Need advice (from a guy's perspective)

[peach4me]

Ok, so I'm a 3rd year that was rotating in *** hospital. The second day, (postcall) I was walking down a hall and saw a gorgeous guy who was pushing a bed he was staring (smiling) at me but I just looked down.(Because he made me nervous) It turns out that he's a janitor. Later during the week, I saw him and he wasn't smiling. To make a long story short, I thought OK you should always be nice to everyone in the hospital and I said hello. Eventually, over the course of 2 weeks, I said hi when I saw him etc. Later, I discovered he did something really sweet for a patient in the hospital and I decided I was going to ask him about it. So, (I was reallly nervous when I did this because, I don't know why, he just gives me tachycardia!) 2 days later I saw him outside and decided to get on the elevator with him. I asked him about the patient, he stated that he "like kids" then he got off the elevator. I went back to my floor was talking on my cell phone then he came up behind me and said "excuse me ma'am" I turned around. I didn't really say much.

Ok, the next day he shows up at my unit all day (all the time I've been there he's never been in that unit before) and starts trying to get my attention (for example, cleaning around my desk etc. and another janitor asked him what he was doing in that unit and he said he wanted to help out ) I just ignored him because I was embarassed to talk to him in front of everyone and besides I had bad cramps and didn't feel like talking. Anyways, the next day I talked to another janitor and he said that guy has a girlfriend who works at that hospital! and he told me a little bit about his family too.

The next day, the guy shows up in my unit (floor) and looks around but when our eyes meet, he looks off. I guessed he was kinda hurt that I ignored him?


Well, I saw him around almost everyday and I really think he a extremely nice and generous man. A few weeks later, I saw him and asked if he got any breaks because I wanted to talk to him (to confirm that he does have a girlfriend) He said he didn't get any breaks and that I could page him. I told him that's ok. Then he left. Within 1 minute, he comes back and asks me what was it, I said "that's ok" He comes back 2 more times asking the same thing. Then he said, are you just going to keep a guy wondering. Then as I was walking out the room, I started talking with my friend and he walks up and said he'll come back. After I finished talking with my friend, I left because I felt stupid and there's no way someone can work and not get ANY breaks. Besides, I had to study for my exam, so I said forget him!

I told another friend about this and she said it sounds like he has a crush on you. I already know I have a crush on him. ( a huge one!) Anyway, I went back to *** hospital to turn in my evaluations 1 week later and as I was getting off the elevator, he said " excuse me ma'am" I turn around and it was him, I sorta looked at him disgusted (a little, from the corner of my eyes because he lied earlier saying he doesn't get any breaks) Then I apologized for leaving the last time and said "something came up". He said thats ok and I started to get a little nervous to the point where he asked me am I ok. I said I'm fine. I was walking away, then I turned back and asked him if he ever figured out what I wanted to talk to him about. He said no. . . and that he'll be back on that floor. You know what? I waited about 3 hours on that floor and he didn't show up. So what's with that? Anyway, a few days later I saw him and he just mocked the way I walk.
I already knew this wouldn't be going anywhere because he's a janitor and there's no way in hell I'm taking care of a man, but can someone analyze this situation and tell me what's going on in his head? Thanks!

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[typeB-md]

sounds like you think you're better than a janitor. you are not.

safe him the trouble of dating a vapid waste of space.

 

[PickyBicky]

Ok, so I'm a 3rd year that was rotating in *** hospital. The second day, (postcall) I was walking down a hall and saw a gorgeous guy who was pushing a bed he was staring (smiling) at me but I just looked down.(Because he made me nervous) It turns out that he's a janitor. Later during the week, I saw him and he wasn't smiling. To make a long story short, I thought OK you should always be nice to everyone in the hospital and I said hello. Eventually, over the course of 2 weeks, I said hi when I saw him etc. Later, I discovered he did something really sweet for a patient in the hospital and I decided I was going to ask him about it. So, (I was reallly nervous when I did this because, I don't know why, he just gives me tachycardia!) 2 days later I saw him outside and decided to get on the elevator with him. I asked him about the patient, he stated that he "like kids" then he got off the elevator. I went back to my floor was talking on my cell phone then he came up behind me and said "excuse me ma'am" I turned around. I didn't really say much.

Ok, the next day he shows up at my unit all day (all the time I've been there he's never been in that unit before) and starts trying to get my attention (for example, cleaning around my desk etc. and another janitor asked him what he was doing in that unit and he said he wanted to help out ) I just ignored him because I was embarassed to talk to him in front of everyone and besides I had bad cramps and didn't feel like talking. Anyways, the next day I talked to another janitor and he said that guy has a girlfriend who works at that hospital! and he told me a little bit about his family too.

