getting A's in my sleep.
My grandfather, father, mother (and eventually sister) were all M.D.'s, and I wanted to join the "family profession" as well.
Warning signs
What I didn't realize (but should have, in retrospect), was that I had major ADHD and an extreme lack of organization and time management skills. I could never make myself sit still for long - but this was before ADHD was widely known and it never occurred to me that I had it. And I was gifted enough that it was never an issue - I slid through A.P. classes in high school getting A's without trying. And I got the same results when I started taking college classes during my junior year in high school - at a local community college, a local liberal arts college, and a local U.C. So I had a supreme level of confidence.
"Prestigious U"
Then I got accepted to a top-five national liberal arts college, and turned down both scholarships to attend Prestigious U. I had stars in my eyes and really big dreams. At the time I thought I wanted to go into medicine or get a phd in philosophy.
My first semester I got elected to a position in student government, started writing for the newspaper and launched a new organization with the help of one of my professors. Even surrounded by top students I quickly developed a reputation for being among the most talented there.
"Bad grades"
Then I got my first batch of grades from "Prestigious U" - straight C's. It may sound silly looking back on it, but this was devastating to me. Again, it may sound stupid now, but back then my entire identity was built on being the best - and now I wasn't even average. I had no idea coming into this place that the academic bar had been raised and that the work I produced wouldn't cut it at this school.
My bad grades were a combination of really bad ADD, a youthful sense of entitlement, no time management skills and a bad procrastination problem. I had the worst study habits of anyone I knew, and I probably ditched close to 30 percent of my classes, if not more. Once I didn't go to g-chem for an entire month.
After my grades came in I saw my future evaporating - no semester at Oxford, no competitive internships, no undergraduate research opportunities, no job with Goldman or McKinsey or on capitol hill, no medical school, no Princeton phd in philosophy, etc.
At this point I stopped trying for competitive extra curriculers.
"Rising grades"
But I wasn't completely defeated. For the next two and half years I struggled mightily to gradually raise my gpa. I kept my sanity by telling myself that my rising-trend gpa (each semester was slightly better than the last until I finally got a 3.5 one semester) might be enough to overcome the terrible beginning. I had a few successes - a few A's.
One professor sent me to meet a partner at Goldman Sachs who promised me an interview - but I didn't follow up, sure that my GPA would kill my chances. Another professor told me he could get me into the London School of Economics for grad school but again, I was so sure my gpa would kill me that I didn't pursue it.
Then, second semester of my junior year I got another C - my own fault - I turned in a term paper weeks late. Now the rising trend pointed back down again.
"More bad grades - my first F - emotional breakdown and depression."
I snapped. Something in me simply gave up at that point and I didn't have any fight left in me. Fall semester of senior year I stopped going to class, and then finally withdrew alltogether. My logic was that I didn't want more bad grades. I tried again spring semester - and this was when the clinical depression and the lies started.
This time I failed my first class - a photography class. I never went to it and had such guilt from years of mediocre performance that I told myself I deserved to fail. Looking back it seems almost like psychological "cutting" behavior. At the time, I kid you not, it felt good to fail. It felt like I was getting what I deserved. It felt cathartic.
By now my friends were graduating - I told them I decided to do a double major and so that's why I was staying on. While they were going off to M.I.T., Harvard, Oxford, Princeton, Yale, Stanford, Berkeley and Johns Hopkins for graduate, law and medical school, I was still flailing around in undergrad.
My friends from highschool, my college friends and my girlfriend of five years had no idea how badly my life was going. I successfully lied to all of them - that's how insecure I was at that age. All of them knew me as a brain. The lying was hard, believe me, and it took an emotional toll.
I told them I had no interest in grad school, that medicine was boring, "not intellectual enough" and other nonsense. I told them I was occupied with building the family real estate business - that my family needed me (which was a lie - I did work in the family biz for a while but they didn't need me).
"F's at Cal State and U.C.'s"
After three straight semesters of withdrawing from Prestigious U the dean of students finally asked me to permanently withdraw from the college. She had kept me off academic probation for two years as a personal favor (we were good friends) but she finally had no excuses left to offer the academic standards committee. I wasn't expelled - Prestigious U would still grant me my degree, but the few credits I still needed to graduate would have to come from other schools.
At this point I felt like a complete failure in life. My younger, less talented (but hard-working) sister had just been accepted to a top-five medical school and was beginning her journey to becoming a neurosurgeon and doing stem cell research.
I started getting F's at Cal State and the U.C.'s - where I was enrolling to try to finish my last few credits.
