Need help with some creative child care arrangements

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I have a feeling I am on my way to being divorced soon, and if so, my husband is planning on moving out of town. With 2 daughters aged 2 and 1, I am really nervous about how I'm going to take care of everything. Anyone know how other people have handled being a single parent? I can't really afford a nanny, but I guess I could always take out one of those residency loans or something. And I've heard about hiring someone to be on call at a moment's notice to come watch the kids. What I'm thinking at the moment is that I would have them in daycare during the day and then have someone else hired to spend the night when I'm on call. But if I have to be at the hospital at say, 5 am, what will I do with the kids until day care opens at 7 or whatever? I don't know how I'm going to make it. Any advice?

 

[Miami_med]

I have a feeling I am on my way to being divorced soon, and if so, my husband is planning on moving out of town. With 2 daughters aged 2 and 1, I am really nervous about how I'm going to take care of everything. Anyone know how other people have handled being a single parent? I can't really afford a nanny, but I guess I could always take out one of those residency loans or something. And I've heard about hiring someone to be on call at a moment's notice to come watch the kids. What I'm thinking at the moment is that I would have them in daycare during the day and then have someone else hired to spend the night when I'm on call. But if I have to be at the hospital at say, 5 am, what will I do with the kids until day care opens at 7 or whatever? I don't know how I'm going to make it. Any advice?

Child support?

The husband moving out of town might still help pay by choice?

Trying to figure out this stuff in medical school with a working spouse has been difficult enough, so any financial help from the outside would be beneficial.

 

[cabinbuilder]

I had a really good home day care. She was open 24/7. We had a key to the house and just let ourselves in if it was way early in the morning. All the kids had beds/cribs at her house. I also applied for daycare assistance. Do the paperwork early so you are not scrambling. Also, there should be a list of home day cares with the day care assistance program. They can help you wil ideas. If you are in medical school already you may want to buddy up with another family who had children. That way you can share taking turns watching eachothers' kids during those early days and nights on call. It was hard for me when I first got divorced but I had a few good friends who really helped me out. Now that I have a new husband in residency, he stays home with the kids but we take another resident's children overnight for her when she is on call. It helps to have a mom group that shares the childcare burden without having to pay lots of money. If you are in med school you might want to send out a group email to see if other moms are in your situation with childcare and you can help eachother. Try to plan now before he leaves so you are not left high and dry. Don't be afraid to let others help you.

 

[mlw03]

i'm not sure where you are in your training, but living in the same city as the children's grandparents may be helpful, especially if they're retired.

 

[Realtime]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like residency has been a very tough time for you.

There's nothing quite like the combination of residency and parenting. I was going to emphasize that your husband (even if he becomes an ex) should be pursuaded to stay around and help with the childcare. Unfortunately, in reading about the 6 month extension, I think you can't afford to take chances. If I were you (and I'm not, and I don't know the rest of your circumstances) I would take out residency/private loans and start advertising for a live-in nanny. Find someone who can commit for a stretch. Pay her well. Your kids are so young. They will still be young when you finish. If the husband/ex is not willing to provide physical support, he needs to provide financial support. Maybe that will help lessen the blow.

Good luck.
RT

 

[TaiShan]

The best way is to somehow get the soon-to-be?? ex involved as well. You mentioned (your previous posts) that you husband is just one-hour drive away. IHis service could be paid or deducted from whatever he has to pay child support.

Grandma is the second best choice.

 

[I am Hans]

As I recall, her soon-to-be-ex has psychological problems and issues with substance abuse; was recently hospitalized for the same. Or am I confusing the OP with another user?

At any rate, even if I am, it may be the case that he is not in a position to offer much in the way of help - either financially (even if legally obligated, if he's not working, he can't contribute) or emotionally. I took it that her ex is not going to be of much help (otherwise she would have thought of that).