The next day, the guy shows up in my unit (floor) and looks around but when our eyes meet, he looks off. I guessed he was kinda hurt that I ignored him?


Well, I saw him around almost everyday and I really think he a extremely nice and generous man. A few weeks later, I saw him and asked if he got any breaks because I wanted to talk to him (to confirm that he does have a girlfriend) He said he didn't get any breaks and that I could page him. I told him that's ok. Then he left. Within 1 minute, he comes back and asks me what was it, I said "that's ok" He comes back 2 more times asking the same thing. Then he said, are you just going to keep a guy wondering. Then as I was walking out the room, I started talking with my friend and he walks up and said he'll come back. After I finished talking with my friend, I left because I felt stupid and there's no way someone can work and not get ANY breaks. Besides, I had to study for my exam, so I said forget him!

I told another friend about this and she said it sounds like he has a crush on you. I already know I have a crush on him. ( a huge one!) Anyway, I went back to *** hospital to turn in my evaluations 1 week later and as I was getting off the elevator, he said " excuse me ma'am" I turn around and it was him, I sorta looked at him disgusted (a little, from the corner of my eyes because he lied earlier saying he doesn't get any breaks) Then I apologized for leaving the last time and said "something came up". He said thats ok and I started to get a little nervous to the point where he asked me am I ok. I said I'm fine. I was walking away, then I turned back and asked him if he ever figured out what I wanted to talk to him about. He said no. . . and that he'll be back on that floor. You know what? I waited about 3 hours on that floor and he didn't show up. So what's with that? Anyway, a few days later I saw him and he just mocked the way I walk.
I already knew this wouldn't be going anywhere because he's a janitor and there's no way in hell I'm taking care of a man, but can someone analyze this situation and tell me what's going on in his head? Thanks!

You're a mess. Consider a personal psychiatric consult.

-PB

 

[DOCTORSAIB]

Ok, so I'm a 3rd year that was rotating in *** hospital. The second day, (postcall) I was walking down a hall and saw a gorgeous guy who was pushing a bed he was staring (smiling) at me but I just looked down.(Because he made me nervous) It turns out that he's a janitor. Later during the week, I saw him and he wasn't smiling. To make a long story short, I thought OK you should always be nice to everyone in the hospital and I said hello. Eventually, over the course of 2 weeks, I said hi when I saw him etc. Later, I discovered he did something really sweet for a patient in the hospital and I decided I was going to ask him about it. So, (I was reallly nervous when I did this because, I don't know why, he just gives me tachycardia!) 2 days later I saw him outside and decided to get on the elevator with him. I asked him about the patient, he stated that he "like kids" then he got off the elevator. I went back to my floor was talking on my cell phone then he came up behind me and said "excuse me ma'am" I turned around. I didn't really say much.

Ok, the next day he shows up at my unit all day (all the time I've been there he's never been in that unit before) and starts trying to get my attention (for example, cleaning around my desk etc. and another janitor asked him what he was doing in that unit and he said he wanted to help out ) I just ignored him because I was embarassed to talk to him in front of everyone and besides I had bad cramps and didn't feel like talking. Anyways, the next day I talked to another janitor and he said that guy has a girlfriend who works at that hospital! and he told me a little bit about his family too.

The next day, the guy shows up in my unit (floor) and looks around but when our eyes meet, he looks off. I guessed he was kinda hurt that I ignored him?


Well, I saw him around almost everyday and I really think he a extremely nice and generous man. A few weeks later, I saw him and asked if he got any breaks because I wanted to talk to him (to confirm that he does have a girlfriend) He said he didn't get any breaks and that I could page him. I told him that's ok. Then he left. Within 1 minute, he comes back and asks me what was it, I said "that's ok" He comes back 2 more times asking the same thing. Then he said, are you just going to keep a guy wondering. Then as I was walking out the room, I started talking with my friend and he walks up and said he'll come back. After I finished talking with my friend, I left because I felt stupid and there's no way someone can work and not get ANY breaks. Besides, I had to study for my exam, so I said forget him!