"Wasted 20's"
I spent the next 6 years not doing much of anything except snowboarding and giving my family investment advice. My sense of self was so crippled by my bad GPA that I lost my ambition.
"Maturity - and a return to academic success"
When I was 28 I tried again to finish the remaining credits I needed to graduate. And this time, for reasons still unclear to me - I was different.
For the first time in my life I experienced the results of hard-work and talent - not just talent.
I decided to finish my last G.E. credit, and got an A- in art history. I then took the next quarter and did even better - to my great surprise I got the highest grade out of 140 students in my art history class and got an A+.
It was easy - for the first time in my life. Going to class was easy. Managing my time was easy. Buckling down and studying was easy. I don't know what changed - I did use some ADD meds to help focus during long hours - but I think on the whole it was simply maturity. I found I was a completely different person from when I was younger. I wish I had a better explanation - some kind of epiphany - but I simply seem to have grown up. School, when approached this way (studying daily, writing papers early, etc.) was truly a joy and I rediscovered a love of learning.
"Entrepreneurship - and business success."
Despite getting some good grades in the last couple classes I needed to graduate I still had convinced myself that my academic ambitions from my late teens were dead. Two and a half years ago I launched a small luxury company on the west coast on a whim - partly to see if I could do it, and partly because I felt that one advantage of being an entrepreneur was that I couldn't get rejected from my own company - there was no application process.
To my surprise it took off and I built it from zero to nearly a million dollars a year in sales (and six figure profits) within 24 months during a worsening recession. This is one accomplishment I am genuinely proud of. And it did toughen me and teach me a lot about myself. I found I could work 80 hour weeks, I could manage people, and I could make money. But I also learned that money doesn't make me happy, and that I want to do meaningful work and to help people.
"Dreams of academia revived"
Recently sales dipped and slowed, and this has given me time to think and to consider whether I want to keep working to build this company - and perhaps start others - or to change paths.
I have repeatedly tried to take classes while running my company the last two years, but 80 hour weeks and A's don't mix. I haven't gotten any bad grades but I had to drop several classes (no withdraws - my last bad academic marks were all 8 - 10 years ago).
I asked myself a couple months ago if I would do what I am doing if it were not for the money - and the answer is no. Also, having my own business has definitely taught me that money doesn't make me happy. And the fact that I'm willing to walk away from a successful venture says, to me, that I'm ready.
"More academic success - A+ in physics"
I found a local post-bac pre-med program being offered at a chiropractic college, of all places. But I checked and the classes are accredited. The benefits were two:
1 - No real application process - a G.E.D. and a check and you're in. I would love to go to a good program like Northwestern, UCSF etc. but I figured my record from years ago is so bad that I should probably take a few science classes and get high A's and great rec letters to even be considered for a competitive post-bacc.
2 - Weekend, accelerated classes. I'm in class 18 hours every weekend, and then free all week to study. They give you a full four semester hours of credit in four weeks. I study about 4 - 6 hours per day Monday through Friday and this has been enough to be number one in my class so far.
And, I'm proud to say, that my first class is over and I have the highest grade in my physics course - I'm at a 99.something percent.
This has helped me finalize my decision - I'm shutting down the business and going back to school. I love it, and I finally am performing as the student I always wanted to be.
"My dreams - a pipe dream?"
My dream is to claw my way back into the world of top-ranked academia. This is the key question - with a talented enough student, with good enough people skills and solid work habits - is this possible? Is it realistic?
Is a top 10 med school possible for me if I spend the next two years stacking up A+ undergraduate science and humanity courses and blow away the MCAT or I am smoking crack?
Does anyone have any good admissions consulting firms to recommend?
My dream is to build a new undergraduate academic record - I'll do another bachelor's if I have to. I'd love to do a masters in literature or philosophy at an ivy league and then go to med school if that is an option - I'm really strong in the sciences but really, really strong in the humanities and philosophy (my major).
I don't recognize the person I was when I was 19. I look back and can't imagine how I procrastinated, ditched class, slept in, stayed up and generally sabotaged my own success.
Now I am the opposite - I am always ahead in my classes. I have probably lost an IQ point or two in the last 10 years, but I never got into alcohol or drugs and I'm still in good shape. What aging may have cost me in processing speed I now more than make up for with diligence and good work habits.
I also am mature enough that I no longer care what people think - if my friends think I'm nuts for going to grad school at this age then so be it.
"My plan"
My plan is to do whatever is necessary to back to school and climb back up to top ranked schools. I'm hoping to take a couple stellar science grades and letters of recommendation in this post-bacc program to the admissions offices of more prestigious post-bacc programs, perhaps along with old SAT scores and see if I can get in. If I get rejected, then stack up more A+'s at the local U.C. and keep trying.
