Need Advice - Ennui

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poisonouschimp

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I'm not sure if this is the correct place to ask, but I feel I need help or advice in life and am unsure where to turn.

I turn 28 in September and feel I've accomplished all of my goals and desires in life already and continuing forward seems rather pointless. Not saying I'm suicidal, but I have the feeling of ennui. To me it just seems without a goal or target to strive for I'm just going day by day until I expire one day.

My big goals were to meet someone I love, have a dog I love, own my own house and car, be debt free, be comfortable on money. I now own a 3bed2bath house, 3 cars 2 motorcycles all paid off, 800+ credit score, investment accounts set up for retirement, 15k running balance in my checking and 40k in savings, debt free except my mortgage payment. I have 2 renters who offset my mortgage payment and I live comfortably off 1000-1200 a month all in.

I've traveled anywhere I've wanted, gone on cruises, bungee jumped, scuba dive, jet ski, flown planes, ATV, custom built race cars and did street racing, shot guns, stole items from stores when I was a kid, played around with pyrotechnics, gambled, been to a swinger party, hooked up with a stripper, did charity events like feeding the homeless and elderly care, interned in a hospital, went through the confirmation program with the church and was part of a few bible study groups, power lifted to 2.5x body weight for primary lifts, interned as a health and wellness coach at a fitness institute. Basically as far as I can tell I've tried most of what life has to offer from good to bad and am unsure what is left for me to do or see that I haven't already or care enough to pursue.

I have my bachelor's degree in health science with all the coursework completed for med school, ase certified as a mechanic in advanced engine repair and electrical diagnostics as well as steering and suspension diagnostics, CPR/AED certified, driving instructor endorsed in California, ran my own computer business doing custom builds and troubleshooting, volunteered in non profit organizations, in progress real estate license/appraisal license/notary license/pilot license/comptia a+ certification.

In August of 2017 my coworker harrassed me to the point I have clinical diagnosed PTSD as him as a trigger. I went through the workers comp process from Aug till May 2018 resulting in a denial unless appeals judge can overrule and favor in my opinion. As a result I lost my job and am now looking of what to do with my life. No job draws my interests and financially I spend so little and can make money from other sources I most likely don't need a real job for income.

It leaves me with a question every day of what should I do with my life? It's always been a constant flow of school or other prospects to earn enough to get my goals of my own house and a happy family. Now I've achieved those goals I don't have the answer of what to do next with my life. I am not greedy and pretty reserved, so a bigger house or more fancy cars is meh. I appreciate charity and all it entails, but doesn't drive me to help others to that extent. I don't care to make a name for myself in the world or any big impacts. My family is all healthy and happy so any impacts I could make inwards aren't of enough impact to be a goal or motivation for me.

I worked hard for what I have now and know I am better off than most. It is really an odd feeling of ennui, being content and complacent in life having accomplished and achieved all I've wanted to do. Again, I am not suicidal, but what is left for me to do in life? I guess this post is a call of help for goals or motivation anyone reading it has. I don't feel many people will be able to relate to me fully who read this and I don't in any way attempt to brag or show off. I ask in the most humble of ways I know, what's next?

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Ennui can be a sign of depression, so it couldn't hurt to get screened for that.

Otherwise, it might just take some time for something new to catch your attention. Sometimes I suddenly become interested in some new activity or hobby I hadn't considered before.
 
Ennui can be a sign of depression, so it couldn't hurt to get screened for that.

Otherwise, it might just take some time for something new to catch your attention. Sometimes I suddenly become interested in some new activity or hobby I hadn't considered before.
I have had depression on and off my whole life. It wasn't until I finished college and was studying for the MCAT's where I got diagnosed with high functioning autism (Asperger's is most closely my symptoms) as well as Adderall prescribed. It made me feel incredible in both having a label for why I felt so different all my life and the mental energy to accomplish all of my goals. I was finally able to recognize my depressed states and either seek help or was able to self cope with them. What I have right now, the ennui, feels drastically different from the depression I have had in the past. Before it had always felt like a weight was on my chest and a headband was on too tight, that I couldn't get out of bed because I felt hopeless. What I have now is totally different, I feel light and calm. I still lay in bed, not because I am sad and depressed, but because it is relaxing and I have no worries or responsibilities to worry about. I have no obligations to attend to or drive to do much of anything "hobby related" other than play video games. I still go for daily runs with my dogs and play with them throughout the day. I eat a healthy and balanced diet, have a happy social life with my girlfriend and roommates, good connection with my family and friends. That's why it feels so odd to me, that I see no real meaning to life in the future even though I am happy and content. It just feels like biding time until the end and maintaining my current happiness for the days to come.

I have always been very goal driven and jump around jobs because I grow bored quickly of the same day to day. The jobs I want seem unattainable in the near future at least. I want to either be a cardiothoracic surgeon or a flight instructor or a MFT, all of which require lengthy time commitments. They all seem to have less draw to me these days though since money was the main motivation before I had my house. As long as I meet my bills now and have a stress free life, money isn't a motivating factor anymore. It feels as if I just live within my humble means, the more money I get is just pointless. I don't even spend all I get from SDI right now and that is 780 every 2 weeks. I am able to keep saving money even on disability since I have no real expenses or expensive hobbies. I used to be so greedy and money driven before and kept wanting more and more expensive cars and houses, but now I am happy with I have and don't really see that much point in trying to get a mansion or a lambo. I just see the expensive lifestyles as excessive and wasteful and pointless in the end since I am content with what I have.

What activities or hobbies catch you interest? Maybe I am just lacking goals and ambitions since I haven't networked with the right people who sparked an interest for me. What recently became of interest to you that hadn't been in the past? For me the biggest draw has been day trading stocks and cryptos as well as reading all the suggested Google news articles...all of which doesn't require I leave my bed.
 
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I guess I haven't experienced the kind of contentedness you describe.

I recently signed up to compete in a running race despite not being very fit, so I've been working on that. Also have been trying to visit unseen tourist attractions and summer festivals in my region before I move away for school.

I don't see any problem with being interested in Internet-based hobbies like day trading and cryptos...other than the fact that they're unlikely to pay off for you, but that seems like not one of your concerns at the moment.
 
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