I told another friend about this and she said it sounds like he has a crush on you. I already know I have a crush on him. ( a huge one!) Anyway, I went back to *** hospital to turn in my evaluations 1 week later and as I was getting off the elevator, he said " excuse me ma'am" I turn around and it was him, I sorta looked at him disgusted (a little, from the corner of my eyes because he lied earlier saying he doesn't get any breaks) Then I apologized for leaving the last time and said "something came up". He said thats ok and I started to get a little nervous to the point where he asked me am I ok. I said I'm fine. I was walking away, then I turned back and asked him if he ever figured out what I wanted to talk to him about. He said no. . . and that he'll be back on that floor. You know what? I waited about 3 hours on that floor and he didn't show up. So what's with that? Anyway, a few days later I saw him and he just mocked the way I walk.
I already knew this wouldn't be going anywhere because he's a janitor and there's no way in hell I'm taking care of a man, but can someone analyze this situation and tell me what's going on in his head? Thanks!

Reading your story reminded me of an MCAT verbal passage. Stop acting like you're 16. If you've got something to say, then say it....otherwise more on.

 

[Lesion Of Doom]

Reading your story reminded me of an MCAT verbal passage. Stop acting like you're 16. If you've got something to say, then say it....otherwise more on.

Don't mean to offend but this is exactly what I was thinking when I read this.

You kind of sound like a "princess" or something. Please stop thinking that you are better than janitors or any other sanitary worker or housekeeper. Your future coworkers and patient will love you for it.

To answer your question, no one can know what is going on in the guys head but I am willing to bet his behavior is the result of the possibility that you may think that you are too good for him so he is avoiding jumping when you expect him to. This probably also plays a large part in your attraction to him.

 

[typeB-md]

AOL Chat v3.1

peach4me says: so like at first we held hands... but i think he really digs me!
highschool girl says: o rly?
peach4me says: yea rly!!

 

[EM Junkie]

AOL Chat v3.1

peach4me says: so like at first we held hands... but i think he really digs me!
highschool girl says: o rly?
peach4me says: yea rly!!

That's hillarious.

Do you write "Peach4Me + Janitor 4ever" on your H&P's and progress notes?

Seriously, it sounds like you and the janitor would be perfect together....
Not that I am against sweet talking the janitor ladies - it has gotten me free tamales on many occasions!!

 

[McGillGrad]

Getting involved in 'drama' at the workplace is often nothing but a waste of time and energy.

If you know he has a GF, then has the class to let him know that you are aware of that fact and that you cannot be anything more than a workplace acquaintance.

 

[ForensicsBound]

Ok, so I'm a 3rd year that was rotating in *** hospital. The second day, (postcall) I was walking down a hall and saw a gorgeous guy who was pushing a bed he was staring (smiling) at me but I just looked down.(Because he made me nervous) It turns out that he's a janitor. Later during the week, I saw him and he wasn't smiling. To make a long story short, I thought OK you should always be nice to everyone in the hospital and I said hello. Eventually, over the course of 2 weeks, I said hi when I saw him etc. Later, I discovered he did something really sweet for a patient in the hospital and I decided I was going to ask him about it. So, (I was reallly nervous when I did this because, I don't know why, he just gives me tachycardia!) 2 days later I saw him outside and decided to get on the elevator with him. I asked him about the patient, he stated that he "like kids" then he got off the elevator. I went back to my floor was talking on my cell phone then he came up behind me and said "excuse me ma'am" I turned around. I didn't really say much.

Ok, the next day he shows up at my unit all day (all the time I've been there he's never been in that unit before) and starts trying to get my attention (for example, cleaning around my desk etc. and another janitor asked him what he was doing in that unit and he said he wanted to help out ) I just ignored him because I was embarassed to talk to him in front of everyone and besides I had bad cramps and didn't feel like talking. Anyways, the next day I talked to another janitor and he said that guy has a girlfriend who works at that hospital! and he told me a little bit about his family too.

The next day, the guy shows up in my unit (floor) and looks around but when our eyes meet, he looks off. I guessed he was kinda hurt that I ignored him?


Well, I saw him around almost everyday and I really think he a extremely nice and generous man. A few weeks later, I saw him and asked if he got any breaks because I wanted to talk to him (to confirm that he does have a girlfriend) He said he didn't get any breaks and that I could page him. I told him that's ok. Then he left. Within 1 minute, he comes back and asks me what was it, I said "that's ok" He comes back 2 more times asking the same thing. Then he said, are you just going to keep a guy wondering. Then as I was walking out the room, I started talking with my friend and he walks up and said he'll come back. After I finished talking with my friend, I left because I felt stupid and there's no way someone can work and not get ANY breaks. Besides, I had to study for my exam, so I said forget him!