Harvard Extension seems like a possibility - I am very good with people. I thought that perhaps with a year of high A's there (there are actual Harvard faculty teaching the classes) and a stellar GRE I could possibly build faculty relationships, talk my way into being allowed to audit some graduate classes (do well in those) and get into a masters in public health or philosophy. Grad schools are useless for med school admissions according to what I read, but perhaps a masters from H/P/Y could be worth something?
I have a family friend who is the former chair of the chem department at Northwestern, and perhaps he could help me get into their program. The problem with their post-bacc is they say they don't want gpa-enhancers, and I took most of the pre-med classes at Prestigious U 15 years ago (getting crappy grades).
Prestigious U will let me back in to take classes if I want to go there, but honestly I have a lot of bad memories from my wasted years there - I'd rather start in a fresh environment.
"Point in my favor."
*I'm not married. I have a girlfriend but no family to take care of.
*I'm financially independent. If I live modestly I can focus on school full time.
*I've never been arrested.
*My ADHD and immaturity are history. Studying long hours is no problem now.
*I am humble, and quite happy laboring away at a community college if I have hope that the doors to the ivy league are still open.
*I rock standardized tests - I used to teach SAT for the Princeton Review and I've blown away every standardized test I've ever taken. They are my strong point.
So - advice? 🙂 Has anyone on these forums ever had such a spectacularly bad transcript, and then turned it around completely years later?
This is not a sob story - I have no one to blame but myself. It is a story of a person filled with regrets for a wasted youth, and a major sense of guilt for throwing golden opportunities away. It's a story of someone who has conquered his problems but doesn't know what strategy to take from here.
It's also quite long. If you want the short version here it is - high school academic star turns down two scholarships to attend Prestigious U - where he flunks out after three years. A boatload of C's, D's, F's and W's litter his transcript. He spends his 20's doing nothing. Late 20's - maturity arrives. Now he takes classes and is at the top of them. Achieves business success. Wants to get back into world of prestigious academia and go to a top medical school - is it possible under any circumstances? Skip down to the "plan" section to see what I plan to do to claw my way back up - even if another bachelor's is needed.
Here's the long version:
I'm not sure where to start. This is hard to write - it's a story that even my closest, oldest friends don't know (only my girlfriend knows my history) - so I guess I'll start at the beginning.
I am a successful entrepreneur who wants to go to medical school. But I'm now 32 - staring down the barrel of 40 and looking at a college transcript filled with semesters of withdrawals, numerous C's, a D, some F's from different schools. Let's flash back to the age of 17.
High school superstar
At the age of 17 I was voted most-likely-to-succeed in my high school class. I was mulling over two full-ride academic scholarships for college (including one U.C.). I had well over a 4.0 GPA, nearly perfect S.A.T.'s, leadership E.C.'s, yada-yada-yada and was building college credits at the local U.C. and community college - getting A's in my sleep.
My grandfather, father, mother (and eventually sister) were all M.D.'s, and I wanted to join the "family profession" as well.
Warning signs
What I didn't realize (but should have, in retrospect), was that I had major ADHD and an extreme lack of organization and time management skills. I could never make myself sit still for long - but this was before ADHD was widely known and it never occurred to me that I had it. And I was gifted enough that it was never an issue - I slid through A.P. classes in high school getting A's without trying. And I got the same results when I started taking college classes during my junior year in high school - at a local community college, a local liberal arts college, and a local U.C. So I had a supreme level of confidence.
"Prestigious U"
Then I got accepted to a top-five national liberal arts college, and turned down both scholarships to attend Prestigious U. I had stars in my eyes and really big dreams. At the time I thought I wanted to go into medicine or get a phd in philosophy.
My first semester I got elected to a position in student government, started writing for the newspaper and launched a new organization with the help of one of my professors. Even surrounded by top students I quickly developed a reputation for being among the most talented there.
"Bad grades"
Then I got my first batch of grades from "Prestigious U" - straight C's. It may sound silly looking back on it, but this was devastating to me. Again, it may sound stupid now, but back then my entire identity was built on being the best - and now I wasn't even average. I had no idea coming into this place that the academic bar had been raised and that the work I produced wouldn't cut it at this school.
My bad grades were a combination of really bad ADD, a youthful sense of entitlement, no time management skills and a bad procrastination problem. I had the worst study habits of anyone I knew, and I probably ditched close to 30 percent of my classes, if not more. Once I didn't go to g-chem for an entire month.
