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Just as a quick note -- longtime lurker, just created a new username because I feel like this is a sensitive issue and don't want to get in trouble, etc.
Quick rundown:
-I am an emergency medicine intern.
-Currently have been in the ED for the past 2.5 months.
I have not been really enjoying myself. At first I was not sure if this was me just adjusting to being a resident, but I also noticed that I was significantly less excited about being in the ED vs. my other co-interns. I have been so unhappy for the past couple weeks, it is really concerning me.
-Originally wanted to do surgery, but was concerned because I was not sure if I would be able to commit.
In the end, I ended up choosing EM for lifestyle reasons (yeah...), thought it was a good fit for my personality even though I lacked the enthusiasm for it vs. surgery.
-Matched EM. My program took me really took a huge risk with me because I have failed step 1.
I don't know very many people who have failed boards and ended up getting a categorical EM spot, so I am very thankful.
-Something still feels missing when I work during my shifts. I find myself really regretting that I didn't do surgery.
The procedures in EM are not enough for me. I thought they would be enough when I as a student, but it isn't the same. Additionally, part of me feels kind of empty because although I get to stabilize some patients (which I do like), a lot of times I don't get to be a part of the definitive care even though I did a huge part of the work up. And then I wonder if I the right thing for the patient and wonder what happened to him/her. I actually did not mind clinic when I was a student. Everything in the ED is about dispo, dispo, dispo. Plus, there are some other nuances about EM that bothered me but for some reason I thought they would disappear once I became a resident.
Issues:
-I want to reapply this year for GS. I think I should have just gone with my intuition and gone surg. There is no point having all this time when you hate what you do and have no motivation to read, etc.
-I understand it is very difficult for me to do a 2nd residency/switch especially with the funding issues, but I really don't know how to break it to my program without seeming ungrateful and thus getting mistreated, or even worse -- having bad recommendations or remarks from my PD.
-I am a horrible applicant on paper.
I matched solely because I impressed on my EM sub-I. With my crappy grades/scores, I am concerned I will not end up at a surgery program that gives good training, or be stuck in prelim surgery position for a couple years and to default to family medicine in the end.
-My best bet is probably trying to match into GS at the hospital I am currently at (due to funding). I have never worked with the surgeons here and not really sure if they would be really motivated to take me.
-Beggars can't be choosers, I understand that. I really like the people in my program and the education so far has been great -- I just can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life.
A huge concern: I really don't want to make the people that vouched for me look stupid and suffer professionally because they believed in me, but I feel so miserable. But I want to tell my PD soon because ERAS is open now, interview season is going to start soon, and I am currently nowhere.
Does anyone have any advice about this? I figured I was going to tell them that I am going to finish the year and devote my time to being a good resident, but not really sure what else to touch on.
I probably sound like a crazy person right now, usually people leave surgery for EM, not the other way around...
Quick rundown:
-I am an emergency medicine intern.
-Currently have been in the ED for the past 2.5 months.
I have not been really enjoying myself. At first I was not sure if this was me just adjusting to being a resident, but I also noticed that I was significantly less excited about being in the ED vs. my other co-interns. I have been so unhappy for the past couple weeks, it is really concerning me.
-Originally wanted to do surgery, but was concerned because I was not sure if I would be able to commit.
In the end, I ended up choosing EM for lifestyle reasons (yeah...), thought it was a good fit for my personality even though I lacked the enthusiasm for it vs. surgery.
-Matched EM. My program took me really took a huge risk with me because I have failed step 1.
I don't know very many people who have failed boards and ended up getting a categorical EM spot, so I am very thankful.
-Something still feels missing when I work during my shifts. I find myself really regretting that I didn't do surgery.
The procedures in EM are not enough for me. I thought they would be enough when I as a student, but it isn't the same. Additionally, part of me feels kind of empty because although I get to stabilize some patients (which I do like), a lot of times I don't get to be a part of the definitive care even though I did a huge part of the work up. And then I wonder if I the right thing for the patient and wonder what happened to him/her. I actually did not mind clinic when I was a student. Everything in the ED is about dispo, dispo, dispo. Plus, there are some other nuances about EM that bothered me but for some reason I thought they would disappear once I became a resident.
Issues:
-I want to reapply this year for GS. I think I should have just gone with my intuition and gone surg. There is no point having all this time when you hate what you do and have no motivation to read, etc.
-I understand it is very difficult for me to do a 2nd residency/switch especially with the funding issues, but I really don't know how to break it to my program without seeming ungrateful and thus getting mistreated, or even worse -- having bad recommendations or remarks from my PD.
-I am a horrible applicant on paper.
I matched solely because I impressed on my EM sub-I. With my crappy grades/scores, I am concerned I will not end up at a surgery program that gives good training, or be stuck in prelim surgery position for a couple years and to default to family medicine in the end.
-My best bet is probably trying to match into GS at the hospital I am currently at (due to funding). I have never worked with the surgeons here and not really sure if they would be really motivated to take me.
-Beggars can't be choosers, I understand that. I really like the people in my program and the education so far has been great -- I just can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life.
A huge concern: I really don't want to make the people that vouched for me look stupid and suffer professionally because they believed in me, but I feel so miserable. But I want to tell my PD soon because ERAS is open now, interview season is going to start soon, and I am currently nowhere.
Does anyone have any advice about this? I figured I was going to tell them that I am going to finish the year and devote my time to being a good resident, but not really sure what else to touch on.
I probably sound like a crazy person right now, usually people leave surgery for EM, not the other way around...
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