I told another friend about this and she said it sounds like he has a crush on you. I already know I have a crush on him. ( a huge one!) Anyway, I went back to *** hospital to turn in my evaluations 1 week later and as I was getting off the elevator, he said " excuse me ma'am" I turn around and it was him, I sorta looked at him disgusted (a little, from the corner of my eyes because he lied earlier saying he doesn't get any breaks) Then I apologized for leaving the last time and said "something came up". He said thats ok and I started to get a little nervous to the point where he asked me am I ok. I said I'm fine. I was walking away, then I turned back and asked him if he ever figured out what I wanted to talk to him about. He said no. . . and that he'll be back on that floor. You know what? I waited about 3 hours on that floor and he didn't show up. So what's with that? Anyway, a few days later I saw him and he just mocked the way I walk.
I already knew this wouldn't be going anywhere because he's a janitor and there's no way in hell I'm taking care of a man, but can someone analyze this situation and tell me what's going on in his head? Thanks!

This must be a joke. Are you in medical school or grade school? What medical school admitted you?

 

[Methyldopa]

AOL Chat v3.1

peach4me says: so like at first we held hands... but i think he really digs me!
highschool girl says: o rly?
peach4me says: yea rly!!

 

[McGillGrad]

I see that posters have been a bit harsh on this female, so let me remind you that not everyone is experienced in matters of the heart.

This would certainly make sense in the medical professional because as a general rule, medical students have sacrificed at least a part of their social lives to focus on studies. That means less relationships and less experience that serves as 'common sense' later on.

Even if this is a trolling post, there is little reason to be hostile because that is what trolls crave anyway.

 

[JohnUC33]

I see that posters have been a bit harsh on this female, so let me remind you that not everyone is experienced in matters of the heart.

This would certainly make sense in the medical professional because as a general rule, medical students have sacrificed at least a part of their social lives to focus on studies. That means less relationships and less experience that serves as 'common sense' later on.

Even if this is a trolling post, there is little reason to be hostile because that is what trolls crave anyway.

Good point

 

[toofache32]

...but can someone analyze this situation and tell me what's going on in his head? Thanks!

Why do chicks play these games they know are impossible? There are only 2 choices of what is going on in his mind: 1) your boobs 2) beer.

 

[p53]

I already knew this wouldn't be going anywhere because he's a janitor and there's no way in hell I'm taking care of a man, but can someone analyze this situation and tell me what's going on in his head? Thanks!

That's easy. He is playing games so he can get in your pants. ALL HE WANTS FROM YOU IS SEX.

If he was interested in a relationship he wouldn't have treated you like crap. I have been in many, many relationships with different girls so I am very familiar with these juvenile games to build intrigue.

Just remember girls, if a guy is interested in you for a relationship, HE WOULD NEVER, EVER treat you like crap. On the other hand, if he just wants SEX he will do anything to get in your head so you can obsess about him, including treating you like SHLT.

I should start my own relationship thread.

 

[DOCTORSAIB]

I should start my own relationship thread.

We do need a Dr.Phil on SDN. Just think of some of the threads that pop-up on here...."I'm so jealous that non-physicians get to wear white coats?"...."I'm in love with a janitor, what do I do?" etc etc.

Anyone interested in the position?

 

[ForensicsBound]

That's easy. He is playing games so he can get in your pants. ALL HE WANTS FROM YOU IS SEX.

If he was interested in a relationship he wouldn't have treated you like crap. I have been in many, many relationships with different girls so I am very familiar with these juvenile games to build intrigue.

Just remember girls, if a guy is interested in you for a relationship, HE WOULD NEVER, EVER treat you like crap. On the other hand, if he just wants SEX he will do anything to get in your head so you can obsess about him, including treating you like SHLT.

I should start my own relationship thread.

amen brother

 

[tupac_don]

Don't mean to offend but this is exactly what I was thinking when I read this.

You kind of sound like a "princess" or something. Please stop thinking that you are better than janitors or any other sanitary worker or housekeeper. Your future coworkers and patient will love you for it.

To answer your question, no one can know what is going on in the guys head but I am willing to bet his behavior is the result of the possibility that you may think that you are too good for him so he is avoiding jumping when you expect him to. This probably also plays a large part in your attraction to him.

Unfortunately, this is not just her thinking. Pretty much all women more or less discriminate in guys who are "socially" lower than them. I think that's how women are brought up in our society. Think about it, you are much more apt to see a succesful guy with a waitress, or a secretary (and she is almost always hot). On the other hand, seeing a succeful woman with a non-succesful guy, very rarely if ever. And then its usually if the chick is looks challenged, but she has resources. That's just the way the game is. You can sit out on the bench or play by the rules.

