MS1 - losing motivation

[Dro133]

Hi all,

MS1 here, from a mid-tier US allopathic school. Basically, my story is that I went into medical school a little ambivalently, and if I'm being honest, because it seemed like a way to make a stable, decent living around a topic (science) that I enjoy. However, I am finding it more and more difficult to focus and motivate myself to study for topics that I don't find interesting. What's making matters worse is that I don't think I particularly enjoy clinic. My main interest is pathology right now, mostly because the idea of a research-focused career sounds appealing, but I'm still finding it hard to be strongly motivated by this.

Further complicating matters is that, according to my research mentor (who has recommended that I NOT quit medicine), I could have a job in the comp bio department at my school if I did decide to quit. The idea of working on programming, which I mostly enjoy, rather than studying topics all day that I really have little interest in (i.e. renal and cardiac physiology...I do enjoy learning about cancers and genetic diseases...) while still making a decent living is really appealing to me. Not to mention I would have more time for my interests outside of medicine.

Cons of dropping out of medicine obviously include the loss of a stable, solidly middle-upper class career and lifestyle, and prestige/respect (mostly from parents/family friends - largely cultural issues here). Plus I have racked up a pretty decent amount of debt, which would take me a few years to pay off; I'm not fresh out of college either (near avg. matriculant age), so that's a consideration as well.

I guess the biggest thing keeping me from leaving is the stability of a medical career. I'm just not sure, that for me personally, it's worth all the sacrifices I'm currently making.

Anyways, thanks if you read this far. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[FlameBroiledDoc]

Medicine is a terrible way to make a stable, upper-middle class income in science if that's your main reason for going into it. There's little to no "science" in most clinical work, and if you're losing interest in pathology the only thing left is bench research.

You do not want to wait until your debts are paid off to decide you don't like being a doctor. The money and lifestyle in medicine is a pyrrhic victory. The training is murder at times, and the long hours and stress don't end once you're out in practice. If you don't have a passion for it, your anger and resentment will only grow. Take it from me, as someone who didn't figure it out until 20 years after the fact.

Talk to your family, your close confidants, your mentors, your own doctor, and your Dean. Take the time to think clearly. If you can get past a blow to your ego that only you are able to perceive, there's no shame in moving on if medicine won't make you happy.

 

[DrSnips]

The real problem with medicine is that whatever you end up doing in the last year of your training is the "real job". Everything up until that point is just preparation. For this reason, you don't get to see the big picture until the end when you're already too deeply invested to quit. If you were mostly pressured into this career by family and it's not truly your passion, then that could be a good reason to quit, but...

You should also take into consideration that you haven't even come close to experiencing the actual practice of medicine. Quitting at this point would be like demanding to get off a plane because you find the safety demonstration boring.

 

[medstu19]

Perhaps you'd be better off as a PhD student? If you aren't into seeing patients, your life is only going to get worse the further into this you get. And in terms of studying topics you hate, if you think MS1 is hard or boring, just wait until you're studying for Step and feeling like the world is ending. Obviously I don't know you or your situation in its entirety but trust me, **** only gets more real.

 

[Promethean]

The sacrifices don't let up.

I'm in medicine because I am incredibly passionate about the opportunities it will give me to help people and to pursue my personal social justice mission. I fall asleep at night and get up (at 4am currently) in the morning excited about how much good I will be able to do that day, even as "just" a medical student. My beloved Conrad Fischer talks about how we are in the miracle business, and that we have the ability to save lives and change them for the better, and that potential is enough to drive me upward and onward.

You don't have to share my hippy dippy ideals. You can have your own passion for why you are doing this. It can be something a lot less humanitarian, that doesn't matter so much. But you darn sure had better have one, or find one quick, if you are going to keep going down this path. Because it isn't getting easier. The challenges will change, as will the settings and your particular role in it all. But what will not change is that this is a life of great sacrifice. You will not be able to have experiences that you will really miss. You will not have time for family and friends, or at least, not as much as you might like. You will have to endure hardships that you probably can't really imagine from where you are. And if you don't have some reason, something that drives you and nourishes your soul and makes all the sacrifices worth you, then you will end up bitter and regretful.

If you doubt that you have such a motivation, or that you can find one, then you need to get out (temporarily at least) ASAP, before you sink any more of your life and resources into this path. Ask your school for a leave of absence. Go about it the right way and don't burn any bridges. Blame it on seeking treatment for anxiety or depression if you need to, to get it approved, but take a LOA and think hard about your priorities and what they are likely to be in the future. I'd recommend against just quitting. While you are in medical school, you are in a vulnerable phase of your life, where rash decisions can have painful long term consequences. If you quit, you probably won't find another way back onto the path if you think better of it later. And first and second year are times when lots of people have doubts who later realize that leaving over temporary doubts would have deprived them of the opportunity to pursue their calling. So be cautious about quitting.