After my grades came in I saw my future evaporating - no semester at Oxford, no competitive internships, no undergraduate research opportunities, no job with Goldman or McKinsey or on capitol hill, no medical school, no Princeton phd in philosophy, etc.
At this point I stopped trying for competitive extra curriculers.
"Rising grades"
But I wasn't completely defeated. For the next two and half years I struggled mightily to gradually raise my gpa. I kept my sanity by telling myself that my rising-trend gpa (each semester was slightly better than the last until I finally got a 3.5 one semester) might be enough to overcome the terrible beginning. I had a few successes - a few A's.
One professor sent me to meet a partner at Goldman Sachs who promised me an interview - but I didn't follow up, sure that my GPA would kill my chances. Another professor told me he could get me into the London School of Economics for grad school but again, I was so sure my gpa would kill me that I didn't pursue it.
Then, second semester of my junior year I got another C - my own fault - I turned in a term paper weeks late. Now the rising trend pointed back down again.
"More bad grades - my first F - emotional breakdown and depression."
I snapped. Something in me simply gave up at that point and I didn't have any fight left in me. Fall semester of senior year I stopped going to class, and then finally withdrew alltogether. My logic was that I didn't want more bad grades. I tried again spring semester - and this was when the clinical depression and the lies started.
This time I failed my first class - a photography class. I never went to it and had such guilt from years of mediocre performance that I told myself I deserved to fail. Looking back it seems almost like psychological "cutting" behavior. At the time, I kid you not, it felt good to fail. It felt like I was getting what I deserved. It felt cathartic.
By now my friends were graduating - I told them I decided to do a double major and so that's why I was staying on. While they were going off to M.I.T., Harvard, Oxford, Princeton, Yale, Stanford, Berkeley and Johns Hopkins for graduate, law and medical school, I was still flailing around in undergrad.
My friends from highschool, my college friends and my girlfriend of five years had no idea how badly my life was going. I successfully lied to all of them - that's how insecure I was at that age. All of them knew me as a brain. The lying was hard, believe me, and it took an emotional toll.
I told them I had no interest in grad school, that medicine was boring, "not intellectual enough" and other nonsense. I told them I was occupied with building the family real estate business - that my family needed me (which was a lie - I did work in the family biz for a while but they didn't need me).
"F's at Cal State and U.C.'s"
After three straight semesters of withdrawing from Prestigious U the dean of students finally asked me to permanently withdraw from the college. She had kept me off academic probation for two years as a personal favor (we were good friends) but she finally had no excuses left to offer the academic standards committee. I wasn't expelled - Prestigious U would still grant me my degree, but the few credits I still needed to graduate would have to come from other schools.
At this point I felt like a complete failure in life. My younger, less talented (but hard-working) sister had just been accepted to a top-five medical school and was beginning her journey to becoming a neurosurgeon and doing stem cell research.
I started getting F's at Cal State and the U.C.'s - where I was enrolling to try to finish my last few credits.
"Wasted 20's"
I spent the next 6 years not doing much of anything except snowboarding and giving my family investment advice. My sense of self was so crippled by my bad GPA that I lost my ambition.
"Maturity - and a return to academic success"
When I was 28 I tried again to finish the remaining credits I needed to graduate. And this time, for reasons still unclear to me - I was different.
For the first time in my life I experienced the results of hard-work and talent - not just talent.
I decided to finish my last G.E. credit, and got an A- in art history. I then took the next quarter and did even better - to my great surprise I got the highest grade out of 140 students in my art history class and got an A+.
It was easy - for the first time in my life. Going to class was easy. Managing my time was easy. Buckling down and studying was easy. I don't know what changed - I did use some ADD meds to help focus during long hours - but I think on the whole it was simply maturity. I found I was a completely different person from when I was younger. I wish I had a better explanation - some kind of epiphany - but I simply seem to have grown up. School, when approached this way (studying daily, writing papers early, etc.) was truly a joy and I rediscovered a love of learning.
"Entrepreneurship - and business success."
Despite getting some good grades in the last couple classes I needed to graduate I still had convinced myself that my academic ambitions from my late teens were dead. Two and a half years ago I launched a small luxury company on the west coast on a whim - partly to see if I could do it, and partly because I felt that one advantage of being an entrepreneur was that I couldn't get rejected from my own company - there was no application process.
To my surprise it took off and I built it from zero to nearly a million dollars a year in sales (and six figure profits) within 24 months during a worsening recession. This is one accomplishment I am genuinely proud of. And it did toughen me and teach me a lot about myself. I found I could work 80 hour weeks, I could manage people, and I could make money. But I also learned that money doesn't make me happy, and that I want to do meaningful work and to help people.