 

[Mike59]

Unfortunately, this is not just her thinking. Pretty much all women more or less discriminate in guys who are "socially" lower than them. I think that's how women are brought up in our society. Think about it, you are much more apt to see a succesful guy with a waitress, or a secretary (and she is almost always hot). On the other hand, seeing a succeful woman with a non-succesful guy, very rarely if ever. And then its usually if the chick is looks challenged, but she has resources. That's just the way the game is. You can sit out on the bench or play by the rules.

Are you kidding? I'd say a vast majority of hitched female med students/residents are married to blue collar guys, at least where I live. If it's not a doctor-doctor relationship, it's almost never to another high-paying professional from what I've seen.

 

[tupac_don]

Are you kidding? I'd say a vast majority of hitched female med students/residents are married to blue collar guys, at least where I live. If it's not a doctor-doctor relationship, it's almost never to another high-paying professional from what I've seen.

Really??? Not from my experiences, I am actually pretty surprised that you say that. Yea granted female physicians do go for teacher, engineers, pharmacists. But constructions workers, factory guys, not often I am sure it happens but I dont' think its a pervasive phenomenon like you say. Also it really depends, if they were dating the guy prior to med school then it's more likely to happen, versus meeting a blue collar type at a bar and hooking up with him. Trust me man, to a girls brain $40 + $150 grand doesn't look as good as 150+150 grand. Now as far as some succesful blue collar type who owns his own business, that evens the field out a bit.

 

[lowbudget]

Oh my god. I will never get back that last 5 minutes of my life.

Listen, if you're interested in this guy, ask him out. If you're not, stop giving him the "looks" and pretending like you're interested.

And please, stop meeting him to schedule a meeting. And please, stop getting all high maintenance because he "lied" about not having breaks. Such a turn-off. Oh, and please, quit playing stupid mind-reading games like "do you know why I want to talk to you?"

The honest guy's perspective: The next time you see him cleaning the floor, jump in the wastebasket, so that he can throw you out with the rest of the trash.

 

[DOCTORSAIB]

The next time you see him cleaning the floor, jump in the wastebasket, so that he can throw you out with the rest of the trash.

 

[tupac_don]

Oh my god. I will never get back that last 5 minutes of my life.

Listen, if you're interested in this guy, ask him out. If you're not, stop giving him the "looks" and pretending like you're interested.

And please, stop meeting him to schedule a meeting. And please, stop getting all high maintenance because he "lied" about not having breaks. Such a turn-off. Oh, and please, quit playing stupid mind-reading games like "do you know why I want to talk to you?"

The honest guy's perspective: The next time you see him cleaning the floor, jump in the wastebasket, so that he can throw you out with the rest of the trash.

 

[etudiante04]

He may be cute, generous, and helpful . . . and a big waste of your time (not because he's a janitor). I think you two should move on with your lives, since it is so hard for you two to start a real conversation. I have had situations like that when I was much younger, but I got over it after I had a chance to talk to the guy. It seems that most of what you know about him is from other people. Talk to him! After you have a real conversation, you will see that he is just as human as you are.

He has a girlfriend, that should be enough indication that you guys should be nothing more than just coworkers/acquaintances. But if you two cannot even have a decent conversation, then I think you should put your energies into something/someone else. And, you should give him little indication that you are interested, because, now you know he's "attached," he has relationship leftovers to offer you (SEX) and nothing genuine (ex a real conversaation, time, shared interests, blah blah blah).

He may be a janitor, but you have no reason to snub him. (Patients/staff probably treat him better than they treat you.)

You two are on different career tracks; therefore he may be a little vulnerable or insecure around you, and will have trouble initiating conversations with you. As for you, situations like this may be new for you, so you too may have trouble initiating conversation with him. Does he know that you have a crush on him? Does he still have a crush on you? Someone has to make the first move. Tradiaitonally, it would be the guy, but maybe this guy is as socially inept as you seem to be on this thread. So, plan a lunch date with him. What do you have to lose?

 

[fpr85]

Reading this post I pictured Elliot Reid from Scrubs babbling all that in a really fast tone.

 

[odrade1]

This post is at least 40% tounge-in-cheek. My intent is not nearly as hateful as my tone. r/o

Dear OP,

Growing up, you never had a maid or a gardner, did you? Just checking.
Women like you are one of the reasons I am glad that I am gay. And that I am no longer in high school. It sounds to me (as a man) that he found you attractive, you found him attractive, then you egged him on after deciding that you really shouldn't be with a janitor. You then engaged in a bunch of typically manipulative & stupid female behaviors. (These could be contrasted with smart female behaviors, of which--in your case--there were apparently none.)
That's what it seems like, from a man's perspective.

