Need to stop doubting myself

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.

nickyfdoc

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 10, 2013
Messages
26
Reaction score
2
I have wanted to be a vet since I was kid and really took to it the last few years.

The last year has been turbulent though. My house got broken into, I got my first B in college (in second semester general Bio due to the kids stealing my laptop, iPad and all my school stuff being on there so I failed a major exam).

Then transferred to a university and did miserably. Was working 2 jobs at the time and one job kept making me work when I was supposed to go to school... I wanted to drop, but was persistent in still trying and my teachers didn't drop me since I kept turning in work and attempting. One of them truly felt bad and wished they could help. And the classes were extracurriculars so not vastly important anyways.

That and I'm about to get married. My SO being a physician (pediatrician) in residency and I keep worrying about the what ifs.

What if he does a fellowship and I have to move AGAIN?

We just moved to California and I was about to start up courses, but then I was told I had to pay tuition up front due to being an out of state resident and I couldn't do it. I'm looking into other options now such as paying for a 1 or 2 classes next semester (winter) until I become a in state resident for the fall.

What if I get accepted into a vet school in one state and his fellowship in another.

We are family planning... I don't want to think about kids while in school. But I don't want to be 40 and having kids either. Lol. It wouldn't be so bad if we had family around, but we don't. It's just him and I in this state, but the hospital does offer excellent day care options (reduced to free paid by the hospital for the residents and attendings).

Anyways, after signing up for vet tech school and attempting to convince myself that it's the right decision I fell into a depression... Really bad. My SO thought our relationship was falling apart.

I can't imagine not being a vet. The financials scare the heck out of me (he owes 400k from med school and I'll owe what 200-300k too?) but his family was able to co-sign loans whereas my family will never be in that position... but maybe he can or I'll have amazing credit by then to do it myself (plus I'll be like 30 so I better have my crap together by then :p)

I guess the point is... I'm totally scared, but I can't imagine doing anything else. I keep going back and forth, but I always end up back on the same path.

What are your experiences? Anyone else battling life and still get into vet school? Are my issues really not issues and just me coming up with irrational fears? Lol.

I'd love to hear some underdog stories! There is no doubt in my mind that I can do the undergrad coursework or any coursework thrown at me. I'm not the smartest, but I study hard which makes people believe I'm smart :p Lol.

I need some inspiration! :D

Members don't see this ad.
 
Ok a few things:
B's are not bad grades! Sure you don't necessarily want a B average, but a few won't hurt you.

Moving sucks but if this is the career you want to pursue, can you discuss with him about your concerns? Plan out some ideas? Like possibly doing long distance for a year if needed? Just throwing some ideas out there. You can make it work if you want it to. And the debt really ties into your personal needs/finances.
 
Going into this frenzy of what-ifs isn't going to help you. Like you, I'm juggling a million things to make it happen and I'm married. It's easy to panic when thinking about the big picture but what's really helped me is focusing on one small step at a time. Cross the big bridges when you come to them but right now you can't possibly foresee your future circumstances. Do what you can right now so you're moving in the right direction and don't waste time stressing about future what-ifs.

And maybe a few of the vet students who live states away from their SOs will chime in about that aspect :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 user
Members don't see this ad :)
I can't comment on everything, but what I do have experience with is long distance relationships during vet school. My now-husband and I have been LD the whole time, got married between second and third year. We're very fortunate in that he has a good job, pays well, stable, all that jazz and that he will be able to move with me when I finish if necessary but it made zero sense for him to follow me to vet school. We'll close the distance at the end of November and while the whole thing has been tough, these last few months have been the worst for whatever reason. We're both really antsy to be done with it.

Four years is a long time if you want a family soon; having a child while in an LDR for up to four years is just...not a good idea for anyone involved. We also plan to start a family at some point, but there's no concrete timeline. If you're flexible about the when and how many children, it's easier. And people have children later than they used to nowadays, too. 30 is not so old as it was to be starting to have kids.

At this point, it's just up to you both to discuss which is more important at this time: starting a family or you starting down the path to vet school. I don't know how far along the path you've come (prerequisite courses, experience, etc) but it's a long journey. What about starting your prerequisites, getting some experience and starting your family and by the time you've gotten your application ready in a couple of years, your husband's location might be more flexible. You can always include on your application that your husband and child are in X state and you'd like to stay there for that reason, but if you apply OOS and get in...you're going to be facing a really hard decision.
 
Thank you for your comments. I meant to respond yesterday but was at Disneyland.

Well, I did find a school here that won't make me pay tuition up front (so ridiculous anyways), but did miss the fall semester, so I will be starting in the spring.

Which is fine! I won't be rushing to get everything done :)

I've talked to my SO... He is so adamantly against a LDR... but you know what... I can't ask him NOT do to a fellowship and he can't NOT ask me not do go to school for what I want either.