"Dreams of academia revived"
Recently sales dipped and slowed, and this has given me time to think and to consider whether I want to keep working to build this company - and perhaps start others - or to change paths.
I have repeatedly tried to take classes while running my company the last two years, but 80 hour weeks and A's don't mix. I haven't gotten any bad grades but I had to drop several classes (no withdraws - my last bad academic marks were all 8 - 10 years ago).
I asked myself a couple months ago if I would do what I am doing if it were not for the money - and the answer is no. Also, having my own business has definitely taught me that money doesn't make me happy. And the fact that I'm willing to walk away from a successful venture says, to me, that I'm ready.
"More academic success - A+ in physics"
I found a local post-bac pre-med program being offered at a chiropractic college, of all places. But I checked and the classes are accredited. The benefits were two:
1 - No real application process - a G.E.D. and a check and you're in. I would love to go to a good program like Northwestern, UCSF etc. but I figured my record from years ago is so bad that I should probably take a few science classes and get high A's and great rec letters to even be considered for a competitive post-bacc.
2 - Weekend, accelerated classes. I'm in class 18 hours every weekend, and then free all week to study. They give you a full four semester hours of credit in four weeks. I study about 4 - 6 hours per day Monday through Friday and this has been enough to be number one in my class so far.
And, I'm proud to say, that my first class is over and I have the highest grade in my physics course - I'm at a 99.something percent.
This has helped me finalize my decision - I'm shutting down the business and going back to school. I love it, and I finally am performing as the student I always wanted to be.
"My dreams - a pipe dream?"
My dream is to claw my way back into the world of top-ranked academia. This is the key question - with a talented enough student, with good enough people skills and solid work habits - is this possible? Is it realistic?
Is a top 10 med school possible for me if I spend the next two years stacking up A+ undergraduate science and humanity courses and blow away the MCAT or I am smoking crack?
Does anyone have any good admissions consulting firms to recommend?
My dream is to build a new undergraduate academic record - I'll do another bachelor's if I have to. I'd love to do a masters in literature or philosophy at an ivy league and then go to med school if that is an option - I'm really strong in the sciences but really, really strong in the humanities and philosophy (my major).
I don't recognize the person I was when I was 19. I look back and can't imagine how I procrastinated, ditched class, slept in, stayed up and generally sabotaged my own success.
Now I am the opposite - I am always ahead in my classes. I have probably lost an IQ point or two in the last 10 years, but I never got into alcohol or drugs and I'm still in good shape. What aging may have cost me in processing speed I now more than make up for with diligence and good work habits.
I also am mature enough that I no longer care what people think - if my friends think I'm nuts for going to grad school at this age then so be it.
"My plan"
My plan is to do whatever is necessary to back to school and climb back up to top ranked schools. I'm hoping to take a couple stellar science grades and letters of recommendation in this post-bacc program to the admissions offices of more prestigious post-bacc programs, perhaps along with old SAT scores and see if I can get in. If I get rejected, then stack up more A+'s at the local U.C. and keep trying.
Harvard Extension seems like a possibility - I am very good with people. I thought that perhaps with a year of high A's there (there are actual Harvard faculty teaching the classes) and a stellar GRE I could possibly build faculty relationships, talk my way into being allowed to audit some graduate classes (do well in those) and get into a masters in public health or philosophy. Grad schools are useless for med school admissions according to what I read, but perhaps a masters from H/P/Y could be worth something?
I have a family friend who is the former chair of the chem department at Northwestern, and perhaps he could help me get into their program. The problem with their post-bacc is they say they don't want gpa-enhancers, and I took most of the pre-med classes at Prestigious U 15 years ago (getting crappy grades).
Prestigious U will let me back in to take classes if I want to go there, but honestly I have a lot of bad memories from my wasted years there - I'd rather start in a fresh environment.
"Point in my favor."
*I'm not married. I have a girlfriend but no family to take care of.
*I'm financially independent. If I live modestly I can focus on school full time.
*I've never been arrested.
*My ADHD and immaturity are history. Studying long hours is no problem now.
*I am humble, and quite happy laboring away at a community college if I have hope that the doors to the ivy league are still open.
*I rock standardized tests - I used to teach SAT for the Princeton Review and I've blown away every standardized test I've ever taken. They are my strong point.
So - advice? 🙂 Has anyone on these forums ever had such a spectacularly bad transcript, and then turned it around completely years later?