My advice:
1) Remember that you are his social better, and that both of you are at work. He knows this, & you should know this. This disparity makes it harder for him to engage in typical male courtship behaviors (which are usually between equals, or between construction workers & high-class ladies walking down the sidewalk). He will be screwing up. You will be screwing down. Double standards being what they are, men can usually get away with this, but your relationship will likely be a little more strained.

1.5) Screwing down (or up) is not a bad thing. I have done both. Just remember your social class (& his) before you try taking him to a garden party. (But if I have to guess from your post either you aren't a society girl, or you are psychotic society girl.) And if you want him to be more than just a trick, you need to be realistic about your different social and intellectual needs, and about the fact that you will be the breadwinner, and he will probably be uncomfortable with this. Screwing down is like eating cotton candy, it is great tasty fun, but not at all as satisfying as you hoped. Also, like eating cotton candy, it is something that everyone should try at least once, though not something that you need to do very often.

2) If you think he is hot, then proposition him. Don't wait for him to ask you out. You don't need to be coy about this. You could even say, "Jack, I think you are really hot. Why don't we get a drink after my shift one night?" If he has no balls, he will freak out. If he is interested, he will say yes. If he is not interested, he may *become* interested.

3) If you are not attracted to him, then stop making eyes at him, and stop drawing him into conversation. Do not try to be his friend. Being courteous does not mean you have to interact with him in any meaningful way, or that he has to like you as a person. It is, in fact, incredibly manipulative and cruel to lead people on. I would argue that it is even worse (ethically) if that person is beneath your social status.

4) It is better to sleep with the help than it is to marry the help, so don't try to have a 'real' relationship with him unless he turns out to be your intellectual peer. But of course if he *is* your intellectual peer, then why is he mopping floors? But then your behavior is consistent with the intellectual level of your typical lower class day laborer, so....

5) If I were still single--as you are--I would consider shagging him. However, daddy always said never to sh#t where you eat,... so taking home a bit of rough trade from the support staff isn't the smartest thing to do, professionally speaking. Expect the other janitors to know about the birthmark on the side of your left...whatever. Also, the guys who deliver the food to the patients, and the nurse assistants will also know. If the guy is really classless, he will give out your number to his friends who also want to play doctor with the hot young coed.

6) You could always try screwing up. I have a friend who is now engaged to one of her clinical professors. She now lives in a mansion, and pays no bills. As a 4th-year student, no less! He's happy. She's happy. His teaching career is in ruins. But she got a 5+ carat ring out of the deal....

Good luck figuring out your situation.

Oh, and PLEASE don't get pregnant by the janitor. Pregnancy in med school is ridiculous anyway, but pregnancy by the janitor??? Definitely one for the books....

 

[etudiante04]

6) You could always try screwing up. I have a friend who is now engaged to one of her clinical professors. She now lives in a mansion, and pays no bills. As a 4th-year student, no less! He's happy. She's happy. His teaching career is in ruins. But she got a 5+ carat ring out of the deal....

 

[gregMD]

This post is at least 40% tounge-in-cheek. My intent is not nearly as hateful as my tone. r/o

Dear OP,

Growing up, you never had a maid or a gardner, did you? Just checking.
Women like you are one of the reasons I am glad that I am gay. And that I am no longer in high school. It sounds to me (as a man) that he found you attractive, you found him attractive, then you egged him on after deciding that you really shouldn't be with a janitor. You then engaged in a bunch of typically manipulative & stupid female behaviors. (These could be contrasted with smart female behaviors, of which--in your case--there were apparently none.)
That's what it seems like, from a man's perspective.

My advice:
1) Remember that you are his social better, and that both of you are at work. He knows this, & you should know this. This disparity makes it harder for him to engage in typical male courtship behaviors (which are usually between equals, or between construction workers & high-class ladies walking down the sidewalk). He will be screwing up. You will be screwing down. Double standards being what they are, men can usually get away with this, but your relationship will likely be a little more strained.

1.5) Screwing down (or up) is not a bad thing. I have done both. Just remember your social class (& his) before you try taking him to a garden party. (But if I have to guess from your post either you aren't a society girl, or you are psychotic society girl.) And if you want him to be more than just a trick, you need to be realistic about your different social and intellectual needs, and about the fact that you will be the breadwinner, and he will probably be uncomfortable with this. Screwing down is like eating cotton candy, it is great tasty fun, but not at all as satisfying as you hoped. Also, like eating cotton candy, it is something that everyone should try at least once, though not something that you need to do very often.

