I'm placing this in pre-med because I'm a pre-med but also so that pre-meds who are interested in planning out parenthood can know when to start planning. If this thread fits better in a different subforum feel free to move it.
Hello guys, I want to know when the best time period for a person interested in medicine is to have children. I am not talking 1 or 2 children maximum, I'm talking more along the lines of 5 children.
I know in society it's also a lot easier on men since men are considered the primary breadwinners so I want this to be more on a female focus.
Am I sealing the fate of my children in being raised by nannies or babysitters? I want to be an integral part of their lives, I'm just worried that I would have to choose between child rearing and medicine and it's tough having that thought when other fields have become more female friendly over the years.
Could hospitals potentially have daycares so that mothers on break can help their kids?
Also would psychiatry be a good residency for such mothers?
This question is really multifaceted since it tackles all parts of the medical process, I need to know if I have to choose between one or the other.
Thanks
Edit: For women who have done it or for women you know who have done it, when did they start having kids? (Keep in mind I want around 5 not 1 or 2)
I'll just admit up front that I have no children and there's at least a plausible chance I will not be having any, so everything I state below is hearsay from friends with kids.
There are four times you can have kids if you choose to go into the medical profession: before medical school, during medical school, during residency, or after residency. Sure, this seems like an, "of course, duh" response, but I have a lot of friends who are physicians with children, and there was no running theme in what was the single best time for any of them. It should be noted, however, that ALL of them recommended AGAINST having children right BEFORE or DURING clinical rotations or Intern Year of your residency. I know someone who did this and made it work, though, so it can be done.
First, do you have a serious significant other who is interested in getting married and having children? Keep in mind that there are no guarantees in life and you may never get married or you might not be able to have children. You need to consider your life taking into account where you are right now and where you want to be in the future. There's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking ahead and planning things out, but also take advantage of where you are now. If you are not in a serious relationship right now, then move forward with med school plans and plan on having children later if and when you have the opportunity. OTOH, I know people in the nontrad forum who already have children and are heading into medical school now. I can see certain advantages of this (you already have the whole parenting thing down, your kids saw you during their more formative years, etc.), but it would mean postponing matriculation. I only recommend this if you are already in a committed relationship and thinking of getting married and starting a family right after - or even during (God bless you) college.
Everyone has different abilities to deal with stress, multitasking, and life in general. I do not believe I could handle having children and trying to get through my first two years of med school. It would be close to a disaster to try to do it during my third year. Fourth year, however - fourth year may be a possibility. Your ability to have children as a medical student, resident, or physician depend on your support network. My friends who have managed to have children during medical school and residency have had to make huge sacrifices and depend on a support network - many live close to family members that help out, or have had nannies when both spouses were really busy, or have had a spouse that works almost exclusively from home and can do the lion's share of the work. The ones who have had children during medical school have said it's not that difficult or impossible to have children during first or second year if you have a school that is flexible with requirements, and they have all recommended being pregnant during third year (if you are lucky enough to plan these things out) and having a child during fourth year. All would say not to touch intern year, but being pregnant toward the end of intern year is not a complete disaster. I have one friend in residency with a wife who stays home with the kids and it works out because of financial support from both families. There are many ways to make it work, but there absolutely will be sacrifices. You may have to consider different specialties if you want to be at home a bit more with your children. And you will have to at least consider having a nannie for certain times during your training unless your significant other is independently wealthy.
You could theoretically go into any specialty that you want. The family friendliest are probably going to be peds, family med, Radiology, Radiation Oncology, Ophthalmology, Dermatology, EM, Anesthesiology, Psych, or OBGYN (I say this only because I have a friend who is an OBGYN that has stated it's totally doable and some people in her office are part time). This is by no means exhaustive. You can also become a part time physician - you still work more hours than most part time jobs, but it would give you more time with your children. There are three important things to consider with specialties if having five children is the goal: Does this specialty with with my personality, skills, gifts and goals? How much call do physicians in this specialty take? What are the typical hours that physicians work in this specialty and is it possible to work part time or set my own schedule?
There are a lot of things to consider if you want to have a large family and be a physician. It is doable. You will have to make sacrifices. My advice would be to consider the future, but live in the present. Don't put medical school off if you are not in a relationship. Be open to creative ways to make it work. Realize you will never be the perfect physician or the perfect parent. Make sure you are okay with being the world's "okayest parent." Also, keep in mind that not everyone who wants children will be able to have them. Be open to the possibility of adoption or fostering. Be prepared to plan ahead, while also realizing you have little control over the future.
PM if you have specific questions. Again, I have no kids, but I can give you an example for every situation I state above and tell you what my friends told me about how they handled having a family and being a medical student/resident/physician.