I have no idea what to do with family planning... do we start in 2016 like we planned, still adopt? Or hold off till I am done with everything (which could be by the time I'm 35 or older).

If we had family around I wouldn't even hesitate to continue with our plans no matter what stage of school I'm in, but I don't so I guess it will be something we will really need to sit down and consider.

As for how far I am... I have tons of pre-reqs done, almost done with my bachelors, but because I moved some of my credits didn't transfer so essentially I have another few years of undergrad and then on to vet school. Boo! I am technically a junior, but have to retake some classes! Lame sauce! :p

Lol.

And if he does a fellowship... well we might have to move again... But I can't keep putting my life on hold for someone else either.
 
This is your soon-to-be husband and his input is so so so important. Marriage is a partnership and if you're not working according to the same game plan then there's tumultuous waters ahead. In marriage it's not all about you and what you want. Just thought I would point that out ;)
 
I do understand that, but I supported him all through med school. I'd expect the same. I moved across state lines for his residency. I just expect the same courtesy.

And I would like to add the he does support me :)

He went with me today to scout out some schools. So that was awesome! And by the time he is done with residency I will be applying to vet schools while he is applying to fellowships. Hopefully, it all works out :D
 
I wouldn't wait until after age 35 to get pregnant - fertility takes a nosedive in your late 30's - and infertility treatment is ridiculously expensive. If you are willing to adopt your children at that point, that's different, though adoption can be an expensive proposition as well. But, at least, you know you'll actually have a child at the end of the adoption process - not true with infertility treatment.
 
"Anyone else battling life and still get into vet school?"

I don't know if I will get into vet school this cycle (first time applicant), but I guess I am battling life too. LOL I try not to look at it that way because it puts everything in a negative perspective. Adversity builds character. :) My background: 30 years old, mother to 18 month old, husband is active duty, school is 1.5 hours away. I am blessed to have a supportive spouse. I have followed him for his career and now he is going to follow me while I pursue vet school. We plan together. I think having a heart-to-heart with your SO should be a priority. You mention money and kids, which could be huge issues if you aren't on the same page. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.
 
This is your soon-to-be husband and his input is so so so important. Marriage is a partnership and if you're not working according to the same game plan then there's tumultuous waters ahead. In marriage it's not all about you and what you want. Just thought I would point that out ;)

But at what point does his "input" (which I agree should be carefully considered) block her own aspirations? It sounds like she's already made some pretty big sacrifices for his career. I can understand his perspective but he needs to respect her ambitions and not let them get pushed to the back burner. I can understand biting the bullet for some things ("I want to live in California but his residency is in Minnesota") but something as important as a career isn't something he should have complete influence over. Just my 2c (acknowledging that all relationships are different).
 
I wouldn't wait until after age 35 to get pregnant - fertility takes a nosedive in your late 30's - and infertility treatment is ridiculously expensive. If you are willing to adopt your children at that point, that's different, though adoption can be an expensive proposition as well. But, at least, you know you'll actually have a child at the end of the adoption process - not true with infertility treatment.
My mom got pregnant with me, her first and only child, at 37 with no trouble as far as I know. Yes, fertility decreases dramatically in your late 30s/early 40s, but women in that age range having children is still not rare by any means. Everyone is different, but I don't want the OP or anyone else reading this thread to get the impression that waiting until after 35 to have kids means fertility treatments are inevitable. If you want to have children earlier for other reasons or just don't want to risk waiting too long, though, that's understandable.
 
My mom got pregnant with me, her first and only child, at 37 with no trouble as far as I know. Yes, fertility decreases dramatically in your late 30s/early 40s, but women in that age range having children is still not rare by any means. Everyone is different, but I don't want the OP or anyone else reading this thread to get the impression that waiting until after 35 to have kids means fertility treatments are inevitable. If you want to have children earlier for other reasons or just don't want to risk waiting too long, though, that's understandable.

There are always exceptions to everything. That doesn't change the dramatic risk increase to children of aging women, and it's foolish to not at least *consider* that issue. I thought the point was well-made and important.
 
There are always exceptions to everything. That doesn't change the dramatic risk increase to children of aging women, and it's foolish to not at least *consider* that issue. I thought the point was well-made and important.
I'm not disagreeing with that, just pointing out that MassDVMMPH made it sound like if you wait until after 35 to have children, it's a choice between spending money on fertility treatments or adoption. Like I said, getting pregnant naturally after 35 is not extremely rare. It is more difficult and risky the longer you wait, but it's after age 45 that it becomes almost impossible for a woman to get pregnant naturally. I'm not trying to nitpick, just trying to give the OP some hope if she does have to put off starting a family until later in life. But of course there are a lot of factors to consider, and consulting a fertility specialist about her specific outlook might be helpful.
 
Top