2) If you think he is hot, then proposition him. Don't wait for him to ask you out. You don't need to be coy about this. You could even say, "Jack, I think you are really hot. Why don't we get a drink after my shift one night?" If he has no balls, he will freak out. If he is interested, he will say yes. If he is not interested, he may *become* interested.

3) If you are not attracted to him, then stop making eyes at him, and stop drawing him into conversation. Do not try to be his friend. Being courteous does not mean you have to interact with him in any meaningful way, or that he has to like you as a person. It is, in fact, incredibly manipulative and cruel to lead people on. I would argue that it is even worse (ethically) if that person is beneath your social status.

4) It is better to sleep with the help than it is to marry the help, so don't try to have a 'real' relationship with him unless he turns out to be your intellectual peer. But of course if he *is* your intellectual peer, then why is he mopping floors? But then your behavior is consistent with the intellectual level of your typical lower class day laborer, so....

5) If I were still single--as you are--I would consider shagging him. However, daddy always said never to sh#t where you eat,... so taking home a bit of rough trade from the support staff isn't the smartest thing to do, professionally speaking. Expect the other janitors to know about the birthmark on the side of your left...whatever. Also, the guys who deliver the food to the patients, and the nurse assistants will also know. If the guy is really classless, he will give out your number to his friends who also want to play doctor with the hot young coed.

6) You could always try screwing up. I have a friend who is now engaged to one of her clinical professors. She now lives in a mansion, and pays no bills. As a 4th-year student, no less! He's happy. She's happy. His teaching career is in ruins. But she got a 5+ carat ring out of the deal....

Good luck figuring out your situation.

Oh, and PLEASE don't get pregnant by the janitor. Pregnancy in med school is ridiculous anyway, but pregnancy by the janitor??? Definitely one for the books....

Reading this response was almost as bad as reading the original post - your attempt at being funny has clearly failed.

better luck next time.

 

[odrade1]

Reading this response was almost as bad as reading the original post - your attempt at being funny has clearly failed.

better luck next time.

Then it sure is a good thing that I'm not trying to make everyone happy in my life! Whew...!
Your attempt at making me feel badly for not being universally funny has also failed.
Hopefully some people can find some of my comments amusing, though even if they don't, I was terribly amused as I composed that piece, so I guess it was worth my time after all...

Cheers!

 

[Lesion Of Doom]

Are you kidding? I'd say a vast majority of hitched female med students/residents are married to blue collar guys, at least where I live. If it's not a doctor-doctor relationship, it's almost never to another high-paying professional from what I've seen.

I tend to agree here. I had several discussions with professional women and the general consensus tend to be that a blue collar type of guy will appreciate them more and they will fell like they are needed whiel more successful guys always think there is something out there that is better.

Women like "fixer-uppers." If ain't too many things wrong with you, they tend to feel like they are not needed as much and don't have much of a challenge. That is why the OP is falling hard for that janitor. She would just love to "fix him up" in more ways than one.

Guys just go for women who will **** their brains out 24/7 and will be good mothers to their children.

Now, guys, enough of exposing personal guy stuff around here. We may just have to kill some folks who get to learn too much.

 

[tupac_don]

I tend to agree here. I had several discussions with professional women and the general consensus tend to be that a blue collar type of guy will appreciate them more and they will fell like they are needed whiel more successful guys always think there is something out there that is better.

Women like "fixer-uppers." If ain't too many things wrong with you, they tend to feel like they are not needed as much and don't have much of a challenge. That is why the OP is falling hard for that janitor. She would just love to "fix him up" in more ways than one.

Guys just go for women who will **** their brains out 24/7 and will be good mothers to their children.

Now, guys, enough of exposing personal guy stuff around here. We may just have to kill some folks who get to learn too much.

I dont' know, but just as a an example, all those 3 chicks, from Grey's Anatomy are dating either attendings or doctors. Now looks like Merideth is gonna hook up with some guy at the bar, who looks like the blue collar type. So the big question here will it work out. I guess will have to watch and see.

 

[Lesion Of Doom]

I dont' know, but just as a an example, all those 3 chicks, from Grey's Anatomy are dating either attendings or doctors. Now looks like Merideth is gonna hook up with some guy at the bar, who looks like the blue collar type. So the big question here will it work out. I guess will have to watch and see.