But, if after serious reflection, you are well and truly convinced that you wouldn't LOVE being a doctor, or whatever dreams that being a doctor will allow you to fulfill, then you should quit and not look back.

 

[3lefts]

I didn't enjoy my basic science years at all but am having a great time as a third year student. Maybe shadow a bit in the fields that interest you and see if you find them enjoyable before you make any permanent decisions?


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Dro133]

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful replies. I've been continuing to mull this over, and I'm still crippled with indecision.

Truth is, the day-to-day patient care really disinterests me. I know that that's the point of being a doctor - making people feel better, and often it can feel mundane or whatever, but I think I'm learning that I just can't drum up interest for that aspect of medicine. Obviously this is disconcerting to me, and makes me feel like I'm in the wrong field.

I'd say the one thing keeping me from leaving right now is the difficulty in giving up the MD and the doors that that could open for me research-wise. I'm interested in computational research, and I just feel like having an MD would give me more credibility when it comes to translational research that can actually make its way into the clinic. I want that badly -- I'm just not sure if going through all of the hoops I have to jump through to get there is worth it, and with my personality not being suited for the more clinical/day-to-day aspects of medicine, it's just been a rough road so far and is contributing to my burnout.

 

[Promethean]

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful replies. I've been continuing to mull this over, and I'm still crippled with indecision.

Truth is, the day-to-day patient care really disinterests me. I know that that's the point of being a doctor - making people feel better, and often it can feel mundane or whatever, but I think I'm learning that I just can't drum up interest for that aspect of medicine. Obviously this is disconcerting to me, and makes me feel like I'm in the wrong field.

I'd say the one thing keeping me from leaving right now is the difficulty in giving up the MD and the doors that that could open for me research-wise. I'm interested in computational research, and I just feel like having an MD would give me more credibility when it comes to translational research that can actually make its way into the clinic. I want that badly -- I'm just not sure if going through all of the hoops I have to jump through to get there is worth it, and with my personality not being suited for the more clinical/day-to-day aspects of medicine, it's just been a rough road so far and is contributing to my burnout.

Have you actually done much day-to-day patient care? You're an MS-1, after all.

There are physicians who don't like people much at all. But they love the problem solving part of it. A mystery comes in to the ED, unfortunately attached to a suffering human being. The person in the bed has to be interacted with to get to unravel the clues and solve the puzzle. Some of those folks do gravitate to pathology or radiology, where they can focus the most on the data and have the least interaction with the people.

There are also many who think that they are going to gravitate to one of those specialties who end up finding that they do really love surgery, or anesthesia, or even some medicine specialty that they never expected to like. If you haven't had those experiences, of course it is hard to drum up interest in them. You are trying to convince yourself to like an imagined experience, rather than discovering what it really is, for yourself. No wonder that isn't working so well for you.

 

[Affiche]

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful replies. I've been continuing to mull this over, and I'm still crippled with indecision.

Truth is, the day-to-day patient care really disinterests me. I know that that's the point of being a doctor - making people feel better, and often it can feel mundane or whatever, but I think I'm learning that I just can't drum up interest for that aspect of medicine. Obviously this is disconcerting to me, and makes me feel like I'm in the wrong field.

I'd say the one thing keeping me from leaving right now is the difficulty in giving up the MD and the doors that that could open for me research-wise. I'm interested in computational research, and I just feel like having an MD would give me more credibility when it comes to translational research that can actually make its way into the clinic. I want that badly -- I'm just not sure if going through all of the hoops I have to jump through to get there is worth it, and with my personality not being suited for the more clinical/day-to-day aspects of medicine, it's just been a rough road so far and is contributing to my burnout.

Fellow MS1 here. It's really odd to me that you've already decided you don't like patient care, to be honest. I worked clinically for a few years before starting medical school, and I'm still getting surprised by the amount of variability in what patient care looks like across different fields. I realized that I would hate family medicine, and that freaked me out for a bit, but after finding some good mentors I've been able to explore different fields and pinpoint what I like/dislike in various settings, as well as identify a few specialties that I think would fulfill me (and I'm very picky, so this is a big deal haha).

I would advise that you try to separate burnout from disinterest in the material, because I think it's common for us pre-clinical students to start blurring the line between the two (I know I struggle with this sometimes). It might also help to shadow in a few different specialties and seek out some mentors who will answer your questions candidly and offer advice where they can. General consensus seems to be that almost all of us hate preclinical years and think of dropping out now and again. Try to gather as much information as possible before you make a permanent decision, because I think if you search far and wide (in the vast field that is medicine), you'll be able to find something that suits you.

 

[doc05]

There isn't any "stability" in a medical career. Just quit already. Better now than with 4 years of debt.