It's going to work. The guy at the bar will drive her crazy like no porfessional could and by teh end of the season, he will be dropping her off to the hospital in her own ride and he will be late picking her up each day in her own ride. She get peeved that he always so late but will forgive him once he gives her a little of the boing boing.

Eventually, he will have trouble finding work but he will do just enough around the house to keep her quiet every now and then. Occasionally, she will notice her car parked all over town but will not question him much after he gets upset that she keeps asking why she is finding her car parked in front of strip joints all of the time.

Her friends and family will ask her why she stays with such a loser but this will only make her even more attracted to him. Other guys will try to bang her but she won't even think about cheating on him. Every time she passes a phone in the hospital, she will call him just to tell him that she loves him. I will be in his background giggling at the conversation as he rolls his eyes at her smothering behavior. Then he and I will pick up a six pack and head to JR's Exotic Dancing. The ratings will be through the roof.

 

[toofache32]

I dont' know, but just as a an example, all those 3 chicks, from Grey's Anatomy are dating either attendings or doctors. Now looks like Merideth is gonna hook up with some guy at the bar, who looks like the blue collar type. So the big question here will it work out. I guess will have to watch and see.

Why does that one chick always look like she just woke up?

 

[tupac_don]

Why does that one chick always look like she just woke up?

True that, but maybe they are doing the look on purpose.

 

[(nicedream)]

Ok, so I'm a 3rd year that was rotating in *** hospital. The second day, (postcall) I was walking down a hall and saw a gorgeous guy who was pushing a bed he was staring (smiling) at me but I just looked down.(Because he made me nervous) It turns out that he's a janitor. Later during the week, I saw him and he wasn't smiling. To make a long story short, I thought OK you should always be nice to everyone in the hospital and I said hello. Eventually, over the course of 2 weeks, I said hi when I saw him etc. Later, I discovered he did something really sweet for a patient in the hospital and I decided I was going to ask him about it. So, (I was reallly nervous when I did this because, I don't know why, he just gives me tachycardia!) 2 days later I saw him outside and decided to get on the elevator with him. I asked him about the patient, he stated that he "like kids" then he got off the elevator. I went back to my floor was talking on my cell phone then he came up behind me and said "excuse me ma'am" I turned around. I didn't really say much.

Ok, the next day he shows up at my unit all day (all the time I've been there he's never been in that unit before) and starts trying to get my attention (for example, cleaning around my desk etc. and another janitor asked him what he was doing in that unit and he said he wanted to help out ) I just ignored him because I was embarassed to talk to him in front of everyone and besides I had bad cramps and didn't feel like talking. Anyways, the next day I talked to another janitor and he said that guy has a girlfriend who works at that hospital! and he told me a little bit about his family too.

The next day, the guy shows up in my unit (floor) and looks around but when our eyes meet, he looks off. I guessed he was kinda hurt that I ignored him?


Well, I saw him around almost everyday and I really think he a extremely nice and generous man. A few weeks later, I saw him and asked if he got any breaks because I wanted to talk to him (to confirm that he does have a girlfriend) He said he didn't get any breaks and that I could page him. I told him that's ok. Then he left. Within 1 minute, he comes back and asks me what was it, I said "that's ok" He comes back 2 more times asking the same thing. Then he said, are you just going to keep a guy wondering. Then as I was walking out the room, I started talking with my friend and he walks up and said he'll come back. After I finished talking with my friend, I left because I felt stupid and there's no way someone can work and not get ANY breaks. Besides, I had to study for my exam, so I said forget him!

I told another friend about this and she said it sounds like he has a crush on you. I already know I have a crush on him. ( a huge one!) Anyway, I went back to *** hospital to turn in my evaluations 1 week later and as I was getting off the elevator, he said " excuse me ma'am" I turn around and it was him, I sorta looked at him disgusted (a little, from the corner of my eyes because he lied earlier saying he doesn't get any breaks) Then I apologized for leaving the last time and said "something came up". He said thats ok and I started to get a little nervous to the point where he asked me am I ok. I said I'm fine. I was walking away, then I turned back and asked him if he ever figured out what I wanted to talk to him about. He said no. . . and that he'll be back on that floor. You know what? I waited about 3 hours on that floor and he didn't show up. So what's with that? Anyway, a few days later I saw him and he just mocked the way I walk.
I already knew this wouldn't be going anywhere because he's a janitor and there's no way in hell I'm taking care of a man, but can someone analyze this situation and tell me what's going on in his head? Thanks!

 

[lata]

wait...